


The Space Between Us

by A_David



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BB-8 - Freeform, Ben Solo - Freeform, Between worlds, Blood and Injury, Crashing Ships, Cuddling & Snuggling, DYAD, Dreams and Nightmares, Droids, Dyad in the force, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Empire, F/M, Fights, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghost Leia Organa, Force Ghost Luke Skywalker, Future, Happily Ever After, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Jedi, Jedi Finn (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Redemption, Left over Empire, Major Character Injury, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Millenium Falcon, Minor Original Character(s), Netherworld of the Unbeing, Original Character(s), POV Third Person, Past, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Politics, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective Kylo Ren, Redeemed Ben Solo, Resistance, Rey Palpatine, Rey Skywalker, Reylo - Freeform, Saving Ben, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars References, The Finalizer, Torture, Training, Vergence Scatter, War, X-Wing, Young Ben Solo, force, force ghost, hand holding, if you haven't seen the movie, imperial droids, mostly cannon, space, star wars possible spoilers, void, what are you doing with your life?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 38
Words: 146,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22082260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_David/pseuds/A_David
Summary: Ben’s smile dropped, his stomach following along with it. He opened his mouth several times trying to pull together something to say, but for once he was speechless. His words wouldn’t have mattered anyway, even if he could speak. She still couldn’t hear him.He dropped to his knees, unable to do anything else as she passed through him once more and left the room. What a cruel joke. He bit his tongue and nodded to himself, his eyes flickering around the room, unable to focus on anything.“Is this my punishment?”The words were hollow in the room around him. He laughed and shook his head.“It’s a pretty good one. My own personal hell.”Being unheard and powerless....
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 275
Kudos: 259





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Fix-It Fic taking place after The Rise of Skywalker. I guess I'm a bit behind on the train of Ben Solo stuck between worlds, but I still thought it was a fun idea anyway. Thank you to my sister for being as obsessed as me and reading everything I write. Hope you all like it.

* * *

Would they ever know? Would the universe ever know anything more of Ben Solo, or had he really only left his mark as Kylo Ren? All of those lives he had destroyed in his path to find himself... That was his legacy now. Even if Rey did tell of his redemption, of his return to the light, of how he saved her in the most difficult way possible, his name would be no better than Vader’s. Even if Vader had returned to Anakin, he was still Vader. But that was what Ben had been wanting all along, wasn’t it? 

So why now, when he woke on that cold stone floor in Exegol all alone, did that bother him? It’s not like it mattered anymore. The universe couldn’t possibly understand what happened in this horrid place. No one would ever be able to understand what had happened between the two of them. Between Rey and him. And that’s all that really mattered. 

He had been left here, but he knew that they had saved everything together. They had finally found the balance that they had been trying to find for so long. And it was a crushing feeling in his empty lungs at the realization that he had wasted so much time trying to be something other than him and wasted the time he had with her. Every moment, even if it was harsh and unwanted, had been something special. At least to him. And he hoped that it had been for her as well. 

Ben glanced around the now demolished throne room. All that was left was the dust of the crumbled statues that were now the coffins of the cloaked monsters that had been present. Not even the sky above him held anything more than the smoke of fires from the destroyed ships of the earlier battle. Rey was also no longer beside him, and there was a coldness that set into his body at the thought. 

Had he ever been this alone? He had felt alone many times before. An absent father, a busy mother that was far too wrapped up in politics, and an uncle who had lost all hope in him. All of who were dead and gone. 

But where were they now? He had died, hadn’t he? He was sure of it. He had given everything for her. Given his very last breath to bring air back into her own lungs. Taken his very heart apart to keep hers beating. So... Where was everyone and why was he still on Exegol?

He got his feet and glanced down at his dirty and ragged clothes. His leg no longer felt like it had been twisted all the way around and cracked into a million different pieces. His back was straight and his arm wasn’t screaming with numbing pain. 

This wasn’t right? This proved he was dead, didn’t it? But this wasn’t the afterlife. It couldn’t be. He would be with his family again if it were. He had made so many mistakes, but he knew his parents still understood and loved him, even if it had just been a brand new lesson he had learned. He hadn’t expected much when he died, but he had wanted more than this. More than this empty hall and this enclosing feeling of dread, of being absolutely, completely and utterly abandoned. 

The stars were bright tonight as if it was their own form of celebration that the universe was free and balanced once again. Usually Rey loved to lay beneath them and stare at them endlessly for hours, but tonight she was restless. 

She sat up, hugging a knee to her chest and stared out at the vast nothingness that was Tatooine. It reminded her greatly of Jakku and its sandy wasteland, but there was so much more of a pull here. She wasn’t sure what it was, if it was the force or the history of the place, but this felt much more homely than Jakku did. Maybe someday she would return to Jakku, but with her past and identity now fully realized, she didn’t feel the need to. 

The last few weeks had been long. There had been many tears and laughter to fill them. But both Finn and Poe seemed to be locked into their new lives as Generals in place of Leia. And that was fine with Rey. The world needed leaders and she really could think of no one better to take that position than the two of them. They did have their arguments that really didn’t matter every now and then, but they worked well together. They could be a voice of reason in a world that was once again trying to find its feet. 

But for her, she had yet to find a place in this new world. Both of the boys had been adamant that she join them, but politics wasn’t her path. She knew that. She was a fighter like Luke had been, but she was not a leader like Leia. She never could be. 

But what else was she supposed to do now? Rey was sure that there were still going to be small pockets of the First Order that would need to be broken up. Even though the war had been won, there were still going to be more battles to fight. 

Rey sighed. She knew what she needed to do. She couldn’t stay the last Jedi forever and she knew that Luke had been in a bad place when he had said that the Jedi should end. She just couldn’t shake the feeling that there had been truth in that statement though. Maybe he had been right. Maybe the Jedi needed to be erased like the Sith did. Maybe now was time for the middle ground to finally be created. Something between the dark and light. A pull in both directions. Something that her and Ben had been trying so hard to find. 

Her breath hitched at the thought of those deep and pained, dark eyes. They hadn’t been pained at the end though. She had never seen eyes as kind and full as his when they were alone on Exegol. 

“You opened yourself to the darkness for a pair of pretty eyes.” 

A smile captured her lips at Luke’s words swirling around her head. Had he known all along that they would be the deciding fate? They would be the end of it all? It was possible. Anything was possible now. 

A school would be her next move. Training those who wanted to be trained. But she didn’t want it to be like the Jedi before. She didn’t want to take children from their homes and whisk them away before they were ready, as Luke had described it happening when Obi Wan was younger. She knew that feeling all too well. It wasn’t fair or right. 

Rey didn’t have a direction of where to start though. She wasn’t even sure if people would want to be trained after everything that had happened the last few decades. And she couldn’t say that she blamed them. Was this something that the universe truly wanted or needed?

Rey sighed and rose to her feet, her body feeling heavier than it had in a while. “What do I do?” she called aloud to the silent desert night. But there was no answer like she had been hoping. No vision and no force apparitions of her previous masters. 

“Rey.”

Her heart jumped in her chest and she whipped around, only to see empty desert. She blinked several times, a confused look across her face as her breathing attempted to steady itself. “Ben?” she whispered, the word hanging in the air as she looked around her again and again, spinning in the sand. It had been so real. That voice had been right beside her. It was him. She knew it had to be him. It was as clear as if he had been standing there with her. “I thought I stopped hearing your voice,” she said, her feet coming to a halt in the sand. Her hand went to her head and she glanced up at the stars. 

Maybe Rey just needed more sleep. She had been having too many nightmares as of late, which was why she was stargazing tonight. It was a simple solution. If she didn’t sleep, then there wouldn’t be nightmares. But there was a bitter sweetness to that. Even if she did have nightmares, at least she got to see him. 

Even though she had her friends, she still felt so alone. She had never had such a connection with anyone in her whole life until Ben. And if Snoke really had been the only reason that they had this connection, she wasn’t upset about it. Maybe in the beginning. It had been unsettling to say the least to just have the lost Kylo Ren show up at anytime and anywhere. And though he was consumed by the dark, she had found that there was a comfort when they came together. There was something in the way he softened around her that made her unafraid of him. 

Rey missed that softness, though she wouldn’t admit it aloud. The emotions in his face and how he acted around her was something that she had never experienced before and at the end... She had never felt special enough to deserve what he had done for her. She didn’t deserve the sacrifice he had made. 

Her boot dug into the sand before she kicked her foot and bent over to scoop her saber into her hand. Tomorrow would be a new day. She would get rest tonight and then maybe she could go back to Poe and Finn and see what needed to be done in the morning. It really had been a while since she had reached out to them. It was time to go back. Time to start working on creating a world that they had fought so hard for. 

With one last glance around her to make sure that she truly was alone and finding she was, she went for the lone structure that had once been Luke’s childhood home.

_There was blood smeared across the glass in the form of hand prints and dragged fingers. No matter how hard she tried, Rey could not break through the glass. It was as hard as Quantum-crystalline and her lightsaber had shattered as she had tried to somehow cut through it, but with a splash of sparks, what she had worked so hard on to make had been destroyed beyond repair._

_Rey couldn’t bring herself to stop though. She had to get through the glass. To save him. And as she collapsed to her knees, gasping for air, her bleeding fingers still scraped against the wall between them in a desperate need to save him. From what, she didn’t know. But it needed to be done._

_There was an ache in Rey’s chest as she called to him. But he didn’t hear her. He never heard her. She wasn’t sure how she knew that this had been recurring, there was just something in her that told her it was so. The same something that told her he needed to be rescued._

_And there Ben was, on the other side of the wall, standing with his back to her with his hands clasped behind his back. Darkness was closing in around him, Ben unknowing of what awaited. The same every time._

_No matter how loud Rey screamed, no matter how hard she pounded on the glass between them, it never helped._

_Hands of pitch black reached out towards Ben. Hands with sharp claws. And they tore at him. Grabbed him. Ripped at him until blood was drawn. And he fought harder than Rey had ever seen him fight before. Red lightsaber shattering just as Rey’s did, in a shower of sparks._

_And the worst part came next. The part she always dreaded. He didn’t see her or hear her, but he raced to the glass, hands clawing at it in want of an escape. But she couldn’t save him. Her fingers cried out as the nails splintered at the unyielding glass between them._

_“Rey!” he shouted, tears making clean trails through the blood on his cheeks. There was no hesitation to his words. “Rey, help! Please help me!”_

_The ashen hands dragged him to his knees covering him until he was nothing more than flowing crimson through the deepening darkness._

_“Rey!”_

Ben couldn’t stop pacing in the new space she had placed them. She had heard him. He had been dwelling on it for the last two days as they traveled back to Ajan Kloss. Rey turning in his direction kept replaying in his mind. Her hopeful eyes searching around the night and staring right through him just like he didn’t exist. Because he might as well not exist. This had been the first time since he had woken weeks ago that anyone had heard him. If yelling himself hoarse was possible, he was positive he would have already done it. 

Ben had realized that he could see both sides, living and dead as if both were on the same plane of existence. The dead were much more hit and miss though. He had come to the conclusion that he could only see them when they appeared to Rey. 

Luke and Leia had been the first that he had seen when Rey had come to Tatooine. It had been a relief to see them. Finally there was someone there, someone to hear him. Someone to help him understand what was going on. But they hadn’t heard him either. It didn’t matter how loud he shouted, they didn’t even glance in his direction. 

And when he had reached for them his hand had materialized through them. They were nothing more than holograms or wisps of air. Not at all solid like they had looked. They were like the manifestation that Luke had created back on Crait. So real, but not there. 

So when she had heard him, there was a spark of hope in his chest. A feeling that he couldn’t remember being this strong since Rey and him had touched hands. And that felt like so long ago. When they had both come to terms that they were the only two in the universe who understood each other. They were the only two who could lift each other up and make each other stronger. But that really did seem like eons ago. 

There was something worse than being alone. It was watching Rey suffer and not being able to do anything to help her. 

Her whimper in her sleep made him come to a stop in his pacing and turn to her. His hands dropped to his sides from where they had been running continuously through his hair. Every night it was the same. Nightmare after nightmare, night after night. 

It would result in her pleads of his name and then she would jump awake and cry. He had tried more than once to reach out to her, but just as with his mom and uncle, he faded through her and so he stood there helpless. 

It wasn’t like he could leave either. He hadn’t even been able to leave Exegol before there was a sharp pull, something behind his rib cage that stole his breath and he was in a camp of some sort in the throngs of people hugging and kissing. And that is where he found Rey, bloodied and bruised, but wrapped tightly in a hug between her two friends. 

A smile had covered his face at the scene. At least she wouldn’t be alone. She was safe and happy with people who loved her and she didn’t need him. Despite that, he couldn’t leave her side, not for lack of trying. 

He had gotten no further than outside of the camp and through what felt like maybe a mile of dense jungle before that pull behind his rib cage dragged him back to Rey’s side, gasping for air and unbalanced. There had been no way to escape the force and so he thought it better to not fight against it. 

What was holding him here? Ben thought of this constantly but had never been able to think of an answer that didn’t seem out of this world, but at the same time, what couldn’t be real in this galaxy? There were so many more mysteries here than anyone could uncover in a lifetime, so why shouldn't his theories hold more weight? 

Because the idea that Emperor Palpatine still controlled them now, after his death, was a terrifying idea. It had been the best conclusion that Ben had found and why shouldn’t it be true? The Emperor had always been there, from the very beginning. Everything had been his handy work, from the corruption and fall of the Jedi Order to the rise of the Sith and from the fear his uncle had when anything to do with the dark side of the force became too present, to Ben’s own upbringing and transformation to Kylo Ren. All of it had been him. It was certain that there would still be spiderwebs that the universe would be tangled in for years to come. 

And for whatever reason, Palpatine had decided to string Rey and him together more than anything else in his plan. Whether they were crafted to be together from the beginning of time or from the Emperor’s own personal twisted ideals, they were together again now. 

“Ben.” 

Ben inhaled deeply at his name and gently sat on the edge of Rey’s bed, despite the fact that he couldn’t wake her either way. He reached his hand out to her face, fingers seeking her warmth in a gentle caress, but none came and she only turned away from him, her nose scrunched up in an emotion that Ben couldn’t place. 

“Ben!” 

Outstretched fingers turned to fists as the helpless feeling he knew all too well began to cut into his bones. “Wake up, Rey,” he instructed, almost willing that his words push through the void between them. 

“Behind you!” 

There was that phrase again. He heard it every night and no matter how many times he heard it, Ben found himself checking his surroundings for any sort of movement in the shadows. There was never anything there though. 

“Ben!”

A blast of air sounded as the door to Rey’s room opened and the dark outline of Finn raced in. Ben stumbled from his place on the bed side and felt his way to the back wall of the room to watch what someone else was able to do when he physically couldn’t. A small fleeting feeling of jealousy took him before he realized he should be thanking Finn for helping her rather than being upset that he couldn’t. 

“Rey,” he called, hands shaking her. “Rey!” She fought against his grip before her surroundings came into view and she blinked through the darkness, breathing hard. “You’re ok. You’re safe.” She nodded, sitting up fully and laying her head in her hands. There had been another underlying panic as she had forgotten that she had returned to Ajan Kloss. She had become so used to waking up in the hut on Tatooine that the industrial look of the Resistance’s base had thrown her off. “We could hear you all the way down the hall, Rey. They’re getting worse.” 

“I’m fine,” she fought back through a dry mouth, not looking up at him from behind her fingers as they trembled. She did her best to steady her hands, but as her breath shattered so did her focus. 

“No, you’re not. Ever since Kylo died, you’ve been-”

“His name is Ben,” she interrupted, finally looking up to see Finn’s concerned expression. 

“Ever since he died, you’ve been having these nightmares.” Rey didn’t like how he avoided using Ben’s correct name. “I thought you said they stopped.” Finn’s hands scooped hers back up.

She lowered her gaze and Ben folded his arms over his chest. He knew the feeling well. Rey had only been able to count on herself for so long that she hid everything under a lie. It might have been a well meant lie, but it was still a lie nonetheless. She didn’t need anyone, just like he didn’t need anyone. They had never needed anyone. Or... at least there was no one who understood enough that they cared to admit that they needed help. 

“They did stop.” It was a lie. It had to be. Finn had never heard her use that tone of voice before. 

“Obviously not,” Finn pressed. Rey pulled her hands free of the former stormtrooper’s and got to her feet, walking so close to Ben that he had to take a step back in fear she would run into him. Her eyes met his and he could only blink. Could she see him? “Do you still hear his voice?” 

No, she was looking through him again, but it didn’t last long. Her eyes fell to the floor and he could feel the frustration fill the room as her hands became fists. “And what if I do?” 

“You can hear me?” Ben asked into the room, though his words went unnoticed. His whole world would change if she only said yes. Maybe he would find the strength to pull himself back from the darkest corners of his mind that he often found himself returning to. He would try harder if he knew she could hear. He would fight until his body was broken, just like before. He just needed the reason. “Please tell me you hear me."

“What do you keep seeing? That traitor?” 

“He’s not a traitor!” Rey shot back, eyes shut tightly. 

“It’s hard to believe that after everything he did to us. What he did to you!” Finn motioned out to Rey who still kept her back to him. 

“He changed. I’ve told you this.” The words came out in a defeated whisper and Ben glanced behind her and to Finn. He stood silently, as if waiting for Rey to say more. “He changed before the end.”

“That doesn’t excuse him from-”

“We’ve all done horrible things. And he was a good man."

Ben watched on, trying to keep his breathing steady. Could Finn not see the struggles in Rey’s features? Could he not sense the conflict rising in her chest? The tears that threatened to spill at any moment? 

And though he knew it would do nothing, he couldn’t stop from speaking. “You need to leave Finn.” 

“I’m sorry,” the young man said. A breath was released in the room and Rey’s hands relaxed. She pushed her unkempt hair behind her ear and did her best to mount a fake smile to her lips in forgiveness. She did forgive him. She just wasn’t happy. Not at this moment. But they were all on edge. They all had a reason to be. The stress of the world was crashing down on them, begging them for guidance. But they were just as lost as it. “Do you want to talk about your dream? About him? I promise to listen.” 

“How noble of you,” Ben muttered, beginning his pacing again. 

Rey turned back with that smile on her face and hugged her arms to her chest in a hope that they would keep her heart from running away like it ached to do. There was just something so uneasy about letting people know anything personal about her and dreams were a step further than she wanted to go. But maybe talking about it would help. She had never really had anyone to speak to on such a personal level. Not even with Ben had they been on this level. They didn’t need to be, but it was still so new it made her shift her weight uneasily. 

“It’s the same every night. I can see him, but he can’t see me,” she explained, taking a seat on the edge of her bed beside Finn. 

“I can see you,” Ben assured softly, longing for his words to be heard once again. Anything to get through to her so that she would know she still wasn’t alone. Someone was still there for her. Would always be there for her. 

“And there’s this impenetrable wall between us. Nothing I do can break through it,” she continued on, her eyes firmly focused on her hands. She was afraid to look up and see Finn’s expression. She didn’t want to see any form of anger from him, especially since this dream was all about Ben. Although she had told them about what Ben did for her, they still couldn’t get past the fact that he had hunted them down across the literal universe. She couldn’t blame them. They had every right to be furious. Finn was right. One good deed did not outweigh the many bad ones. “And there’s this darkness on the other side, something evil.”

“And he’s on the other side with the darkness?” Finn questioned, head tipped to the side as he truly listened to her story. She nodded before continuing.

“The darkness consumes him, rips him to pieces.” Rey inhaled sharply as the words got caught in her throat. Ben’s feet moved without his acknowledgement, carrying him to her. He knelt by her, but she didn’t look over. 

“I’m here,” he said a little louder. 

“And he just cries my name,” Rey gasped out, her hands going to her head, tears shining in her eyes. “Begging me for help. To save him.” 

“I don’t need to be saved.” 

“And I can’t-I can’t help him, Finn.” She was crying now, her throat dry and her heart hurting with each beat. She hadn’t been able to name this feeling since it first appeared, but she was almost certain she knew what it was now. She missed him. For whatever reason, she desperately missed him and there was an ache in her ribs that she couldn’t recall feeling since her parents had left her on Jakku. 

“Don’t cry,” Finn offered, pulling her into a hug and forcing Ben to rise to his feet to not be in the way. Not that he was, but he still felt he had a physical appearance and took up the space that he no longer did. 

“Rey,” Ben whispered, his hand outstretched to her just as he had done so many times before. He knew deep down she wouldn’t reach for his grasp, but he had to try to do something. Anything to help her. “You don’t have to be afraid. I’m safe. I’m right here!” His voice continued to grow. “Hear me! Please hear me!” He took a step closer in desperation. “Why can’t you hear me?”

Rey’s eyes opened curiously and she pushed from Finn’s grip, slowly rising to her feet. Her head tipped to the side in question and she licked her lips, eyes falling on Ben. This time on him. She wasn’t looking through him like she had all those times before. 

“Did you hear me?” Ben choked out, heaving a hard breath. “Rey.” Her eyes began to search again, almost like she could see the outline of him. He stepped closer, excitement bubbling up inside him. “Please tell me you heard me.” His hand reached out to take her arm, but just as it had so many times before, it simply passed through her and she turned away again, leaving him to crash into an empty cold and curse himself for having ever hoped she had seen him at all. 

“I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything,” Finn threw out. It was the best he could come up with. Everything around them had just been moving so quickly that he doubted anyone had been able to come to terms with any feelings or how to correctly process them. “Are you sure it’s just not guilt from having to leave him behind?” 

“I don’t know,” Rey whispered, her voice barely audible. “It feels so real. Like he’s trapped somewhere and calling my name.” She turned back to the stormtrooper. “But that’s not possible, right?” 

“Of course not. I’m not sure what happens after death, but I’m pretty positive it doesn't involve living in limbo.”

Ben scoffed at this and rolled his eyes. There was no way to truly know. Ben knew that Finn was only doing his best to comfort Rey and he should be grateful for that, shouldn’t he? Then why did he feel so defeated? Had anyone else ever been stuck in this void before? Or was he the unlucky soul that had the pleasure of it? It was only fair, after all. He deserved this. He knew he did. 

"Finn," a new voice called from somewhere out of the room. All in the room turned towards the sound. Poe's hand took the wall as he swung into the doorway. "We need to decide what to do with the droid transport ships that are going to Chandrila." 

"Chandrila?" Ben asked receiving no answer to his question. Why were droids going there? The Resistance’s base had left there once his mother had found out of his turn. She couldn't let him know where they were and so she had moved it all away. What was there now that was worth fighting for?

"I'll be there in a moment," Finn said, standing from the bed. 

"Was I interrupting something?" Poe pushed, now leaning against the doorway. "Did you finally tell her what you were going to say in the sinking sand?" 

"No!" Finn shot back with a light blush coming to his dark cheeks. "We didn't die. There's no reason to bring it up now."

Poe's smile fell as his eyes came to rest on distraught Rey. He shifted into a more rigid position. "Are you alright? Have the nightmares been getting worse?"

"I'm fine," she replied kindly with a smile. No she wasn't. If the other two in the room couldn't sense it, then Ben thought them to be complete fools that somehow got lucky enough to be where they were today. "I'll meet you in a bit. Let me get dressed." 

Both of the men nodded and Finn moved to the door. "Do we know why they're going to Chandrila?" The door closed behind them before Ben could hear the response, but even if it was his home planet, she was a more pressing matter now. 

He watched as she sat on the floor with her legs crossed and her back perfectly straight. He hesitated, but sat in front of her in the same position and the room became silent for a time. 

Her breathing steadied and she closed her eyes, trying to push past her mind's eye that wanted to replay that dream over and over again in her waking hours. 

"Be with me," she whispered. "Be with me." 

She didn't expect much to happen. It had been a while since anyone had answered her, but there was always something comforting in the thought that all of the people that had come before her were there with her now. 

“What is it Rey?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Help me.” It was no more than a whisper that Ben had to strain to hear. “Please.” 

* * *

Rey watched as Luke stood in silent contemplation with a hand on his chin. “It could mean nothing,” he muttered aloud. 

“You and I both know that that’s not true, Master Skywalker,” Rey pushed, rising to her feet in a fluid movement. She stepped closer to the apparition and looked over him. “You’re not telling me something. What are you hiding from me?” 

“He’s not on this side either.” 

“I could have told you that,” Ben called out sarcastically as he continued to sit on the floor and observe the conversation around him. 

“But he died. I was there. Where could he be if he’s not on either side?” 

“I’m right here,” Ben laughed exasperatedly, eyes looking between the two of them. “I’ve been here the whole time.” 

“Can you sense him?” Rey questioned. “I hear him all of the time. It’s so clear and so real.” Her tone was still wavering from the explanation of the dream to still yet another person. It wasn’t as difficult to describe the visions a second time, however an exhaustion was settling in her from all of the emotions swirling through her head. “It’s like he’s standing right next to me. And sometimes I see shadows or movement in the corner of my eye. Do you think that it could be him?” 

“It’s possible.” Luke nodded in answer. “I’ve never heard of anyone being trapped between the two though.”

“What is the other side like?”

“I can’t ruin everything,” Luke said with a smile. “There still needs to be some mysteries in the universe to experience.”

“Where do we go from here?” Rey questioned, the feeling of easiness finally settling in her. She felt like she could breathe fully again and her skin didn’t feel quite so tight. 

“I’m afraid that I do not have an answer for you at this time. But the Force will guide and balance you. Listen to it.”

“Yes, Master Skywalker.” 

“Rey! We need your input!” Poe’s voice said from somewhere outside of the door. 

“I will be there in a moment!” Rey called back as the form of Luke faded away. She pulled her hair back and out of her face in such an effortless way that it left Ben impressed. She slid her saber into the pouch on her belt and left the room, following the hall for a turn or two before she opened the door to the main chamber. “What are we up against?” 

“There are five transport ships full of Imperial Droids," Poe explained, leaning over a console with a hologram of a Sentry Droid. 

"Do we know why they are going to Chandrila?" Rey asked, moving closer to the computer so she could click on something, pulling the world onto the projection. 

Ben stared at the spinning planet before him. The last time he had been on that world there had been some argument between his parents. He remembered it clearly. It was over if he should be trained by his uncle. But he was already 10. He needed to learn as soon as possible. Children his age had already begun their testing to become a padawan. If he didn’t start now there was no way he would be ready by 13. Or so he had thought. He had been trying to convince his parents for so long to let him go and train and the time had finally come and they were going to go back on their word. They always did. Not that he was ever first priority to them. He was always passed off to a maid just like the so called prince he was. Given everything the child of a princess and a war hero could give him, but it was all material. Not them. 

And so he left and never looked back without telling them. He hadn't thought about Chandrila in years. The question still hung in the air. Why there? There was nothing there worth destroying anymore. The Galactic Senate no longer met there and hadn't for at least the last decade. 

"We're not exactly sure," Finn answered. "We've been trying to find a connection, but there doesn't seem to be one." 

"Do we know when the ship was given their orders or who by?" Rey asked. 

"You know who," Ben muttered softly to her. There was no point in speaking louder for anyone else. They didn't hear. "The same one who was playing us all along." 

"We're positive it was Palpatine," Poe continued on, walking around the console to get a better look at the world and where the transport was calculated to land. Hanna City. 

"There's another set of transport ships," came a smaller voice from somewhere behind a set of controls. Rose's head popped up over the control panel. "It's going to Jakku." 

Rey's eyebrows furrowed together. "Where?"

"The Graveyard of Ships." 

"What's special about these places?" Poe made his way to the controls to pull up the shape of Jakku and where the transport ship was planning to land. The holograms changed to the landscapes of each place. One a desolate desert of nothing but wrecked ancient spacecraft and the other a bustling city on the edge of a lake with large towering buildings. “There’s nothing in either of these places of worth.”

The room was quiet as they all sat in thought. Rey knew why they would go to Jakku. It was her home. But who belonged to Chandrila? Her eyes lit up and she inhaled sharply at a whisper in her ear that was as clear as day. "Ben Solo was born in Chandrila." 

The other three looked to her in confusion. "How do you know that?" Finn questioned, a hand going to the bridge of his nose. He didn't need the answer. 

"A feeling," Rey answered with a small smile. "He wanted to destroy any connection we had to anything. I'm sure of it. We need to stop those ships." 

"And how do you expect us to do that?" Poe threw out, hands tossed into the air. "According to this, they're both going to land at the same time. We can't be in both places at once." 

"Then you and Finn go to Jakku. Finn knows his way around that area. I will go to Chandrila." 

"You can't take a whole transport ship by yourself, let alone five," Finn argued, stepping closer to her. "There could be hundreds of droids on these ships." 

Rey smiled. She finally had a purpose. A direction. For the first time in weeks she had something to do that seemed straight forward. It wouldn’t be easy, but it was a path to take.

"You're not going alone," Poe echoed after Finn, a frown on his face from Rey's excitement. 

But Rey didn’t care. She wanted to leave immediately. She wanted anything that would distance her from the nightmare that would cling to the room, plus a new planet to explore sounded like just the thing she needed to forget for a while. “I’ll contact the city and let them know. I’m sure there will be someone there to help.”

“Like who?” 

Rey didn’t answer. She tapped her fingers on the console in thought. “I will figure it out.” 

“We don’t have the time or resources to wing this,” Poe said, concern dripping from his voice as his arms folded over his chest. Rey laughed and both he and Finn traded glances. 

“Since when have you been one to not wing something?” A shrug was given in answer and there was no fight. “We’ll take care of this and come back safe and sound. Besides, don’t you two have a meeting to discuss the formation of a new republic for the people? We don’t want to miss that.” 

“When you put it like that, maybe we should miss it,” Poe muttered. His hand rubbed over his face and he sighed. “Alright. You can go to Chandrila.” 

“What? No.” Finn’s stance straightened. “That is not happening. You're the best we got. We can’t lose you.” 

“I promise to stay safe,” Rey insisted with a roll of her eyes. She was always safe, always on top. This time would be no different. They would take care of this and then come back here to discuss politics just as their plan was. None of them wanted to do it. Who did? But it needed to be done and they would see it through to the end. It’s what Leia would have wanted. “And we can’t waste anymore time. We need to warn the people and help them. I will take the Falcon. It’ll get me to Chandrila quicker. There’s more people there as well. Jakku is mostly sand.” Rey quickly turned and went for the door, but paused at her name. She glanced over her shoulder. 

“May the Force be with you,” Finn finished. Rey simply nodded and raced through the door.

She returned to her room and began to pack her small amount of things that she would need on her trip, leaving Ben to watch. 

“You can’t do this alone,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Why are you so stubborn? You know better than anyone that you can’t do this alone.” His breath caught in his lungs as she rushed through him, leaving him with the feeling of ice water on his skin. His hands instinctively went to his torso where the feeling was the strongest, but he found himself whole. No one had passed through him before and he couldn’t say the experience was pleasant and he wanted to make sure it stayed to a minimum. “Rey.” 

Her hands paused for a split second, just long enough for Ben to register it. She swiftly returned to her rhythm without hesitation. 

“You heard me that time. I know it.” Ben couldn’t help the smile that spread over his lips. 

“I know,” she said as she shoved the gathered items on her bed into her bag. “You think I’m being reckless.” 

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed. “Yes?” he answered, unsure of what was happening. Had she really just answered him? 

“I need to do this though.” 

He blinked several times and glanced around the room in hopes of an answer of some sort or a person who told him that she really had heard him, was still hearing him. “Why do you have to do it alone?” 

“But I’m not alone.” She slung the bag over her shoulder and took her time to double check the room for anything she could have possibly missed. The room looked as bare as it had when she had arrived. With a satisfied nod, she turned to the door, but stopped. “I know you’re here.” 

A larger smile covered his face. “I knew you could hear me. Why-”

“You’ve been with me all along, haven’t you?” 

Ben looked over her confused, his smile faltering a bit. “Yes.” 

“Please don’t leave me.” 

“I wasn’t-”

“I hope that soon I’ll be able to hear more than my name and the occasional whisper.” 

Ben’s smile dropped, his stomach following along with it. He opened his mouth several times trying to pull together something to say, but for once he was speechless. His words wouldn’t have mattered anyway, even if he could speak. She still couldn’t hear him. 

He dropped to his knees, unable to do anything else as she passed through him once more and left the room. What a cruel joke. He bit his tongue and nodded to himself, his eyes flickering around the room, unable to focus on anything. 

“Is this my punishment?” 

The words were hollow in the room around him. He laughed and shook his head. 

“It’s a pretty good one. My own personal hell.”

Being unheard and powerless....

Before he could contemplate more of his feelings, the pull in his ribs placed him in a blur before his eventual relocation in the offset cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. The room spun around him and he caught his balance in the co-captain's chair, right beside the eager Rey and the oddly quiet BB-8. Poe must have insisted on her bringing the droid along. How long had he been sitting in that room? It didn’t matter much now. He had nothing but time. 

Rey’s hands worked steadily to start the Falcon. Rey was a natural when it came to flying spacecraft. She was sure it had come from having to learn everything herself and often on the spot to avoid the death part of life and death situations. In all honesty, she wasn’t sure anymore what she had been taught from her family or what hardships had been present to teach her everything she knew now. 

Had her father been a pilot? Or maybe her mother? Their faces were a blur even now, but at least they were there now. She wasn’t sure what had unlocked clearer memories for her, but she was grateful for a more put together picture, even if it did still sting to think about. 

"I'm probably crazy," she whispered with a sigh. "I don't even know if you're there Ben, but I like to believe you are." 

Ben looked up at the girl whose expression was stony as she looked ahead at the jungle. She needed to trust her judgment more than she did. Ben couldn't recall a moment when she had ever been wrong, but she did doubt herself. 

"Have you ever been on this ship?" 

Ben glanced around, taking in his surroundings. He had been on this ship many times, but never as it flew. Just as a child. His father would let him play in it when his mother and him were busy with some meeting or other. 

He had always wanted to fly it though. Ever since he could remember he wanted to be a pilot like his father. A smuggler like his father. But his mother had quickly put a stop to that. No piloting unless he was being trained to be a Jedi. He would not be a smuggler. He would be a good man, not a criminal. 

Ben smiled fondly, his fingertips skimming over the console in front of him. "Yes. I've been on this ship." 

"Did he teach you to fly?” He caught her small smile before it fell. “I would have liked to have been taught by him.”

“No,” Ben said, unable to stop giving pointless answers that she wouldn’t hear. “He never taught me.”

“He was a good man.”

“So you’ve said.” 

There were a few beeps from the droid at his feet and he glanced down at it. The droid seemed to be looking between the two captain seats. 

“There’s no one there,” Rey explained to the small thing. “Just talking to myself.” There were a few more beeps. “Yes, it’s completely fine to talk to yourself.” She gave a laugh. “I think it’s time to go, don’t you?”

Rey had never seen a city like this one. The moon glittered across the water and the city lights danced gently in the night. As she stepped from the Falcon her breath was stolen away by the height of some of the buildings, the size of mountains that were hidden in the clouds and scratched at the sky. 

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed out, stepping further away from the ship and onto the port. BB-8 hummed happily as it trailed by her feet. "Wish we had more time to look around."

A group of older gentlemen approached her, each wearing a cape of some sort more expensive than the last. They had to be the council that she had contacted before. One face stood out to her as who she had spoken to over the hologram communicator earlier that day. 

"Caimek Ellwill," she said, her hand outstretched to him. He simply looked at it, but didn't take it. Rey's face turned to one of confusion and she slowly lowered her hand awkwardly back to her side. "I hope I haven't offended you in some way." 

"Your help is no longer needed," Ellwill said in a regal manner that caught Rey off guard. 

She did her best to wear a smile to hide her misunderstanding. "I'm sorry?" 

"We thank you for warning us of the incoming transport ships and taking your time to travel here, but we are perfectly capable of dealing with those ourselves." 

Rey glanced down at BB-8, unsure of who else to look to for some form of help. “Those ships are full of Imperial Droids. The have been sent here by Emperor Palpatine.”

"Sheev Palpatine has been dead for decades now," Ellwill said, waving his hands elegantly. "We will handle this on our own time. We don't need another Skywalker around here." 

Rey's jaw clenched at this. "What do you mean by that?" 

"Don't you think that your family has caused enough issues for the universe?" He laughed.

Rey took a step forward, fists clenched in anger, but a hand on her shoulder pulled her back. She glanced behind her and came up empty. No one was there, but she was sure that someone had stopped her. She inhaled deeply, letting her eyes close and willing her emotions to return back in alignment. The grip on her shoulder tightened assuringly before the feeling disappeared. 

“I am here to help, Ellwill,” Rey said calmly. “There is nothing but bad intentions with those ships that will be here in a few hours time. We need to come up with a plan to keep this city safe.”

“This city will be safer with you not on it. We thank you again, young Skywalker, but we will handle this issue by our own means. Good evening.” 

With a nod of his head, he turned with the rest of his group that had been silent for the whole conversation and made their way back up the docking bay and to the bustling city street. Rey huffed at a piece of hair that had fallen into her face and turned back to the Falcon, heading up the ramp and into the hunk of metal. 

She let the door close behind her as she dropped to her knees. BB-8 rolled beside her, gently knocking her ankle. She patted the droid and bit her lip in thought. What could she do? They didn’t want her here and she needed to respect that, but she couldn’t sit around and let this city be destroyed or the people be killed. 

“What would you do?” she asked, looking around the empty ship. “I’m crazy to think you can actually hear me. Ben, what would you do?” She waited for a moment for any type of sign of an answer, but nothing came. Strong beeps came from BB-8 and she shook her head. “He’s not here,” she assured, but she wasn’t sure if it was more to the bot or to her. “How do I help these people? There’s five carriers with hundreds of droids and only one me.”

She glanced up at the space around her at a whisper that she was sure was all in her head. _Everything has a power source. You may not be able to stop the ships, but you can stop what’s on them._

“Where’s the power source coming from? How do I know where to go?” Rey rose to her feet, heading back to the cockpit, a new found energy in her steps. She would just have to take the ships out before they landed. She grabbed her headset and slipped it on. “Finn, are you there?” 

There was a crackle over the headset and his voice answered through the other side. “We’re here. Did you make it there alright?” 

“I made it here, but they won’t let me help.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I would rather not talk about it. The only thing that I can do now is deal with it before it reaches the planet. I can’t take on the five ships alone, but the droids have to be powered somewhere. With that many of them it would make sense to run everything from one place. If we can take out that power source, then we can hopefully stop both sets of ships.” 

“And where do you propose that this power source is?” Finn questioned. “We’re quite a distance away from each other.”

Rey lowered her head into her hands and groaned. “Let me think. Give me a moment.” She pulled her headset off and tossed it aside, pushing stray hair behind her ears. “Would it be stupid for it to be back on Exegol?” 

Ben sat beside her in the other seat and watched her for a moment. “Every power source has only so far away it can be from what it’s powering. Exegol is on the edge of the Unknown Regions.”

Rey snatched back up her head set. “Finn, is there a spacecraft that’s an equal distance between the two transports, more or less?”

There was a pause, but an answer did crackle through the headset. “There is something, but it’s a large risk. We don’t even know if this is the correct ship. We can’t just blow it up.”

“Send me the coordinates,” Rey instructed. She waited a moment before the list of numbers shown on the console. “I’m closer to that and my ship is faster. I can make it there easily.” 

“What kind of ship is it?” Ben questioned, having listened enough. Rey pulled up the design of the ship and Ben looked over the Delta-Class T-3c Shuttle. He couldn’t remember seeing one in person before. They were an older ship, but he had learned about them in training with his uncle. Luke had this idea that they needed to learn everything they could about the past. Something about being able to handle the future more maturely or something along those lines, he hadn’t paid much attention in all honesty. He was too young for the reasoning to be interesting. “This is the one you want. It’s an Empire ship.”

“I’m going after it,” Rey stated strongly, preparing the Falcon for take off. 

“We don’t know what kind of ship that is,” Finn argued. “Or how big.”

“It was part of the Empire’s fleet. That has to be it.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“A feeling,” was Rey’s reply. “I will keep you updated.” 

“Rey, wait-”

She didn’t hear the rest as she tossed the headset away once again. The Falcon rose into the air smoothly and left the docking bay. The city faded away and Rey felt a sadness at not having had more of a chance to explore it. It wasn’t often she saw cities of this size and magnificence. Maybe she would have a chance to see some of it after she had stopped the transports. See something of Ben. 

Ben.... her hand paused on the lever that would allow her to enter light speed. Had he been the one to stop her earlier? That hand had felt much too solid for it not to be a person. He had kept her in check. She wasn’t sure what she would have done if he hadn’t. It was frustrating to not have people believe that they were in danger and she was still a bit shocked that somehow this city had not heard of the return of the Emperor or just didn’t care about the fact. She didn’t mind so much that they didn’t know of her, but she did mind that this evil had still been controlling the universe all these years and they didn’t seem to care. Ignorance was bliss, she supposed. 

If Ben really was here, then he saw her on edge. Saw her struggling to keep up with everything. Struggling to find a place. She really had thought that finding her name would finally solve that piece she had been missing. Much to her dislike, it only opened up more questions. And though claiming Skywalker as her title had given her a moment of resolution, it fell flat. She didn’t think she had what it took to carry the weight of the name, and if the interaction minutes ago didn’t prove that, then she wasn’t sure what would. 

She was being too reckless. She shouldn’t have ran off on her own. She should have waited for all of them to come up with a plan. She knew that. So why... Why was she disregarding everything she had ever been taught? Why was she running after every dangerous opportunity that appeared? Why was she collapsing in on herself? 

Ben watched curiously as the moments dragged on and Rey didn't move. Her face was blank, but he could see the conflict that was hidden behind her eyes. She was fighting with herself over something, but Ben wasn’t sure what exactly to do about it. He could try to reach out to her again. For once, he had been solid. His hand had been able to touch her shoulder, but he doubted she thought it was him. There had just been something in her eyes when she looked back at him, something like recognition. 

His hand reached out through the space between them, coming to a halt in hesitation. Why was he still trying so hard? He wasn’t even real, was he? He was doomed to live here for the rest of time for his sins as nothing more than a breath of air to torment someone he had grown to care deeply for. 

His hand was going to return to his lap, when Rey spoke. “Help me.” It was no more than a whisper that Ben had to strain to hear. “Please.” 

He didn’t know if she was talking to him, but it sure felt pointed at him. So maybe it wasn’t torment. Maybe he could help her. His fingers trembled as he pushed forward and gently placed his hand over hers that was delayed on the lever. His fingers passed through hers, but she gave a small gasp all the same, being pulled from the distance in her eyes. Ben’s gaze flickered between where his hand was hovering over hers and her face. 

“Thank you.” 

Strength flooded through her and she didn’t feel like she was second guessing herself anymore. She could do this. She _would_ do this and then she would make sure going forward she was more thoughtful and practical. She pushed forward on the lever and the stars began to phase past her in streaking lines. She pulled her hand back to herself, feeling cold, as if there had been something atop of hers to keep it warm. Her heart leapt at breath beside her. 

_You’re welcome._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a simple pull of the trigger, there was a low hum and then a deafening sputtering crack. Rey’s hands covered her eyes at the sparks that filled the compartment. There was a sharp jerk as the ship came to an immediate halt and she tumbled over, BB-8 whizzing past her from the extra force. 
> 
> She stumbled to her feet and rushed back to the cockpit to see what had happened. They had fallen out of light speed.

* * *

“Poe, there has to be someway to stop it other than shooting it down,” Rey sighed through the headset, rubbing her temples. 

“What type of ship is it again?” The pilot asked in her ear 

“Something called a Delta Shuttle, I think.”

There was silence on the other side for a moment. “A Delta-Class T-3c or a JV-7 Shuttle?” 

“Yes!” Rey answered, throwing her hands up in the air. She had seen several at home on Jakku, but she had never really spent much time exploring them. They had mostly been stripped bare for parts and were just the frames. They were decently sized and could easily fit a basic crew as well as a good handful of passengers. It would definitely be larger than the Falcon and that’s what she was worried about. She wasn’t Han and she couldn’t fly the Kessel Run. “The T-3c.” 

There was a long pause and then a sharp inhale through teeth from Poe. “That might be difficult. They’ll see you coming and let’s face it, the Falcon is pretty recognizable. Can you wait for us?” 

“We don’t have the time,” Rey reminded. Why was she so stupid? “I’m sorry. I should have listened to you.” 

“We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. We can do this.” 

“I’m almost there. What am I looking at?” 

“Well, it has two twin laser cannons as well as three Wingtips as well.” 

“Great,” Rey sighed. “Is there anything I can do besides blasting them out of the sky? I don’t have another person to use the guns. If I’m wrong-”

“You’re not wrong,” Poe pressed. 

“I appreciate the enthusiasm, but-”

“You’re not wrong. We had Rose look at it. You were right,” Poe continued on. “She said that the signal for these transport ships are coming from that shuttle.” 

“I still-”

“We’re running out of options Rey. I know you want the peaceful way out, but I don’t think we have that option open to us at the moment.” 

“There has to be something,” Rey pushed. 

“What the hell is a Droid Popper?” Poe asked at a muffled voice across the headset. 

“A Droid Popper?” Rey questioned, a confused look plastering itself over her face. 

“No,” Poe grumbled. “You’re talking to fast. You talk to her. I can’t explain that.” 

There was some form of shuffling and Rey rolled her eyes as an annoyed Finn took over communication. “Back in the Clone Wars, there were these things called Droid Poppers. They were like an EMP grenade.” 

“Finn, that was like 50 years ago. What am I supposed-”

“If you can somehow make a larger version of that, you can take out that ship.”

Rey’s eyes widened, daunted by the task. “How do you expect me to do that?” 

“Maybe you can convert an old blaster. I remember seeing one somewhere on the ship.” 

Rey pulled her headset off and blinked several times. She wasn’t even sure if she knew how to take apart an old blaster, if she could find the thing in the first place. “BB-8, I need the plans for an EMP of some sort. I need to know what makes it work.” The droid beeped as she raced from her chair, searching the ship for what Finn had indicated. 

She couldn’t help but grumble to herself as she ran down a corridor. “How do I make something strong enough to take out the whole ship? I can’t permanently shut it down. Whoever is on that ship will still die if all of the functions shut down.”

_Why are you so worried about who’s on that ship?_

Rey paused as the words filled her mind. “I don’t like killing people if I don’t have to,” she found herself saying aloud to no one. 

_They’re trying to destroy both of these places. Why does it matter if they die?_

“They deserve a second chance.”

_Why?_

“We are all more than the worst thing we’ve ever done.” 

She began to dig through some of the storage bins on the ship and smiled as she found a blaster like Finn had said. She grabbed up a few more things she thought useful and raced back to where their tools sets still sat out to repair parts of the ship that would break. 

She took a seat on the floor and began digging through the tool box in search for something that could help her take apart the blaster. She could figure this out. She just needed to think. She had taken apart so many ships for junking that this should be no problem for her. She just needed to focus. 

“BB-8!” she called. The small bot raced towards her and beeped excitedly, putting out a light blue flickering display of some sort of blue print instructions for what she had asked. Her eyes skimmed the words written there and she took a deep breath. She couldn’t make something this small do any damage unless she was on the ship, and she wasn’t sure how to accomplish that. 

Finally, the blaster came apart, letting wires attached to a circuit board spill out. Rey pulled on the wires to get a better look at the circuit board. It had a decent amount of voltage for something so small. But would it be enough? 

She grabbed a pair of pliers and began tearing at the safety that was on the edge of the small green rectangle. That would help strengthen the voltage a bit, but she still didn’t know if it would be enough. Anxiety made her fingers start to shake and she hissed at one of the wires she was cutting, coming back to slice into her hand. 

She wiped the small amount of drawn blood onto her white pants, staining them. She didn’t care. Clothes were the least of her worries. Right now she was more worried over how much of the copper wiring she needed to somehow attach to this. 

She had seen Finn use the soldering iron several times, but she had never used it herself. A hand went to her head and she groaned in frustration. “This is so stupid.” 

Ben looked on curiously as Rey worked. Had she always been this way? This stubborn, this determined? Had she always been someone who would go the extra mile just to make sure that people were protected? Of course she was and it was something he admired in her. She fought for what she believed in and wasn’t afraid to take nothing and make it into something. 

He winced at a small crackle of electricity and Rey shoved her finger into her mouth with muffled swearing at the shock she had received. She shook out her hand and glanced at her burnt finger for only a moment before returning to her work. 

Ben couldn’t help but stare at her focused expression with a small smile. She really could do anything she wanted if she put her mind to it. She was strong and smart, quick on her feet and ready for anything. He admired her for it. 

She fished the copper coil through an opening and soldered the wire back to the circuit board. Her eyes kept darting up to the hologram in front of her as she pressed on. With a satisfied grin, she put the outer pieces of the blaster back together and then looked over her handy work. It was stupid looking and she was almost positive it wouldn’t work. 

“Look out BB-8,” she instructed, getting to her knees and pointing the newly fashioned weapon at a nearby open control panel. With a simple pull of the trigger, there was a low hum and then a deafening sputtering crack. Rey’s hands covered her eyes at the sparks that filled the compartment. There was a sharp jerk as the ship came to an immediate halt and she tumbled over, BB-8 whizzing past her from the extra force. 

She stumbled to her feet and rushed back to the cockpit to see what had happened. They had fallen out of light speed. She took her seat and began messing with buttons on the console to get the ship moving again. Once the Falcon had picked back up, she took her headset and placed it back on. 

“I might have broken something,” she admitted sheepishly. But she didn’t need light speed anymore. She was close enough now. The shuttle was nearby. 

“Were you able to figure it out?” Finn questioned.

“I made something that seemed to work. But I don’t know how to get onto the ship to deploy it. And it won’t be enough to stop the whole ship, but it should be able to bring down the beacon or generator or whatever it is that is powering the droids on those transports.” 

“I knew you could do it!” Finn all but yelled excitedly. “I knew you could do it.” 

“How do I get onto the ship, Finn?” 

There was a cold pressure at her leg and she waved away the small bot. “Not now BB-8,” she muttered. 

“Use the droid,” Ben offered, standing behind her chair and looking over the makeshift blaster. It was a tad awkward, a bit bulky from all of the copper coils that were around it to conduct electricity, but it would do exactly what she wanted it to do. 

“BB-8, I need you to go down there and do this,” Rey said, spinning around in her chair to face the small bot who raced back over to her. “But you need to be careful. Poe would kill me if anything happened to you.” 

“You are not sending my droid down there,” Poe’s voice said over the headset, but Rey ignored him. 

“Can you get Rose to find what it is we’re looking for on that ship?” she asked. 

“If you’re going to-”

“Poe, I need to know.” 

He grumbled something that made Rey smile. “Give me a moment.” 

“BB-8, I need you to listen carefully to me. Rose is going to send us some information about where you need to go on that ship. I am going to get as close to it as I can and I need you to use this-” she snatched up the blaster and showed it to him- “to take out the power system. Do you understand?” The small droid rolled back and forth in answer before opening a panel in one of its sides that was just large enough for the modified blaster to fit. Rey carefully placed the blaster in the opening and BB-8 quickly sealed it away. “You need to make sure that that doesn’t point at you when it goes off.” A beep was her answer. 

“Your parents would be proud of you, you know,” Ben said, unable to stop the compliment from leaving his lips. But she didn’t acknowledge him in the slightest. Didn’t humor him with a horrible half conversation that she had taken a liking to participating in. He exhaled sadly and folded his arms over his chest. “You’re brilliant.” Still nothing. Not a pause or a glance up, nothing. 

“Poe, I need an answer. I’m almost on top of the T-3c.” She could see the outline of it in the distance now and if they didn’t hurry, they were going to know she was there sooner than she wanted them to. 

“Rose said that you have to go to the main control room. It’s there. Some sort of bulky generator looking thing. You’ll know it when you see it.” 

“Right.” Rey bit at her bottom lip and removed the headset. “You ready BB-8? I’ll get you as close as I can, but the rest is up to you. And we don’t have long. Those transports will be docking in fifteen minutes.” 

The small droid raced off and Rey took that to mean that it was now or nothing. Her hands took the controls. The pressure and anxiety were building in her as she sped forward now. This was going to be her own Kessel Run. She doubted that it would be anywhere near as dangerous as Han’s Kessel Run, but it depended just as much. 

Rey was spotted much quicker than she thought she would have been. A blast from one of their cannons took her off guard and she had to swerve out of the way as the colorful laser shot past her. There were several more that missed her by inches. 

Ben took the seat beside her and looked over the controls in front of him, wishing there was something he could do to help. But he couldn’t move anything and he supposed it luck that he could even sit down on a solid surface. 

And so he sat there, worthless, unable to do anything of assistance. And that was his hell. A perfect little cage made just for him. He had just enough influence to drive him insane. Enough to try to make a difference, but not enough for it to matter. 

The anxiousness was paralyzing and his fingers drummed on his knees without any other outlet offering a way to release the tension. His chest was tight as the girl beside him dodged another shot towards the Falcon. She didn’t need help if he was being honest with himself. She was a better pilot than him by far and he knew that his father would rather have her fly his pride and joy than his own son. 

“This is our chance!” she called out behind her in some hope that the droid would hear her. They were close now, right over the top of the T-3c. There was an awful scraping sound as the bottom of the Falcon collided with the T-3c, causing Rey to jolt forward in her seat. Ben could almost hear his father yelling at her to take it easy, but the droid needed a way to get to the ship below. She grabbed her headset again and slid it on before flying away from the Empire’s ship. “BB-8, can you hear me? You need to find the main control room. Be careful.” 

“Rey,” Ben warned, unable to keep himself from staring out at what was ahead of them that she didn’t seem at all phased by. “Don’t go to the asteroid field.” 

A flashing light and buzzer appeared on the panel, but Rey ignored them. She had no other way to lose that ship. The Falcon jerked, sending Rey nearly out of her seat as a blast from a cannon made contact. Smoke began to flood the cockpit and Rey coughed, waving her hand so the smoke dissipated from around her mouth. 

“You can’t take this into that asteroid field, Rey. It won’t make it,” Ben tried again, but she was already busy hitting buttons. 

She coughed again from the smoke that was steadily getting thicker. She turned on auto pilot and got from her chair, and began digging behind her seat for something. Ben rose to his feet to get a better look at what was coming straight at them. It was space junk, twisted and mangled shards of metal and torn apart ships that looked ancient. Wrecks of a long ago battle. 

Rey popped back up, a grey canister in her hand. She went for the billowing smoke and pulled a trigger on the canister to release flame retardant in a thick grey cloud. The smoke dissipated enough for the room to not be so suffocating and she returned back to her chair, the canister now by her feet for easier access. 

“BB-8, how’s it looking? We’re running out of time,” Rey called into the mouthpiece of the headset. She yanked the controls sharply to the left and a flash of light shot past them. Beeps answered her back. “It’s a generator. I don’t know what it looks like.” She rolled her eyes at another response from BB-8. “You will know it when you see it.” 

Ben scoffed at the words. How could she expect a droid to have that intuition. It was a machine, not a living and thinking being. It wouldn’t know it when it saw it. But at the moment, there was a more pressing matter at hand. They were now uncomfortably close to the first flying chunk of metal and Rey did her best to avoid it, but another scrape of metal signified that it had dragged along the top of the Falcon. 

“Rey, the transports are landing,” Finn’s voice said somewhere in her ear. “Have you done it yet?” 

“BB-8 can’t find the power source. Hold off the droids as best you can,” she said with a frustrated huff of breath that disrupted the smoke that still lingered in the air. 

“Calm down Rey,” Ben whispered over, reaching out to touch her arm in some hope that it would help. She took a few calming breaths, but Ben was unsure if it was because of him or not. “You can do this.” 

“I can do this,” she muttered under her breath as another piece of space junk flew past them. It was easily large enough to swallow the Falcon whole. They were coming faster now and were more densely packed. They wouldn’t make it through this. There was no way. But she had to try. With a final deep breath, Rey gunned the Falcon, shooting off through the maze that lay ahead of them, the T-3c following closely behind. 

She had two options here, buy BB-8 more time or lead the T-3c into a place where she could maneuver her way out, but they couldn’t. Their ship was much larger than the Falcon and a much odder shape. It would be difficult to squeeze through tight spaces. 

A large portion of a ship was blasted off as another shot from the cannons behind her. She swerved around it, her eyes widening at what awaited in front of her. She couldn’t see the edges of this metal and it was speeding towards her. Her breath caught in her throat. She pulled as hard as she could on the steering control in her hand, willing it to react the way she needed it to. 

Her teeth gritted as the direction changed into and upward directory, slamming her back into her seat. 

“Rey, we’re being overrun. What’s-”

“Not now!” she shouted, unsure of who she was interrupting. Sparks flew in all directions and Rey struggled to keep in her seat as she was flung this way and that, the Falcon skimming along the wrecked ship. “Come on,” she urged the ship, pulling as hard as she could on the steering. “Come on, come on, come on!”

It just kept going. It was endless. She couldn’t keep this up. Smoke began to fill the cockpit again, tearing up her eyes. She coughed, but refused to let up her hold. Splinters of metal flew off in all directions from more firing from the T-3c. She did her best to weave in and out of the impending wreckage, but it was getting harder to breath. The air around her was thinning. She couldn’t take the chance of letting go of the steering to try to put out the fire again. 

“They stopped Rey. BB-8 must have done it. All of the droids have stopped. You did it.” 

She growled and ripped the headset off. There was the edge. She had finally found it. The ache in her arms was finally setting in and she gasped for air. Her vision blurred so much that she didn’t know the T-3c had stopped firing on her. 

All she cared about was the empty space that was ahead of her. It was so close. The darkness of space greeted her with the strong scent of smoke surrounding her. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A weariness set into his blood, flooding through his body, begging him to stop. It was too much.  
> His jaw clenched tightly and he cried out in pain, his hand ablaze. 

* * *

"Would you please stay put?" a desperate female voice asked. The person sounded defeated and tired. There were a few mechanical sounds, like something rolling around the room. 

A brightness blinded Rey as she tried to open her eyes. She blinked several times to adjust to the light and found a woman dressed as a nurse doing her best to walk around a frantic BB-8 that kept trying to weave in and out of her legs. 

Rey didn't recognize the room around her, but when she tried to sit up to get a better look at her surroundings, a dull ache filled her stomach and she groaned, falling back onto the pillows that crowned her head. 

The nurse looked a little startled at the noise, but made her way over to Rey’s side. “You’re awake,” she announced as if Rey couldn’t tell. “How are you feeling?” 

“I’ve had better days,” Rey croaked out, her throat feeling as if she had been eating gravel for a month. She coughed and groaned as her lungs tried to adjust to the air being sucked out of them, but forced in at the same time from a tube of oxygen at her nose. "What happened?" 

"Smoke inhalation, mostly. You have some minor burns. Your ship crashed on the outskirts of the city. We're pretty sure you were attacked during the raid. But that only lasted for a little while. The droids were decommissioned pretty quickly." 

"What city?" Rey questioned, closing her eyes to try to stop the dizziness that was setting in. 

"Hanna." 

Rey's eyes shot open. She didn't remember coming back to Hanna. What had happened? How long had she been out? Did Finn and Poe know where she was? 

"Where's my ship?" 

"I am pretty sure someone took it to be repaired. But I'm not sure if there's much that can be salvaged. It was on fire." 

Rey nodded absently and glanced down at BB-8 who was wheeling around the room. He seemed fine. But the Falcon... She could hear Han now. 

"How long have I been here?" 

"Only a day or two."

"And when can I leave?" 

The nurse hummed in thought. "It depends on how your oxygen levels are. If they are stable enough, probably in a day or two." 

Rey nodded and sighed, closing her eyes. "I'd like to rest." 

"Of course dear." 

There were footsteps that disappeared from the room and Rey grimaced as she let the pain set in. 

Her mind scrambled for an answer, anything to help her piece all of the events together. There were fragments of her flying the falcon and a fire. That must have been the smoke inhalation. 

There was one memory that stuck out to her, but she couldn't quite place it. It didn't make sense. It couldn’t be real. 

It was the Falcon landing in Hanna. But it wasn't her flying. Within the smoke and the sparks, she saw him, clear as day. It was him. He stood tall, guiding the burning ship to the lake with a single outstretched hand. Ben. 

That wasn’t possible. It must have been some fevered dream or a hallucination. It was the only thing that made sense. She felt a tear run down her cheek. It wasn't him. It was a cruel joke for her mind to play. 

All he could do was watch as tears trailed down her cheeks. The strength to move evaded him. He couldn't remember feeling this strained for energy before. 

Did she know that it was him that saved her? Was that the cause of her tears? Or was it just the pain? He wasn't even sure how he had done it. 

Rey had fallen from her chair, unconscious. The Falcon had floated aimlessly about the stars. Ben got to his feet and raced to Rey. His hand went to her nose, but he didn't feel anything. Her chest was rising and falling, though. She was still breathing, if barely. 

What could he possibly do? He did his best to push through the panic setting in and grabbed the fire extinguisher. It wasn’t until after he had stifled a decent part of the flames and closed off the cockpit door that he stopped. The silver canister fell from his grip and clancked to the floor in surprise. 

Ben could feel his heart racing even now as he sat in the hospital room recalling the feeling of holding something solid in his hands. He glanced over them as they sat in his lap. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and lowered his head into his hands, his muscles fatigued and sore. He rubbed at the back of his neck and sighed, looking at the last Jedi in the hospital bed, tears still freely flowing. 

She had been crying on the Falcon too. He had done his best to use some extra supplies to support her head before sitting at the controls. His hands hesitated as he looked over the mass amount of buttons and switches that were in front of him and overhead. He had watched Rey fly this several times, but now that it mattered, he couldn’t remember for the life of him. 

He did eventually turn the Falcon around and maneuver back through the maze of shrapnel and found the T-3c, stalled. Once he was sure that the other ship wasn’t going to fire on him, he got close enough to allow the little white and orange bot find its way back on the Falcon. Ben had reopened the cockpit door, the droid rolling past him, beeping and whirring as it circled Rey. 

He couldn’t sit around and wait any longer. Smoke was still seeping under the once again door and he could hear the creaks and groans the ship was making around him. His father’s pride and joy was going to fall apart if he didn’t hurry. 

Ben stood over the console and took the lever that he had seen Rey use to go to lightspeed. The ship would hold together long enough to do one last jump. It had to. It didn’t have a choice. But if his father had trusted this old rust bucket, then he needed to give it the benefit of the doubt. He pulled the lever, but nothing happened. The Falcon didn’t even so much as jerk forward. His eyebrows furrowed and he tried again. Nothing. 

“You stupid piece of junk,” he hissed kicking at the chair. “Why won’t you work?” He pressed a few more important looking buttons, but there was still nothing. “This would be a really good time to prove why my father liked you so much.” 

A loud ear splitting creak echoed around the cockpit, sparks falling from a control panel above. He groaned frustratedly and slammed his fist on the console, the sparks pulling a memory to the front of his mind. Rey had used the EMP on the ship. He hadn’t understood why they had dropped out of lightspeed so suddenly, but it made sense now. She had fried the hyperdrive. The Falcon was probably lucky to be flying at all. 

He rubbed at his eyes, mind working frantically to come up with a solution. There was another set of sparks and a deep booming that made him jump. The lights flickered and the hum of the electronics around him faded. 

“No,” he muttered, hitting random things frantically in a hope that one of them would help. “No, no, no. Come on!” 

The lights gave one final blink before darkness swallowed him, the silence crashing in as the hum stopped. The metal gave a moan, sounding hungry. Ben’s feet started to slide out from under him, sending him tumbling into the captain's chair, the room tilting. What was pulling the Falcon? They weren’t near any planets near by and that T-3c still hadn’t shown itself from the junk field- The junk field. 

There was another groan of dislike and Ben had to fight to stay upright as the ship was pulled back towards the space junk labyrinth. There was something in there that was large enough to have some form of gravitational pull. It was the only thing that made sense. They wouldn't fall out of the sky. He wasn’t sure what the object was and he didn’t want to sit around to find out. 

Ben inhaled deeply, doing his best to clear his mind. Any ideas would be helpful at this point. The only thing that came to him confused him. How would the force help? He hadn’t been able to use it since he had died, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t use it. 

But maybe.... He could try? Maybe this once it would work. Maybe because he was finally some sort of solid entity... He didn’t have a choice. 

He closed his eyes, hand outstretched in front of him. 

This is what had exhausted him. This is why he currently couldn’t pull himself from that uncomfortable hospital chair. This is why his body ached when it had no right to. 

He gave everything he had to pull the Falcon back upright. And when it was finally back in place, the lights returned along with the magical hum of the engines. He gasped, as a sharpness dug into his limbs, pulling every last drop of strength from him. 

When he was finally able to open his eyes, the stars were whizzing past in streaks from the jump to lightspeed. A weariness set into his blood, flooding through his body, begging him to stop. It was too much. He had never used the force to do this much at one before and he couldn’t understand how anyone was still able to fight after these feats of power, namely his uncle. He had seen the Jedi do amazing things and keep going. How did they find the will to do it? 

Ben had searched for his will for so long and now he realized he had it. His will was behind him, unconscious. This was for her. Everything he did was for her now and it would always be for her. Nothing would change that or take that away. 

His jaw clenched tightly and he cried out in pain, his hand ablaze. 

The Falcon slowed and Ben blinked through his blurred vision at the city lights below. He wasn’t sure what had made him come back to Hanna. Maybe it was instinctual. Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter. 

The ship dipped lower and lower until it made contact with the lake below it, splashing water up and over the cockpit, the metal shrieking at the sudden stop.

The ship settled and Ben collapsed to his knees, arms shaking as they tried to support him. He crawled his way back to Rey's body and slumped beside her. 

He watched through tired eyes the rise and fall of her chest, relief calming his tension. He couldn't stop his hand from reaching out, fingers tracing into her palm, solid for the first time. 

Warmth spread through his fingertips. A warmth he missed now. His hands felt empty as he looked over them again. He winced as he forced himself from the chair he sat on and crossed the distance between them as quickly as he could. His hand reached out to hers, and he held his breath, desperately wishing that his form was more than air. Fingers passed through her hand and he pulled back, just hovering over her open palm, heart sinking in his chest. 

Her breath had hitched and her eyes opened, looking around the room. Rey blinked away the tears and her eyes stopped near her right hand that had bandages on a few fingers and the gash she had received from building the EMP. But that wasn’t what had her attention. 

Someone had touched her hand. She was sure of it. Clear as day. 

Rey sat up, pushing the pain away the best she could. Some still registered on her face in the scrunch of her nose. She released a breath she didn't know she was holding and let her jaw relax. 

She was crazy. That was the only explanation to any of this. It didn’t make sense. None of it did. But when had it ever made sense? When had this life been anything other than insane? 

Her hand gingerly reached out in front of her and her eyes flickered around the room trying to catch any movement that manifested itself. And for once, she didn’t feel like she was speaking to the void of the universe when she said his name. For once, she wasn’t speaking to herself in a one sided conversation. 

“It really was you, wasn’t it?” Rey asked, a smile pulling on her lips, her fingers searching in front of her for something to register on. “You saved me again. You landed that ship. I saw you.” More tears pooled in her eyes as the room stayed silent. “Ben. Please answer me. Please let me know you’re here. I feel so alone.” 

Rey waited for what felt like lightyears, her heart sinking with each passing moment, her smile following along with it. He wasn’t there. She should have known better. It wasn’t him on that ship. It wasn’t his voice in the wind. 

Her arm faltered, sinking back down, the strength in it waning to tiredness. Just when she was about to let all the weight take over, something warm snaked through her fingers, holding up her arm. 

A tear slipped down her cheek and she laughed, her other hand wiping her tears. She closed her fingers around the warmth, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. “Ben,” she gasped out. “I’ve missed you. I’ve been so alone.” 

A lump caught in Ben’s throat and he grinned. “I’ve never left you alone.” She still couldn’t see him. Her eyes were dancing around him, trying to find something tangible to land on. She probably couldn’t hear him either, but he gripped her hand tighter. She could feel him. Here and now, he was enough. Here and now he could finally help. He could be somewhat of comfort for her, something he couldn’t ever remember being before. 

“You what?” Poe demanded through the small communicator that he held in his hand. He ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled loudly through his nose. 

"What did she do?" Finn asked just barely catching the last sentence of the conversation as he stepped up to the table Poe was sitting at. 

"She destroyed the Falcon!" Poe answered, throwing his hands up in the air, calling eyes of everyone in the cafeteria to him. Finn took his seat across from Poe and he lowered his voice to speak to Rey again. “That ship is never going to run again.” 

“She’ll be fine,” Rey assured, her voice small through the communicator. “They said the damage wasn’t as extensive as it looked. I should be able to leave in a day or two. I’m fine by the way. Thanks for asking.” 

“I’m sorry,” Poe said mockingly before letting his tone change to something more endearing. “Of course we are all very happy that you are safe. I am also happy that BB-8 is still running as well. You two had me scared with that EMP shit.” 

“You, scared?” Rey teased. 

“Don’t think so highly of yourself,” he shot back, receiving a warning look from Finn. Poe rolled his eyes. Finn was too protective. “How are you going to pay for the repairs?” 

There was a silence for a little longer than either of the men liked. “I have some credits.” 

“Enough?” 

“I will make do.” 

Poe gave an irritated sigh of disapproval and swiftly changed the subject knowing that Rey would do whatever was necessary and she would do it without their help. “What are you going to do for the next few days?” 

“I thought I would sight see,” Rey replied. "I have nothing else better to do.” 

“And what about all of the droids?” there had been some concern that if the ship somehow came back online that the droids would be active again.

There was another silence and he supposed Rey was thinking. “I think they were thrown out. I heard something about how the droids had been dismantled and disposed of. They’re still repairing the damage. A temple of some sort was destroyed and a few homes. Fortunately there weren’t any casualties. I’m assuming the droids on Jakku were already scrapped and sold?” 

“As soon as the droids shut down, they didn’t hesitate to take them clean apart. Finn and I left as quickly as we could.”

“That’s probably for the best.” 

Movement caught his eye and Poe glanced over just in time to see Finn reaching for Poe's plate of food. Poe smacked Finn's hand and Finn pulled back his hand sharply. 

"What are you doing?" he whispered to Finn who was holding his hand to his chest. "That didn't hurt!"

"Are you going to the Senate's meeting today?" Rey's voice asked between the bickering that was about to break out. 

"Yes," Poe replied, pulling his plate closer to him and out of reach of Finn's prying hands. Finn looked more preoccupied now, check the time. "Can't say we're looking forward to it." 

"I'm glad I'm not in your shoes." 

"We've got to go," Finn announced, getting to his feet. 

"Speaking of the Senate, we need to get going." Poe got to his feet as well, leaving his food forgotten. 

"I'll let you know when I can head out."

"This is the whole reason that there was corruption in the first place!" a Twi'lek shot back at the representative of some planet that Poe could no longer remember. 

He was about to lose his mind. How did General Organa sit here and listen to people drone on? His eyes flickered over the room, hand placed thoughtfully on his chin. There was a good handful of people from multiple planets, all who were wearing ridiculous robes of some kind, as if they were trying to make themselves look more important than they really were. 

There was a small few who stood together that were just like him and Finn. People who had been the ones fighting and surviving. People who had been living in the war, not barely knowing of its existence. It had been a war all its own to try to get them into the meeting, but it was important they were present. 

Rose was among them as well as Lando and Zorii. He could see the annoyance plastered across their faces or in their eyes at the conversation that continued on. Finn caught Poe’s attention and they both traded glances. How were they supposed to help? What were they supposed to do? 

Poe missed the next sentence, but it was enough to send the room into a frenzy. Shouts and yelling filled the room as opinions were offered without a guide. 

“I keep saying that we need one person who is in charge of everything,” one voice said through the confusion. “Someone to dictate everything.” 

“The people need a voice!” 

“Stricter laws-”

“-New Empire-”

“-Senate!” 

The noise was deafening and Poe closed his eyes as a pounding headache began to set in. He exhaled deeply and when he opened his eyes, he could see the small group of Resistance looking at him almost as if they wanted him to say something on their behalf because their voice wouldn’t be heard. 

What was he supposed to do though? He wasn’t a brave person. He was rubbish at public speaking. He had never asked to be a hero or an acting general. He had just done what needed to be done when no one else would. 

His eyes flickered around the room once more before resting on Zorii who’s eyes were the only thing present from her helmet. He had never understood the gear that she wore in all honesty. But she never seemed to take it off. It was almost like she was trying to embody the Mandalorian of old. But whatever the reason, her expression was never hidden away. And right now it was clear as day. 

With a grumble, he got to his feet. “Excuse me!” he called, his voice drowned out by the rising levels of yelling. Why him? Why was this where he belonged? He was a pilot, not a politician. Why did _she_ pick him for this? What had _she_ seen in him? “Excuse me!” Still nothing. Everyone was too wrapped up in their anger. Poe’s jaw clenched up and his hand instinctively went to his side. 

There was a rip through the air and several shrieks of surprise at a shower of sparks. The room fell into complete silence and all gazes were fixed on Poe, who was pointing his blaster to the ceiling. 

“This is a waste of time,” Poe said, placing his weapon back in the holster on his leg. “There is no point in bickering! This is for the greater good of the people, not for your own selfish searches of power! How do you not see this?” He paused for a moment waiting for anyone to challenge him, but when the room stayed quiet, he continued. “We did not fight this war for someone to become a dictator of the universe. We just got rid of one.”

“I really find that hard to believe,” a pompous looking man boasted, the first one brave enough to speak. “You make these radical claims that some random Senator from over half a century ago was somehow still alive and waged war on us from some fictional world that isn’t on any maps.” 

“I have personally fought his army of hundreds of star destroyers. All of the people behind me fought in that war and many more are no longer here and they did not die for you to argue!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to my sister!  
> Please let me know what you guys think in the comments and thanks for all of the Kudos!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can’t,” she finished for him as his voice broke. She got back to her feet and nodded in understanding. “She’s good for you.” 
> 
> “Good for me?” Confusion printed itself over his features and his mother tilted her head knowingly. 
> 
> “Don’t pretend with me. I’m your mother, I know everything.” 

* * *

Ben had been watching Rey curiously as she explored his home with a new found energy. There was something sadly nostalgic about wandering the streets. He had memorized this town at a very young age. He had been nothing but trouble for his mother and had probably given her a million heart attacks. But his nannies were so boring. He didn’t want to stay in the house and play with toys. He wanted to be outside. He wanted adventures. 

He would often run off. It was practically a daily occurrence. Now as he thought back on it he wondered if his mother had finally given up and knew that he would eventually return. She had stopped getting upset at him in the end. Would ask how his day was instead of chastising him. 

Everything felt smaller now and much older, still in the same place, but so different. Mrs. Josdar still had her small flower shop with brightest flowers Ben had ever seen and Mr. Kennmus was chasing children away from his selection of sweet pies and royal jelly rolls with a broom in hand, though he wasn’t able to run after them like he had when Ben had taken a sweet or two. 

Leaving the planet that had meant so much to his mother had been difficult, but at least he was with Rey, even if she still couldn’t see him or hear him. 

But she had. She had seen him crash land his father’s ship. And he had been able to hold her hand. But that was days ago and he hadn’t had the strength or the luck to do it again. He was still tired. His body still ached and he wished that sleep was a possibility for him. He had tried countless times to sleep, but with no such luck. He seemed to recall a horrible lie about being able to sleep when you were dead. 

And as much as he liked spending time with Rey, he was often bored and lonely at night. He could wander the building and surrounding area they were in, but if he went too far he was pulled right back. What was keeping them together? What was this half life he was living and how did he need to fix it?

And Rey was still having that nightmare. It only seemed to be getting worse. He wanted to help, but he felt more useless than normal. She screamed more, jumped awake and was angry... furious. Not even meditating could calm her. She didn’t show her anger when the rest of the world woke, but Ben knew it was there. 

“What happened to you?” Rey laughed as she spotted Poe and Finn talking. 

“We didn’t expect you until tomorrow,” Finn said with a bright smile, pulling her into a hug. 

He released her and she turned to Poe who’s normally handsome face was cut up and bruised. He had a black eye that dusted his skin in rich hues of blue and purple, too new to start turning a gross yellow. His lip was split and the bridge of his nose had a large gash out of it. 

“Hey Rey,” he muttered, pulling her into a swift hug as well. 

“You going to explain, or do I need to beat you up too?” Rey teased. 

“You remember how we had that super important meeting with the Galactic Senate?” Finn offered, folding his arms over his chest. 

Rey’s eyes widened and she glanced between the two of them until she saw Poe roll his eyes. “I didn’t start it. It was some rich jerk. He threw the first punch.” 

“Those meetings-”

“We got it figured out,” Finn assured with a smirk directed at Poe who sighed defeatedly. “Dameron here is a natural. I think he just spoke the truth no one wanted to look at it and it pissed some people off. But things are moving in a good direction.” 

Rey nodded, trying to take in everything. “And where are your battle wounds?” 

“About that...” Finn trailed off, looking somewhat embarrassed. Rey’s eyebrows furrowed and again she was looking between the two of her mismatched friends with curious eyes, waiting for one of them to answer her. 

“You’re pathetic!” Poe finally spoke up for Finn. Could neither of them finish their own conversations? “He wants you to train him.” 

“Train you....” Rey said softly, trying to understand exactly what they meant. “As a Jedi?”

Finn nodded, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck, heat filling his cheeks. “You don’t have to. I understand that we have more important things-”

“You should have seen it,” Poe interrupted with his own side smile pointed at Finn. “Broke up the fight, got the man off of me. He threw him across the room. Just stood up and raised his hand and this guy was gone.”

Surprise covered Rey’s face and she shook her head, a hand going to her temple in thought. “You used the force to shove a senator across the room?” 

“When you put it like that, it sounds bad,” Finn grumbled, looking at his feet. 

“And get this,” Poe laughed, pushing Finn teasingly. Finn stumbled a bit and straightened as Poe continued on. “Do you remember when we were sinking in that sand pit?” Poe was laughing again as if he were about to tell the funniest joke he had ever heard. “Do you know what he was going to tell you when we all thought we were going to die?”

“Shut up man!” Finn pushed back at Poe who only laughed harder. 

“I thought that maybe he loved you or something, right? That’s fitting.”

Rey waited with a raised eyebrow, hands on hips. It was a site to take in really. An embarrassed man who was glaring daggers at his friend who was clutching a stitch in his side from laughing so hard.

“He was going to tell you he thought he was force sensitive.” Poe inhaled deeply, trying to catch his breath and Rey smiled. “Those were going to be your last words?”

“Shut up.”

“I don’t know how good a teacher I will be,” Rey said, thinking over it. This is what she needed to do, she was sure of it. She had to teach, keep the Force alive and the Jedi more than a myth. Even if she did only pass it on to Finn, someone else had to know. 

“Wait, you’re going to do it?” Poe seemed to sober up quickly at the realization. “I didn’t think you would say yes.”

“First thing tomorrow,” Rey said, ignoring Poe. “Sunrise.”

Finn nodded with a determined look in his eyes. 

“I can’t wait to watch this.” Poe’s tone was smug.

Ben had been listening silently from his position against the nearest wall. She was going to teach the ex-storm trooper? It would definitely be interesting to watch. Poe hadn’t been wrong. Anyone who began training in their teens or later had issues controlling the Force. The only three who were successful were Rey, Luke, and his mother, as far as Ben had seen. Though he hadn't really seen his mother use her training, so he had nothing but stories to go off of. 

His uncle had never turned anyone away despite whatever age they were, but there was just some sort of disconnect between the older and the younger. Ben couldn’t place what it was, but it was clearly evident. Maybe it had something to do with the saying, you can’t teach an old Rancor new tricks. 

_Ben._

The young man blinked several times and glanced around, pushing himself up from the wall. It had been a while since he had heard someone’s voice in his head. The silence had been a welcome change. He had forgotten what it was like to not have someone else there. 

He could remember the first time he had heard a voice. He had been about 17, in a mock duel with another of Luke’s apprentices. He was losing this fight. He could recall the anger in his body, somewhere in his arms and deep in his chest, heavy and hot. He couldn’t lose. He needed to be the best. He needed to show them he was better. He needed to prove to them. 

Not his class. They knew he was favored by his uncle and they knew he was strong. Was it for his uncle? No. Luke knew as well. Luke had seen the power in him, convinced his mother to let him train. His mother.... and father. It was for them.

He had never been good enough for them. He had never made them proud or happy. He had caused their fights. The yelling and shouting and breaking things in anger. It was always his fault. He always heard them, even if they didn’t know he was there. 

He had been cut once by a plate that had shattered right by where he had been hiding behind a couch. The glass had sliced open his cheek, but he didn’t dare move. And the next day when his mother asked what had happened, he had made up an excuse about falling while playing outside. His father had thrown the plate. Han had never hurt Leia in anyway, they had loved each other dearly, but he needed some way to vent his frustration and breaking something was the direction it always went. 

Ben could remember it being a chair once. It was tossed away so hard that it fell apart upon impact with the wall, wood splinters and legs flying every which way, causing his mother to leave the room without another word. Ben honestly wasn’t sure how his parents had stayed together for so long, but their separation years later was his fault as well. He knew it was. It was always, always, always his fault. 

And so this training, this using the force, this Jedi temple, it was all for them. To show them that he wasn’t a fuck up. He could be something great. Something they would be proud of. Something that didn’t shame them and ruin their reputations. He could be all of that for them.

_They won’t care._

He knew now who had been speaking to him all of that time, but it was a surprise that someone finally saw him as he saw himself, like he was looking in a mirror. Told him exactly what he was thinking. Knew how to break him and build him back up even stronger. 

_Use your anger to fight him._

And it was the most comfortable and in place experience he had ever had up to that point in his life. Something finally clicked. Finally made sense. It was easy for him. So easy. 

His uncle had to intervene and that had been a turning point. It would only be a few more years before his uncle betrayed him. And now, he understood why and maybe could forgive him in the future, but it still hurt. His uncle had been the only one there for him, he was the only one who had cared about him and so that few moments had shattered him and made way for Kylo Ren. A real and fake mask. Something to hide away a hurt kid. And Rey had been the one who had put him back together in the end. 

But this voice was different. Something softer, kinder.

_Ben._

He glanced up and down both sides of the corridor, but it was only the four of them here. But that voice. He knew it. Recognized it. Is this how Rey felt when he spoke to her? Knew there was something there and was going to be driven insane if the source wasn’t found or if no one believed her. 

“Mom?” he asked, throat tight. He glanced back at the conversation that was happening and seeing the smile on Rey’s lips, decided that he was ok to leave. He picked a direction and took it, wandering down the hall. 

His footsteps echoed around him as he broke into a run at his name again. His hand gripped the corner of a wall to help him turn a corner, where he ran straight through someone. Who ever it was didn’t notice and turned the corner, but it threw Ben off, sending him tumbling to the floor, a sharp pain in his elbows as they tried to help break his fall. He scrambled back to his feet and continued his sprint down the twisting corridors before he finally came to rest, panting, in front of a specific room. 

His chest heaved as he looked at the large frame of the door. This had been his mother’s quarters. He was sure of it. He had never been told specifically, but he had this feeling in his soul whenever he passed by it. He had been too afraid to enter it, didn’t know if he had the right. 

He closed his eyes and stepped through the door and into a smaller chamber than he thought his mother would have used. Back home on Chandrila they had lived in a castle. Or at least, it was big enough to be a castle. Each room had high ceilings and lavish and expensive decorating that he had never been allowed to touch. But this was more of a closet. It had enough room for a bed, a small cabinet of old books and a small desk in the corner. The bed was folded neatly, looking rarely slept in, but the chair to the desk was pushed back and at an angle, papers strewn about in a mess that his mother could have only made sense of. 

The bookshelf caught his interest momentarily. The last time he had seen a book was when he was a child. His mother used to read him stories from them. He hadn’t realized just how rare they really were and how others weren’t so lucky to have physical books. Everything was archived and electronic.

He wandered over to the desk and found maps and books and scribbles in his mother’s hand. His hand reached out and his fingers skimmed over the writings, tears coming to his eyes without his permission. 

His eyes searched the desk and found several trinkets of different gifts that he remembered senators or royalty giving her. There was a pair of keys stuffed under the cover of an open book that looked prehistoric, rusted completely through. But something caught his gaze and his heart gave a painful twang. 

He reached out and picked up a small card of paper that’s edges were worn and dirty from being held for long periods of time. An ink splotch was on the card in the shape of a child’s foot with more of his mother’s handwriting beneath it. 

Ben Solo, 5 ABY 

“Ben.”

He jumped, the card falling from his hand and tumbling back onto the desktop. He slowly turned around and his breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his mother. She was not small and plump and she definitely didn’t have greying hair. 

His eye sight blurred as he tried to take her in while pushing away the tears. She still stood tall and regal, strong and poised as he had always remembered her. She had a blush to her cheeks that were fuller now from her age and her silvering hair was swept back in a magnificent bun. She still had an aliveness in her eyes that Ben had always respected greatly and a sorrow overtook him at how young she still was. She shouldn’t have died and yet again, it was his fault. Everything was his fault. 

“Mom,” he gasped out, his knees feeling weak. Without warning, they gave out beneath him and he dropped to the floor. Her feet came into his line of sight and he reached out, to wrap his arms around her legs, being the first solid person he had been able to fully touch in what felt like so long. He cried into her robes, hands fists around the fabric, as she ran fingers through his hair just like she had on nights where he couldn’t sleep and his father was gone and unable to hold him. “I’m so sorry, mom. I’m so sorry.” 

She hushed him gently, letting him cry. But he couldn’t stop uttering his apologies, for what specifically he wasn’t sure, but he knew there would never be enough time for him to repent for all that he had done, all of the lives he had destroyed and snuffed out, all of the help he pushed away, all the bruises and tears. Nothing would ever be enough to make up for it and it was a crushing pressure on his shoulders and chest that he hadn’t realized was there until he put a name to it. The blood on his hands terrified him.

“Darling, it will be ok,” she assured, lifting his face up to look down at his tear stained cheeks. Her lips were painted with a gentle smile that only she could have ever shown him. A forgiving and understanding smile that only a mother could give. 

“I feel so alone,” Ben whispered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m so sorry.” 

She laughed lightly and slowly lowered herself to his height. “It’s in the past darling.” She gently caressed his cheek with warm fingers. “It’s time to let that bitter taste of the past go.” 

“Why are you here? How are you here? You’ve never noticed me before. I have called for you and father for hours until I lost my voice. Why now?” 

“There’s too much to explain and not enough time. This place is hard to find. I’m sorry we couldn’t find you sooner.” 

“We?” Ben asked, eyes moving to look behind her to see if there was someone else in the shadows that he had missed. 

“You think that your father would just let you rot away here?” She wore an expectant look with a cocked eyebrow. 

“My father...” his voice was no more than a whisper. “You two are together then?” 

Leia didn’t reply. She simply pushed his long dark hair from his eyes and gave a half smile. “I’ve come to bring you with me. You don’t have to be trapped here any longer. Luke and I were able to find a way to bring you back with us, but we don’t have much time. The Force is wanting the doorway closed. It’s unnatural to have the space between the two open.” 

“Go with you?” 

He felt a smile tug at his lips at the idea. They could be a family again. The one he remembered when he was younger. Before the fighting, before the secrets and the running away. He didn’t know if the next life was going to be like this one, but maybe his father could finally teach him to fly. Show Ben how he had made the famed Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. And he could spend time with his mother and have conversations. Real conversations. Nothing about politics and wars. No royal duties, no smuggling. The simple life he had always wanted. 

His smile fell though and his gaze went to the door at a pair of voices behind it that broke up the fantasy. He rose to his feet and walked a little closer to it. What about Rey? Would she be ok if he left? He was the only one who knew how much she was struggling. She would hide it away from everyone else. It was what they had learned to do growing up, to not be more of a burden than they needed to be. To be strong. To make it so the world wouldn’t hurt them more than it already had. The lies they had to tell to stay alive.

He inhaled deeply and turned back to his mother. “I want to,” he muttered, looking over her waiting face. He smiled sadly with a torn laugh.“You have no idea how badly I want to go with you, but-but I...”

“You can’t,” she finished for him as his voice broke. She got back to her feet and nodded in understanding. “She’s good for you.” 

“Good for me?” Confusion printed itself over his features and his mother tilted her head knowingly. 

“You love her.” Ben blinked and glanced back at the door behind him, shock flooding through his blood stream. “Don’t pretend with me. I’m your mother, I know everything.” 

“I-I-I...” He trailed off and gave an agitated sigh, a hand tangling itself in his hair. “Do you always have to be right?” 

She didn’t reply, just stepped closer to him. “I don’t know if we will be able to come back through. I hope you understand that.” 

He swallowed at the thought. He was going to be alone again, the only one in this space between spaces. But he wasn’t ready. He couldn’t leave yet. There was something tethering him here. Something stronger than Rey, though she was a big part of why he couldn’t leave yet. 

“I understand,” he finally answered with a determined nod. 

“Ben, there’s something else that’s important for you to know if you do choose to stay here.” His eyes looked over her face for some hint at what she could possibly be talking about, but he couldn’t read her. He had never been able to read her. She was terrifying when he got in trouble. He never knew what punishment to expect. When he didn’t speak, she continued. “You can’t stay here forever. We were able to find someone on the other side who was trapped in here before finding a way to the other side.” 

“I’m not the only one?” Ben asked, rushing to her. “What did they say?” 

“His name is Ezra Bidger. He called this place Netherworld of Unbeing. It’s a place the Force creates to help those who have died, pass on, like a series of hallways and doors that link all of time and space together. It’s how we can travel through lightspeed and hyperspace. You’re not meant to get stuck here though.” 

Ben tipped his head to the side as he tried to soak in everything that his mother was telling him as quickly as he could. “And what happens if I stay here?” 

“He said that the companion he was with, who had been here far longer than he had, was tormented by a monster. Ezra didn’t give it a name and he said that he couldn’t see or hear it. She was ripped apart by the darkness and he hasn’t been able to find her since. She’s not on either side. He has been searching since he found his way out, but he had to stop going between the two. He said that he began to hear what his companion had heard and said he could see eyes watching him.” 

Ben struggled to find purchase in this story. He was trying to listen, but it all sounded so illogical. A monster only the one being hunted could hear or see? He had never heard of anything else like it before. He wasn’t even sure if he could find texts on such a monster if only two people in the entirety of time and space had ever witnessed it. 

“I will be fine,” he said as confidently as he could, with a reassuring smile at his mother. “If this place is a maze of hallways and doors, there’s one that will lead out. I just have to find it.” 

“You will. I have no doubt.” Ben felt a tug in his chest, something he couldn’t remember ever feeling before. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just something new. “Ben, I want you to know that your father and I have always loved you.” He looked between her eyes for some sort of lie, one that he had believed for so long, but there was only truth there. “We should have done better as your parents and we’re sorry that we failed you the way that we did.” 

Ben couldn’t talk. He couldn’t find the words. She was.... Sorry? She didn’t need to be sorry. It had all been him. It had always been him. He shook his head and took his mother’s hands into his. They were comforting and warm. She smiled and something told Ben that his time was up. But he had made his peace. He could live a while longer now. 

She pulled her son into a hug, him easily towering over her. He bent his knees a bit to be more level and hugged her back. He couldn’t remember the last time she had hugged him. But it didn’t matter now. He could feel her love for him, her forgiveness for him. Everything that he desperately needed for reassurance that he could still do what needed to be done, that he was still needed, that he was a better man.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yes, Master Skywalker," Finn said with a bow of his head before he returned to his meditating. 
> 
> Rey simply stared at him. The name had caught her off guard. She couldn't remember if she had ever told the two of them that she had taken on that name. And for whatever reason, she didn't like the sound of it. 

* * *

_Blood. There was so much blood. A pool of blood that just kept getting larger and larger. It mirrored her bleeding fingers. Her nails were cracked and splintered and burned with a fire. She had to reach him. She had to. He was dying and alone and there was no one to help him!_

_“Rey!”_

Rey jumped up in bed, eyes wide, gasping for air as if she had never breathed a day before in her life. Her fingers ached and she looked down through blurry eyes to see her fingers bleeding. Her mouth was salty and she wiped at her chin with the back of her hand to see it covered in red. She must have been biting her nails in her sleep. 

She got from the bed, the sheets clinging to her with a cold sweat. Tears poured down her face and as she wiped at them she could feel the warmth of her blood taking their place. She stumbled into the bathroom and turned on the water in the sink. The pipes sputtered and groaned to life and she immediately shoved her hands into the icy water. 

Rey winced at the sting in her fingertips as the blood washed down the drain. She swished water in her mouth to clear out the tang of copper and then splashed some into her face to clean it as well, hoping that the cold would help calm her, but her cheeks stayed hot. 

She looked up at the mirror and stared back at her red, puffy eyes and flushed skin. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep this up. She couldn’t keep watching him die, over and over again. The first time had destroyed her and this was all just salt in the wounds. 

“Why can’t I save you?” she demanded at her own reflection. “Why do I have to suffer like this? What did I ever do?” Tears were pooling again and she wiped at her nose, jaw clenched as her chin began to tremble. “Why do I watch you die over and over again?” Her hands gripped at the counter so tightly that her fingers were beginning to lose blood circulation, but she didn’t care. “Why can’t I protect you? Why could I never protect you? Why could I never save you?” She inhaled sharply, a hand going to her mouth as she tried to hold in a sob. “It’s not fair!” 

It came out far more aggressive than she had meant it. Or... maybe she was just angry. She was always angry. That’s all she ever felt anymore. Angry at her grandfather. Angry at Master Luke. Angry at Ben. Angry at herself. 

There was the truth. It hit her like a tie fighter. It was her. She was the problem. She was the reason he was dead. It was all her fault and the realization about shattered her heart for the millionth time. And these dreams were cruel. Just a horrendous reminder of what she failed to do, the only thing she had ever wanted to succeed in. To save Ben Solo. 

Her eyes returned to the mirror and her breath caught in her lungs as she stared at a new figure there. Her eyes widened and she quickly turned around, only to find empty air. But in the mirror.... He was there. Ben was standing behind her with a troubled expression, worry in his deep eyes. 

“Ben?” she choked out, wishing she would stop crying for once. 

His picture was so clear. His dark hair and his crooked nose that had probably been broken more than once. And he was still wearing that shirt, the same large black shirt that swallowed even him with that hole in the torso that she had created. But he was there. 

She glanced back behind her shoulder and found nothing in the room behind her. Just an empty and scattered bed. He wasn’t there. It was joke her mind was playing. A sad invention. She knew it wasn’t real, but... she was happy he was there and she wouldn’t let that small spark go. She refused to give that up. She wanted to believe, because if she could just.... believe, then she didn’t have to see there was truly nothing there. 

Her breath shook as she watched him in the glass. His eyes never left her, but he was hesitant to step forward. She could read it in his stance. 

_Please don’t be scared of me,_ she silently begged. _Please save me._

He carefully circled his arms around her and she watched as he rested his temple against the top of her head. She couldn’t feel it, but it was enough. She was no longer drowning. She could breathe. He was rescuing her once more. 

Her eyes met his and she could only stare into them. There was a pleading in them, but she couldn’t place what for. It was like he was trying to tell her something without words because she wouldn’t hear them. 

A thunderous knocking on the chamber door tore her eyes away from Ben’s and she turned around to hear Finn’s excited voice on the other side. “Are you ready Rey?” 

“I-I’ll be there in a moment,” she called back, clearing her throat. “One moment.” 

Her eyes returned to the mirror to find only her there now. She took a deep breath and took a few steps backwards before leaving the room. 

Ben gasped at the chill as she passed through him so easily, leaving his arms empty. Had he made a difference at all? Would she be alright for another day? She needed him here, didn’t she? He hadn’t made a mistake in staying, had he?

“How long do we do this?” Finn questioned, tearing Rey away from her concentration. She exhaled sharply through her nose and did her best to center herself. She opened a single eye and could see Finn sitting cross legged on the ground with a slightly bored expression on his face.

“You have to feel the Force flowing through you. Until you can do that, then you can’t successfully command it. You can’t just use your emotions to throw rocks. It’s more than that,” Rey explained, remembering in vivid detail the same lesson she had had with Master Luke. “You have to reach out.”

She could hear Finn sigh, but when she opened her eyes, he was still sitting with a straight back and looked truly focused. If anyone could do it, it was him. He had always had a keen sense when it came to situations they were in and he had been able to use Luke’s light saber with no issues other than Kylo having been stronger than him.

“This is boring!” Poe called from where he was lazily sitting off to the side, leaning against a tree. He rolled his head to the side and sighed. “Why can’t we-” Rey lifted her hand and simply motioned at Poe, who was extremely easily lifted into the air just high enough his feet didn’t touch the ground. “This isn’t funny Rey. Put me down.” 

“If it’s boring, then you can leave.” Rey tossed Poe aside light enough that he only stumbled and fell down to his knees in the dirt. Rey smiled when Finn turned back around from watching the commotion. “Sometimes the force is used to throw rocks.” 

Finn chuckled and shook his head as Poe took a seat back under the tree, curtly folding his arms. Finn closed his eyes again with a deep breath, but he just didn’t get it. How could you not use emotions? All that he had ever seen Rey use was emotions. That was the only time he had ever been able to use the Force. 

_It’s more than that._

He nodded to himself as he continued to think. Emotions were a part of this. He had misunderstood. You needed your emotions, they tangled through everything, but you couldn’t let them get the best of you. 

You had to pick the emotions to use. You had to focus and think. It wasn't throwing rocks around. It was more. A balance. 

"It looks like you're understanding." 

Rey's voice made Finn open his eyes. Before he could comprehend what had happened, he dropped, his stomach rising. He groaned as he hit the ground and rubbed at his lower back. Had he really been floating like he had sometimes seen Rey do? 

He looked over Rey curiously, who was still sitting talk with eyes closed. "You must stay focused at all times. Allow it to guide you." 

"When you said training, I thought we'd be playing with light-"

"Play?" Rey's lips pulled into a half smile. "A light saber is an extension of a Jedi and its powers. You need one to have the other. You need balance. Learn the control-" Rey opened her eyes and shot a smile at Finn. "-then we will _play_ with lights abers." 

"Yes, Master Skywalker," Finn said with a bow of his head before he returned to his meditating. 

Rey simply stared at him. The name had caught her off guard. She couldn't remember if she had ever told the two of them that she had taken on that name. And for whatever reason, she didn't like the sound of it. 

Maybe she had been _just Rey_ for so long that she needed to grow accustomed to the name. Or maybe it really didn't belong to her. What right did she have in taking it? She had learned her name. Why couldn't she be happy with Palpatine? 

Was it the baggage that both names brought with it? One a monster she didn't want to connect herself with, the other a hero she could never hope to be. 

She didn't consider herself a monster, but she certainly was no hero. She didn't understand why everyone continued to paint her in such a light. She hadn't done anything that someone else couldn't have done. She had just been in the right situation at the exact moment something needed to happen. 

The feeling of being watched burrowed into the back of her neck and she glanced up to see Poe looking over her with an intensely concerned expression. She quickly made her expression blank and looked away from the pilot. 

She showed her emotions far too easily. She had been doing it more and more. Ever since... Meeting Kylo. He had changed her, broken down her walls. Or maybe it had been Ben.

Whoever it had been, she didn't care. She wanted it reversed. She wanted to be stone. Anything to keep to herself. She had always had herself and she didn't need anyone else's concerns or worries. They just added pressure to her, something that told her she needed to be more than she was, that she wasn't measuring up. 

And she was tired of the questions. Tired of the _are you ok_ and the _are you still getting nightmares_ and the _whatever happened to Kylo Ren._

She didn't want to deal with it anymore. She didn't want the judgment that came with it. And she absolutely just... Wanted Ben Solo back. 

Her other half in the force. The second part of their dyad. The conversations and the discussions and she also missed the fighting a little. Him. She missed him and she felt like she was slowly going to lose her mind. 

The dreams and the voices and the shadows and the feelings and now seeing him in the mirror... It was awful. She hated it. All of it. And at first he had been a comfort, but the more she imagined him, the more hurt she became. She just wanted to heal and move on. She wanted to stop being tied down. Stop living in the past. She was here now and in the present and that was where she needed to be. 

_You’re still holding on. Let go._

The words held a different meaning now than they had before, but that didn’t make them any less painful. It was finally something that she could actually try to follow now. But did she want to? In all honesty, did she want to forget? 

This battle was draining and she didn’t know how much longer she could play it inside. It was dividing her, tearing her in half, both wants and both needs destroying her. What was she supposed to do? She couldn’t just forget him and everything he was, but it was holding her back. 

She needed help. Something more than from her friends. They were amazing and wonderful people, but they just didn’t understand. They would never understand the push and the pull of the Force towards a redeemed man who no longer existed. 

A hand on her shoulder made her jump and her eyes focused on who was touching her. Poe knelt down beside her, Finn still seeming busy with his meditation. 

“Rey, can I help?” he asked softly to not pull attention to her. “Do you want to talk? Anything you need, I will do my best to help.” 

Rey looked over his face, the injuries looking much worse up close. She shook her head as she finally found her voice. “I’m fine.” 

“You’re crying. You’re not fine.” 

Rey blinked several times and raised a hand to wipe at her damp cheek. She gave a weak smile. “That happens a lot.” She didn’t mean it as an excuse, but it sure sounded like it. Poe’s eyebrow rose in question. “I’m ok.” 

“Rey, you haven’t told anyone what happened on Exegol. You just said that Ben saved you.” Poe sat cross legged in the dirt, facing Rey and taking one of her hands securely in his, hoping that she took it as a comfort like he intended. His voice stayed soft and gentle, still trying not to pull Finn’s attention. Finn would get upset too easily if this was anything like Poe thought it would be. Finn just cared too much. There was nothing wrong with that, but he got carried away, took action without thinking. Not that Poe was much better, but he knew when to keep his head. “It’s obviously bothering you. You don’t have to fight this on your own anymore. Both of us are here for you.” 

Rey glanced over Poe’s shoulder to Finn. There was no lie. They were and they always would be. And she was grateful for it, but could she really tell him? She had told Finn the bare minimum and could tell that he didn’t believe her, even though he said he did. 

She sighed deeply, feeling her chest grow tight. “I think Ben Solo is still alive somehow.” She scrunched her eyes closed as the words floated through the open air, sounding much more ridiculous out loud. “Am I crazy?” She held her breath waiting for an answer, feeling Finn’s eyes still somehow on her. 

“Absolutely,” Poe replied, but there was something in his voice that made Rey open her eyes and come face to face with a teasing smile. Poe nodded and traded looks with Finn before returning his attention to Rey. “Ok. Is he back to being the Supreme Leader or-”

“No.” Rey shook her head, trying to somehow understand everything herself. “He died. I saw him die.” 

“Then-”

“She keeps seeing him and hearing his voice,” Finn called out, getting to his feet to move closer so he could be part of the conversation. 

“And you think that it’s really him?” Poe asked, confused. 

Rey frowned. “I-I don’t know. He-He...” She trailed off, trying to come up with the best way to explain everything, her hands feeling like they were working at mach speed like her mind as she spoke. “He landed the Falcon.” 

“He what?” both of them asked together in shock. 

“I know-I know it sounds crazy and I feel crazy for thinking it.” Her hand went to her head. “I got hit and the ship caught fire. I passed out because of the smoke and I-I remember...” she paused as she tried to hold onto the memory like a fading dream. “I remember seeing him and... he fixed the ship. The power went out and he brought it back, put it into light speed after I had fried it with the EMP-”

“You used the EMP on the Falcon?” Poe demanded, gasping for breath like it had been ripped from him, but Rey continued. 

‘-and then landed it in Hanna. I swear it was him. It’s the only thing that makes sense.” 

“If it really is him, is he just one of those weird force ghosts you say you see?” Finn questioned. 

“No.” Rey lowered her hand from her head. “He doesn't appear like them. It’s random and disjointed. Not a full manifestation. It’s a voice or an image or a feeling. And Master Luke has told me that Ben is not on their side.”

“So, he’s somewhere between the two,” Poe muttered. 

“We should leave him there.” Both of the others looked to Finn who looked stunned that the two didn’t agree with him. “You really can’t believe that he has changed. He has destroyed this whole universe. No one changes overnight.” 

“He’s changed-”

“You keep saying that, but you won’t tell us what happened after you left the Death Star wreckage,” Finn pressed. “We don’t know anything!”

A silence fell between them as the truth set in. She didn’t want to tell them. She didn’t want to relive it more than she already did. She had to see it everytime she closed her eyes or when she was alone. And she wasn’t sure what their reaction would be, though she was almost positive that it would be anger.

“Ben protected me from the Knights of Ren and from Palpatine. We fought together side by side until Palpatine cast him into a cavern,” Rey explained, her hands clutching to her shins tightly to ground herself. “Ben made it so that I didn’t have to join Palpatine.” She fell silent, the same tormented feeling filling her now as it had when she had made her choice, her sacrifice. She would protect all of them no matter what the cost. “I thought we were both dead. I could barely move and the Jedi were there. All of them. They gave me the strength to defeat him.” She could feel her mouth growing dry at the thought of every little detail she was skipping over. “And I died. I’m very certain I did.”

“I thought I felt that,” Finn mumbled. 

“You both knew and didn’t tell me?” Poe asked. He didn’t wait for an answer before he continued. “How are you here?”

“Do you remember how I said that when you use the force to heal, it uses some of your life force. Ben healed me.” 

A deep quiet filled the air as the two men let the words soak in and both of them hated to admit that maybe she had been right. Maybe he had changed. Rey had also explained what had happened between Ben and his uncle and that he had been twisted and tormented by Snoke who had really been the Emperor. But that sure as hell didn’t excuse him from what his past held. 

Rey was still stunned by how much strength Ben had. She had promised to turn to the dark side in all of five minutes if she was being honest with herself. Ben had been dragged down and manipulated for years and he still fought, he was still his own person. He was still Ben. 

“And there’s something else,” she finally said, breaking up the air between them. “Palpatine called it a Dyad in the Force, something about a force not seen for generations. A connection between Ben and I. Said it was as strong as a life force. We’ve been able to speak to each other across space before. That’s how he knew we were on Pasana and on the Dreadnought.”

“He could see us?” Finn asked 

“Just me,” she replied. He couldn’t see my surroundings until something was pushed through the other side. On the Dreadnought there were berries that spilled between the connection from Kijimi on his side, to my side.” 

“What does that have to do with-”

“I think that’s why he’s between the two worlds,” Rey interrupted Poe who nodded in understanding. She had agreed with his earlier idea. “He can’t move on because of me.” 

“What do we do?” 

Rey replied decidedly. “We find him.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t just sit here,” Rey said. 
> 
> “You were instructed by the general-”
> 
> “I don’t give a damn what I was instructed. They need help,” Rey interrupted Connix. “Where was that feed from?” 
> 
> “Sector two.” 

* * *

“I can’t find anything,” Rose sighed, tossing aside one of the many books that were scattered across the dining hall’s table. Most of the books were Luke’s personal texts and others were things that were rescued from destroyed archives by Leia or Han. 

"I have read every book here cover to cover," Finn agreed, resting his head in his hands. "There's nothing." 

"Are there any other books? There's nothing that we can find on the data tapes either," Poe said, leaning back in his chair and taking a drink of some dark colored liquid. 

There was a small chorus of _no_ and a collective sigh as everyone went back to their food. 

Ben glanced between all of the defeated faces and came to rest on Rey's. She was worn out. Someone didn’t have to know that she hadn’t slept in two days to see how ragged she looked. Hair was pulled back into the normal buns, but there were far more flyaways than normal. She had purple bags under her eyes and her skin was pasty white. She would fall asleep for mere moments before she would jerk awake because he head fell from her hands or she stumbled on her feet. 

He was worried about her. She couldn’t keep going on like this. The pressure she put on herself was too much. She was still training Finn who was improving greatly, she was working with Poe in fixing up the Falcon after all of the damage that had been done. She had only had enough credits to pretty much get it up and running enough to make it back to the base. And she had been spending an increasing amount of time with Rose looking over different past transmission and any other information that might give them any clue leading to where to look for a way to help Ben. 

And he was grateful to them, all of them, though he still felt the animosity towards him in the air. They were doing it for Rey. They were such a tight bond. Something that Ben had never experienced before, that he wished he understood more. Any connection that he had was made through fear or orders from Snoke. No one really liked him. He knew that. They saw him as a waste, something in the way that had somehow been put in a place of power when he didn’t deserve it. 

“I don’t even know where else to look,” Rey said, rubbing at her tired eyes. “Maybe there just isn’t any way to find him.” 

“Don’t give up,” Ben pleaded, stepping closer to the table of defeated and frustrated group. Had he made a mistake? Should he have gone with his mother? No. There was a reason he was still somehow here between the two. There had to be a reason. 

“Maybe somewhere would have more records. I’m sure Coruscant or Naboo would have something. Maybe we could even go back to Chandrila,” Rose offered. There has to be some sort of records of this. It can’t be the first time it’s happened.” 

Ben’s eyes widened. “Ezra Bidger.” He raced to the table and tried to get in Rey’s line of site, unsure if she could see him at all. “You need to search for Ezra Bridger.” 

Rey gave a confused expression and looked down at her hands. “Has anyone ever heard of Ezra Bridger?” 

The small chatter that had picked up immediately dropped and everyone looked at her, trying to figure out how she had pulled this name out of thin air. 

“I will see if I can find anyone by that name later,” Rose offered. 

Rey nodded and a silence fell back over the group. Ben huffed and tried to get Rey’s attention by waving his hand in front of her face. “That’s all I get? I’ll look later?” 

She must have heard him or some whisper of his voice because Rey perked up a tad. “Rose, go look now. Finn, go with her. We need to figure this out as soon as possible.”

“Why so urgent?” Finn questioned as the two of them got to their feet as instructed. 

Rey shook her head. She didn’t understand the reason behind the anxiety that she had, but they needed to do this as quickly as possible. The thought of time running out filled her with dread. “Something is going to happen to Ben if we don’t.” 

“What?” Poe asked, sitting forward in his chair. 

“I don’t know. A feeling.” 

Rose and Finn were swift to leave after that and Rey lowered her head into her hands. “Poe, what do we do now?” 

“We keep looking. We’ll figure this out,” he offered in as helpful of a voice he could muster. “We’re behind you, one hundred percent.” 

Rey didn’t answer and Ben thought she had fallen asleep. He wanted to reach for her, but he couldn’t, afraid that he would somehow wake her. But when she sat up with her fingers steepled in front of her lips, he carefully placed a hand to her shoulder. She didn’t need to worry about this, this much. 

“Are there more books?” Rey asked aloud though she was more thinking to herself than to Poe. Poe shrugged in answer. “I will keep looking through Master Luke’s books.” 

How could Ben be so stupid? How had he forgotten? His mother’s books. “Check my mother’s room,” Ben said, tightening his grip on Rey’s shoulder, wanting her to hear him. “Leia’s room.” 

Rey got to her feet and took Poe’s arm, dragging him from his chair. “Come with me,” she said as she broke into a sprint through the halls. 

“Where are we going?” Poe called after her as he tried to keep up. There were several more twists and turns and Rey came to so abrupt a stop that caused Poe ran into her, making both of them to tumble to the ground. Rey stared up at the ceiling and Poe landed beside her, both of them laughing. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, trying to catch her breath from the run. 

“It’s alright,” Poe chuckled, also breathing erratically. He tipped his head to the side and slowly sat up as he realized where they were. “The general’s room?” 

“If Master Luke had those texts, she must have something too. There needs to be something to help us.” 

Poe got to his feet and pulled Rey to hers before standing in front of the large metal door, both of them too nervous to open it. There was some sort of unspoken understanding that this room was meant to be left untouched in a form of respect. 

“She would want us to help her son,” Rey finally whispered, lifting the smothering silence. Poe nodded, but neither of them had the strength to move. They both shared a moment of mutual pain. Neither of them had taken the chance to really come to terms with the general’s death. It had been too much emotion for them to work through and both had thrown themselves into their own form of work that needed to be done to forget that it had even happened. But Leia wouldn’t have wanted that for them either. “We can do this.” 

Rey reached a hand out and pushed at the door handle. There was a whoosh of air as it unlocked and slid open. Both of them hesitantly stepped in and glanced around at the modest room and Poe immediately went to the bookshelf that was beside the bed, kneeling down and looking over the worn spines. 

But the desk was what held Rey’s attention. She crossed the room to it and began looking over everything that was there. The first thing that caught her eye was a small card with an inked footprint of Ben Solo. She picked it up with a tiny smile and her finger gently caressed over it. Did her parents have her footprint as well? She knew it was more of a tradition for people who could afford the medical care of a hospital. She had never thought herself that lucky, but her grandfather was a senator from Naboo. She had come from wealth even though she didn’t feel it. So maybe there was a small card somewhere out in the universe of her foot. 

She gently placed the card upright, using a little statue of a tauntaun. There were some other small novelties that Leia had collected over the years, some more battered than others. 

Rey’s fingers gently ran over the pages of scribbles she assumed belonged to her late master. Several appeared to be journals and others were printed books with her writing in the margins or things underlined and highlighted. 

Rey began to shuffle through the work, stacking up papers as neatly as she could and organizing the books. An older set of keys were gently placed aside in fear that they would crumble in her hands with how rusted through they were. She closed another book and moved it to an already rather large forming stack when a new set of handwriting caught her eye. 

She knew this handwriting. She could recognize it anywhere. She had spent long nights reading it, almost religiously. Luke Skywalker. She snatched up the book with a deep maroon cover and read over some of the words that were around an odd looking graph of some sort made up of circles and a spider’s web of lines connecting them all.

“Have you ever heard of a place called Vergence Scatter?” Rey asked, making Poe jump as he was ripped from his readings of something called the Hundred-Year Darkness. It took a moment for her words to register before he shook his head. “Master Luke was looking for it.” 

“He was looking for a lot of things,” Poe threw out as he pulled another book from the shelf and began to flip through it. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many books in one place. Have you?” 

“No.” She paused and looked up from the words on the page and down at Poe. “I grew up on Jakku, in the desert, in the scrap trade. You are all lucky that I can read. Of course I haven’t seen this many books before.” 

Poe again shrugged and grabbed yet another book. “What is the scatter thing?” 

“A chain of worlds, I guess?” Rey answered, flipping to the next page, but found that the subject sharply changed to something else. That couldn’t be it. There had to be more. She looked back at the graph and the small paragraph beneath it and flipped the page again trying to go further back, but it came up just as blank. All she had to go on was this one page. But that was more promise than she had before. It wasn’t a world between worlds, but it was definitely a direction to head in. “Let’s grab all of this and head back.”

“What did you find out about Ezra?” Rey asked as she dropped more books onto their collection on the table. Rose looked between the books Rey had set down and the comically large stack that Poe was struggling to cary. 

“Why didn’t you just use the force to carry all of these?” Poe struggled to get out, Finn racing over to help take a decent portion of the books and put them on the table with the rest. 

“Where did you find those?” Finn asked. 

“They’re Leia’s,” Poe explained, looking curiously over the small book that Rey had been very curious about and that was now back in her hands. 

“What did you find out about Ezra?” Rey repeated, rereading Luke’s writing for the umpteenth time. She absentmindedly sat in her chair and slowly pulled her attention from the book and to Rose who was waiting patiently. 

“Not too much. He was a Rebel fighter back in the day. A strong force user. He fought Vader, but I couldn’t find much else. It mentioned something called the Netherworld of Unbeing. Ezra found it. But I’m not really sure what _it_ is.”

“That’s all?” Rey asked, shocked that there wouldn’t be anymore. Someone had given her that name for a reason. It had to mean more. 

“You know that records were sketchy when the Sith took over. They burned all of the archives and destroyed all the data in them. It’s a miracle we even have what we have,” Rose pushed. “That doesn't mean that we’ll stop looking.” 

Rey nodded and returned to the book in her grasp. The group followed her lead, taking up a book each and beginning to dig through them. There were a few moments of silence, something not sitting right with Rey. Something was nagging at her about what Rose had said. Rey closed Luke’s writing and looked back up. “What did he find?” 

“The Netherworld of Unbeing,” was her answer. 

Rey’s fingers tapped on the book as she thought. There were so many pieces to this puzzle, but none of them matched. They were missing something, but what? Maybe she could ask Master Luke for help. After all, he had been the one who wrote the scribbles she clung. He would be able to tell her why his writing suddenly stopped, almost mid sentence and where the rest of the writing had gone. A page had to have been missing. That was the only idea that she had. 

There was still a tugging somewhere in her chest that there was more to this Netherworld of Unbeing. It was as if Ben was there, nagging in her ear and she just needed him to be silent for a moment so that she could focus. 

An alarm broke out and the four of them glanced up at flashing red lights. 

“Someone tripped the intruder alert,” Poe called above the ringing around them. “Rose, clean this up. Finn, you and I need to go and see who or what it is.” 

All of them nodded and got to their feet, Rey following after Poe and Finn. They raced to the control room, past groups of people who were following the protocol set up by General Organa for this situation. Lieutenant Connix was hovering over a console when they entered the room, pulling up footage of what had sounded the alarms. 

“It looks like a group of stormtroopers,” Connix said at the sight of the three of them. 

“They found us,” Finn said, catching his breath, with a hand on the console to hold himself. 

“We’re going to have to move the base,” Poe agreed. “We can’t stay here.” 

Rey watched the video of a dozen or so people clad in white plastoid armor that desperately needed to be enhanced for protection. They were wandering through the lush trees and bushes leaving their large ship behind them. 

“Let’s take care of them now, but we will have to discuss relocation when we come back,” Rey agreed. 

“You’re not going out there,” Finn said strongly. Rey was about to complain when she saw Poe take a powerful stance with crossed arms, nodding in agreement with Finn. She couldn’t stop her jaw from dropping. Usually Poe was on her side. What changed now? 

“We know you haven’t slept in days,” Poe said in answer to her shocked expression. “There is no way that we are letting you go out there and fight. And when we get back, we’re going to talk about your nightmares as well.” 

“Don’t think you can get out of that,” Finn added as both of them walked swiftly from the room, leaving Rey to close her mouth and grumble. 

They were right. She was in no condition to fight, but she couldn’t just sit here. She always had to do something if there was something to be done. That was just how she always was and always would be. It was ingrained into her. She crossed her arms as she continued to grumble and watched the feed that was still up. 

There was no action for a stretch of time, just the troopers continuing to wander the jungle. Rey watched patiently, waiting for the fight that was going to go down. And she didn’t have to wait much longer before a red beam of light hit a trooper in the chest, sending him sinking to the jungle floor. The troopers immediately scattered and went for cover behind several trees, opening fire once they were safe. 

Rey still couldn’t see either Finn or Poe, but the troopers were slowly starting to thin out before a backup group appeared. There must have been more on that shuttle. They needed to destroy it, they couldn’t afford the chance of being over run. There weren’t many of the Resistance left now, even if Lando had gotten help for that fight, they most likely wouldn’t come to call unless it was him again. 

At the edge of the video, a young girl that Rey didn’t know, dropped down to her knees before falling among some foliage. And then another and shortly after another. The storm troopers pressed on, now out of the frame of the feed. 

“I can’t just sit here,” Rey said. 

“You were instructed by the general-”

“I don’t give a damn what I was instructed. They need help,” Rey interrupted Connix. “Where was that feed from?” 

“Sector two.” 

Rey nodded and ran out of the room and outside, through the training field as quickly as she could. Her lightsaber came to life in her hand, the golden-yellow hue radiating off her skin. She hadn’t had a chance to use it yet, but it felt comfortable in her hand, more so than Luke’s ever had. 

She could hear the sound of the blasters in the distance and as she came to the top of a hill she was greeted with the mess of bodies and those fighting. She took several deep breaths and without another thought, she sprinted down the hill. 

Ben raced after her, keeping right on the back of her feet. For once he had agreed with the pilot and the defective stormtrooper. She should have let them take care of it. She was in no condition to be fighting and he wasn’t sure if he could help her again if things went south. 

But this was who she was. She would be stubborn. She would be helpful. She wouldn’t sit back and watch. She was strong. Passionate. Opinionated. She really was a hero, a fighter, whether she wanted to believe it or not. 

He watched as she effortlessly sent a blaster’s shot back in the direction it had come from with a simple swipe of her saber. And when she reached the first person, she cut them down instinctively. 

Everything was a blur of motion. Reds and flashes of yellow. But there was no Finn and Poe. Ben couldn’t see them anywhere and he knew that Rey would stay out here until she found them. She could hold her own for the time being and so he decided to search for them himself. If he could somehow guide her to them or vice versa, then he could get her out of here quickly and keep her safe. 

A very hot pain entered Ben’s shoulder and he stumbled, falling to the ground. He rolled towards a moss covered fallen tree and leaned against it for cover, grasping his shoulder tightly. He winced as he pulled back his hand to see it covered in crimson. A blaster must have hit him. 

His teeth gritted together and he groaned. He hadn’t considered that he would be hurt. He thought that the weapons would have phased through him like everything else did and he was starting to get fairly annoyed at what was solid around him and what wasn’t. 

But he couldn’t stop now. So with a new hole in his sweater and hands slick with blood, he scrambled to his feet and looked around to get his bearings. Dark skin caught his eye and he raced in the direction of Finn who was a better shot than other storm troopers he had watched train over the years. Beside him was Poe who was decent with a blaster. He could take on small groups, but a larger flood like this was too much for him. He was better off in a ship. 

There was a cry from Poe and his hand shot to his stomach as he dropped to his knees. Ben stopped and took a deep breath, glancing around to try to find Rey who was still completely occupied with two troopers. 

A crash rang out and Ben was able to just catch the sight of Finn throwing several troopers aside with the force before kneeling beside Poe who was still clutching his stomach and wincing. 

“We need to get you back,” Finn said, trying to lift Poe back to his feet. Poe gripped tightly to Finn’s arm, but his feet didn’t move and he fell further forward. Finn struggled to try to get a better hold on Poe, but now that his own hands were wet with red he was having a hard time getting a good grip. 

Troopers were beginning to circle around them and without a second thought, Ben raced forward getting between the two men and the advancing army. A bright red streak flew right at him and in a natural tendency, Ben’s hand flew up and the red bolt froze mid air, hissing angrily the same way his lightsaber had. 

“Kylo.” 

Ben glanced back at the name to see Poe staring in his direction. Could the others see him? Was he solid? No. Now that Finn was also looking in his direction, they both had the same look in their eyes that Rey did when she was staring right through him. 

The heat from his shoulder radiated down into his arm, making Ben grimace as he held the bolt back. “Would you two please move?” he shot through his teeth. Another bolt joined the first, trapped further back than the first. 

As if they had been able to hear him, Finn scooped up Poe as best he could and the two of them slowly walked past Ben and out of the way of the blaster bolts before Ben released his hold on them, letting the red light streak past him and collide with the trees behind him. His hand quickly shot back to his shoulder and he leaned forward, unable to stand upright any longer. 

The path to Rey was long, but the enemy was slowly fading. The sounds of her saber as well as the blasters were still loud. She slashed at a trooper and the white uniform fell to the ground, unmoving. 

“Rey!” a familiar voice yelled. 

She turned towards it to see Finn past her, eyes wide at something that was behind her. She spun back in time to see the last trooper frozen in place, a bolt trapped halfway in the air and still partly within the emitter nozzle. She glanced over the scene in curiosity and carefully stepped to the side of the blaster. The moment she was out of the way, time unfroze and the bolt whizzed off into a nearby tree. She thrusted at the stormtrooper with her saber and it dropped like all of the others. 

“Did you do that?” she asked, turning to face Finn again. He shook his head and shifted Poe in his grip. The lightsaber’s hum disappeared as it was turned off and Rey ran to her friends, getting under Poe’s other arm to help support his weight. “What was that about me having to stay behind?” She was trying to make light of the situation, but Poe only gave a sarcastic smile that was twisted with pain. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Vader used to have dreams that told of the future, before he was Vader. Why can’t I be having the same dreams?”   
> There was a stunned few moments of quiet before Finn spoke up. “How do you know that?”   
> “Master Luke.”   
> “Vader used to have premonitions?” Poe wondered aloud. “It’s possible.”  
> “What?” Finn asked in astonishment. “You don’t think-”

* * *

"Stop touching me!" Poe shouted in annoyance, swatting away at the the small droids that were trying to fix him up. "I can take off my shirt myself."

Rey smiled and leaned closer to Finn, keeping her voice low. "At least he sounds normal." 

Finn chuckled softly. "He'll be alright." 

"What are we going to do with that ship? We can't just leave it out there." 

"We'll use it for parts and then we'll find a new base." Finn shrugged. "They'll send more now that they know we're here." 

"I don't doubt that." 

There was a loud crash and Rey jumped to see Poe had knocked a droid into a table, sending some equipment rolling across the floor. 

"Would you be careful?" Poe demanded from the small bots. "It still hurts." He relaxed back and exhaled deeply as the mechanical arms began to clean and stitch at the hole in his stomach. Poe glanced over and caught Rey's gaze. "You weren't lying when you said Solo was here, were you?" 

"No. I wasn't." Her nose scrunched up as she glanced between her friends questioningly. "What's bringing this up?" 

"I've never seen anyone else stop a blaster before, have you?" Finn asked over to Poe who shook his head. 

"I shot at him." Poe gasped, teeth bared. He closed his eyes and breathed sharply. "He stopped my shot mid air, like it was nothing." 

"Took Poe prisoner and released the bolt. Almost hit me," Finn continued for the pilot. "Before we met you." 

“He was there,” Rey whispered to herself, her chest feeling light. A smile spread across her face and Finn blinked several times. He hadn’t seen her this happy in a long time, a smile this bright in a long time. “He was there.” 

“Yes, we believe you now,” Poe replied. “We thought you were a bit crazy but-” he groaned. 

“But we’ll keep looking,” Finn said. “We will find a way to find him. We owe him that much. He saved our asses out there.”

Ben groaned, pulling his shirt over his head. The tug at the wound sent a sharp fire ablaze in his shoulder. He stumbled over to the chair that Poe had previously been in and his hands trembled as he motioned to a droid to move closer to him. He couldn’t keep using the force like this. It was painful. That was the best way he could describe it. It was as if he had to use all of his strength to pull the force to the dimension he was in. Was he in a different dimension? What else could he call it?

His fist clenched around the arm of the chair as the droid cleaned his wound. How long could he force these two planes of existence together to heal himself? That had to be what was happening. There was a reason as to why some things were solid and some were not. There were points where the two worlds met. That was how Ezra had gotten through. 

There were doors and windows. These were windows, parts that he could open and control enough that he was heard or seen, but they weren’t doors. He couldn’t travel between the two openly. He could just reach his hand out as far as he could through the open window and stare down at the drop below. 

As soon as the droid had finished stitching him up, he exhaled deeply, letting his grip on the bot go. The small droid flew back to its charging station and Ben’s eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath. He relaxed his jaw and slowly sat up, a soreness setting deep into his muscles. 

He was about to put his shirt back on, but stopped at how bloody it was. He couldn’t keep wearing this around. He would have to find something else. Could he pull a shirt into his world? Why not? He could take bolts and have droids fix him. He could fly a ship through space when it was broken. A shirt would be easy. 

He got to his feet and left the medical bay in search of something new. 

If he had been able to do all of that, what else could he do? He only had a window, but he could still do a lot with it. There was still room to move. What had his mother said about it? It was the connection of all of time and space. Did that mean he could move between time and space? And why could he only see Rey’s world. If he was trapped between the two, wouldn’t he see his own reality or at least a mixture of the two? 

He would have to test it out later when he was fully healed. He was tired as it was and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take so soon. Rey and him were both still recovering from crashing in Hanna. They both couldn’t keep up with this for long without some form of rest and when Rey wasn’t sleeping and he couldn’t sleep, Ben couldn’t be sure when rest would come. 

“We can go to Naboo. We have some ties there with the senate,” Rose offered. “And they have a large archive there. It’s possible that we could use that to our advantage while we’re there.” 

“That could work,” Poe agreed. “We would have to get in contact with them and I would suggest someone other than me do it.” 

Rey hid a laugh. “So that was the senator you two pissed off.” 

“He deserved it,” Finn defended. “But Rose is right. This is the best place we have at the moment. We can go there, get provisions, check out the archives and then find somewhere else for us to go.” 

“I can get a hold of them,” Connix offered with a kind smile. “I will let you know what I find out.” 

“Rose, do you mind checking progress on how packing up is going." It wasn't a question. More of an order. "We need to be out of here no later than tomorrow morning,” Poe instructed. She nodded slowly as if she hadn’t been expecting to receive an order. “And please make sure that all of our research is safely on the Falcon as well.” 

“Oh. Of course,” she muttered, leaving the room after Connix. 

Rey almost jumped in her chair as the two men turned to her, intense focus in their eyes. “Alright,” Finn said. “We need to talk about these nightmares and we aren’t leaving this room until we have them sorted.” 

She furrowed her brow and put on a fake smile. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry-”

“When was the last time you slept?” Poe pushed, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms. He winced at the movement on his wound. Rey glanced between the both of them, unanswering. A thick silence filled the room as they both looked at her expectedly, waiting for a reply. 

“This is ridiculous.” She rose from her chair, ready to leave. “We have more important things to-”

“Sit down,” Finn instructed, his strong hand on her shoulder forcing her back into her seat. “I believe your general asked you a question.”

“You’re pulling rank on me?” Rey asked incredulously, eyes bouncing between the two serious faces. 

“When was the last time you slept?” Poe repeated. “You fell asleep during Finn’s training lesson this morning. Don’t think we didn’t notice you stumbling over your own feet.”

Rey licked her lips and sighed. She really wasn’t going to be able to push past this one. There really was no point in fighting them on it. She was going to have to tell them sooner or later and it would most likely be better to do it now than to pull teeth. 

“A couple of days,” she finally admitted. “But I’m fine. Really. I helped you take out that whole regiment of storm-”

“You’re not fine,” Finn grumbled, removing his hand from her shoulder and sitting down again. “Someone is going to get seriously hurt if you do not sleep. My gran has told me stories about how-”

“You don’t know your gran,” Rey interjected with a small smile. At least they were trying to make light of it and not make her feel so trapped. 

“That doesn't change the fact that he is right,” Poe said with less teasing to his voice than Finn had used. “Someone, whether it be you or another person, someone is going to get hurt if you do not get any sleep. You could end up cutting someone with your glow stick-” Rey’s eyebrows rose at the jab- “you could crash a ship, you could end up getting incredibly sick. You have to sleep, Rey.”

“It’s not like I haven’t been trying!” she shot back, some frustration in her tone. 

“You are so swift to anger when you don’t sleep,” Poe pointed out. 

“What do you need from us to help you?” Finn asked, his voice softer than Poe’s. 

Rey exhaled with a scoff. “I don’t know.” She threw her hands up in the air, looking away from the two of them in an effort to not become so emotional she cried. She was so tired of crying. “Don’t you think I would have asked for something if I knew what it was that I needed?” 

They all stayed silent in thought for a long while until Poe sat forward in his chair with a grimace. “We can take shifts,” he suggested. “We’ll stay with you at night.”

“That’s not necessary-”

“Do you have any other suggestions?” Finn asked. 

Rey was quiet for a moment as she thought over it. She shook her head. She didn’t have any idea of what could help her. But maybe it was just that she was alone. Maybe if someone was with her, then maybe the nightmares would stop. Or they could offer comfort if the nightmares still persisted. Either way, it was better than having to suffer through it alone. Or she hoped it would be better. 

“Is it the same nightmare every night?” 

Rey nodded in answer to Poe and rested her head in her hands, rubbing at her temples. “It’s about Ben.” 

“The bad thing that’s going to happen to him?” 

Rey again nodded. “If we don’t find him soon enough, something is going to happen to him.” 

“And what makes you think that this dream is real?” Finn pushed, giving her a reassuring look when she glanced up through her fingers. 

“I don’t know. But if he can somehow still be here, you saw that he was still here, then why can’t there be something that will hurt him? He’s not dead. He’s between the two, right?”

“It’s just a theory,” Poe muttered. “We still don’t have concrete evidence-”

“Vader used to have dreams that told of the future, before he was Vader. Why can’t I be having the same dreams?” 

There was a stunned few moments of quiet before Finn spoke up. “How do you know that?” 

“Master Luke.” 

“Vader used to have premonitions?” Poe wondered aloud. “It’s possible.”

“What?” Finn asked in astonishment. “You don’t think-”

“Are you kidding? Anything can be possible,” Poe answered, rolling his eyes. “Jedis are real, there’s a world between life and death and people can apparently have dreams about the future. Of course this is possible.” 

“Is it settled then?” Rey asked, desperately wanting to be free of the conversation. The other two nodded in agreement. “Good. I should probably get packed up then.” 

“I know we haven’t been able to find out much about the world between worlds, but if Luke or Leia was working on anything, can you ask them what we should do?” 

Rey tossed the idea around in her head. She couldn’t just command them to appear whenever she wanted. There had been plenty of times where she had begged for council and no one came. There had been times where she hadn’t asked for any assistance at all and they would appear. It was a hit and miss, very much in the control of the spirits passed. But it wasn’t a bad idea. She could still try. 

“I will see what I can do,” she replied before leaving the room, pass Connix. 

“They have granted us passage as refugees for the time being. We can set out tonight if you would like, General.” 

Rey could only stare at Queen Cordella who sat mightily in her throne that they now bowed before. She couldn’t have been more than 15, but with the amount of makeup that was on her face, you would never have been able to tell. 

Queen Cordella had kept to tradition in her appearance. Large robes that could drown her in magnificent golds and reds, a large headdress with a full bird's worth of feathers on it that Rey was sure would topple her over the moment she stood up, and her face was as white as the moon with her top lip a bright red and a line down her chin that reminded Rey of a scar. 

“Welcome General Dameron,” she said in a strong and monotone voice. Rey glanced over at her companions who didn’t share her look of confused interest. “General Finn and Jedi Master Rey Skywalker.” Rey’s eyes shot back to the Queen at the title. It was too grand. It didn’t fit. “It is an honor to have you in our city.” 

“Thank you for welcoming us so graciously, Your Highness,” Poe said with a very impressive nobleness to his voice that Rey had never heard him use before. “And thank you for allowing us to trespass on your hospitality.” 

“We have always had a large respect for the Resistance and in particular General Organa. We are very sorry for your loss, General Dameron. Well wishes to your officers and we hope the Princess rests in peace.” 

“That’s incredibly kind, Your Highness.” 

Rey was beginning to understand now. It was all about politics. That’s what the formalities were. Everyone had to stay as neutral as they could, in good standing to not rock the Gauntlet Fighter as it were. 

“You are more than welcome to stay here in this palace,” Queen Cordella continued on, motioning around her with an easy wave of her arm, fabric fluttering in the breeze off the sea from the open windows. “I will have accommodations made for you at once. I’m sorry that I will not be here with you for long. I do have a rather important engagement that I need to attend to in the next days’ time. Please feel free to make yourself at home as you make your arrangements and you are free to use any amenities you so desire. Just inform my handmaiden of anything and she will see to it that it is done in my absence.” With the same arm as before she ushered to a slender woman in bright orange robes and headdress who gave a gentle bow of her head. “I hope this will be to your liking, General Dameron.” 

Poe faltered, trying to find his voice. “That is far more than we ever hoped for, Your Highness and we are deeply in your debt for your kindness.” He bowed his head down and Rey quickly followed as Finn did the same. 

“You may be excused Generals. Sabin will show you and your officers to your rooms. As for Jedi Skywalker, I would like to have a word privately.” 

In a panic, Rey’s eyes went to her companions who looked just as confused as she did. She silently begged them to stay, but the queen’s handmaiden was motioning them to follow her. Reluctantly they stood and left Rey behind, still on her knees, to face a teenager that was far more intimidating than flying through a debris field in the Falcon ever would be. 

The Queen rose from her chair effortlessly much to Rey’s surprise. “Would you walk with me, Jedi Master?” 

Rey rose to her feet that shook beneath her and made her way over to the queen whose head dress towered over both of them. There was an awkward silence that fell between them and Rey was sure it was more her fault than the queen’s. The queen guided them down a corridor that had large pillars that led to the outside world.

Birds sang happily from the tops of trees that they now walked over. A cool wind was swept off of the ocean, a body of water which Rey had stared at in awe for a good ten minutes before Finn had dragged her away. The sun was bright and warm, a nice contrast to the breeze. 

“Master Skywalker-”

“Please call me Rey,” she said, immediately mentally slapping herself at how she had interrupted the queen. Rey gave an apologetic look, but the young girl simply smiled for a moment before the emotion fell from her face and it was replaced with her previous stoic expression. 

“Rey, I must admit that I do enjoy stories and yours has caught my interest.” Rey did her best to keep her breathing steady. It was only natural that people had heard what had happened, especially since it affected so many. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?" Rey asked, quickly adding, "Your Highness." 

"Was the Emperor still alive?" 

Rey stopped, her feet feeling like they were stuck to the lavious purple rug beneath them. The queen also paused, turning back to face Rey. 

"In a sense," Rey finally replied, eyes down. 

"Please forgive me if I have brought up unpleasant memories," the queen's monotone voice said somewhere beside Rey. "I have often been informed that I over step boundaries that I have no right over stepping." 

She really was very young, Rey noted. Maybe younger than Rey had first thought. Poe had explained that young teen girls were more likely to be elected as queen than others as they were traditionally seen as having a childlike wisdom that others did not possess. 

She held herself tall like Rey would expect royalty to and Rey guessed that maybe she spoke with no emotion as a way to make herself look older than she was. But she was just a child that had been thrust into a position of extreme power with extreme responsibilities and Rey couldn't help but feel a little sad that this was her role. She didn't get to grow up as normal children did. She had to grow up in courts across the galaxy and make decisions that would make Rey's head spin. 

"That's quite alright, Your Highness," Rey finally said. "You didn't over step." 

"I will not ask for details then," the young girl said, moving to the railing between the large pillars and looking out at the sea. Rey followed to stand beside the queen, doing her best to ignore all of the people that had been following them. "I just need to know if my people are safe from that threat." 

Rey watched the waves crash upon the golden sand for a moment in thought. "He is no more, but there are still many who follow him that we are trying to disperse. If you need us to move on to not draw attention to your planet, we will be more than willing to-" 

"It is the least I can do for you. The Princess Leia and I were close. She has often been close with the Elected Royal Government here. I had come to think of her as a mother." 

Rey nodded in understanding. Master Leia had been the closest thing to a mother Rey could remember having and Rey missed her terribly. 

"Please stay until you are ready to leave. I will make sure to inform my people of the caution that needs to be taken. In the meantime, I do have a question for you Rey." Rey waited in silence for the inquiry, wondering what in the world the queen could be thinking of if she often overstepped boundaries. "I have only heard tale of your training and power, but I have found no lie in the stories I have heard." 

"I'm sure they're greatly exaggerated," Rey offered, not enjoying the light that she was being trapped in. 

“Do you like it here, Rey?” Rey blinked several times and turned to look at Queen Cordella. That question was much further away from anything that Rey thought she was going to ask. 

“It is much better than Jakku. I’ve never seen an ocean with a beach like this before. Only cliffs.” 

“The reason I am asking is because I would like to start a Jedi school here on Naboo. I would personally see to it that all your needs are met in whatever capacity they might need to be. It’s time for the world to move on. It’s time for the world to heal and I believe that this is a step in the right direction.” 

“I-I don’t know,” Rey stuttered, taking a step back from the queen to distance herself. Why was she fighting this? She was already training Finn and that had been her goal all along. She wanted to start a school. So why did it feel so wrong now? There was a small, comforting warmth on her shoulder and she took a deep breath, finding her voice. “I am very grateful for the offer, Your Highness. And maybe someday when the war is finally finished I will take you up on that, but at the moment I have more pressing matters that I need to take care of.” 

“I understand.” The words held a kindness to them despite the monotone in which they were said. “If the time ever comes, and I dearly hope that it will, please do not hesitate to reach out to me.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn’t do anything to help. He never could. He should just try to get one of the other’s attention. But as Rey called his name again, he turned back to the room and took several large steps until he was as the edge of the bed. He knelt down and tried to take her hands, but he passed through them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally, I wouldn't post so close together, but I just started chapter 14 and I am so excited with where it has gone that I thought I would treat everyone, if this is a treat for you guys. I hope you enjoy the fluff. Happy reading!

* * *

Both Finn and Poe jumped to their feet as Rey entered the drawing room of their own collective suite. “What did she want?” they both asked, racing to her. She jumped back, hands up defensively at the sudden attack of personal space. 

“She wanted me to start a Jedi school here.” 

“Really?” Poe asked, straightening up and tilting his head to the side in genuine question. He took a step back and pulled Finn with him to give Rey room. Rey nodded in answer. 

“Why?” Finn questioned, taking a seat back on the plush couch that looked like it could swallow them with the amount of stuffing in the cushions. 

“Something about the world healing,” Rey replied. “We didn’t go into very much detail about it.” 

“What did you say?” Poe’s tone was worried and he spoke so fast that Rey couldn’t help but smile. A hand went to his head and he began to pace. “You said yes, didn’t you? We’re going to have to leave you here and -”

“I didn’t say yes,” Rey assured. “Are you alright?” 

“I think he’s a bit stressed with the fact that the queen is going to be at the next senate meeting that he has to go to,” Finn threw out as an answer for Poe who looked relieved at Rey’s earlier reply. 

“Of course I’m a bit stressed. I’m still battered from the last meeting and impressing her in important. I have to hold up the image that the general left behind. I need to be more than a spice runner.” 

“But you were a spice runner,” Rey pointed out with a kind smile. “Why are you trying to be something you’re not?” 

This gave Poe pause, but he didn’t have an answer. Because Poe the spice runner wasn’t good enough, he supposed. Because he wasn’t a politician. He didn’t know how to act, how to think, what to do. He had never paid attention to such things. He just did his job, tried to make a living in this fucked up galaxy. He couldn’t be a voice for the people. It wasn’t him. Why was he trying so hard to make this right? Because he had a voice and he was damn well going to be heard because this was the first time in his life he could be heard. The first time in his life where people would listen. He had to play the part and so far he had done a remarkable job of not playing the part. So, why was he trying to? He just needed to be himself. Sure, it got him beat up at the last meeting, but he had made a difference. He had made a difference, hadn't he? 

“Rey, there’s something else,” Finn said, pulling her attention to him and away from the pilot. “Rose has been in the archives since we separated. She thinks she may have found something on Ezra Bridger.” 

“What?” Rey demanded, stepping closer to Finn. 

“Not tonight. You need sleep first,” Finn said strongly, eyes telling her not to push him. 

She turned to Poe. “You can’t not tell me,” she bargained. “Poe-”

“She didn’t tell us anymore and Finn is right. You didn’t sleep the whole flight here.”

“Liars,” she scoffed, folding her arms. “What did she say? I won’t be able to sleep if you don’t tell me.” 

“We’re not lying. She didn’t tell us. We’ll discuss it in the morning, together.”

Rey grumbled, but Poe’s dark eyes held truth in them. They really didn’t know. She sighed, deflated. She couldn’t outrun them this time. She didn’t have a choice, not that she was upset with them for being protective and worried. But she did wish that they would just trust her and let her deal with her problems herself. 

Rey didn’t fight, despite how weird it was when Poe took a spot on another expensive couch that was by the window as she climbed into an equally rich bed that felt like how she imagined clouds would feel if she could touch them. Poe didn’t seem too interested in her, lost in a book with a side table lamp on while the main light was flicked off by Finn and the door closed after figuring out an agreed upon time for them to change their shifts. 

“What have you been reading about?” Rey asked, curling up under the warmth of the largest quilt that she had ever seen. 

“Go to sleep, Rey,” he instructed as he turned a page, his eyes never leaving his book in the dim light. 

“You’ve been reading it every chance you’ve gotten.” 

“Go to sleep, Rey.” 

“Is it because it was Master Leia’s?” 

Poe gave a dramatic sigh and lowered the book into his lap, tired eyes meeting Rey’s in the darkness. “Yes, it was Leia’s. I’m trying...” He took the bridge of his nose in his forefinger and thumb. “It’s all of her political meetings. I’m trying to understand everything from her mindset. I’m not a-a lawmaker or a congressman or a senator. I don’t know anything about how government works. I need to know so that I can be her.” 

Rey took in the stress of Poe’s face and calculated it carefully before speaking again. “Why do you keep trying to be her? She was amazing and a wonderful leader, but she is not you. You do not have to be someone else to be taken seriously.” She propped herself up on her elbow, but Poe didn’t look up from the floor. “Finn told me how you pulled out a blaster in that meeting.” He cringed and glanced up at her. “Leia would never in a million years do that. That was you. All you. You made a difference. You set people on a course. You did what needed to be done. Not her, you. Stop doubting yourself.” 

A small smirk pulled at the corner of Poe’s lips and he simply opened the book back up and slouched back on the couch. “Good night Rey.” The smile in his voice let Rey know that she hadn’t hurt him with her words and she lied back down to look up at the canopy of fabric above her that draped beautifully and reminded her of the ocean, the crashing waves outside of the window finally lulling her exhausted body to rest. 

Ben sat quietly on the floor, staring out the window at the night sky, the sound of an occasional page being turned and Rey’s gentle breathing the only things to be heard. He wasn’t sure how many hours had passed before Poe sat up on the couch and stretched before looking to a small clock on the table beside him. He groaned softly and stood. 

“He was supposed to be here an hour ago,” he muttered, rubbing at his blood shot eyes. “Must still be asleep.” He gave another stretch before he strode across the room went in search of Finn who had missed his shift change. The door closed behind him and Ben went back to gazing out of the window. 

He could faintly remember being in this palace when he was younger. He would have been three or four. He had been holding his mother’s hand and hiding behind her at Queen Sosha Soruna’s, at the time to him, unnatural makeup. There was some sort of war his mother took part in, though he couldn’t remember any strict details. Just watching his mother and the queen leaving in ships and returning a day or two later, battered and bruised. 

The minutes ticked by and Ben got to his feet, curious as to what was taking one of them so long to return to the room. He was about to the door when his name pulled him back. He glanced between Rey, who was tangling herself in the sheet of the bed and the door handle that his hand reached out towards even though he could easily walk through the wooden frame. 

He couldn’t do anything to help. He never could. He should just try to get one of the other’s attention. But as Rey called his name again, he turned back to the room and took several large steps until he was as the edge of the bed. He knelt down and tried to take her hands, but he passed through them. 

He growled through his teeth, frustrated that he wasn’t a solid form. What in the universe dictated that? Why could he pass through objects some of the time and then other times not? Why could he not help her? He so desperately wanted to. 

Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “Ben!” It was a plea. 

He couldn’t wait here for them anymore. It wasn’t fair to her. But what could he do? 

He took a deep and calming breath, summoning what force he could and skeptically reached out to her again. The sharp gnawing in his body was almost unbearable, but it didn’t matter. None of the pain mattered when he grasped her hand in his. 

“Rey,” he whispered, his other hand going to her cheek, the warmth of her skin now against his palm. “Wake up Rey.” Her face contorted and he glanced over her body, unsure of what else he could do. How much longer could he hold this form? His hand took her shoulder and gently shook her. 

Her eyes flickered open, full of dread, but softened the moment they focused on him. Her bottom lip trembled at the tears that she so desperately tried to hold back, to no avail. “Ben,” she gasped out, hand outstretched towards his face that looked so much younger now than it had as Kylo. Her fingers jumped back, stunned when she touched something more than a hallucination. 

“I’m here,” he whispered, taking her hand and gently guiding her hand to his face. He let her fingertips explore his face before he rested his cheek in her open palm with closed eyes. His chest, that had felt so hollow for so long, finally felt full. He opened his eyes at a sob and Rey pulled her hand back to cover her mouth. He hushed her, his own fingers tangling into her hair while the other hand wiped her tears. “Please don’t cry, Rey. Everything is alright.” 

“You-You keep dying. I can’t keep watching you die.” 

“I know, I know.” He wished there was something else he could do, anything at all to help. And now when he could finally touch her, finally be here for her, he felt more helpless than ever. “But I’m safe. I’m right here. Nothing is going to happen to me. I promise.” 

He bit his bottom lip as she curled up into a ball and continued to cry. What had his parents done to comfort him after a nightmare? To comfort him after anything bad had happened? 

With uncertain and pained movements, he rose from his knees, pulled the twisted sheets from her body and carefully lifted her from the bed and into his arms, holding her like he had so long ago when they were on less than friendly terms. 

He took a seat on the bed, back against the ornate headboard, cuddling her in his lap as she cried into his chest, wetting his new shirt. One arm stayed tightly around her in hopes that she knew he truly was there and the other caressed her hair. 

“You don’t need to cry Rey,” he soothed softly against the top of her head. “The nightmare isn’t real.” 

“How are you-” she gasped for air and dug her face further into his chest, “-How are you here?” 

“I haven’t quite figured that out yet. Don’t think about it now.” He heaved in a breath as her hand moved to gain a better grip on the fabric of his shirt and grazed over the fresh stitching. She sat up and pulled her hand away instantly, looking up at his face with concern in those large brown eyes. “I’m alright,” he assured with a pained smile. 

“You’re hurt.” She sat up more fully, the tears forgotten as she pulled at the hem of his shirt to reveal the bruised wound in his shoulder. “What did you do? How-how-”

“The stormtroopers,” he answered, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. 

“You did help Poe and Finn. You were the one who stopped that stormtrooper, weren’t you?” He only nodded, pulling her closer to him, afraid he would fade away without something to hold onto. “And you really did fly the Falcon.” 

“You saw that, huh?” he teased. Her forehead leaned against his and she nodded, releasing her hold on his shirt and letting it fall back down. “You need to be more careful.” She closed her eyes with another nod and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

“Please don’t leave me. I’ve missed you so much.” 

“I don’t know how long I can stay in this state. It’s hard to find enough strength to do this.” His arms were beginning to shake from how weak they were, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t let her go. She needed him. He couldn’t leave her. Not now. Not ever. “But you’re heading in the right direction with your research.” 

Rey sat up with a question on her brow before understanding took its place. “Ezra Bridger.” 

“Ezra Bridger.” 

“Where are you?” 

“My mother called it the Netherworld of Unbeing, but you already found that as well.” He was about to tell her about Ezra’s companion and the monster, but the fact that she was still trembling from the nightmare made him hold back. It wasn’t strictly important. She didn’t need to know. 

“Stay with me.” 

“Rey, I-”

“Tonight,” she clarified, her deep eyes meeting his. “Please stay with me until I fall asleep.” 

He cleared his throat at a sudden dryness. “Of course.” He couldn’t say no to her. He doubted that he would ever be able to say no to her. She could ask for a nexu and he would get it for her. Anything she wanted was hers. All she needed to do was ask and he would cave. 

She shifted from his lap and lied down in the heap of pillows, Ben following slowly after her. He couldn’t help the surprise that raced through him as she moved closer to him, hiding her face back in his chest and wrapping her arms around his middle. 

He pulled the blankets over the top of them and pulled her closer, letting her body heat envelope him. He released a tight breath and closed his eyes. He would fade back into nothing soon; he could feel his hold on the force starting to slip as more aching set into his bones, but he couldn’t let her know he was in pain. If she was so worried over a dream that she hadn’t slept in several days, he didn’t want to know what him being in actual pain would make her do. 

He kissed her head and could feel her smile radiate through her. She yawned and her body relaxed more fully in his grip. Her next words were slurred with sleep as she whispered them. 

“I love you, Ben.” 

It took a moment for the words to register in his head before he could find his voice to say the words he had wanted to say for so long. "I love you too." 

Rey woke to warm sunlight and inhaled deeply as she glanced around the empty space in front of her. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept this well.

Her eyes widened and she sat up looking around the room for Ben. The bed beside her was empty and the space cold and the only other person in the room was Finn who was sitting on the floor in a deep meditation. 

Her hand went to her head as she tried to recall what had happened the night before. Had it been a dream? Had he only been a dream? Maybe having Poe and Finn with her had really helped. She couldn't remember having her normal nightmare and she was grateful for it. When was the last time she had slept through the night without it? 

His _I love you_ replayed over and over in her mind. Had she really imagined that? It felt far too real for her to have made it up. Had she really been that desperate to see him that she had imagined all of it? 

"You're awake," Finn said happily with a smile. "I don't think you had a nightmare last night." 

"Yeah," she muttered, getting from the bed. "Go wake Rose. I need to talk to her now." 

“I’m pretty sure that we can wait and have-”

“There is no time to wait,” Rey pushed, rushing to her things to get a change of clothes. “We have to figure this out now. I can’t keep sitting around wanting things to happen. I need to make them happen." She pulled Finn to his feet and rushed him out of the door so she could change. "Wake Poe." 

"Ezra Bridger was a part of the Rebellion against the Galactic Empire and was last seen searching for Ahsoka Tano,” Rose explained, letting everyone see the text that she was looking at. 

“And who is Tano?” Finn asked, leaning over Rose’s shoulder to get a better look at the console. 

“She trained as a padawan under Anakin Skywalker.” 

“What?” Rey asked, sitting up in her chair, her surprised echoed around the other faces in the room. “She trained with Anakin?” 

“That’s what this says,” Rose said with a shrug. There’s not much about her after a large trial. She was blamed for the bombing of a Jedi temple and several homicides and was removed from the Jedi Order. I guess Anakin proved that it wasn’t her and they offered the option of reinstatement into the Jedi Order, but she turned it down.” 

Everyone was silent as they thought over all of the new information and to fill the silence, Rose continued. 

“She also fought with the Rebels as well as along side of Bail Organa, Leia’s adopted father. She and Ezra somehow met up in the Netherworld of Unbeing, it’s not quite clear about how.” 

“And did you find anything out about the Netherworld of the Unbeing?” Poe asked, rubbing the back of his neck with a sigh. 

Rey sat forward in her chair, trying to get closer to Rose, her fingers tapping nervously on the table. What if they couldn’t couldn’t find this world? What if this wasn’t even the correct place to be looking? Had Ben really told her the right place to search or was it just all in her head?

“The entrance was located in some demolished Jedi temple. I’m not sure if we can find it or if there is another way to get to this plane,” Rose answered, clicking on something else for everyone to look at. She scrolled through it, reading over the words as quickly as she could, trying to remember everything she had read the night before. “Said that there were keys of some sort. Not sure if that means an actual key or not. I guess that place is also called Vergence Scatter and...” 

Rey didn’t hear the rest. She was immediately on her feet, racing to Finn. She took his arms and about tumbled him over in her rush. “Where are the books? All of Master Skywalker’s books?” she demanded, her voice much louder than she meant it. 

“I-I-In our room,” Finn stuttered out in a flustered voice at the sudden assault. 

Before anyone else could say another word, she was running as quickly as her legs could carry her, leaving everyone else with confused looks all while trying to gather themselves enough to chase after her. 

She sprinted through the maze of halls she hoped she remembered while her heart beat loudly in her ears. Her feet skidded to a halt and she burst through the door of the suite, looking around frantically until she saw all of their books stacked in a pile in the corner of the room on a table. 

Rushing to it, she inhaled deeply before digging through the books haphazardly, sending several crashing to the floor. With a furrowed brow and a worry setting into her chest, she dropped to her knees to look through the fallen books. 

“What are you looking for?” Finn gasped out as he rounded into the room, Poe and Rose both on his heal. 

“Where is it?” Rey asked, rapidly getting to her feet. “Master Luke’s book? Where is it?” 

Poe was breathing hard, his hand clutching at his still healing injury, as she moved over to a cabinet and opened a drawer, pulling out a tattered maroon book. “This book?” 

“Where did you-”

“We hid it from you so you would sleep,” Finn explained. 

Rey raced over and tried to take the from Poe, but he held it out of her reach. Her jaw tightened and she cocked her head to the side, annoyed. 

“Give it to me,” she ordered, reaching for it again, but Poe easily kept it away. 

“You have to promise that you continue to sleep,” Poe said strongly. Rey rolled her eyes. This wasn’t a time for games and she absolutely wasn’t in the mood. She knew that they were just trying to help take care of her, but she needed that book. 

“Yes, yes. I promise, alright?” Rey asked desperately. Poe lowered the book just enough for Rey to rip it from his grasp to flip through the pages until she found what she wanted. “The Vergence Scatter. See?” She pointed to the drawing that she had stared at for hours. “I told you that Master Luke was trying to find it.” 

“Does it say where to go?” Finn questioned, moving closer to look over the text. 

Rey shook her head and looked up, catching Rose’s eyes. “We need to keep looking in the archives.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I messed up,” Luke whispered. “I made him Kylo Ren. I was the only person he had and I let him down. I failed him.” 
> 
> Ben slowly rose to his feet and took a few hesitant steps towards his uncle, trying to pick out a lie. He couldn’t care this much. There was no way. This was the man who tried to kill him. What could he possibly-
> 
> “I was searching for Vergence Scatter so that I could change that.”

* * *

“We’ve searched everywhere for any information on this,” Rey explained to a perplexed looking Luke Skywalker. “The only information we’ve been able to find on this place is a few sentences here and there in the archive here and in this book.” Rey held out the maroon book for Luke to look at for a moment. 

“And what is it that you are trying to find?” he asked, folding his arms over his chest. 

“The Vergence Scatter or the Netherworld of Unbeing,” Rey answered. There was a long pause between the two of them and Rey felt like she had said something wrong. Luke avoided her gaze and chewed on his tongue. Finally Rey couldn’t take it anymore. “What is it?” 

Luke exhaled with a small groan before he looked back over Rey, eyes calculating as if he were trying to see if she was ready for what he was about to tell her. “That place is a world between your world and the Netherworld of the Force, where you pass to when you die.” 

Rey blinked several times. She had never heard of the next life having a name before. It wasn’t in any of the Jedi texts. Maybe it was something he had learned during his training. 

“It is said that the Vergence Scatter is what connects all of time and space. I’m sure you’ve heard of the name Ezra-”

“Bridger,” Rey answered with a nod. 

Luke returned the gesture. “Right. Ezra used it to travel through time and pull Ahsoka Tano out of her timeline. I’m not clear on what happened afterwards. There are stories of a monster that lives in the middle from Ezra.”

“Hold on,” Rey said, a hand going to her head as she tried to connect all of the information. “You can time travel through the Netherworld?” 

Luke didn’t take much pity on her and continued his explanation. “That is why I went looking for a way to get to the Netherworld. I wanted to use that power.” 

“Why?” Rey asked curiously, causing Luke to fall silent. 

He opened his mouth several times as if he were trying to find the words to say and he began to pace. Rey watched him for a moment and about jumped when he abruptly turned to face her. 

“It was for Ben.” 

Ben looked up from his hands at this, lips tight as he waited for an explanation of what his uncle could have possibly ever wanted with him and time travel. To make it so he was never born? To somehow ruin his childhood even more? To-

“I messed up,” Luke whispered. “I made him Kylo Ren. I was the only person he had and I let him down. I failed him.” 

Ben slowly rose to his feet and took a few hesitant steps towards his uncle, trying to pick out a lie. He couldn’t care this much. There was no way. This was the man who tried to kill him. What could he possibly-

“I was searching for Vergence Scatter so that I could change that.” Luke took a deep breath and Ben stared at the old man in a stupor. “That night has been my biggest regret. I thought that if I could somehow find this-this place that I could save him. Maybe I could bring him back to his family, undo my mistake and protect him in the process.” 

Ben’s eyes flickered between Rey who looked just as lost as him and his uncle who had a torn expression across his face. Was that true? Did his uncle really care that much? Had Luke really been searching for a way to help him? Ben sunk back and sat down again, head in his hands. Did he even deserve such a fate if it had been possible? Would he have listened? Would it have mattered? Not that it did now anyways, but the open ending of the idea made Ben’s chest ache. 

Could he have been rescued and.... Not been alone? Could he have been something more than he was? How many lives could have been saved? How many hardships? How many sparks stomped out? He had been so merciless and cruel. He deserved whatever he got and there was never anything that his uncle could have done to save him. 

“Where do we look for the door?” Rey asked, breaking up the harsh tension in the room and letting Luke settle at the fact that she had accepted the story and wasn’t going to push it. 

“I didn’t have a definite answer,” Luke revealed with a sad twitch of his lips. “I was pretty sure I found the keys to open it. I’m not sure what happened to them. I know that a lot of stuff got handed off to my sister.” 

“Ok, keys with Leia,” Rey muttered, making a mental note. “And the door?” 

“I picked Ahch-To for more than its remote location.” 

Rey perked up at this. “It’s on the island.” 

“I thought that it was on the island. I searched every inch of that blasted island and was never able to find anything.” 

“That’s ok.” Rey smiled, the hope in her eyes lightening Ben’s chest. “It’s a place to start.” 

  
  


"It's an actual key?" Finn asked into his communicator as he did his best to sneak onto their base on Ajan Kloss. Why had he volunteered? What was he trying to prove? And why had no one offered to go with him? 

"There were a set of keys on Leia's desk. That's the only thing that makes sense," Rey's voice crackled through the small device. 

"Right," Finn nodded and opened the main entrance to the base. He stepped inside and glanced up both sides of the hallway, finding it empty. 

They had been watching the surveillance footage and there had been multiple ships landing there since they had left. But there had never been any cameras inside, so they didn't know if anyone was there or not. 

Finn kept his blaster held tightly in his hand as he crept down the hall. But each turn he made was empty. There were things strewn across the halls, wires and clothes, trinkets and smashed items that he couldn't possibly name. 

He reached the General's room with no event, but that didn't stop his heart from pounding through his shirt. 

He opened the door, blaster raised, but quickly lowered it in confusion. "Are you sure this is her room?" he asked into the communicator.

"You're in the south sector, right?" 

"Yes," Finn replied to Rey. "The room to the left of the storage closet." 

"That's the right room. Why?" 

"It's empty." 

"What do you mean it's empty?" Poe demanded. 

Finn stepped a bit further into the room and glanced over the empty bookshelf, the perfectly cleared desk. He stepped up to the desk and opened each drawer to find them empty as well. Then, for good measure, he dropped to the floor and searched the underside of the bed. He got back to his feet and sighed. 

"There's nothing here. It's picked clean." 

There was distress present in Rey's voice. "There have been dozens of ships that have been to that base. It could be on any of them!" 

"Calm down. We'll figure it out," Poe said sharply, probably not helping in the slightest. 

"Would they put everything on one ship? They wouldn't keep everything separate. They emptied the whole base. Someone obviously wanted all of the stuff from this room," Finn offered. 

"But what ship?" Rey questioned with a groan. He could nearly see her frustration in the air around him. Did Kylo Ren really mean this much to her? 

_Not Kylo,_ he corrected. _Ben_. 

"Who was next in line to be Supreme Leader after Ben?" Finn asked, feeling the tension shift as his words went across the communicator. 

"Wayzac Irwilig." 

Where did she pull all of these names from? And they were always right. Every time, without fail. How did she do it? Was she just more in tune with the force than him? 

He had only just started his training, but she wasn't much further than him. He so desperately wanted to understand. What made her so gifted that she could pull any information she wanted from thin air? 

“And which ship is his?” Finn asked, a hand rubbing his forehead, the task ahead of him daunting. 

“The Finalizer.” 

Finn flinched at the name. “Is it still in workable condition? Wasn’t it part of the ship that I destroyed on Exegol?” 

There was silence and Finn held his breath waiting for an answer. 

“No, that was the Steadfast. They were sister ships. When the Finalizer was damaged the First Order used Steadfast while the Finalizer was being repaired. Their layouts are almost exactly the same.” 

Finn groaned and spun around with his hands to his head. He didn’t want to do this. He knew what he had to do before anyone told him. He was going to have to get on that ship and find what they were looking for. He was the only one who could. If they really had been scavenging this place, they wouldn’t be that far off, especially if they wanted to end the Resistance. They would wait for all of them to come back to this base and blow it off the side of the planet. 

“...and one of us can go with you,” Rey offered helpfully, but Finn had missed the beginning of the sentence. 

“Just send me the coordinates.” 

Finn exhaled deeply. He could sneak onto that ship. He was sure it would be easy enough. He had been on it before several times during his training as a stormtrooper. He could even sneak back on as a stormtrooper. It wouldn’t be hard to, especially now without Kylo’s, Hux’s or Phasma’s prying eyes. 

The only issue he had was that he had never heard the name Wayzac Irwilig. If he was next in power after Kylo Ren, then why was his name not one he recognized? Could he be that dangerous? He obviously hadn’t made much of a mark. 

“Coordinates are waiting for you back on your ship,” Poe said through the static. 

Finn nodded to himself in answer and left the room, blaster still up in case he did run into anyone or anything. He made it back to his ship without so much as coming across a slyyyg. He climbed back into his X-Wing and pulled up the log with the coordinates on them and sighed. He had been right. The Finalizer was just out of orbit of the planet. They hadn’t gone far at all and he was shocked that he hadn’t noticed it when he had flown in. 

And it wasn’t worth waiting for one of the others to show up. He was sure that the First Order already knew that he was there. They had to be keeping tabs on the base. Why else would they have been sitting just right there? It would take at least a day to a day and a half worth of traveling at light speed to reach him. He couldn’t afford to take the time. He had to do this himself and he had to be quick about it. And it was just a set of keys. He didn’t have to somehow take back all of Leia’s things. 

He could do this. 

Ben paced stiffly in the hallway outside of the archive where everyone was still researching away, hand pressing into his shoulder that was aching horribly today for some whatever reason. They hadn’t been doing much more than reading article after article for the last few days. They were still trying to find anything they could on this world that he was trapped in. 

He was grateful. He didn’t often feel the emotion and didn’t like how it made his chest feel tight in a different way than anger did. Maybe he was just far too used to only feeling anger. He was relearning all of the emotions outside of that one and it was odd that he had forgotten how many more feelings there were than anger, loneliness, and worthlessness. 

And uselessness. How could he forget that one? That was all consuming now. What could he possibly do to help? Nothing. Not right now. He was far too worn from watching over Rey each night. Sure, they woke her up from the nightmare, but they weren’t a comfort to her. They didn’t try to be. At least not in Ben’s eyes. They were probably trying their best, but that didn’t help her. 

He sighed and took a seat on the floor, his back against the wall, in thought. That wasn’t the only thing that was bothering him. He could not stop thinking about what could have happened if his uncle had discovered time travel. 

What would he have done? Would his uncle save him from the grasp of Snoke when he first arrived, or would he have stopped himself from trying to kill Ben? Would anything have changed from the way it had been? Would Ben have become a Jedi Master or would he stay a Jedi Knight for the rest of his life? Would he always be stuck behind his uncle’s shadow? Would things have changed between him and his parents? Would they have been more welcoming with open arms? Would they have even cared or would they have kept up the silence? 

And this world was something that connected all of time and space? Then he should be able to travel wherever he wanted, shouldn’t he? Then why was he here? Where were the doors to everywhere else? Did he just need to find them? Were they like the windows that existed when he used the force? 

He gave a curious look to himself and straightened his back, settling into a meditation stance long since forgotten. The last time he could remember meditating with the force was the night that everything went to shit. He had used the force and bent it to his will, but it had been so long since he had just let it envelope him, ease the ache in his bones.

With a deep breath he closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. There was a prickling in the back of his head that spread through his arms as the force was pulled from the world around him and into the world he was trapped in. 

His breathing fell into a steady rhythm as he let himself slip into the power swirling around him. 

There was an odd feeling shift around him, something about his surroundings changing. It wasn’t a bad change, but it was also something that he didn’t recognize as ever having felt before. 

He opened his eyes and blinked several times, bewildered. There was a shimmering darkness around him. Something between the hallway he sat in and what looked to be all consuming blackness. 

He slowly rose to his feet and turned around a few times, trying to find a balance between the two. He felt the air leave his lungs and he gasped, the force crushing him. The pressure dragged him to his feet and he choked, hands going to his throat, though it wouldn’t help him. 

It made him regret using the force for this practice in his past. He hadn’t realized how truly terrifying it was to not be able to breathe. The world spun and blurred and the heartbeat that had been so loud and fast in his ears was barely a thud and had slowed in tempo drastically. 

He was going to die. Right here, right now. He was sure of it. He had never felt something so harsh in his life. Something so gripping. Something so terrible. 

And as soon as it had started, it came to an abrupt end and Ben was left collapsed on the floor coughing and greedily gulping for air. His fingers clawed into the hard floor beneath him, searching for purchase on anything that would hold him steady. 

When he finally felt the blood flowing freely through his body again, his eyes opened and he wiped away the tears that were there, only to be greeted with a velvety depth. He pushed himself up on his knees, letting the stillness float over him. 

Two white stripes lit up the floor under him and he slowly got to his feet, following the path marked out. The further along he went, the more the silence dwindled, giving way to voices. Voices he didn’t know and others that he felt like he knew and others he recognized. Some of them his own. 

He winced at the yells of agony that echoed around him, his own cries drowning him. The fights between him and his parents. The jarring words from Rey’s sharp mouth, her shouts of monster. And there was Snoke, sending unpleasant shivers up his spine. 

His footsteps faltered as ornate whiteness began to paint delicate designs in the darkness. There were several paths that branched off of his, leading towards what he could only assume were the doors he had been looking for. Each one was slightly different in its design, but the concept was the same. A large circle within a triangle. 

“How am I supposed to find it?” a familiar voice demanded, drawing Ben’s attention to a certain door. He carefully walked to it, the triangle grand in its style. He stopped in front of it and glanced over it curiously before looking back the way he had come, but only found shadows.

He took another step towards it and the white began to brighten, being outlined in deep blues before a greyness appeared within the circle. There was a moment of static before a solid image appeared and he glanced over one of the hallways of The Finalizer. 

Finn stepped down the hall, blaster drawn, looking over his shoulder cautiously, whisper-yelling into his communicator. 

Ben stepped forward uncertainty and found himself on The Finalizer. He turned sharply around and found the same decorative markings on the wall leading into the darkness he had just come from. 

“Finn,” he called loudly, but the man didn’t notice him. 

Ben looked to his shoes, his shoulders slumping. Of course they still couldn’t see or hear him. Why would they? He was lucky that Rey had her moments. But he couldn’t ask for anything more. It was his punishment and a well thought out one. Better than the world of Chaos that awaited him. 

He watched as Finn glanced around a corner before turning down it. Ben rolled his eyes and grumbled. If they needed to find his mother’s things, they were definitely going to be with Wayzac. Wayzac had always been greedy and nosy, had to go through everything with a fine tooth comb. And Wayzac was not going to be found anywhere near the troopers’ quarters. 

Ben glanced behind him and bit his bottom lip. Would he find his way back into that place? And if he couldn’t, would he be able to travel back with Finn? Or would Rey pull him back? He hadn’t felt the tug in his ribs, which worried him. How much further away could he get before he was drug millions of miles away? 

Right now he didn’t have the time to worry about that. He had to stop Finn from going completely the opposite direction he was meant to. With one final glance at the portal, he followed the man down the hallway, watching with an amused smile as Finn slunk down the hall awkwardly. 

“Where are you going?” Ben asked as he caught up. “You should know where you’re going. You know that the Supreme Leader’s quarters aren’t back here.” 

Finn paused and examined the hallway behind him, eyes landing on Ben, but looking through him. Had Finn heard him? Interesting. But Finn was force sensitive. He had improved greatly from Rey’s training. Maybe that's how. 

Finn took another turn and came to stop in one of several rooms for the stormtroopers and glanced around the room before finding what he wanted. A set of armor left behind. It wasn’t uncommon for them to wear recreational clothing when they weren’t on duty, it was just EHL-851’s bad day. 

Finn skillfully put on the garments and slipped the helmet on, fading into just another list of numbers instead of a person. He scooped back up his baster and left the room with much more confidence than he previously had, and Ben followed. 

They were finally heading in the correct direction. 

Ben frowned at the claustrophobic feeling that began to set into his bones and lungs. He hadn’t realized how closed in this ship was. It was monotone and lifeless. Hopeless and cold. He didn’t miss it. He wanted to escape, just as he had when he had first stepped foot on this ship in chains, only to be accepted by Snoke instead of killed. 

Finn stopped at a T in the hall and looked in all directions, clearly unsure of where he needed to go next. Ben reached out and took Finn’s shoulder. Finn jumped at the touch, but his eyes still looked through Ben when he turned to see what the force was. Ben pulled him to the left and Finn timidly turned down the hall, his armor clacking around the metal walls as he walked. 

This went on for several more twists and turns, Ben gently guiding Finn where he needed to go until they came to a stop in front of a large set of double sliding doors. If Wayzac had taken over this was their room now. Ben recognized the doors. He had moved through them more times than he could count. It had been his room. And Wayzac had been pining after his position and quarters for as long as Ben could remember. 

Finn opened the door with a hesitant movement, the doors revealing the room to be empty when they had fully opened. Finn stepped into the room and Ben took it in. The last time he had been in here everything had been a very medically sterile stark white. It had been inspired by Rey. The black that it had been previously adorned the room no longer held any form of comfort for Ben. The white reminded him of her smile and her kind words, the first kind words that he had truly believed. The first kind words that weren’t obligated to be said or some sort of lie. 

But the interior had been returned to its unforgiving black, shiny, clean and bitter. Ben glared in distaste at the contrast. It only brought on more bad memories. Bruising and bleeding memories. Ruthless truths and brutal lies. And for whatever reason a very clear picture of Snoke backhanding him across the face, leaving him with a fat lip and a bruised cheek for the next week played out in front of him. 

Finn crossed the room to a desk that had multiple boxes piled on it when he recognized a necklace hanging out of one box. He removed his helmet and snatched up the half moon necklace, quickly latching it around his own neck to return it to its rightful owner. 

He started shuffling through the contents of each box, feeling a tug on his shoulder that he pushed away, before finally finding what he assumed he was looking for. A very unimpressive set of rusted keys that had seen far better days. 

He shoved them down the front chest plate of his armor, unsure of where else to put them and grabbed his helmet. He turned away from the desk and his heart stopped at the woosh of the doors opening to reveal a very imposing woman. Her red hair was swept out of her freckled face and her bright green eyes looked as green as a blaster bolt. 

She didn’t look at all surprised to see Finn in her room and she simply motioned two guards to file in behind her. Maybe he should have listened to the tug he had felt. Maybe it had been a warning. 

“FN-2187,” she said with a striking tone to her voice. “I did not expect to see you on this ship.” Finn looked over her curiously, his eyes narrowing as the guards began to circle him. “It would be in your best interest not to fight.” 

“And who are you?” Finn asked, attention not leaving the men now fully behind him. 

The woman looked truly appalled at the question and answered icily. “Wayzac Irwilig.” 

Finn blinked several times. The whole time he had been picturing a man that was a foot or two taller than him with horrible scars on his face and a permanent scowl, not a woman who held herself tall and commanding. She was terrifying in a different way and reminded him of Phasma. She was in her position for a reason. She had earned it, not just had it given to her. 

In the corner of his eye he could make out the guards moving towards him and in a quick motion, he threw the helmet in his hands at the woman, before ducking in time for the first guard to jump over him from a tackle. The next one he grabbed the arm of and tossed him aside. 

Summoning the force, he reached his hand out to the blaster that had been left forgotten on the desk. It shot to his hands on command and he turned it to Wayzac, shooting at her. She dodged out of the way of the red beam and Finn’s arms were seized by the two recovered guards. 

Wayzac rose to her feet and carefully straightened her black top. Her pristine bun was falling out now, red locks framing her face. Blood dripped from her nose in so crimson a color that it made her face a ghostly pale. The helmet he threw must have hit her. 

She sniffed and used the back of her hand to wipe the blood from her lips, brilliant eyes still bright even with the dark look she shot at Finn. “Take him to the interrogation room. I will deal with him myself.” She sniffed again as more blood dripped down her chin, but she didn’t bother to wipe it away this time, instead letting it glisten on her shirt as it soaked into the black fabric. 

Finn was dragged from the room and he struggled to come up with another idea. He could try using the force again, but he was still having issues summoning it in pressuring situations when he actually needed it. 

He was shoved down the hall and tripped, falling to his hands and knees while two large crashes sounded somewhere behind him. He scrambled back to his feet to find that both of the guards were on the floor, unmoving. They must have hit the wall. But what had done that to them? He hadn’t done it. 

He didn’t have time to think about it. Not now that Wayzac had left her room at the noise, Finn’s blaster in her hand. She shot at him and he could feel the heat off of the bolt as it grazed across his cheek. There was a sharp pulling on his arm that forced Finn into motion, running down the hall as the blaster went off several more times behind him, each beam of light narrowly missing him and sending sparks to erupt from the metal walls of the hall. 

An alarm blared and Finn’s heart went into overdrive. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but there was something guiding him. He didn't know if he could put a name to it or if maybe it was just the force, but he found himself back tracking the same way that he had come. 

He skidded to a halt, arms flaying as he tried to catch his balance from the sudden stop. A line of white armor greeted him, all with blasters trained on him. He spun around to head back the way he had come but found it blocked by Wayzac whose hair had fully fallen from its updo and was now cascading down her back and in her face. 

She fired a single shot and Finn jumped as it left a scorched mark on the floor by his feet. She growled and raced forward. Where was he supposed to go? He tried to use the force with an outstretched hand, but the helping power illuded him. 

“Son of Bantha!” he hissed. 

There was a push at his back and he tumbled towards a wall. There was another violent push and Finn’s hands shot out to catch him as he fell. But the fall was much further down than he anticipated and his stomach rose before the sudden halt, his efforts doing nothing to break his fall. 

He clambered to his feet, turning back only to find brilliant white decorations hanging seemingly in the air by themselves with nothing to support them. He inhaled deeply and exhaled, hands going to his knees in his difficulty of catching his breath. 

“I think a _you’re welcome_ wouldn’t be too far fetched,” a sarcastic voice said, causing Finn to jump. 

His eyes widened as they landed on a tall and ragged looking Kylo Ren who appeared just as out of breath as Finn did. Finn took a step back in shock. He hadn’t realized how tall Kylo had been when he was always hunched over. Finn was used to seeing Kylo with his mask on, but his voice had given him away. Even without the electronic deviation Finn knew it was him. 

“You-You-” Finn stuttered, unable to find his voice. 

This caused Ben to turn around with stunned look plastered across his whole face. “You can hear me?” he asked, voice dry. 

“You’re alive!” Finn finally got out, taking another step away. 

Ben glanced down at himself as if he were afraid he was nothing more than smoke. “You can see me.” 

“You're standing in front of me, of course I can see you!” Finn shot back.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There it sat, hovering in the air just as the stormtroopers blaster bolts had. It whirled and hummed fiercely, leaving Rey wide eyed and fighting to stay upright.

* * *

“So Kylo-” Ben winced at the name and couldn’t help but think that Finn said it on purpose, “-Why are you helping me?” 

“Moment of weakness, I assure you,” Ben retorted. Two could play this game, it was second nature to him now. “You can’t go back there. They’ll have dismantled your ship by now. Wayzac isn’t one to mess around.” 

“And where do you expect me to go?” 

“Welcome to the Vergence Scatter.” Ben held his hands out dramatically, motioning around them. “All of time and space colliding in one place. Take your pick.” There was still ice to Ben’s tone that he couldn’t seem to drop. He could feel the irritation coming off of Finn. Ben always figured that Finn would be the one he would have the hardest time connecting with. Ben had been the one who had ordered Finn to go to conditioning after he had first met the pilot Poe. Conditioning was not the kindest process and he didn’t blame the man before him hating him for it. “Though I would suggest going through the portal over there.” 

He was surprised in himself that he hadn’t been turned around in all of the commotion as he pointed to where the hallway outside of the archives waited, a dim light in the distance. 

“So she wasn’t crazy,” Finn muttered more to himself than to Ben, but Ben heard it all the same. “You’ve been here the whole time?” 

“Not exactly,” Ben answered, arms folded over his chest. Was there a point in explaining everything to Finn? He really didn’t need to know more than the basics, not that Ben was sure he could communicate in a way that was understandable about something he had very limited information on himself. “But that doesn’t matter now.” 

“If you can travel anywhere in here, why aren’t you with Rey right now? Why don’t we see you on that side when you’re there?” 

Ben was silent, trying to come up with an answer. “I think that it has to do with the fact that I’m dead. I really don’t belong on that side so I don’t show up.” 

“But you can manipulate things over there,” Finn said more than asked as he wandered around to another portal that was nearby. He froze as he watched a scene unfold before him that he hadn’t been privy to. It almost felt wrong to watch it, as if he wasn’t allowed to. 

“You mean the blaster bolts?” Ben’s voice asked faintly. “I can use the force to help me, but most of the time it’s like I don’t exist.” 

Finn wasn’t paying attention to the man behind him anymore as he observed what was in front of him. Kylo Ren fighting beside Rey in some sort of deep dark cave. Only, that wasn’t Kylo. Finn understood now what Rey had meant. It was Ben Solo she was fighting beside. The man had a youth to him, a power that he hadn’t had as Kylo. And he fought, not with anger, but with skill and knowledge. 

An old decrepit man hidden in a cloak spoke, his voice crackling and malicious. It made Finn shutter. He had never heard someone’s voice hold so much evil to it. There was no other words to describe it. The voice was evil. 

Both Ben and Rey were drained of their life force, their energy, Finn wasn’t quite sure. And then Ben was tossed away, like a discarded data tape. Rey stood with a strength in her eyes that Finn had never seen before, both lightsabers taking the brunt of lightning that was being shot at her. And before it had really began, it was over. Rey dropping to her knees, her last breath leaving her body. 

Finn couldn’t bring himself to look away as the same feeling set in as it had that day. An unexplainable immense sadness and dread. But now he had the reason. He had seen it with his own eyes. 

He knew the story. She had told them more than enough times in an attempt to change their opinions towards Ben, but it wasn’t until he saw it with his own eyes that he finally understood. An injured Ben pulling himself from a fall he should have never survived and dragging himself back to Rey. He hugged her tightly and placed a gentle hand to her abdomen, taking the air from his own lungs and giving it to her. 

Her eyes lit up and then the kiss. Rey had never mentioned that they had shared that moment together. He could come up with a million reasons as to why, most of them having to do with the fact that they hated him. Each one of them had their own special reason to, but Rey... She couldn’t hate him and now Finn understood why she fought so hard for him, defended him tirelessly from their merciless jabs. 

“You love her,” Finn said, breaking Ben from his rant about why Finn wasn’t listening to him. Finn turned around to see a dumbfounded Ben who was taken aback by the comment. 

Ben quickly gained control of himself, but not quickly enough. “What makes you think that?” 

“You brought her back to life.” 

There was a light dusting that covered Ben’s cheeks and Finn looked away, embarrassed at the idea that Ben had more complex emotions than Kylo could have ever expressed. 

“I-I...” Ben bit his lip. He didn’t like this conversation. It was far too open and he wasn’t comfortable with the concept. “It was something that needed to be done.” 

Finn shook his head, seeing right through Ben’s excuses. “You did it because you wanted to. You didn’t have to protect her. You could have taken that throne, but you gave everything you had worked so hard to build up for her.” 

“So what?” 

Finn rolled his eyes. “So, I was wrong about you.” Ben’s eyes immediately met Finn’s. “And I’m sorry.” 

Ben’s mouth fell open slightly, but he swiftly closed it, nodding. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. What was he supposed to say? What did anyone ever say? It’s ok? Thank you, maybe. We’ll get it right next time? 

“Right, well, I’m sure they are expecting to hear back from you. I would suggest you get going.” Ben pointed back to the portal that led back to Naboo. “And tell them to hurry. It’s getting tiresome to watch you read books all day long.” 

Finn’s eyebrows rose, but he pushed away his question. “Uh, of course.” Without another word Finn went in the indicated direction, leaving Ben to untangle this new wave of emotions that he didn’t like. 

One feeling stuck out above all of the others though. A feeling that he hadn’t been able to shake since they had returned from The Finalizer. He was being watched. There were eyes drilling into the back of his head. He was so sure of it, but when he searched for the source he came up empty. 

It nagged at him as he made his way back to the door Finn had disappeared through and stepped through it himself, feeling dizzy again as the air was drawn from his lungs as the blackness shimmered and made way for the hallway of Naboo. 

His knees gave way beneath him, a deep exhaustion driving into his bones as he released his hold on the force. 

“You found it!” Rose yelled, throwing her arms around Finn and placing a kiss against his cheek. 

“Why didn’t you tell anyone you had lost it?” Finn asked as he passed the necklace off to Rose. 

“I didn’t want to be a bother,” she replied softly as she clasped it around her neck. 

Finn gave a kind smile before turning his attention to Rey and Poe who were staring at him, frozen in a state of shock. “I have the keys,” he offered, holding out the set for someone to take. Poe reached out with a shaky hand to grab them. “Rey, I’m sorry for everything I said about Ben. I can’t promise that my feelings towards him will change over night, but I will do my best to think about what I say before I say it.” 

“What?” Rey gasped out, all of the questions finally crashing through her lips. “How are you here? Why are you dressed like that? What do you mean about the thing with Ben? Why-”

“Breathe Rey,” Poe interrupted, his hand taking her shoulder assuringly. "And what happened to your face?" 

Finn pulled a chair to him and sat down. "The Vergence Scatter is real. I was there." 

"How did you get through without the keys?" Rose asked. 

"It was Ben." 

  
  


Rey closed her eyes, letting the smell and sound of the waves wash over her, the sand warm against her bare feet. 

They would be leaving tomorrow to go to Ahch-To, but something hadn't been sitting right with her since Finn had returned. 

The way that he had explained the events made it sound like that woman knew he was there. And if she knew he was on that planet, did they know that the resistance group was on Naboo? 

No. There was no way. Finn had come back through the netherworld. Ben had helped him pass through it without the key, all of them agreeing to the theory that since Ben was trapped there that he didn’t need a key to go wherever he wanted. If Finn had traveled through the netherworld then the First Order wouldn't have been able to track him back to them. 

Then why did she still feel so uneasy? Why couldn't she drop the feeling? This place was absolutely gorgeous and everything that Rey could have possibly imagined and the queen was one of the kindest people that Rey had ever met, so why was there this impending doom looming over her? Something just wasn’t sitting right. 

Ben looked over the ocean that was a deep menacing blue. He shifted his weight in the sand and glanced down at Rey who had a crease in her brow and whose hands were trembling just slightly. 

“You can feel it too, can’t you?” Ben wondered aloud. “Something’s wrong.” 

Rey inhaled deeply, her shoulders moving with her breath, but the crease in her brown own grew and she turned her head as if she were trying to hear something off in the distance. Ben’s eyes squinted to see better across the sun reflecting off the water. Something on the horizon caught his attention. It was far off, but it was unmistakable as a ship. 

Rey jumped into action so quickly that it made Ben flinch. She pulled on her shoes haphazardly, ignoring the sand that was in them and got to her feet, racing back towards the palace. She ran through the maze of halls until she found her room and burst in to find Poe and Finn both asleep, one on the floor, the other sprawled out on the couch in the warm afternoon sun. 

“We need to go,” Rey announced at an octaval near a yell. The two jumped awake with a start. “We need to go now!” She ran to her room and gathered up all of her things, shoving them into her bag along with the several most important books she had been reading. “Finn, can you go alert the others? Poe, go ready the Falcon.” 

“What are you going to do?” Poe asked as he pushed himself from the floor and readied himself to do the tasks set for them. 

“Don’t worry about me. If you need to, take off without me. Here.” She tossed her bag to Poe who just barely caught it. “You two get everyone out of here.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s Wayzac,” Finn answered. “She’s coming.” 

“You two with your creepy little feelings,” Poe grumbled as he rushed out of the door, his own bag over his shoulder, Rey’s in hand. 

“Keep everyone safe Finn,” Rey instructed as she raced from the room. 

She ran as quickly as she could down the hallway, finding her way back to the throne room where she was sure Queen Cordella would be, listening to a droning meeting that she often had to attend. She had returned early from her important engagement and Rey wished that she hadn’t. 

She burst through the door, not breaking her stride for a moment at yells that followed her and several men trying to grab her. She came to a halt before the young girl who was wearing robes as grand as the ones that she had been wearing the first time Rey had seen her. Rey was grateful to find that she had her hair down with a simple beaded veil over her face. 

“You’re not safe here, Your Highness,” Rey said, her chest heaving with her breath, hand on her saber, feet antsy and ready to move. “A First Order ship is fast approaching. We need to get you out of here now.” 

“How dare you enter this room without-” Her adviser fell silent as she held up her hand and rose to her feet gracefully. 

“Of course, Jedi Skywalker,” she said with an almost apologetic look in her eyes from using such formal terms. But Rey understood. Titles needed to used when she was in the eye of the public. “Where do you suggest I go?” 

“Come with us to Ahch-To. We can protect you there,” Rey offered, unsure of what else she could say. 

“I will not abandon my people,” Queen Cordella said firmly. Rey wasn’t sure if she had ever heard a voice so strong and direct before and wondered if all queens had to go to some sort of training to be able to command a room like she could. 

“If we move you away, your people will be protected.” 

“If I recall correctly, they are after the Reliance. That is you, not my people or me. If you leave, we will be safe.” 

Rey was taken aback by the words. How could the queen be so shortsighted? Did she not understand that the First Order didn’t care if they left? They would still attack this place regardless. 

“I-”

“Thank you Master Jedi, I will be more than happy to alert my people of the incoming threat, but I will not leave them,” Cordella interrupted. “May you be safe in your travels.” The queen gave a small nod pointed at Rey before she motioned Sabin to her side, whispering something to the handmaiden that Rey could not pick up. Sabin gave a single nod before she ran off. 

Rey glanced around the room before her eyes met the queen’s. Rey wanted to fight, to help in some way, but she knew that she could never convince the queen to desert her allegiance to the people of Naboo. 

With guilt wrapping around her throat and making it hard to breathe, Rey finally accepted what her role was meant to be. “I hope we meet again, Your Highness,” Rey said, her mouth sticky. “Thank you for your kindness. I’m sorry we have brought war to your doorstep.” 

The young girl’s words were simple, but rang clear throughout the room. “May the force always be with you, Master Skywalker.” 

And for the first time since Tatooine the name didn’t feel so heavy or burdensome. For once it made Rey feel strong as she turned with a sad smile and ran from the room. Maybe she could still lead the ship away. She still had a shot to deflect the incoming battle away from this peaceful place and maybe someday she would be able to return here. 

Rey could see the ship fully now, the whole Finalizer blocking out most of the sky as it loomed overhead. Rey’s feet hit the sand of the beach and she had to struggle to keep her balance as the sand shifted beneath her shoes, much more fluid than the sand on Jakku was. 

She ignited her saber at her side as she ran, hoping it would draw the attention she wanted so it was all focused on her and only her. And it must have had the desired effect because there was an ear shattering shriek and a wall of sand jumped up beside her, making the ground shake under her feet enough to tumble her to the ground. 

She rolled across the coarse sand, feeling it tear up her bare arms. But she didn’t have time to think about it. She pushed up to her knees, scouring for her saber that had flown from her hand. 

A hissing sound caught her attention and she floundered through the sand to where the hilt peaked out. She ripped it from the beach’s grip and could only stare in awe for a moment at the glass it had created before another wave of sand crashed over her. 

Rey wiped at the sand that burned her eyes and got to her feet, running as quickly as she could. More blasts of sand pulled her back to a memory of Jakku when she and Finn had just met. What would be different now if she hadn't helped him?

Rey’s feet came to a rapid stop, skidding as the terrain adjusted to her movements. Ahead of her lay ocean. Miles and miles of it. She didn’t have anywhere else to go now. She had run out of beach. With a swift decision, Rey took off down the beach in the direction of a cove of rocks, boots now wet with sea water. She didn’t care though. It had worked. The Finalizer’s guns were all on her. 

She climbed up the slick rocks, hands burning from the salt water as the sharp edges sliced into her palms. More sand rained down around her, the shots now more sporadic than before. As quickly as her limbs would carry her, she rolled onto the flat top of the rock and was immediately on her feet again, racing across the more forgiving and solid ground beneath her. 

She was running out of room, she knew this. There was a steep cliff on either side of her now, but for some reason she couldn’t stop. Something was leading her to this spot, to the edge. 

There was a deep rumble and a tremor, the ground disappearing from under Rey’s feet. With a collision that knocked the air from her lungs, she felt like she was gliding off the edge of the cove. Instinctively her hand shot out and the force pulled her back to the cliff side, slamming her into the knife like jagged rocks. 

Her lungs begged for air, but she could only wheeze at the deep pain in her chest. With an audible gasp, air raced back into her lungs, bringing her focus to the scattered remnants of the cove crashing down around her. 

This wasn’t how she was going to die. She wasn’t going to be washed away by a crushing ocean wave and she was absolutely not going to be blown off of the side of this planet. She wasn’t done yet. She had far too much that she needed to do. 

She looked around her for some sort of better purchase, but each rock around her was just as weather sharpened as what she currently clung. She closed her eyes with a deep, calming breath before using everything she had in her body to jump upwards. 

Her feet connected with a sturdy foundation once more and Rey stood up tall, hand easily calling her fallen saber back into her hand from where it rested, balanced on the edge. 

Before her sat the massive ship, faced directly at her. 

She could hear the power build up before the next blast was sent in her direction. Her hand reached outward and a blinding light raced towards her, power crackling through the air. It never reached her though. There it sat, hovering in the air just as the stormtroopers blaster bolts had. It whirled and hummed fiercely, leaving Rey wide eyed and fighting to stay upright.

How? How had she done it? The warm support of the force was holding it in place, but there had to be something else helping her. She couldn’t stop have stopped a turbolaser’s bolt on her own, could she? 

“Rey!” 

Rey’s eyes searched for the voice that had almost been buried under the hissing of the bolt and her heart leapt at the Millennial Falcon. They hadn’t left her. The loading dock was lowered and a familiar sight welcomed her. Finn was waiting for her, ready to take her hand like he had a year before when she couldn’t take Kylo’s. 

She turned her attention back to the brilliant light in front of her, her feet sliding at the power held at bay. Her jaw clenched, her teeth gritted as she swiped her hand to the side, time no longer held still. 

With a terrible cry, the bolt careened into the ocean, a flood crashing onto shore and meeting the treeline. 

Rey ran towards Finn, shoving her saber back onto her belt, other hand outstretched and lept from the edge of the cove. Her heart pounded in her throat as Finn’s hand caught her and pulled her onto the Falcon. 

She collapsed into Finn, sending them flying into the loading bay, a wall catching them. 

“What were you kerfing thinking?” Finn demanded. 

But Rey could only lay there with a stupid smile across her lips, too weak to move or reply. They were alive. She laughed and ignored the glare that Finn gave her. She coughed as she steadied her breathing. 

“You’re hurt.” 

Rey hadn’t noticed until the words were said aloud. Her muscles were throbbing and a cold stickiness coated her hands. Finn pulled her to her feet and took on most of her weight as they made their way to the cockpit. 

Rey was dropped into the co-pilot chair and she winced before focusing on what Poe was doing. She sat up with a moan. “You can’t lightspeed skip!” 

“I’m saving our asses,” Poe protested. “They’re still behind us.” 

“And they’ll catch us if the Falcon doesn’t fly!” Rey shot back, ignoring Finn who had returned with a first aid kit, seemingly unperturbed at Poe’s actions. “Han wouldn’t jump without coordinates from the navicomputer.”

“Well, I’m not Han!” 

Out the window a large chasm was present on either side of them, each wall far too tall for them to see the top of. 

“Poe,” Rey warned as The Finalizer materialized in front of them from thin air. 

“I know,” he hissed through his teeth. 

“Poe!” Finn shouted, hand taking the back of Rey’s chair as he stared ahead of them. 

“I know!” 

Light particles began to gather at the turbolaser muzzle and there was a collective breath held between them. 

“Dameron!” Rey yelled, her voice echoing around them. 

Poe gunned the lightspeed lever and the Falcon lurched off, stars flying past them rapidly until they were nothing more but streaks of light. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t know!” 
> 
> “You’re the one who’s hiding him. We know you are. He sent a transmission from your base.”
> 
> “What transmission?” Rey demanded. 

* * *

Ben’s footsteps echoed around him in the all consuming darkness. His curiosity was what continued to pull him back to this place to wander. At first this place had been odd, but now it unnerved him. The feeling of being watched sent shivers down his spine and made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He was more and more certain that there were shadows somehow darker than his surroundings following him. 

Maybe he should have stopped coming here, but everything that he could see heavily outweighed the danger lurking in the background. And what else did he really have to do? 

The last jump had left the Falcon sputtering and on its last limb, giving them just enough leeway to make it to a planet just inside of the Ahch-To Star System. Even though this planet was inside of the Unknown Region and uncharted as far the the group of them could tell, it was heavily populated. 

The falcon had crash landed on the outskirts of a decently sized town, landing less gracefully than Poe had intended. Ben swore he could hear his father’s yells of extreme dissatisfaction. Ben could remember a time when he had accidentally gotten a marble stuck in one of the shifting gears and his father had about fainted, so he was sure this was just more pain than he could handle. 

For now they were laying low, waiting for the repairs to be made after bargaining away Rey’s EMP blaster in place of credits they were sorely lacking in. She only pouted for a moment before BB-8 caught her attention by getting stuck in a hole that the mechanics used to better work on the undercarriage of smaller ships. 

Luckily they hadn’t heard or seen anything from The Finalizer since Naboo and Queen Cordella had been kind enough to inform Rey that her people were perfectly safe thanks to Rey’s mindless stunt that had left everyone fuming with worry. 

Ben paused in front of a portal that displayed a much younger version of his uncle than he could recall. Ben held back a snort as his uncle looked right down the blade emitter. How close had Ben been to never having existed? This nerve burner had saved the galaxy? He almost had a brain full of kyber crystal and then his parents probably would have never met. 

With a shake of his head, Ben moved on. He had learned so much from everything he had seen through these snippets of time and space. There was so much more to the Jedi than he had ever been taught. They were more complex than the proud, righteous people that Snoke had painted them out to be. Sure, they had their flaws and he could see where the rumors had sprouted from how everything collapsed, but they weren't bad people.

And for once, he finally understood his grandfather. Ben had only been told of the greatness that Vader had accomplished within the dark side of the force and Ben had heard stories of Anakin’s fall, but he had never known how many factors played into the event. What it all boiled down to in the end was a scared kid who had felt alone and wanted to protect his family. 

A sharp cry lured his attention away from his thoughts and he turned towards the sound. The voices weren’t uncommon here. Sometimes it became too much for Ben and he had to leave, but that was when the portals decided to display wars that were long past. 

This was different. A cry for help. A voice he had come to know all too well, a voice he had become fond of. 

Rey. 

He followed after the tormented sounds and broke into a run. Those sounds were different from the cries she made when she had nightmares. Those were panicked and worried. These were scared and in pain. 

His feet stopped him in front of a holographic moving picture and he stared. Blood ran freely from a gash in Rey’s brown and her left eye was shut tightly to keep the crimson from dripping into her eye. 

Her chest heaved heavily with her erratic breathing and her teeth were bared. “I don’t know,” she hissed through her teeth, her voice high and strained. 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” another voice demanded, the back of a head with fiery red hair stepped into frame and Ben’s hands clenched into fists. “Where is Kylo Ren?” 

“I don’t know where he is!” Rey gasped out. She winced with a small whimper as a hot metal rod pressed against her arm. “I don’t know!” 

“You’re the one who’s hiding him. We know you are. He sent a transmission from your base.”

“What transmission?” Rey demanded. 

There was an icy, annoyed laugh that made Ben want to punch something. He knew what that laughter meant. He had heard it many times when he had pissed Wayzac off. It meant she was ready for a fight and wasn’t afraid to take action. Everyone else knew she had murdered her own husband and her husband’s boyfriend when she saw them together. Those had always been rumors of course, but no one had ever found their bodies and Wayzac always wore a smirk when their names were mentioned. 

Ben regretted it now. He had pissed her off so often for fun when Hux wasn’t around to annoy. Hux's sister was so much easier to upset anyways. He knew she had it out for him and if that laugh was any indication, she was going to find him if it killed her. 

The red hot rod was placed back against Rey’s arm and she didn’t move, just let a silent tear fall down her cheek. 

“He sent a transmission with orders as the Supreme Leader. It was from Ajan Kloss. Where are you hiding him?” 

Ben’s balance shifted from foot to foot as he fought the urge to help. He couldn’t and he knew he couldn’t, but that didn’t stop his hands from feeling restless. He had tried going through future portals before, but they were solid as if a wall were in front of them, like the universe was saying that it was a bad idea. And this had to be the future. As far as Ben was aware, Rey had never met Wayzac. He would have known. She also didn’t have any scarring from the burns. 

This scene was his fault. All his fault. He sent the transmission. He claimed the title of Supreme Leader, which he had never truly wanted, just felt obligated to take. He left her alone. He had abandoned her and she was there, right in reach. Close enough to help. And he couldn’t. He never could. Had he ever helped her in his entire life? He had given her everything of him, but it still felt like he fell short. Like he could never be anything more than he was, which was no better than the dust on the foot of a droid. 

There wouldn’t have been much that could have pulled Ben away from what he was watching unfold, but a rumbling growl was one of them. A sound that shook the floor. A sound that he had never heard before. 

It echoed around and felt endless. Ben whipped about to find two large bright eyes staring out at him through the darkness, trained on him. 

His heart stopped and he could only gape. He hadn’t believed his uncle’s story. He had been so sure that Ezra had made it up. The monster was real. Here in front of him. 

The feeling of being watched suddenly felt more weighted than the paranoia that he had dismissed it as. 

But that’s all the monster was. A pair of piercing eyes. Ben couldn’t differentiate between what was Netherworld and what was creature. And maybe there wasn’t a difference. Maybe they were one in the same. Something so ancient it had fallen out of record and no one knew where it began or ended. 

Ben couldn’t say he wanted to stick around and find out though. With small steps, keeping his eyes locked with the floating pair, he stepped backwards towards the Achc-To star system portal he had traveled through before. 

“What do we do once we find him?” Finn asked, breaking up the quiet and lazy afternoon, a vase he had been floating around the room passing by his face for what felt like the thousandth time. 

“We don’t know if we will find him,” Rey pointed out gloomily, picking boredly at the bandages on her hands. “Luke might have been wrong.”

“He was right about the wayfinder. Why would he be wrong about this?” Poe pointed out, eating a grape from a bowl, feet up lazily on the table. He returned to picking at the dirt under his nails with a knife. 

“We finish dismantling what we can of the First Order, I suppose,” Rey answered with a sigh. 

“The ship is ready,” an excited voice called, both Rose and Connix racing into the rented room with smiles.

“Son of bantha!” Poe shouted, getting to his feet immediately, making both Rey and Finn jump. “About time.” 

The vase that Finn had been playing with dropped, but Rey caught it before it shattered on the floor. Rey placed the vase aside and followed the group into town to retrieve the Falcon. 

Rey couldn’t help but glance to the side of her at a nervous and angry energy that was floating about. She had become better at picking up on subtle hints of Ben’s presence and had been annoyed at herself for not realizing earlier that he had been there all along, always right beside her. 

What had him so worked up? She hadn’t felt this kind of energy since their fight on the Death Star. Even now it was a touch different, but just as strong. He was more anxious than scared and the anger was very specific and pointed, instead of at the whole world. 

She wished there was something she could do to calm him down, know what was so heavy on his mind that he was putting off so much energy. 

She hesitantly held her hand out just enough to be taken but not enough to look awkward as Poe went to argue prices with the mechanic they had already paid. 

Ben didn’t miss the gesture, but it was still surprising to him. With uncertainty Ben slid his fingers against her palm and felt her hand close around his lightly. He released a deep breath he didn’t know he had and his shoulders relaxed from their tense hold. He wasn’t sure if she could feel his grasp, but he was thankful to her nonetheless. It didn't put him at ease from all of his millions of thoughts that swirled around like a vortex in his mind, but it did take the edge off. 

Poe returned, swearing so violently under his breath that it had both Rose and Connix turning a bright shade of red. He sighed, hands on his hips. “Let’s get out of here. Rey, you better know where we’re going.” 

The island stood strong against the harsh waves that crashed against its rocky cliffs. A storm was just dissipating, the dark clouds still clinging to the sky. 

"So this is where he was all these years," Finn muttered. 

"Wouldn't mind hiding here," Poe said with a look of awe on his face. 

Rey smiled. "It is beautiful," she agreed. She hadn't given it much thought the last few times she had been here. There had been too much emotion flying around. 

The falcon circled the island, searching for the best place to land while Finn went to tell the two girls who had come along that they were almost landing. The rest of the resistance had wanted to stay behind in the town that had repaired the Falcon and Rey, Finn and Poe had agreed that it would be safer for them to stay there or return to Naboo where the queen was more than happy to give them lodging. 

"What's that burnt ship?" Poe asked. Rey's face turned red and she was certain she could hear Ben ask,

"You burnt my ship?" 

"It was Kylo's," Rey explained, waving away any further questions. Poe gave her a skeptical look, but didn't push it. 

"I can't believe you burnt my ship," Ben muttered again as they left the remains on the cliff side for a small patch of rocky beach. "You could have destroyed the wayfinder."

Ben couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw Rey glance back with a smirk in her eyes and an air of _I didn't, though._

Ben looked over the island curiously while the Falcon began to descend. For whatever reason he didn't see his uncle living in a place like this. And maybe that had been the whole point. Ben would have never looked here. He had been searching desert planets mostly because he knew that was going to be where his uncle was most comfortable. 

But there was something special about this place. He could feel it now before they had even touched down. There was something powerful here. Something strong with the force, like this is where it had originated in the beginning. 

Rey's training had begun here, he had figured that out the night they had first torched hands. Luke appearing before the force bond abruptly ended had enlightened Ben of that much. 

Ben couldn't help but wonder if maybe Rey had gotten more out of her training than Ben had. He wanted to explore this island so thoroughly, see what made it tick, why it felt so old and so full of history. Why was the force so strong here? 

Before the Falcon had even touched down, there was a familiar pull behind his rib cage and all the air rushed from his lungs, leaving him a gasping mess on the floor.

A black floor.

Ben pushed himself onto his hands and knees, coughing as air cooled the burning in his lungs.

When he had finally straightened up, his breathing normal once more, his eyes widened. He was back in the room of portals. He hurried to his feet and came face to face with those eyes that sent his heart into a downward spiral and him stumbling backwards away from them. He turned away with his hands to his head as he paced. Ben didn’t understand. He hadn’t come here on his own. So why was he here now?

The eyes watched his every move as he raced towards the portal he always used to travel between the two spaces, but found that it black. There was nothing there. No island, no ocean and certainly no Rey.

His hand stretched out to it, fingertips resting flat against an icy black surface. What was he supposed to do? How was he meant to get back? He couldn’t just stay here. He was meant to be out there, with the rest of them. He could live the rest of his life as an afterthought if it meant that he could get out and away from the sick feeling that was building in his chest from the way the room felt like it was breathing and those eyes bore into him.

His eyes flickered around him and he ignored a shutter that went through him as he met those eyes again.

Ben raced to the next closest portal, a large field of wildflowers and large waterfalls coming to life. His hand reached out to it only to be met with the same cold surface. Maybe this was the future. Maybe he just needed to find another place to go.

The next was the same, blocked off by some sort of force. He frantically tried another and another, all with the same result.

Finally, he fell to the floor, breathing hard. He was trapped. He couldn’t get out. The same panic began to set in as when he had first found out that people couldn’t see or hear him. Only this time there was no one to scream at, no one to have fake conversations with so that he didn’t lose his mind. This time he just had to watch everything play out in front of him with no hope of getting through to what was on the other side of these flickers of time and space.

He had force traveled here before. Maybe he could just do it again. If the force had helped him find this place, then the force could help him find his way out.

Doing his best to ignore the intense drilling against his back, he sat with eyes closed tight and deep breaths.

The spray of water across his face was cold and sharp. His eyes flickered open in anticipation that it had worked and he was back on that island, but darkness was all that welcomed him.

He glanced behind himself and found what looked like light rain coming through one of the ornate white portals. He rose to his feet and met a raging, angry ocean with dark menacing clouds that hung in the sky. Before he could stop himself, his hand reached out.

Ben sneered, jaw clenched, heart twisting with aggravation as his fingers halted against the invisible wall that had blocked off all of the other portals.

Why could he feel the wind in his hair and the sea spray against his face? Maybe he had opened the portal. Maybe it just wasn’t enough. Maybe he could still somehow get through it if he focused all of his energy on it.

“I know what I have to do, but I don’t know If I have the strength to do it,” his own voice greeted him. There was no answer but he could feel the warmth of his father’s rough hand on his cheek, his stomach twisting.

All he saw was open ocean. Not Rey running off in his ship, not Finn and the other woman racing away from him, not his father and not him.

This moment felt so far away now. A deciding moment lost to time. It had felt so prominent then. So absolute and galaxy shaking, but now he was certain that it no longer mattered. It had mattered though, he had to remind himself. It might have only mattered to one person, but to Rey, it had mattered. That much he was sure of. The hope in her eyes when they met on Exegol was enough to prove it to him.

That didn’t explain why this scene was playing out in front of him. What did he have to learn from this? Most other echoes had meant something, taught him something about history that he hadn’t known before. He was sure that even that meadow from earlier was important. What was important about this a stupid scuffle on a demolished and rusted Death Star?

Whatever it was, he was going to take it as his out. With all of his strength and all of the Force he could find that prickled up his arms, he pushed against that wall, throwing his shoulder into it for good measure. The wind pushed against him as if it were trying to keep him in place. His shoes slipped on the floor as he struggled to keep pressure on the portal. As the burn in his arms began to set in, his feet finally slipped out from under him and he caught himself on his knees, hands still pressed against the wall. He groaned and defeatedly pressed his head against the portal. What was the point?

A shrill clinking didn’t let him sit in self pity long. His heart jumped from how loud it was and his eyes darted behind him to the pair that was still watching him. It wasn’t the monster. He turned back to the portal just in time to see the hilt of a lightsaber jump off of parts of the Death Star and head towards the ocean below. Instinctively, he pulled at the object and couldn’t help a smile spread over his lips as the weapon stopped midair and flew with an unnatural speed towards him.

The weight was familiar as the lightsaber pressed into his open palm.

With a simple push of the activation lever, a red hissing light appeared giving Ben his first truly relaxed breath since he had been caged here. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had a shape now. For the first time ever the darkness had a shape and it was more terrifying than the emptiness had been. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I couldn't wait. I am so excited for this chapter that I just needed to post it. This story isn't done by a long shot, I just started writing chapter 20, but I think this is a turning point in this story and probably what all of you have been waiting for.

* * *

“Will you stop?” Rey snapped, causing both Finn and Poe to jump. The thunking stopped, Poe’s knife now stuck in the tabletop where he had been casually throwing it into the wood over and over again. Rey’s face fell and she looked at her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I-I didn’t mean...” She exhaled sharply through her nose trying to gather her thoughts in a way that wouldn’t come out sounding like she was still upset. 

“Is everything alright?” Finn asked, looking up from a book he had taken a liking to when he had found Rey’s bag in the Falcon. 

“We searched all day long and we-”

“We’ll find it,” Poe assured. “There’s still plenty of island to explore.”

Rey huffed, blowing a fly away hair from her face. She couldn’t stop her heart from fluttering like the wings of carrier butterflies. Ben had disappeared. She was sure of it. His presence was gone the moment they stepped foot on the island. He had been gone before, more so the last few days than normal, but he hadn’t come back this time and it was bothering Rey more than she could ever hope to explain to Finn and Poe

“I’m going to get some air,” she announced, rising easily to her feet and hurrying from the room. She stalked around the small group of huts that had been her home while training under Master Luke, but nothing was helping. Not the walk, not the cool air, and definitely not being alone with her thoughts. So she went to a hut on the opposite side of the small clearing and knocked on the door. “Do you mind if I join you?” she called through the door. 

“We were wondering when you were going to leave those boring men,” Rose teased as she opened the door. Warmth greeted Rey from a fire they had lit and Rose pulled Rey into the room. Connix gave Rey a kind smile and Rey took a seat on the floor next to her. “I bet the conversations are just riveting.” 

Rey snorted. “If you think sitting in quiet for an hour is riveting.”

“I’m sure we can come up with something to talk about,” Connix guaranteed, her smile widening in a teasing way. “So what has made you so set on finding Ben Solo?” 

Rey froze and could feel a blush come to her cheeks. She looked away from the two girls and both of them broke out in laughter. “You like him!” Rose accused. 

“I do not,” Rey shot back far too quickly. The two girls only laughed harder. Was it that obvious? Did everyone know that she liked him? She knew that Finn did. He had explained how he saw them kiss in one of the nether-portals. That had made her blush much worse than she was now, but that didn’t change the fact that her blushing made her embarrassed for blushing, which in turn made her turn a far darker color. “He’s just in trouble and needs help. He saved me, I am simply returning the favor.” 

“Keep lying to yourself,” Connix said, wiping at her eyes at the tears that had gathered there. Had it really been that funny? Rey didn’t think so, but Rose must have. 

She gently nudged Rey’s arm, clutching a stitch in her side. “We were only teasing. If he needs help and we’re simply helping, then cool.” 

“But we don’t believe you,” Connix added, making both of them burst up again. 

A small smile came to Rey’s lips and she hid her face in her hands with her own small laugh. An easiness settled into her body at how happy the two girls were. Maybe there wasn’t anything inherently wrong at the moment and the tension that was around the boys had just been far too much. Maybe she just needed a moment to not think about everything that she had been so focused on. To just let herself be happy. 

_It had a shape now. For the first time ever the darkness had a shape and it was more terrifying than the emptiness had been._

_Eyes that were as bright as a sun and spit fire just the same. Towering, as tall as some of the buildings that scraped the sky. But with its height there was no true form. It was a shadow, fluid in movement that had the resemblance of fur. There were four legs with paws when it stepped, but they were quickly swallowed back into the shadow like a drop of rain that was lost to an ocean wave._

_The sound that it made was far different than anything Rey had ever heard. Something deep and primal that made the world around it shudder and shake. But the sound didn’t come from its movement. This behemoth had acquired the ability to move with stealth over the past dozen lifetimes Rey was sure that it had lived. It had an ancient aura about it._

_There was a brilliant glitter as teeth bared in a sneer, red pigment gleaming off of them from an unstable, crackling light._

_Rey’s fingers clawed at the wall before her, cracks now splintering off from her fingertips, the frost melting away to reveal a man hunched over, an arm clutching around his middle with a lightsaber clenched tightly in his fist. A lightsaber that had been thrown into the ocean._

_“Ben!” she shouted, her voice echoing back to her._

_He didn’t take notice of her in the slightest. He never did. Instead he lunged at the beast and Rey gasped, both hands going to her mouth at how easily it swatted him away with its paw before snapping at him with its dagger like teeth, tearing smoothly through Ben’s arm, blood rapidly beginning to pool down his arm and to the floor._

_Rey stepped back frantically, searching for something, absolutely anything that would help her, but she was only met with a pool of water in a rocky cave. Her breath caught in her chest as she looked around more closely. She knew this cave. She was sure of it, but the memory was foggy and slipping away the longer she looked at it._

_A pounding sound made her turn back to find Ben’s fist hitting the wall between them. “Rey!” he shouted as the creature raced towards him. “Rey!”_

“...up Rey!” 

Rey shot up, lightsaber in hand, the blade coming to life. The two girls jumped back at the yellow glow, leaving Rey gasping on the floor where she had fallen asleep, adrenaline racing through her body, her heart beating in her ears. 

“Are you alright?” Rose asked, the first of the two to overcome the sudden fright. “You were screaming.” 

Rey glanced around, still trying to take in her surroundings. She didn’t remember falling asleep and she definitely didn’t have the time or wherewithal to figure it out. The glow from the balde faded as Rey turned off and lowered the weapon, blinking several times in the shifting light before she had finally straightened out that she wasn’t in any danger. 

“I know where he is,” she finally muttered, clambering to her feet. 

“Who Rey?” Rose called after her as the young Jedi raced from the hut as quickly as her still sleeping limbs would let her. 

She didn’t bother knocking as she entered the boy’s hut, hurriedly calling their names. Poe groaned, being pulled from sleep and Finn dropped his book in surprise. “Where are the keys?” she demanded breathlessly, digging through their bags. 

“Calm down,” Finn said, getting to his feet, book forgotten on the floor. “What’s going on?”

Poe rubbed his eyes groggily. “They’re in my bag,” he mumbled. Rey raced to his pack and began to dig through it. “What’s happening?” 

“I know where the door is,” Rey explained, tossing items over her shoulder carelessly, not noticing the annoyed look from Poe at the mistreatment of his stuff. “I’ve seen it before.” 

“What?” Poe got to his feet and took a stand next to Finn who was standing clear of Rey and the things she was throwing. “Where?” 

“Why don’t we slow down for a minute and think about this,” Finn suggested hopefully. 

“We don’t have time to think about this,” Rey insisted frustratedly. “Did you send them to Zonama Sekot?” 

Poe sighed and went over, snatching his bag from Rey’s hands and digging into a pocket on the front, holding out the set of keys. Rey ripped them from his hands and rose back to her feet, trying to run from the hut, but was held back at a strong arm around her waist. 

“Let me go Finn,” she ordered. 

“Where is the door?” he asked, grip still tight around her. 

“In a cave. I need to go. Ben is in trouble.”

“Your nightmare,” Poe said before grabbing his blaster from the table that now had multiple dents in it from his knife. Rey nodded and Finn released her at Poe’s actions. Finn was always so skeptical, but Poe was always so ready to believe her with anything she said. Anything at all and she would have to thank him for that later, but for right now there were more pressing matters. “Where is this cave?” 

Rey couldn’t help but give a half smile. “Follow me.” She ran from the room, both Finn and Poe following after her, giving orders for the other two to stay put as they ran past the huts and off into the rocky landscape. “I had always wondered why this island felt so strong. There was something here the whole time, something ancient,” she explained. “I felt it during my training with Luke. Life, death, dark light, space and time. I had been so close all along.” 

“What are you talking about?” Poe asked as he jumped a large rock in their path. 

“The force. The balance between everything. It all began here,” Rey said. 

“As did time and space,” Finn added, catching on to what she had been saying. He thought he had been alone in the feeling this island gave off. It was special. Something powerful. Something so old that no one could remember it. 

Rey came to a stop at the edge of a ledge and Poe and Finn stopped beside her, breathing hard. “It’s down there.” 

Poe leaned over the edge and bit his tongue at the sight of a large perfectly circular hole in the rock beneath them that had some kind of vegetation growing around it that looked an awful lot like Rathtar tentacles. He watched as Finn and Rey jumped down with little hesitation and he grumbled under his breath, swinging his arms to get his body into it. 

“Poe!” Rey called up to him. 

He shook his head. “I have a bad feeling about this.” With one final swing of his arms, he jumped down, the momentum sending him to his knees, hands in the mess of slimy vines. He jolted away from it, wiping his hands on his pants. 

Finn chuckled and grabbed Poe’s arm and pulled him to his feet. Poe gave him a nod of thanks, stepping back from the hole ever further. Rey simply moved towards it, looking down into it. 

“You’ll land in water. Follow me,” she instructed, jumping down without a second thought. 

The splash of icy water was instantaneous and shocked the air from her lungs. She returned to the surface, inhaling deeply, her breath hanging deadly in the air. She turned her head at two more splashes before the three of them swam to the edge of the cave. Rey helped the others onto the small ledge and turned, shivering, to the mirror like wall that was slick with condensation. 

A tension hung suspended in the air, something just as powerful, if not more than the first time she had been here. She remembered it so clearly. Something that seemed to go on forever, but there was a beginning and an end. She had found it and at the end she had found herself. But now there was something else on the other side of this rock. 

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, nervous for what she would find, keys held so tightly in her hand they were starting to dig through the now soaked bandages. Making up her mind to stop being afraid for once in her life, she took a confident stride to the wall and her hand slid up against the cold rock. 

“What are we looking for exactly?” Finn questioned as he walked to length of it one way while Poe followed in the opposite direction. 

Rey stared back at her murky reflection, her warm breath clearing up the frost on the almost mirror like surface. She closed her eyes and focused as deeply as she could on the force. The light, the dark, life and death, but space and time were so overwhelming she was finding it hard to concentrate on them. Her nose scrunched up as she wound her way through the twists and turns within that feeling. 

“You were right,” a voice said in astonishment beside her. 

Rey opened her eyes and stared out at her dream. A dream she had seen every night for months. A dream that she had never wanted to be real, had hoped was never real. A dream of a monster and a good man. A dream that had Ben dead at the end of it. It couldn’t be real. It wouldn’t be real. She wasn’t going to let it be real. 

“Someone find somewhere for the keys to go,” Rey instructed, forcing herself to look away from Ben’s fight to help her friends. The search continued on for far longer than Rey had wanted it to. When the three of them had come up empty, Rey couldn’t help but let out a frustrated growl, eyes watching as that monstrous paw swiped at Ben. “What do we do?” 

“Use the force,” Poe said sarcastically. “It’s always been so helpful before.” 

Rey blinked several times, mentally scolding herself for not having thought of that earlier. Why would somewhere as old as time itself have an actual place for keys to work? All in all, she hadn’t really understood the keys, but it was all she had to work with. 

She sat down, keys outstretched in her palm and closed her eyes, hearing Luke’s words in her head from what felt like so long ago. 

_Breathe. Just breathe. Reach out with your feelings._

So she did. She tried so hard to, but with no one to guide her she felt like she was floundering. She didn’t know what she was supposed to be feeling. Ben needed her and she was failing him. Ben was going to die and there was nothing she could do. 

Focus. That’s all she had to do. Focus. She wanted this place opened, this door to another world. A world between the two. All she had to do was find it, right? It was here in front of her. She was certain of it. So where, for all that was good and light, was it? 

“Rey,” Finn called hurriedly. She opened her eyes to see both of them trained on what was happening behind the wall. 

A bright glow made Rey turn her head away from a heat in her hand that held the keys. She squinted through the light and the other two turned to find the cause of the brightness. The keys stood upright in her hand, tremoring and flickering in the darkness. The heat grew nearly unbearable and Rey’s free hand clasped to her other wrist in an attempt to hold it up and add pressure to distract from the pain that had her teeth gritted. 

A hum began to reverberate around the cave, ringing so loudly it made both Finn and Poe clap hands over their ears and Rey tear up. Just when Rey was sure that she was going to fall deaf and her hand was going to be nothing more than cinders, there was a clatter of metal and the light fizzled out. 

Rey’s heart fell and she wanted to sink to the bottom of that pool of water. Her bandages had been burned away and in their place were two keys, each broken into jagged halves. Rey’s hand closed around them and she screamed, throwing them at the wall where they clinked to the floor. It was as if the universe was against them. It didn’t want them getting through and she honestly was out of ideas. 

What could she do now? 

She pulled her legs into her chest and hid her face in her knees, hands knotting themselves in her falling out, wet buns. Her chest had never felt so restricted before and she struggled to breathe, tears falling down her cheeks without permission. 

She couldn’t give up. She just couldn’t, but she also couldn’t find herself enough to pull from the pain, the thought of losing Ben too much to make her move. Those keys had been everything and now they had nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

“Rey, snap out of it,” Poe ordered in a concerned voice, racing to her and dropping to his knees, taking her shoulders in his grip. “We’ll figure this out. It’s not over yet.” 

She gasped, her voice trapped somewhere in her throat. His hold was smothering, but she couldn’t push him away. She was in a panic. She had never felt this helpless before, so absolutely lost. Ben needed help and she was abandoning him because she couldn’t push past this. 

_So certain were you. Go back and closer you must look._

Rey’s head popped up at the voice. She had heard it before on Exegol. She was certain of it. Her eyes flickered around, first stopping on Poe who wore a worried expression on his face. And then they fell on Finn whose hand was outstretched towards the wall, eyes closed in concentration. 

_Rey._

_Get up Rey._

_This isn’t over, Rey._

_Rise Rey._

She had heard all of those voices on Exegol. All of the Jedi. 

Poe glanced back to see Finn and seemed to understand. He rose to his feet, hand outstretched towards Rey who took it. He pulled her to her feet and she wiped her tears away, heading to Finn. 

Ben was still fighting beyond the wall, still holding strong despite the blood that was smearing its way across the floor beneath his feet. She still had time. Could she do this? She shook her head. Could they do this? She didn’t have to be alone anymore. But she wasn’t sure if the two of them would be enough. 

“Bring back my grandson,” a young voice said in her ear. She turned to see a kind smile and wasn’t sure how, but immediately knew who it was. Anakin Skywalker. He stood tall and powerful, eyes trained on the wall. 

“Save him, when I couldn’t.” 

“Master Luke,” Rey whispered, eyes following the voice to land on him. He nodded before looking to the wall.

Rey turned and stared at the mass of people. Faces she recognized, Leia, Han and she was positive the man with the beard was the famed Obi-Wan Kenobi and the small green creature that Luke had described as Master Yoda. There were many more that she didn’t know, but there was still something familiar about them as if even though she didn’t know their physical appearance she had known their spirits for her whole life. 

With a new found strength she turned back to the wall, hand raised with Finn’s. She put everything into this. She pulled all of the energy she could from around her and aimed it at that mirrored wall, facing not only herself, Finn and Poe, but every Jedi there had ever been. And that was enough. They were enough. And it finally occurred to her that she had never truly been alone. Someone had always been there when she needed it and now was no different. 

A cracking broke through the silence as the mirror began to shatter, splintering into spiderwebs, reaching from the floor to the heavens. It crawled to a stop and the first piece fell, crashing to the floor, shortly followed by another. 

Rey caught movement in the corner of her eye and watched Poe take strong steps forward, blaster out and firing through the falling stones. A blaster bolt hit the shadows and the monster recoiled with a snarl. 

Ben wasn’t sure he had seen it right. Was there someone else here? There couldn’t be. He was alone and he was going to be killed by this thing that didn’t want him trapped between the two worlds anymore. At another bolt, his heart leapt. Ben whirled around, eyes wide as his gaze rested on her. 

“Rey.” 

The blaster continued to fire, leaving enough time for Rey to race in, lightsaber in hand. She ignited it, the yellow a comforting glow. 

The monster bared its teeth and snapped at Ben. On natural impulse, Rey slid Ben aside with a wave of her hand, teeth gnashing at the air where Ben had just stood, and took a protective stance in front of him, lightsaber raised and ready for the monster to charge. 

The shadow’s eyes narrowed and it jumped, only to come to a solid stop, as if frozen. It growled angrily and bit viciously at Rey. Rey looked over to see if Ben had been the one to stop it, but his stark pale skin and his hunched over form told her that it wasn’t him. 

“Poe, get him out of here,” Finn’s commanding but strained voice said. 

A smile covered Rey’s lips at Finn’s outstretched hand. He had finally done it. He used the force when the situation needed it. He was holding back this creature that no longer had a name. 

Poe tossed his blaster to Rey, who immediately aimed it towards the darkness. Poe slung one of Ben’s arms over his shoulder, ignoring the blood that was still warm against his skin, and shouldered a good portion of Ben’s weight, pulling him from the emptiness and towards the cave. Ben limped beside him, slipping more than once only for Poe to catch him. 

“Finn, you next,” Rey instructed, stance ready to run. 

“Go Rey,” Finn ordered, giving her a look that said not to fight him. 

She glanced between him and the monster several times before giving a single nod, putting away her saber, and leaving him. She got to the edge of the cave and spun back to see Finn drop his hold and break into a sprint, the monster finally finding traction with its paws. 

Rey fired the red bolts at him, trying to buy Finn more time. The bolts didn’t so much to phase the creature now. It shook them off, still racing full speed at them. 

There was a heavy tug around Rey’s middle and her feet shot out from under her at Finn’s grasp. She could hear the snap of teeth and then nothing else. 

She coughed and lifted herself onto her knees on the stone floor to find that the mirror had returned, unfractured, perfectly smooth as if nothing had disturbed it in anyway, shape or form. 

“Thank you,” she breathed, tapping Finn on the arm several times, unable to say much more. He nodded and lied on his back, breathing hard himself. 

“More than moving rocks, huh?” he got out, licking his dry lips. 

Rey gave a small, weak laugh. “More than moving rocks.” 

Realization hit her and she jumped to her feet, finding Poe still supporting Ben. Rey bolted over and seized Ben into a hug against her small frame, arms tight around his middle. He groaned, the pain lacing his voice. His free arm slowly wrapped around her and returned the hug as tightly as his body would allow him to. 

She pulled back, hands going to his cheeks as her eyes took in every detail of his face. The crookedness of his nose from some long ago injury, his sharp jawline, and those eyes that she had missed so much. Eyes that were deep and dark, but bright with feeling. Eyes that could never hide his emotions. Emotions that said he was relieved to see her. 

He spoke in a broken, barely audible voice as his hand shakily tucked some hair behind Rey’s ear. “I love you.” 

“I know.” 

His lips brushed against hers and for a brief moment, the world fell away. All of the pain and regret and loneliness was gone. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words could never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled.

Someone cleared their throat and there was a cough that broke the two apart to allow reality to slam back in. Rey raised her eyebrow as she looked at Poe who still was supporting most of Ben’s weight. 

“Do you mind if we do this later?” he asked, strain in his tone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank all of you for your comments and kudos! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know! Until the next chapter, Happy Reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's cheeks burned a bright red that she was sure Ben would be able to see through the dark. 
> 
> Ben exhaled sharply through his nose and turned to glance at Rey, who sat cross legged with eyes stuck to the floor. 
> 
> He wanted to say something to take back his sudden outburst, but the words escaped him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short. I've been sick lately so it's been harder to write longer chapters. But I hope it's sweet enough to make up for the shortness.

* * *

The reminiscences of sea water left a burning to his now bandaged wounds, an unnatural exhaustion pinning him down in the captain's quarters bed. He wanted to sleep so badly, but it evaded him, his mind moving far too quickly for sleep to catch it. 

They had agreed to make him stay in the Falcon, as it had the only real bed. The rest of them were all asleep on mats in the huts that had belonged to his uncle. All of them except for Rey. She now lay somewhere on the floor in the shadows that he couldn’t see. Or he wasn’t able to turn his head far enough to look that way. 

He inhaled deeply, a small sense of nostalgia swirling its way through his chest. Had no one else used this bed since his father? The pillows smelled just like him and Ben could feel a tug on his heart, an ache in missing his father. Han had never really been there, never really understood. Now that Ben looked back on it, he realized that even if his father was not there, Han still cared. 

Every time he had come home, Han had spent every moment he could with Ben. It had never been enough and Ben felt sick that he hadn’t taken more advantage of the time they had had together. The stories, the gifts, the laughs, the jokes, the small pranks that they had played on his mother that Ben now found silly, but at the time had found hilarious. 

They had never been the perfect family. Ben had just been blind to all of the small moments they had had together. Small moments that he would never get back that were only ingrained further by the scent of the pillows. 

Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes and he inhaled deeply through his teeth, hands going to his eyes to wipe away the tears. 

“Ben?” 

Ben jumped, sitting up as far as his core would let him before the pain set in and sent him collapsing back into the mattress with a small cry. He groaned, teeth clenched tightly, arms wrapped around his center. 

“I-I’m sorry!” Rey’s worried tone said as there was hasty movement. “I didn’t mean to startle you! I just can’t sle-”

“It’s ok,” Ben assured with a whimper. 

“Please let me heal you.” 

“No.” 

“Ben-”

“I am not risking losing you again!” he yelled before he could stop himself. 

The room fell silent, the only sound the ocean waves crashing against the rocks and the wind rushing against the metal exterior of the Falcon. 

Rey's cheeks burned a bright red that she was sure Ben would be able to see through the dark. 

Ben exhaled sharply through his nose and turned to glance at Rey, who sat cross legged with eyes stuck to the floor. 

He wanted to say something to take back his sudden outburst, but the words escaped him. He had never been good at expressing his emotions. He had never been allowed to express anything other than indifference and anger and even that anger he had held back until it was so overwhelming that he went off. 

Rey rose to her feet and he watched curiously as she came to sit on the edge of the bed beside him. Her hand slipped into his bringing with it a warmth. Before he could argue, the same cooling and heating power he had felt on the Death Star circled and caressed each muscle, relaxing it. 

He could feel everything slowly mending back together, repairing itself against his will. Pain slowly ebbed away, a relief settling into his bones and Rey's hand tightened on his. 

"Son of a bantha," he hissed, sitting up and taking her shoulders to make her look at him. "I told you that I didn't want you-"

"You're not getting rid of me that easily," she said in a strong but kind voice, cutting Ben off. He stared at her bright and serious eyes. She was as stubborn as ever and he really shouldn't have thought she would behave any differently. 

His hands nervously released her shoulders and fell back to his lap. He cleared his throat, knowing there was absolutely no way he was going to win this fight and he was far too tired to try. 

"You can't still be having that nightmare, can you?" he asked, figuring it best to change the subject. She shook her head, turning to face him more fully. "Then why can't you sleep?" She shrugged, still un-answering. Ben's jaw tightened slightly. He had never been a patient person, but this was Rey. And they had been through a lot. He couldn't just snap at her and he was silently scolding himself for the annoyance that was rising in him after she had done something so stupidly kind for him. He sighed heavily and lowered his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered, fists clutching the blanket that was around him. "I'm not good with this sort of stuff." 

"Do you want to go look at the stars?" 

Her question made him look up with a confused expression. Why now? He had just treated her so rudely, why was she not ignoring him? Or maybe this was her way to ignore him. When he didn't answer, she retook his hand and pulled him from the bed and through the Falcon. 

The breeze off the ocean sent a chill through him, but Rey just inhaled deeply, face turned up at the sky with a small smile. She looked so content to just be. 

She tugged him along down to the water's edge. The waves licked at her toes, but she didn't seem to mind. 

Ben slowly wove his fingers through hers and came to stand beside her, ignoring the way that the rocks dug into the bottom of his feet. 

His eyes wandered over Rey's face as she gazed up at the heavens. There was something so beautiful about how simple this moment was. For once in his life there was absolutely nothing wrong and nothing needing attention. Nothing he had to do, nothing he had to prove. 

It was just them. The two of them. 

His eyes turned to the night sky, the stars dancing around the moon and between the clouds that drifted by. 

The silence between them wasn't awkward in the slightest, there was something calming about it. Something in the connection between them that made it so they didn't have to fill the silence. They were enough for each other. 

"You were there that night in Naboo, weren't you?" Rey eventually asked into the night sky, pulling Ben's eyes back to her face while hers stayed trained on the stars. “I thought that maybe I had dreamt it.”

“I was always with you,” he whispered, breath floating away into the night. 

Rey’s hair blew about and she carefully tucked it behind her ear, stepping a bit further into the dark ocean until the water was lapping at her ankles. 

“Thank you.” She turned back with a small smile that twisted Ben’s gut in an odd way. “No one but you would understand what I was going through.” She took another step forward, tugging against Ben’s hand as he stood still, planted to the spot. She turned back with a curious look, giving a small pull on his hand. 

“Don’t you think it’s cold?” he asked, not truly wanting to get the legs of his pants wet. They were the only things he had to wear at the moment and they didn't fit right as it was. Finn had been closer to his size than Poe had, but each were much shorter than him. And it really was cold. He could feel his arms prickling against the night air. 

“Ben, do you ever just stop and feel?” she asked with a laugh in her voice. 

He shook his head and glanced around himself. “I can’t say I have.” 

“Then come here.” She gave another small tug on his hand that he couldn’t bring himself to refuse. He sucked air through his teeth as his feet entered the cold water and he again stood right beside her. “Stop looking so in pain. Close your eyes.” Ben sent her a skeptical look which she returned with one of her own that told him to stop being a child. He rolled his eyes, but did close them. 

The ocean breeze against his face brought him back to his childhood. The salty taste of the air on his tongue and the scent of the sea was like a time warp and with his eyes closed, he could hear his father laughing at him falling backwards onto his sandcastle. It had stung at the time, but now that hearty sound was a treasured memory. The waves moved gently against his ankles in a lullying pattern, the cold no longer biting and the rocks had turned to a rough sand that was much easier on his feet. 

His shoulders relaxed from the tension that was in them and he felt like he was able to breathe in a full lungs worth of oxygen for the first time in his life. His chest wasn’t tight. There was nothing to worry about. He didn’t have to think. He could just exist. 

His hand became cold and it pulled him from his serenity to have Rey’s side press into him as she circled her arms around him middle, her head resting against his shoulder. His now free hand wrapped itself around her waist, holding her close as she shivered. 

So, she was cold. 

Ben grinned before slowly leading her back out of the water. He pulled her back up the shoreline before she stopped and made him sit on the rocks. She curled up against him, legs pulled to her chest and stared out across the ocean and at the stars that were going to start to fade away soon. He rested his head atop hers and pulled her closer, doing his best to keep her warm. 

“How did you know where to find me?” he asked, his voice breaking up the stillness of the night. 

“It was in my dream,” she answered with a yawn. 

Ben chewed his cheek worriedly. “We can go back-”

“Not yet,” she interrupted, her arms now circled around herself against the wind.

“Let me go get a blanket-”

“Ben,” she huffed, looking up at him through her windswept hair. “I’m fine. Just be here with me.” 

Ben licked his suddenly dry lips and returned his gaze out to the waves. “Could you see that creature?” 

Rey’s brow furrowed and she blinked several times wondering if she really needed to answer. She thought it fairly obvious. “Yes.” 

Ben hummed thoughtfully and Rey wanted to straighten up to see what his eyes were saying he was thinking, but the warmth of his body kept her in place. “Ezra said that he couldn’t see it when it attacked his companion.” 

“You spoke to Ezra?” This did make her sit up and look at him. Had he been able to speak to the dead the whole time? 

“My mother did,” he explained, not looking at her. “She came to bring me back with her.” Rey’s heart dropped. She wasn’t sure why it pained her so deeply when he had clearly said no, but there was something about the thought of losing him that upset her. It wasn’t his time to go and if Rey had any say in it, then he wouldn't be leaving for a very long time. “It just didn’t feel right, you know? Like I was needed here. I don’t know what for, but...” he trailed off before his eyes dropped to meet Rey’s. She understood without him having to tell her anymore. Any form of emotions were going to be difficult for him to work through when he had shut them off for so long. “So, what do we do now?” 

The question held too much weight to it and Rey absolutely did not want to think about it. She had him back and she couldn’t be happier and she knew that at least her small group of close friends would be accepting, but the others... that remained to be seen. And that was just the rest of the Resistance. What about the galaxy? Ben was still Kylo Ren and until all of the damage was repaired he would stay Kylo Ren. He was a war criminal at best. The senate was bound to demand a trial and one scavenger girl’s good word wasn’t going to change much in the minds of politicians. Their best interest was for the people, and Kylo Ren was not that best interest. Would Ben Solo be enough, or had he stained the universe with his name just as his grandfather had? 

“Can we think about that later?” Rey finally said, her head spinning from the scenarios playing out in her mind. “That can be tomorrow’s problem, can’t it?” 

Ben should have known better. He couldn’t just let things be. Why did he always have to be doing something? He couldn’t relax for more than five minutes? How pathetic was he? He really should have left the thought for when they finally left this island. Rey was right, it was tomorrow’s problem, but it was still heavy in his mind. He was going to have to take responsibility for all of his actions and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to do it. He had so much more to offer this universe now that he had found his way again. The path was still foggy, but he had a direction and he wasn’t alone anymore. He at least had Rey and that was all he needed. As long as she was by his side, he could conquer anything, even a lifetime behind bars. And maybe he would finally be something to be proud of, a feeling he had never experienced.

At another yawn from Rey, Ben shook his head at her stubbornness to stay out so long and helped her to her feet, guiding the way back to the Falcon. The temperature difference was immediate and Rey was able to move away from where she was huddled against him. They found their way back to the captain’s cabin and Rey promptly went for the bed, curling up under the blanket. Ben’s lips pulled into a half smile and he turned away to take her spot on the floor when a hold on his shirt sleeve held him in place. He turned back to where Rey’s hand held tightly to the fabric in her fist. 

“Stay.” 

She didn’t need to say anymore. Ben still couldn’t help the hesitation, but he slowly found himself under the covers in a cocoon of warmth. Rey hid her head against his chest just like she had in Naboo and Ben circled his arms around her, pulling her to him. 

He knew exactly what was going through her head, because it was the same lie that was going through his. This was just for tonight, to numb away all of the pain. This was just for tonight, to let them both rest in peace. This was just for tonight so they wouldn’t be alone. 

But as sleep finally began to pull at his eyes and he sunk deeply into the pillows with the feeling of her held tightly against him, he knew this wasn’t just for tonight. They finally had each other and he would never have to again think, 

_I don’t like the space between us._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Excuse me if I don't just grovel at the ground you walk on just like everybody else, but I am certain you understand why."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps. It's 3 A.M. I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I have a fever, my throat is on fire and medicine is not working. Huzzah! And I took a shower at 2:30 because why not? And while I was in the shower I got an idea to post a chapter because I legit can't do anything else. So please enjoy!

* * *

Breakfast the next morning was awkward to say the least. Ben had taken a seat at the very edge of the table as far away from the others as he could. He stared at the indents in the wood of the table figuring that a knife had possibly made them. 

Rey glanced over her friends who were all chatting happily to themselves. Rey caught Finn's eye, subtly nodding at Ben. Finn's eyebrows knitted together. He glanced at Ben who hadn't said a word all morning and who was picking at the sliced pear on his plate without really eating it. 

He shook his head and Rey's eyes narrowed as she nodded to him again. He mouthed what he hoped was a loud no, making her nose scrunch up. A sharp pain entered his shin and he gasped, grabbing his leg under the table and making the others look in his direction. 

She had kicked him! He wanted to fight back, but the intensity in her eyes was enough to jump that railspeeder. 

"We'll, someone looks all healed up this morning," he commented. Rey's face sank as she lowered her head into her hands. "What?" 

"You healed him?" Poe asked, offended far more than Rey had ever heard him be. She was waiting for the gnash of teeth, but it didn't come how she was expecting it to. "I'm over here with a blaster wound to the gut that almost killed me-"

"It didn't almost kill you," Finn grumbled allowing the worried looks across the girls' faces to settle. 

"-and he gets healed up?" 

"You didn't ask to be healed," Rey shot back, looking up at Poe and his mock expression. She smiled. 

"I have to ask?"

"Would you like me to heal you?"

"Not now!" he answered. 

Ben watched the lighthearted banter between them curiously. He had messed with Hux and Wayzac, but it was never a happy back and forth. It was sharp teeth and forked tongues, bitter and harsh. Something to blow off the stress and steam they were all feeling under Snoke. Some of the things that he had said brought a light dusting to his cheeks at how awful they were. 

Laughter brought him from his thoughts and he couldn't help but feel odd at the small moment of brightness in what was so dark a time. There was still a war going on and it cut so deeply into him, but to them they were able to put the impending doom aside and let this moment just be this moment. 

“Hey Ben,” Finn called. Ben’s hand jumped up to catch the item that Finn threw to him. His eyes looked over the smooth metal cylinder of his lightsaber in surprise. He was certain he had dropped it and it was again lost to him. He looked up not missing the unsure looks from the two normally giggly girls and the weary gaze from the pilot. “A Jedi needs their lightsaber, right?” 

“Jedi?” he asked aloud, his words echoing in his head. He wasn’t a Jedi. He had never been a Jedi and he had never been a Sith. He wasn’t sure if he had really been anything other than a disappointment. 

“Grabbed it for you before we left that weird room,” Finn explained. “What were you fighting anyway? Poe and I didn’t see anything.”

“You said there wasn’t a monster,” Connix scolded, hitting Poe’s arm, making him spill his drink over him. He coughed, wiping water from his chin. 

“There wasn’t,” he answered. 

“But you were hitting him dead on with the blaster,” Rey muttered, looking over him incredulously. 

“He was swinging at something above him so I took the shot. When the bolt disappeared, I figured I hit something. What about voodoo man over there.” He tossed his thumb towards Finn who gave an offended look. “How did he use his magic on it if he couldn’t see it?”

“It was the force, not magic,” Finn argued back, shooting Poe a dark look. “And Rey was facing something specific. That’s how I found it.” 

“Why could you see it?” Rose questioned as she munched on her last slice of pear. 

Rey looked over at Ben who must have had the same idea as her. “The dyad,” they said together, making the other four stop and look at the two of them. 

“The bond must have let you see...” Ben said, his voice strong at first before the gaze of the others made him taper off. He lowered his eyes back to his plate. “Thank you for getting this for me.” His voice was a whisper as he lowered his saber to the small amount of seat beside him. 

“What are we doing now?” Rose asked, moving the conversation in a direction that it needed to, but that none of them truly wanted to deal with. 

“You and Kaydel are going to stay with the rest of the Resistance on Naboo," Poe instructed causing both of the girls to immediately start to argue. "The queen has been quite generous. And it's safe there." 

"We are not-" 

"I have spoken." 

Both girls immediately fell silent and returned to their plates and Rey looked confused at how final Poe's tone sounded in pulling rank. 

"What about Ben?" Rose grumbled, arms folded over her chest. "What are we going to do with him?"

"We?" Rey asked with a cold chip in her voice. 

"I'm right here," Ben threw out, forgetting that he wasn't invisible anymore and couldn't just say what he wanted whenever he felt like it. "Stop talking around me." His eyes widened as reality set in and he risked a glance up to see surprised eyes on him from his outburst. "Sorry," he offered with a wince. 

Rey's hand slid over his and gave it a comforting squeeze. It was like she was saying he had a right to speak and be spoken to, not spoken about. He could state his opinion, he could say what was on his mind, he had a voice and didn’t have to hide it. For once in his life he would be listened to. 

“What do you want to do Ben?” Rey prompted kindly. 

He looked around at all of the waiting faces and did his best to find his voice. “We’re going to go back to Naboo and I will take whatever punishment they see fit.” 

Rey’s eyes widened and she looked over his face with fear in her eyes. Ben could see the conflict in them and knew she wanted him to do anything but give himself up. She didn’t want to lose him so quickly. She had just gotten him back. And he couldn’t say he didn’t feel the same. But this was something he had to do. It was important. 

It was... The right thing. He was finally doing the right thing. 

“Why Naboo?” Finn inquired. “What’s so special about there?” 

“My mother was in good standing with the queen. Maybe they-”

“Will take it easy on you?” Poe cut in, causing Ben to shrink slightly. Was it wrong of him to want the possibility of a good standing when he went into this mess? “They’re not going to be the ones deciding your fate.” 

“I know that,” Ben replied with a nod. “But it’s my best place to start.” 

“Then we will leave in the morning,” Poe decided, standing from his seat and picking up his plate to clear it. “It seems that everyone still needs some time to settle themselves from the last few days.” 

With that he tossed his plate on a small counter with a loud clunk and quickly left the hut. Ben gave a curious look, but Rey just rolled her eyes and shook her head. Ben didn’t need to bother with Poe and his small fits of anger. Poe was a good man, but sometimes he was a hot head. 

Ben looked over his shoulder at the door that was left open to see Poe pacing with his hands tangled in his curls. Had he said something wrong? It wasn’t the first time and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. 

Ben gave Rey’s hand a squeeze and got from his seat, leaving his lightsaber behind. He figured it was better to leave all weapons out of a civil conversation. Rey watched him leave and close the door behind him. 

The scent of rain was strong as it threatened to pour from the dark brooding clouds and the wind blew wildly, whistling through all of the rock formations around them. 

Poe was muttering to himself and stopped at the sight of Ben's approaching form, his hands dropping back to his side. He really wasn't in the mood for this right now. He had already spent a good few years under General Organa and he didn't want to spend a single moment under her son. 

"What do you want?" Poe asked, his voice darker than he meant it. Or maybe he did mean it. He wasn't sure anymore. 

"I wanted to apologize if I upset you," Ben answered, not meeting Poe's gaze. Poe searched the man's face for anything that told him Ben was lying, but his face was emotionless. "I'm still trying to get my footing." 

"If you just stay out of my way then we won't have any problems." Poe turned to leave, but stopped as Ben continued. 

"Were you close with my mother?" 

"What?" Poe demanded, spinning back around with hands clenched into fists. 

Ben jumped back at the sudden advance and Poe straightened up a bit, eyeing Ben carefully. Where was that fire he knew so well? Where was the strong, defiant, ruthless person that Poe recognized him as? Where was the man who had stopped a blaster bolt with ease and mocked him silently from under his mask? 

Was it all an act or was Ben Solo really this different from his other persona? 

"I just wanted to know if she was ok. At the end," Ben replied in a stronger voice, but it was still passive. 

"She was just as strong at the end as she was in the beginning." Ben nodded and it only fueled Poe up more. "Look, I'm not here to discuss-" 

"I'm going to make it up to you," Ben interrupted, catching Poe off guard. "I know you blame me for everything that has happened and it's rightly deserved. I just want to make it right."

"Excuse me if I don't just grovel at the ground you walk on just like everybody else, but I am certain you understand why." Ben nodded and it only infuriated Poe even further though he wasn't sure why. Maybe from the ease of everything. The way Rey trusted him so simply and completely. And Poe could trust Rey, but he was in no way ready to trust Kylo or Ben or whatever Knight of Ren this sad excuse for a man claimed to be. "And I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with your innocent act and your trying to be noble like Leia and Han were, but let's get one thing straight. You will never measure up to your parents." 

The words bit into Ben sharply, making his lungs collapse and his heart falter. His jaw hitched and he met Poe's upset gaze with his own. 

Poe could see it now. There was that fire, that fight. There was that feared and hated man that had made the galaxy fall to its knees at his feet. But the words he spoke weren't spitting fire or dark in any way. They were determined and challenging. 

"You just watch me." 

"It will be easier when you make your own," Ben explained to Finn who had been struggling to follow the basic steps that would help him fight with a lightsaber. "There's a connection you'll have with the kyber crystal. It's difficult to explain," he added at Finn's confused look. "Back to position one." 

Finn glanced down at his feet, a beam of yellow light narrowly missing Ben's face as Finn stumbled.

"Balance is your issue. You rely too heavily on your feet," Ben instructed, gently pushing Finn's hand away so the humming of the beam wasn't in Ben's ear. "Balance is in the hips. Your hips are your center of gravity. The lower the center of gravity, the harder you are to move." 

Finn sighed and lowered the saber, turning it off and allowing the light to retract. "I'm not understanding." 

"Let me demonstrate," Ben offered taking a few steps back. "Push me." Finn's face twisted into something that said he was uncomfortable with anything that might hurt or upset Ben. Ben inhaled deeply, pushing aside his annoyance. He was still such an outsider. He knew none of them really trusted him, save for Rey, and he knew why. He understood completely, but he just wished it would go away. He didn't want to be looked at like a monster any more. "I'm not going to hurt you. Push me." 

Finn stalled for a moment before shoving at Ben's shoulders and knocking him back and to the ground. Ben winced as he landed roughly, but he quickly rose back to his feet and dusted himself off. 

"Good." Ben repositioned himself now, stance widened and knees bent. "Do it again." 

Finn didn't hesitate this time. He gave his everything in this shove, causing Ben to slide across the grass, but he stayed standing. 

Finn backed up with what looked like understanding in his eyes and nodded. "Position one?" 

"Position one." 

Finn got back into the form that Ben had shown him, feet now rooted to the ground. 

"You're a good fighter Finn," Ben said as he walked around the ex-stormtrooper. "When we met on Starkiller Base, you were able to fight me wonderfully. We just need to finesse it. Get your balance and the basics." 

There was a crack of thunder across the sky that made the air around them shake. Ben looked over the darkness of the sky before sighing. 

"We'll continue this later. We shouldn't be out in this storm."

"I'll go give this back to Rey," Finn said, waving the hilt of the weapon in the air before heading back towards one of the huts. He turned back at a thought. "Ben?" Ben's attention left the sky and focused on Finn. "Don't mind Poe. He's just going through a rough patch."

"Right," Ben said, unconvinced. At another loud rumble of thunder and flash of lightning, the two turned back the way they were going, Ben finding cover in the Falcon right as the clouds opened up and rain came pouring down in thick blankets. 

“Ben!” a voice carried through the rain and Ben turned back to find Rey running towards him, hand hovering over her hair to keep her dry. Granted, it did nothing to help and her hair and clothes were soaked the instant she had stepped outside. 

What are you doing?” Ben asked with a laugh as she ran up the metal ramp, shaking water from her hair. 

“Why didn’t you come back to the-”

“I figured I’d give Poe the time to cool off,” Ben lied. Partly lied. It wasn’t only that. Ben just didn’t think he could take an awkwardly quiet rainy afternoon with people who didn’t like him or a very chatty rainy afternoon where no one spoke to him and they still didn’t like him. 

Rey nodded in total acceptance, glancing out at the storm with a deep breath that made her shoulders rise and fall animatedly. Without another word, she sat on the edge of the dock, her feet swinging over the edge. 

Ben’s gaze wandered over Rey with interest. She was always so at one with nature, always stopping to take in the view or watch a small animal. She had spent every moment she could out on the beach in Naboo just staring at the waves for hours. Ben wasn’t sure if it was because she had grown up on a desert planet or if she just liked nature. 

She looked up at him with shining eyes and there didn’t need to be anything said for him to know what she wanted from him. He stepped over to her and sat down beside her, letting her lean into him and their fingers tangle together. 

“Let’s run away together,” she whispered, her heart beating painfully in her chest as she voiced what she had been thinking since this morning. She clutched tightly at his hand as he pulled back in surprise. “Please.” 

“You know better than anyone that we can’t,” was his answer. Rey didn’t look up at him. She couldn’t. She couldn’t bear to see the disappointment that would be waiting in those dark eyes for her if she did. “We can’t just drop everything.” 

“Why not?” Rey mumbled, closing her eyes and listening to his breathing. “We could see the galaxy and you don’t have to face this.” 

“Rey-”

“Please!” she begged, her voice cracking. She still couldn’t look at him, didn’t dare to meet his gaze. “I’m not risking losing you again.” Her eyes widened as the same words that Ben had spoken from the night before were once again out in the open. 

What was she supposed to make of this? What was Ben going to take from those few fragile words that trembled and tumbled from her lips? His arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly to him despite how wet her hair made his shirt. She felt tears brim her eyes as he placed a lingering kiss to her temple. Did he understand? Did he see what she did? That they had been alone for far too long and they deserved to never feel that way again? And this was just going to leave them alone again. If he left... 

“Rey,” he whispered in her ear, holding her close. “I’m finally doing the right thing for once in my life. Please let me do this.” She rested her cheek against his, her arms circling around his. “I am terrified, but we both know that this is right.” 

“I know,” she muttered, heart breaking. 

“We can run away after. We figure this out and I pay the debt I need to and as soon as my debt is paid, we will run away. Explore the deepest edges of the universe.”

“Even if we’re old?”

Ben snickered into her hair at how innocent the question was and she blushed. “Even if we’re 12,983.” There was a moment of silence and she could feel his hold on her only tighten more. “Will you please let me be the good man I was meant to be?” 

She swallowed at a lump in her throat with a small nod. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the comments and kudos! Please don't be afraid to let me know what you guys think. Reading your comments makes me so happy. Until next chapter, happy reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ben Solo,” Queen Cordella said, rising from her seat and coming to stand in front of the set of stairs that would make her level with the rest of her people. “The lost Prince of Alderaan.” 
> 
> “Your Highness,” Ben said, voice steady.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your well wishes. My state freakin got the flu twice and I caught it on this second round. So still recovering, but feeling a tad better. Hope you enjoy because it is time for some stuff to go down!

* * *

Rey hadn’t been able to sleep that night, even if she was beside Ben. The night before his breathing had been enough to lull her into sleep, but the way her mind was running wild wouldn’t let her settle. 

And the world between the two of them had been so incredibly silent that Ben wondered if he had done something to upset her, but in reality Rey couldn’t find any words to say to him. The whole trip back to Naboo had been tense from growing emotions and the way that the others had avoided the two of them like the Candorian Plague only made it harder. 

And now Rey stood there, tall and with hands clasped behind her back to keep herself from grabbing Ben and dragging him back to the Falcon. 

Ben had finally been able to get some better clothes from where they had stopped to fuel and wash up and he was holding himself with a familiar air. One that was a mix between Ben Solo and Kylo Ren, one that seemed more fitting for the prince that he was instead of a resistance fighter or a Supreme Leader. 

Guards met them at their ship and lead them to the throne room, eyes sharp on Ben. Ben’s strides were more confident than Rey wanted them to be. She felt like her own feet dragged across the purple carpet as she stayed towards the back of their group. 

They came to stop before the throne, each one lowering themselves to their knees in front of the young girl. Rey had always been so curious to see what avant garde thing the queen had on, but today Rey couldn’t even note the color of her robes and didn’t care about how many plom bloom bushes were decorating her head. 

“Ben Solo,” Queen Cordella said, rising from her seat and coming to stand in front of the set of stairs that would make her level with the rest of her people. “The lost Prince of Alderaan.” 

“Your Highness,” Ben said, voice steady. Rey glanced up to see him with his head bowed down much lower than the rest of them. 

“I hope you understand what position you are putting me in by claiming sanctuary in my palace.” Her tone held a small darkness to it despite its colorlessness. 

“I do.” 

“And I hope you also understand that just because your mother was a dear friend to my people that does not mean that the same courtesy is extended to you.”

“I do.” 

“Sabin, will you please show the generals and crew as well as Master Skywalker to their rooms?” 

The handmaiden moved forward and a panic set into Rey’s bones that sent her heart humming. She looked up and to the others who were already on their feet. She jumped to hers and without another thought, stood in front of Ben, arms out, in some hope to block him from what was coming. 

“What are you doing?” Ben hissed through his teeth, eyes dark as they stared daggers into her. Rey glanced back at him before turning back to the queen. “This is not your fight.” 

“I am not leaving this room, Your Highness,” Rey said, making the room’s atmosphere become far more tense than it already was. Everyone around the room was glancing at each other nervously. 

“Rey,” Poe said warningly, ready to drag her away if he needed to. 

“I can assure you, Master Skywalker, that no harm will befall him in my palace.” Rey tipped her head to the side, eyes searching Cordella’s face. Rey was certain there was a hint of amusement to her voice. “Please retire to your room. I will call for you when I have need.” 

Rey’s resolve crumbled and her arms that had been outright lowered to her sides. “Your Highness-”

“Your concern is not something I take lightly, Rey. I will call for you when I need you and I will have need of you. Just not at this time. Do I make myself clear?” 

Rey gave a firm nod, not fully understanding what the queen meant, but knowing that she had something planned. She never would have called her Rey in front of her advisers if it didn’t mean something.

“Forgive my outburst, Your Highness.” Rey bowed her head and could feel the curious look from Ben in her back at her sudden change of tone. The queen nodded and Rey strode over to the rest of their group to be led away by Sabin. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Poe demanded in hushed tones. “Just because you love him doesn’t mean you get to pull shit like that. Especially in front of the doshing Queen of Naboo.” 

“She has something planned,” Rey muttered. “Can she decide the fate of him?” 

“No,” Finn answered, moving closer to hear their low voices. “It’s a democracy, not a dictatorship. If the crimes were strictly against Naboo then she could decide, but since his are more extensive the senate would have to vote on it. “ 

“So what does she want with Solo?” Poe questioned, not that he cared if the man ended up hanging by his toes in a dungeon somewhere guarded by Sarlaccs. And maybe he was being harsh, but he had never wanted to see a man crash and burn so hard. Above all, a man who didn’t deserve a second chance. Ben Solo was not someone who deserved that second chance that they were all giving him. 

“I’m not sure,” Rey answered softly, hands clutching to her pant legs. 

“Master Skywalker has gone into great detail about where you have been, Prince Solo.” 

“You can drop the title, Your Highness,” Ben said, slowly rising to his feet at her motion to. “I’m no prince.” 

“She spent a great deal of time in my archives and relayed to me all of her findings.” 

Ben was more than aware of that fact, though he didn’t dare say it out loud. But him having been there for all of the meetings with the queen did nothing to help him figure out what in the worlds she was leading this conversation to. 

“She told me about all of your character. The good and the bad, Prince Solo.” Ben winced at the title. He didn’t deserve that title. He never had. His mother was the only royal and he was no better than a smuggler like his father. Ben took a step back as the young teen came to stand in front of him, her actual size much smaller than him, but her head dress of flowers was easily taller than him. “So which are you? A Supreme Leader of The First Order, the Prince of Alderaan, a Resistance Fighter, a Jedi, or a war criminal?” 

Ben found the question imposing and struggled to find a correct answer while deep blue eyes stared back at him in earnest waiting. “I’m no longer the Supreme Leader of The First Order,” he replied slowly, testing the waters. But Cordella simply stayed silent. “And I may be a prince by blood, but I have no right to any claim. My mother’s planet no longer exists and her people are gone with it. I am not in good enough standing with the Resistance to be counted among them.” Those eyes bore into him and he found himself having trouble coming up with the right words. “I do not want to be held under the title of Jedi. I lost that title long ago.” 

“And the last one?” she finally asked, turning away from him, eyes still burning. 

“I am a war criminal, Your Highness. It is the only accurate term to describe me.” 

But the words didn’t make him feel small. Quite the opposite actually. There was a pressure taken off of his shoulders at the admission. It was all he was and all he was sure he would ever be, but it fit. It was him and he would accept whatever punishment came from it. 

“Then I may have use of you yet, Ben Solo.” 

Ben’s head cocked to the side in question and he waited in silence as she ushered everyone to leave the room but him. He watched nervously as the others filtered until just the two of them stood in much too large of a room. The silence was deafening and Ben wasn’t sure if it was right to try to break it. 

“I have a task for you,” Queen Cordella said when she was satisfied with how alone they were. “My people and advisors will not approve of this, which is why I wanted to speak to you privately. I fear they do not understand what leverage you could hold and only see a monster.” 

Ben flinched as the familiar word left a bad taste in his mouth. He could hear Rey shouting it at him, each time harsher than the last. It was a word that he never wanted to be compared to ever again if he could help it. 

“What exactly is it you want me to do?” Ben questioned, chancing a few steps towards the teen in a hope to somehow read her eyes as they were the only thing that provided any content into her emotion save for the occasional smile that was soon dismissed. 

“I am sure you are aware of the ship that attacked my planet several days ago.” 

“Yes, I am.” 

“I have been informed that that ship belongs to the Supreme Leader of The First Order. Rey has also made it abundantly clear that though the Emperor is gone, The First Order is still active and very strong.” 

“Yes, Your Highness.” 

Ben didn’t like where this was going. He wanted desperately to put that part of his life behind him and move on. He wanted nothing to do with The Finalizer, The First Order, the war, and definitely not Wayzac. He had come to terms with a lifetime of imprisonment, but this was too much. And besides that, he wanted to keep Rey as far away as he absolutely could from Wayzac. He didn’t want that portal’s image to be true. He wasn’t sure what he would do if Rey were hurt in any way. 

“Master Skywalker.” 

Ben spun around at the name, having been too deep in thought to have noticed Rey enter the room. Her eyes met his and he bit his lip. She had been crying. He wanted so badly to reach out to her to somehow comfort her and understand what had upset her so thoroughly that she had cried. She came to stand beside him and he took a step closer to her in hopes that it would be enough for her that he was still right here. 

“I believe that you are well aware of what I am asking from both of you. We spoke about it before your last departure.” 

Ben looked between the two women trying to recall the conversation that the queen was referring to. He must have been in the netherworld to have missed this moment. How much else had he missed while exploring? 

“You want us to dismantle the first order,” Rey answered, voicing the idea that Ben had already known. 

“And why do you need me?” Ben asked in confusion. He was nobody. There was nothing more he could do that one of the others couldn’t do better. He had watched the jedi, the stormtrooper and the pilot take down almost the whole Imperial Star Destroyer Fleet single handedly. They didn’t need him. No one needed him. 

“I don’t need Ben Solo,” Queen Cordella clarified, eyes bright. “I need Kylo Ren.” 

“This is insane!” Finn said before Poe even had the chance to get the words from his mouth. “He’s been thought dead for months, they’re not going to accept him back.” 

“I’m right here,” Ben said to the three of them who seemed to be ignoring him. His eyes went to Rey desperately, hoping she would help him enter the conversation instead of being left out, but she didn’t even glance in his direction. His chest grew tight and he turned his attention to a stray string that was loose on the sleeve of his new shirt. He leaned against the mantle of the large overly gaudy fireplace and played with the strand. 

“I think it will work if he can play the part,” Rey defended. Her voice sounded as if she were saying everything in more of a habit or obligation than really believing them. "And it's just one transmission. He's not going undercover." 

“This is not happening. I do not care what the queen says,” Poe growled, hand coming through the air as if he were slashing the idea away. “She’s just a stupid kid. She doesn’t understand.”

“Yes, she does,” Rey interrupted. “Her parents were killed by the Knights of Ren.” Rey could see Ben flinch in the corner of her view but she did her best to ignore him. She was sure she would crack if she looked at him. She had been ready for him to leave and be in one place that she could visit. She didn’t expect him to leave and be somewhere where she couldn't follow, somewhere he was in danger. And he would be in danger. “She is just as much a part of this war as we are.” 

“He is not worth the risk,” Poe said, pointing to Ben. 

“I can hear you,” Ben tried again, effectively ignored once more. 

"I think we need to think this through," Finn said in his normally cautious way. "It could work." 

"How do we know he won't just use this chance to leave and never come back?" 

"Poe," Rey warned. 

"He could be wanting to go and take back over The First Order. We would be no match for him."

"Poe-"

"He is not worth the risk, Rey! He is going to betray us and-"

"No, I'm not!" Ben yelled before he could stop the outburst. His hand slammed onto the mantle, the loud sound making the other three fall silent. Rey watched as his hand shook and became a fist covering his mouth. He looked so lost and Rey's heart tried to dig through her ribs to go to him. "We're doing this." 

Poe laughed sarcastically. "There is no _we._ "

"Then I will go myself," Ben said, voice more steady than Rey thought it would be with how badly his hands were trembling.

"Ben," she whispered, getting to her feet. She tried to take a step towards him, but he stopped her with a simple wave of his hand in her direction. He didn't look at her, eyes set on Poe. 

"This is the only way that we are going to bring down the first order," Ben explained, fist lowering back to the mantel so his words were no longer muffled. "It has to be done from the inside and if none of you are going to help me then I will figure it out myself. I haven't needed anyone before." 

Rey knew the words were aimed at the pilot, but they still struck her deeply, too close to home for comfort. Tears again stung her eyes for the second time today as her chest concaved in on itself. 

Ben pushed himself from his prop and took a few steps closer to the group. "And I don't need anyone now." 

With those words left to haunt the air and his eyes, he left the room and Rey swore she could almost see Kylo Ren's cloak fluttering behind him. 

Rey shot Poe a dark look and his face turned to one of innocence. "What?" he asked with a shrug. 

Rey rolled her eyes with a scoff and raced from the room, leaving Finn to smack the back of Poe's head. 

"Ben!" Rey called as she looked up both hallways to see which way he had gone. His tall figure stalked down the hall in strong strides, his hand running through his hair and messing it up so badly it fell into his eyes with unruly dark curls. Ray sprinted to catch up with him. "Ben!" 

"Not now Rey," he cautioned, keeping his steps steady and quick. 

Rey ignored the warning in his voice and took his arm, turning him back to look at her. The movement was easy and Ben would never admit that he let her take control, wouldn’t admit that he really was weak and was just putting on another mask. 

Rey’s eyes shined with tears and it pained him to think that he had been the one to cause them this time. His hand rose to her face, gently caressing her cheek, his thumb catching a tear as it fell. He sighed through his nose and rested his forehead against hers, eyes closing. 

“You don’t have to do this alone,” she muttered, licking her lips and swallowing, trying to stop the desert that was forming in her mouth. “I can go with you-”

“No.” His voice was sharp and Rey’s eyes dragged over his face trying to read any hint of emotion that was there, cursing the fact that he was keeping his eyes closed. She was sure it was on purpose so she couldn’t read him. “You are not coming with me.” 

“Why?” she demanded in so cold a tone that Ben opened his eyes to meet hers and he really wished he hadn’t. “Because you don’t need anyone?” 

“No, that’s not-”

“Because you made it perfectly clear back there that-”

Her retort was abruptly cut off as he pulled her close and into a kiss. Ben did his best to push his own tears back at the position he had put himself in and what it was doing to her, to them. He had never wanted to hurt Rey in anyway and he so desperately wished he could hear her bubbled laugh instead of her small sobs. 

He pulled back, leaving both of them breathing hard and eye to eye. He brushed his fingertips over her cheek, trying to memorize the feeling before he shoved his hands back into those unsympathetic leather gloves. 

“I have my reasons, Rey. Please, do this for me. Stay here where it’s safe.” He shuddered as the image of Wayzac torturing Rey replayed in his head like it did every time he closed his eyes. There was a deep set hate that was gnawing at his bones that he was trying to keep out of his voice so she didn’t hate him anymore than she already did. “Please do not follow me and please do not do anything stupid while I am gone.” 

“You’re not going alone,” Rey gasped out, her heart speaking before her mind could stifle it with doubt. Her hands took his upper arms, fingers running over the fabric frantically, unsure if she should grab hold of him and beg him to stay or to let him go. “I won’t let you.”

“Rey-”

“No!” The word echoed down the hall and neither of them cared that there were eyes watching them now. Anyone could watch, it wasn’t going to change what either one of them were feeling. “I’m not letting you go.” 

The next word was so broken, so desperate in its beg that it caught Rey’s breath in her throat. “ _Please._ ” 

Rey blinked several times, the word burning into her mind. She had heard the same broken please before and those same afraid eyes were looking at her now. A please that asked for everything she could possibly give him. A please crying for trust. A please that this time she couldn’t find a way to refuse. 

With a small nod, Rey dropped her grip from his shirt. His forefinger gently lifted her chin so she was still looking at his face. His eyes flickered between hers for the first time truly noticing that her eyes held a million hues of color in them and he wished he could stay here in this expanded moment of personal eternity in the heaven that was her eyes. 

Rey’s heart stopped in distress as he placed a lingering kiss on her forehead before releasing his hold on her and turning away swiftly, returning to his stride up the hall before disappearing around the corner. 

  
  


“I’m going after him,” Rey muttered, rising from the overly large wooden dining table that had been entirely silent.

Both Finn and Poe looked up from their hardly touched plates, watching her leave the room, neither daring to follow her.

She had sat in her window earlier that day and watched as Ben had left in an x-wing, being the only thing that any of the Resistance had to let him use. She didn’t realize how badly it would hurt to watch him go. She couldn’t exactly name the feeling that was clawing at her chest since then but it made her so antsy that she had to follow.

“Rey!” a voice called after her, but she couldn’t stop. She was going to go crazy if she had to sit and wait for things to unfold. “Rey! Slow down.” Footsteps echoed as the person ran to catch up. Rey felt her arm yanked back and she stumbled as she was turned around by a much stronger grip than she thought the small woman could possess.

“Rose,” Rey scolded, pulling her arm free of the grip. “I’m not staying here, there’s no point in trying to talk me out of it.”

“I’m not,” she said, trying to catch her breath from her sprint with hands now on her hips. “I want to come with you.”

Rey’s annoyance dropped, her tense shoulders relaxing and letting her stand upright. “You what?”

“No one can talk you out of anything you have your mind set on Rey. We all know better,” she teased. “But if you’re going to go, then I’m coming with you. Someone needs to look out for you and it's perfectly clear that you’re on your last nerve with at least Poe.”

“He is so irritating!” Rey grumbled, hand going to her head. “What is his problem?”

“He’s just scared. We’re all scared.”

“He should find a better way of showing it.” Rose simply shook her head with a small smile. “What about Connix?”

“She’s been hanging out with Beaumont Kin since we got back.”

“Any chance you’ll stay if I tell you it’ll be dangerous?”

“About as much a chance as you listening to Ben,” Rose answered with a defiant look in her eyes. “When do we leave?”

“How long will it take you to pack?”

“What is your problem?”

Poe dropped his fork, sending it clanking onto his plate, propping his chin on his folded hands before looking at Finn with an expectant look and raised eyebrows. “You too?” he demanded curtly.

Finn gave Poe a dark look and Poe only returned it before getting to his feet. “I am not going to sit here and-“

“Why do you hate him so much?”

Poe froze, voice sharp. “You’re kidding, right?”

“He’s changed. Can’t you sense that?"

“No! I can’t!” Poe shot back, voice bouncing off of the walls. “I’m not some crackpot con artist who can move rocks with my mind.”

“If you don’t trust him then why did you help Rey find him?” Finn got to his own feet, hand pointing towards the door as if that were the direction that Ben would have been.

“I didn’t think she’d actually find him.”

“Even after what he did for us back on the base?”

“That could have been anything,” Poe tried to excuse.

“You know it wasn’t!” Finn shot back. “You know as well as I do that he saved us from those blaster bolts. Are you just jealous?”

Poe scoffed. “Of what?”

“That Rey is with Ben?”

Poe’s face scrunched up and he shook his head as if he could rattle the sentence out of his mind. “No! I have Zorri.”

“Do you now?” Finn said, unable to stop the hint of a laugh in his voice.

“Knock it off,” Poe grumbled, beginning to pace.

“Then what about Ben do you hate so much?”

Poe’s pacing stopped abruptly as if he had hit a wall. His hands went to his head, fingers tangling into his curls. Finn waited silently, eyes on Poe’s back. He could see Poe’s hands trembling as they fell back to his sides. Poe didn’t turn around, but Finn was sure that the pilot was crying. 

“I grew up in a family that was very prominent in the Alliance. My mother was a pilot and my father was a pathfinder. They were always gone on missions. My grandparents took care of my little brother and me.” 

“You have a brother?” Finn asked curiously. 

“His name was Cole.” Finn didn’t need Poe to turn around with watered eyes to understand after the word _was._ “I took care of him, looked out for him. We were only about a year apart. He was always a trouble maker. Ever since I could remember he was the reason we got in trouble." 

Poe slowly came back and took a seat at the table. He lowered his head into his hands with a deep breath. Finn's hand reached out, but he quickly pulled it back unsure if the same methods used to calm Rey would be of any help to Poe. 

"We both drifted apart," Poe continued, not looking up from the grain of the wood. "I went and learned to fly with my mom. My brother ran away a few months after I left. No one had heard from him for about three years. 

"By that time I hadn’t met Leia yet and I hadn’t left The New Republic. I was asked to fly a mission to OR-Kappa-2722. We were supposed to find a First Order sympathizer who was large in the senate. Let's just say that The First Order had caught wind of the plan."

"I don't remember ever hearing about this," Finn muttered, but Poe still didn't move and Finn could see some small pools of tears on the table from Poe's silent crying. 

"Probably wanted to keep it under wraps. If the Senator was exposed then the First Order would lose their footing in the Galactic Republic." 

Poe finally looked up, his fingertip resting on his lips. His eyes were red from the crying and his cheeks were damp, but he still didn’t make a single sound or sob. It had been a long time since he had really thought about his brother. Everything had been moving so fast that Poe really hadn’t had the chance to come to terms with what had happened and once Kylo Ren had died, he thought he could just ignore what had happened. But now that Ben Solo was alive, every time Poe looked at him, he felt this hatred burning in him. A hatred that he hadn’t been able to heal through yet, a wound that was just as fresh as the day that it had been carved into his heart. 

Finn stayed quiet and waited patiently for Poe to work through his feelings and by the way his eyes continued to shift, he was pushing through more than a few. Finn understood the gist of what had happened, but it would be a lie if he didn’t admit that he was curious for the details. He wasn’t going to push though. If he had learned anything within the first few moments of meeting Rey was that people had to work through their issues on their own before they asked for help. 

“Umm...” Poe rubbed at the back of his neck and cleared his throat loudly before sighing. “That night was the first night that I had ever met Kylo.”

Poe could see the night so clearly, so etched into his mind. The senator had gone into hiding and it was his job, with a small team, to find the senator and bring him back so that he could be tried for his corruption. But when he had entered the star system, there had been an ambush. He had to shoot down several Tie Fighters.

Poe did make it to the surface of the moon and his small team had only had one casualty. They located the senator, but he had been under protective watch by Snoke, which in turn meant that his guard dog was the one doing the protecting. 

The room had a deep tension to it, something about the masked man that controlled everything was haunting. Kylo Ren stood there, tall and proud, cape scraping the floor as he walked and voice mechanical when he spoke. 

And behind Kylo Ren... 

Poe recognized him immediately despite the fact that his face had two large scars down it and across his nose that looked to be from some sort of animal attack. But it was clear as transparisteel that it was Cole. The brother that had been missing for years, disappeared off the face of the galaxy. 

Poe had had so many questions and it ate him up every night that he hadn’t had the chance to ask them, one of those questions being how he had become Kylo’s first in command. 

Fighting broke out, blasters going off in every direction and one mass hum from a red saber. 

Poe hadn’t been watching, hadn’t been paying attention to what was behind him and...

“Kylo came after me,” Poe continued on. “Cole shoved me out of the way. Cole had gotten in the way of Kylo and Kylo saw that as betrayal.”

Kylo’s words were still ever present in his mind, that doshing awful muffled and distorted voice. 

_I expected better from you._

“He pulled my brother to him with the force and ran Cole through with his saber.” 

Finn could finally put two and two together. He hadn’t understood why Poe was always so harsh with any conversations that circled around the force or lightsabers. This would damage anyone in the same situation, not just Poe. 

“I was pulled out and left the New Republic, did the spice running for a bit before joining the Resistance with Leia.” Poe’s fist slammed onto the table and he stifled a cry. “All because of that fucking man!” His voice echoed around the room for what felt like an eternity. And maybe it was. It could have been for all Poe knew. His eyes burned as did his throat and he was exhausted, most likely from crying. “That is why I hate that man.” Poe’s tone was clipped and his hands became fists. “The shit he did to not only my family, but so many others....” He couldn’t finish, couldn’t find and formulate the words. 

“Does he know?” 

“I don’t want to find out.” 

“Maybe-”

“No,” Poe cut off Finn. “There is nothing in this world that will ever change my mind. I will forever hate Ben Solo.” 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She clicked her tongue as she stepped around him. “Always thinking there’s some hidden meaning behind something or someone is out to get you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps! Sorry it's been a while since my last update. It's been a really hard week. I am still not over that god awful cold or flu or whatever I have and I couldn't take any more time off of work, so no more days of writing on end in a day quill stupor. Now I'm writing in a notebook at my desk while I'm on hold with doctor's offices all day, as well as being in a day quill stupor. So I hope the length of this next chapter makes up for the time between the two. And it's time to finally fully meet Wayzac. I'm way excited. She has been a blast to write. I hope you all enjoy! Please let me know in the comments if you did!

* * *

Ben ran his hands through his hair as he paced across the console room on the Resistance base that had been torn apart since they had left for Naboo. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. He knew what the queen had wanted and that was all fine and dandy, but Ben knew better. That was going to resort in the scene from the Netherwood to play out. 

Queen Cordella was quite smart for her age. She had wanted Ben to send a transmission from Ajan Kloss so that the First Order would be sure to try to find him and then once the whole First Order was near the planet, she could have reinforcements come fight. It was a decent plan that Ben could see working. Especially if he provoked Wayzac enough. And he wouldn’t have hesitated but there was one person stopping him. 

Rey. 

He couldn’t put her in danger. He couldn’t watch her be tortured. He wouldn’t let her be.

There wasn’t going to be a transmission. He was not going to give the First Order any reason to find Rey. And he was positive that Wayzac would be happily satisfied with only him in hand. 

That settled it. No transmission, no future. He would protect Rey to his dying breath just as he had before. And if he had any say in any of this, Wayzac wouldn’t have a single finger on Rey. 

With his mind made up, he left the base and went back to his x-wing. When he had been with Finn on The Finalizer, the ship had been next to the Fanum Minor constellation. It was his best bet. 

With the constellation on his navicomputer, he set off. For once he was grateful to his uncle for all of the lessons. Before now he had thought knowing the constellations had been a waste of time, as were many of the other things his uncle had made him learn, and Ben couldn’t remember ever having used them before this point in time but at this moment... He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to find The Finalizer without them. 

Much to Ben’s surprise The Finalizer had not moved from its spot among the stars. It still sat, hovering in the air, large and imposing. He could sense the guns trained on his ship as he flew towards the docking bay. Shots weren’t fired as he had been expecting though. Instead when he landed, a ridiculously large amount of stormtroopers were waiting with blasters aimed at the X-wing. 

He opened the hatch and climbed out onto the wing before dropping down and standing tall, hands behind his back. He could feel the room shift in tension as the stormtroopers stared at him, unsure of what exactly to do. 

He glanced between all of them and when he didn’t see who he was looking for, Ben took the chance of a strong stride towards the hanger bay’s exit. The stormtroopers hesitated, but did part and let him pass without question. 

His heart beat madly in his chest. This was going better than what he had been expecting, but somehow that bothered him even more than if they would have attacked him. He was sure that everyone had assumed him dead and he hadn’t made contact with anyone in the First Order for months, not that he could have anyways. Did they know he was coming or was he really that terrifying that they didn’t dare try to cross him? If it was the second, it was definitely going to make this much easier. 

He could hear the material of the stormtroopers’ armor behind him as they followed him to make sure he didn’t do anything out of order. Not that he would. He knew better. And they should know better than to test him. Unless they could sense the way he held himself now as different. He would have to do a lot of convincing with Wayzac, but at least Rey would be safe. 

He had to play the part. Once again, he had to be Kylo. He had to be the ruthless, tempered man that commanded the First Order with an iron fist. He was sure he could still do it. The world still hated him, Poe still hated him, those two girls were afraid of him. He could use that. Anything at all that upset him, he would use as fuel... He just had to try to remember what had made him so angry for so long when he wasn’t angry anymore.

“Wayzac!” he yelled as he pushed open the doors to what used to be his room, the darkness greeted him. Her clear eyes met his and she plastered a smile over her lips, getting to her feet and stepping around the desk, not seeming shocked at his entrance in the slightest. “You’ve sure made a mess of things since I’ve been gone.” 

She tipped her head to the side innocently. “Kylo.” Her voice was sticky sweet and it made the hair on the back of Ben’s neck stand upright. “I’m so relieved that you’re safe.” No, she wasn’t. “We’ve been trying to find you ever since the war on Exegol.” No, she hadn’t. “Where have you been?” 

“I was being held in the Republic Judiciary Central Detention Center on Coruscant,” he explained only to receive a sarcastic nod from her. 

“Am I supposed to assume you escaped?” 

“Are you suggesting I didn’t?” he shot back, doing his best to keep his jaw tight. 

“Not at all.” She held her hands up in mock surrender. “I’m incredibly sorry that we didn’t think to search there first. It seems fitting that you would have been taken there.”

“Is that supposed to mean something?” 

Wayzac took a step back with a still growing smile. “Kylo, Kylo, Kylo.” She clicked her tongue as she stepped around him, eyes wandering over his body. He shifted uncomfortably. “Always thinking there’s some hidden meaning behind something or someone is out to get you.” Her fingers trailed along the back length of his shoulders and his hands became fists. He seized her and pulled her back in front of him, his grip on her wrist much tighter than he originally meant it. Her eyes met his and there was some sort of smirk in them, her now close enough to him that he could see each one of her freckles clearly across the bridge of her nose. “We welcome you back with open arms, Kylo Ren.” He dropped his hold on her wrist and she stepped back, a smile still bright in her eyes. “We have much to go over. Be ready in the conference room in ten.” 

“And where have you sent all of my things, Wayzac?” Ben demanded in a voice he hoped was convincing enough. 

“I’m sure you remember fairly well where my old quarters were.” 

He didn’t like the way she beamed at him over her shoulder as she turned and left the room, motioning the stormtroopers to follow her. He frowned and waited a moment for her to fully disappear down the hallway before he decided to go find all of his misplaced belongings. 

He had thought that being angry would have been a challenge, but this one conversation with her had been enough to refuel a deep hatred he had towards her. There had always been something in the way that she could push him to the edge, taunt him mercilessly. He wasn’t sure if he could name or place what it was about her, but the way she held herself, like she was better than him had always made his blood boil. And she had been better than him in most things. He could accept that. She just knew the best ways to hold that over his head and make him feel small and inadequate. 

There were many things in Ben’s life that he could see clear as day, each one more horrible than the last. And others were pleasant, newer memories that surrounded his walking sun. But walking these halls again just made him relive each horrible memory over and over. Each path he had taken to get to this place. And each horrible thing that had happened to him in turn. 

Wayzac was one of those. A horrible thing that had happened to him that kept returning over and over again. She was the glue stat stuck to the bottom of his shoes and he wanted her gone. He didn’t much care how it happened, he didn’t need her to suffer, he just needed her cold eyes extinguished from this universe.

He found the room and entered it, stopping and glancing around. He absolutely hated how well he knew this room and wished he could tear it down, burn it to the ground. He couldn’t bear to look at how the furniture was still all arranged in the same way it had been when he had shattered a mirror across the floor and Wayzac's amused and smug expression was echoed in every jagged piece. 

He dug through several boxes of strewn items and slowly found his clothes. He didn’t put much on, just the cloak that he knew would help hold his appearance up and then those gloves that were always a little too tight and slightly uncomfortable enough to make him hyper aware of everything around him. 

He turned, eyes resting on his reflection in a part of that mirror that was still adhered to the frame. He hated this room. Hated her for making him like this room in the first place. Hated how she had turned it into a sanctuary for him to hide in before tearing it all down just to spite him. 

He remembered long nights in that bed that were spent talking. Telling her absolutely everything about himself. She had made it so easy to say everything out loud. Very few select were allowed to know about his past. Very few knew who he really was. Wayzac was never meant to be any of those people. She was a squad leader. The very bottom of the barrel. Nothing important to anyone, not even The First Order. She could have easily been replaced, even with Hux as her brother. He never did anything for her, wouldn’t have stood in the way if she needed to be rid of. 

But that damned smile that had once been so kind and endearing. 

For once he had someone. For once there was someone who wasn’t afraid of him and who could challenge him without being a threat. She, for lack of a better term, was a friend. A close friend. Someone he let too close. Someone he trusted with his soul. 

And she was such an amazing actress. She played him like a bandfill. It had been so easy for her. A scared little boy who had never had anyone. Inserting herself into his line of sight had been child’s play. And that boy would leach onto any form of compassion that was shone. She had his heart wrapped around her icy fingers far too quickly. He fell too easily. Still far too much of Ben Solo than of Kylo Ren. Too much hope in those eyes that she had wanted to squash. Manipulating him was like she was writing a script for him to recite. And he saw it now. He saw it that night too. 

That night that mirror had shattered. That night he had confessed his every last feeling to her. That night he had kissed her and she had laughed. Fuck that laugh. It chimed through this room now, tearing at his insides, making him wish he were still invisible. Making him wish there was that uncomfortable pull in the back of his ribs that would take him back home to Rey. 

Wayzac had wanted to get to Snoke. She had tried getting to the position with her husband. He had been an admiral, but that didn’t get her far. And even if the admiral had been messing around on the side, it still didn’t change the fact that he had used up his usefulness and was going to be discarded. His secret boyfriend had just been the right.... Motivation, she would call it. 

And that was Kylo Ren to her. Just another stepping stone to get what she had wanted. She had never loved him, but she had played her part well. She hadn’t even needed to undress to impress this broken man. She just had to listen to his pathetic sob story. 

Ben regretted it now. He regretted ever letting anyone know. Regretted that he had wanted someone there so badly that he had spilled out everything at her feet. Everything that she could now use against him, that she had used against him then. 

He had still come out on top though. Even if she was better than him at her job, made Snoke actually proud, had risen even above her brother, Kylo still triumphed. He had thought it was because of his ability to use the force, but now he wasn’t so sure why Snoke had picked him over her to be his puppet. 

_Because she wouldn't have been a puppet_ , a small voice told him. 

She would have done whatever she wanted and Snoke couldn’t have that. He needed someone he could still mold and shape. He had needed someone broken and ready to be fixed. Ben had been the ideal choice all along. Wayzac had been too strong, too independent, too outspoken. She would have gotten rid of him, just as Ben eventually had. Only she would have done it sooner. She was cruel and efficient. She would do what needed to be done without the bat of an eye. 

Ben also couldn’t be sure, but maybe it had something to do with the dyad. Snoke had been bridging his and Rey’s minds from the beginning. Maybe Snoke had always known that he would need one half to the dyad to control so that eventually he could have the other half. A power unto life itself to wield however he saw fit. 

What an unstoppable force they would be in his hands. Ben had seen it as well. All of the visions of a dark queen on the throne with him at her side. And all of them had been Rey, but it seemed like a red headed woman sat there now. Her hair wild like brush fire, eyes dangerous. A dark smile on those painted lips and body shrouded in the darkest black. A queen to rule the universe. And Wayzac could do it. He had no doubt in his mind that she would be able to. 

Without another glance at the room, he left and made his way to the conference room. With a deep breath he pushed open the door and strode in, doing his best to ignore all of the surprised eyes on him from the other generals and admirals. He took his seat and Wayac shot him another one of her smiles, this one more accepting than teasing. 

She rose from her seat, calling attention back to a direct stillness from all of the small chatter that had quickly broken out. She glanced around the room and Ben’s gloved fingers tapped on the smooth surface of the sleek black table they were all gathered around. 

“As I am sure you are all now fully aware, our fearless leader, Kylo Ren has returned to us,” she said in a voice that held just enough sarcasm for Ben to catch. He watched her carefully as she placed her hands on her hips. “As he was in prison on Coruscant awaiting trial, he has graciously agreed to allow me to run the next few meetings until everything is back in order.” 

He had never once said anything about a trial. What was she playing at? 

“And as of this meeting, I will be stepping down as Supreme Leader and the position will again belong to Ren.” 

Ben’s eyes narrowed as he watched Wayzac carefully. There was a glint in her eyes that he couldn’t place, but he didn’t like it. She was planning something. She wouldn’t just let him rule the First Order again. He knew her far better than she would like to admit and knew how her mind worked. 

It didn’t sit right with the rest of the room either. Ben could feel the energy shift. None of them liked him. They never had, but it didn’t stop the lasers that were being burned into the back of his head. 

“We will still be working closely together,” she continued brightly. “I will be second in command.” 

There was another drastic shift in the room that Ben couldn't name or place as good or bad. Maybe it was a relief that Wayzac would still be somewhat in charge. Ben wasn’t blind to the captivation she had always had on the rest of the crew. He had just thought himself special, lucky. 

“Now.” She clapped her hands together drawing all eyes back to her and away from Ben, whose hand had become a fist on the table. He had never thought how easy it would be to slip back into old habits. He quickly released the strain in his knuckles and did his best to just relax his hand. “We have been patiently tracking the remainder of a pocket of Resistance fighters. We had previously located them on Naboo and they have currently returned there. We have sent a small group to take care of them there. The queen continues to be a pain. We are planning to take care of that as well. We believe that the queen is hiding the last of the Jedi there. She was the one who initiated the attack on our fleet on Exegol. Rebel Scum,” she grumbled under her breath low enough that only Ben caught it. "According to new information, their main vessel is currently on its way to returning to their base on Ajan Kloss. Our-”

“How do you know this?” Ben asked, receiving a harsh gaze at his interruption. As far as he knew all of them were still on Naboo, but now he wasn’t even sure if that was still safe enough for them. Maybe they all should have stayed on Ahch-To.

“We’ve been tracking them for quite some time,” Wayzac replied, eyes leaving him and returning to the room. “Now-”

“With what?” 

Wazac bristled and straightened herself, a now fake smile plastered on her face. Was it still that easy to get under her skin? Did she still hate him that much? Ben couldn’t help but note the way her eyes wrinkled at the edges as she spoke in a strained tone. 

“Since you have been away, more stormtroopers have been defecting. We have installed tracking devices in all of their suits so that if they defect and escape we can find them and if they are worth saving, we send them to conditioning. If not, then we dispose of them.” 

Ben opened his mouth to argue, but quickly closed it. Wayzac gave a curious look as she watched his reaction closely. He had to watch himself. That was perfectly in line for the First Order and it was definitely not the worst thing that they could be doing to those people. Ben figured, as sad as it was, that death was far better than any form of punishment that Wayzac could come up with. 

“And how did they happen to obtain one of these suits?” Ben asked, hoping that that had been enough to throw her off his track. He didn’t need her answer. He already knew. The scenario was clear as day in his mind. Finn. 

“FN-2187,” Wayzac started, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear that had fallen from her normally tidy bun. “There was a breach in security. He snuck on board and commandeered another trooper’s suit.”

Ben did his very best to look and sound surprised. “He snuck on board? To what?”

“He stole something from my private quarters.” 

“What?” Ben pushed, sitting more forward in his chair. 

Her eyes glanced around the room and she sighed before finally focusing back on Ben, who now wore a smug smile. He had messed something up for her. Made her look bad in front of the other officers and if he was going to have any shot at all of this insane plan to work, then that was exactly what he needed to do. Break her down into nothing and take control so he could end this once and for all. 

“Just an old set of keys. I’m sure they don’t hold any importance.” 

Ben chuckled and everyone in the room shifted uncomfortably. “A defected stormtrooper who is now one of the head generals of the Resistance snuck back on board our ship, broke into your room and stole a set of keys and you don’t think it holds any significant importance?” Was he giving too much away? He had to. He needed to give them something to work with, something to not suspect him anymore than they already did. “They’re searching for something, something important. Do you really think that they would risk getting one of their own caught for a pair of keys that aren’t paramount?” 

Her teeth were clenched tight and Ben swore he could hear her grinding them. "I can assure you that we are taking care of it," she finally said through her teeth. 

"I expect to be briefed on that operation when this meeting is finished." 

"Of course." 

"What ship are we tracking?" another general spoke up. One that Ben didn't recognize. He must have been newly appointed. 

Wayzac gave a relieved sigh and returned her attention to the group. "We are tracking the Millennium Falcon and as I have said, it is currently on its way back to Ajan Kloss." 

Ben gave a confused look. Why would the Falcon be on the way to Ajan Kloss? There was nothing there for them anymore. Finn had told them that the base was empty. Was there something he just didn't know about that was still there?

He closed his eyes for a moment trying to think back to all of the exploring he had done those long nights when he was unable to sleep. Nothing stood out to him. 

Poe and Finn had a meeting with the queen and those two girly girls were sure to be off doing something together with the rest of the Resistance that had all returned back to Naboo. 

And Rey. 

His eyes widened at the realization. It had been too much to ask to have her stay behind. He should have known better. She would always be so stubborn. He had to warn her, somehow tell her. 

Ben wasn't sure how to though. He was certain that Wayzac would be keeping an extremely sharp eye on him. 

Maybe he would have just enough time after this meeting to send her a transmission. Even if he didn't, he had to do something. 

"We are planning to have a group ambush them and bring them to us. We'll find where the rest of their Resistance group is and take care of them. If we can remove this small pocket then we will have control once more," Wayzac explained. "That group will be setting out tomorrow. I have personally handpicked those troops." 

Ben's knee bounced nervously and he didn't like the way Wayzac was eyeing him. She looked amused, as if she knew what was going through his head. There were some other trivial things discussed, things that didn’t make much of a difference to Ben. What he couldn’t get out of his mind was how absolutely headstrong Rey was. She had promised to stay in Naboo. He honesty wasn’t sure why he was still surprised, but he was. Maybe he had been under the illusion of hope that she would listen to him, that she would understand why he wanted her to stay behind. 

“Wayzac,” Ben calls when she tried to follow the rest of the commanders out. He reached out and caught the hem of her shirt and pulled her back in front of him. She didn’t look pleased in the slightest and quickly turned mostly away from him, still keeping him in her line of site, but her expression largely hidden. “I believe we have to discuss this security breach further. What happened was unacceptable.” He dropped his hold on her and her hands rested on her hips. 

“It is all perfectly in hand,” she assured. Ben raised his eyebrows and she rolled her eyes. “We let him go on purpose.”

Ben couldn’t hold back a laugh. He couldn’t hide his surprise at the lie that she was trying to feed him. Did she really think that he wouldn’t know? Even if he didn’t know the surrounding circumstances, she couldn’t possibly think that he wouldn’t know that she was lying. He had grown close to her, far closer than he wanted to be now, but he knew her and she would do well to not forget that small detail. 

“You did not let him go,” Ben got out as he caught his breath. Wayzac was avoiding his gaze now and there was a blush to her cheeks as her eyes burned with anger. “It’s not like he just disappeared into thin air.” Her eyes widened. “He escaped.” 

“Were you there?” she demanded, arms now folded violently over her chest. 

“I didn’t have to be.”

“We let him go. We knew that the suit would track him and that he was part of the Resistance. We knew that we would be able to find the Resistance through his mistake,” she insisted. 

Ben got to his feet and stepped up behind her, just close enough that she would hear his whispered words. “Bull shit.” He didn’t need to say anymore. He walked past her, feeling her dark gaze on his back as he left the room. 

He didn’t have time to dwell on the conversation though. He needed to get to a control room and send a message to the Falcon. Warn them. With all the confidence he could find, he passed through the doorway to one of the many control rooms and glanced around as people stopped in their tracks and stared at him. 

“Get out,” he ordered, moving to one of the consoles and looking over it. When there weren’t any footsteps he gave a mocking sigh. “Don’t make me look up or tell you again.” There was a scramble as everyone hastily left the room and Ben let out a deep breath he didn’t know he had been holding. His shoulders ached as if there was something physically resting on them. He didn’t necessarily like the fact that everyone was afraid of him. It made him feel rather lonely. But it was useful for clearing a room if anything. 

He pulled off one of his gloves and typed something into the panel, the holotransceiver now visible in front of him. He located Rey’s transceiver that was on the falcon and waited for the signal to go through, but it didn’t. She either wasn’t on the ship or she had communications turned off so that Poe and Finn wouldn’t bother her. He had realized that she liked to do that when she left without their permission to go do things. 

He tried once more and ran a hand through his curls. He could always leave a message, but he had been hoping to speak to her directly. If she didn’t answer now he had no idea when she would finally get his message or if at all. 

He couldn’t just sit here though. All of the crew he had kicked out were bound to tell Wayzac and she was going to use anything she could against him, especially now that he was Supreme Leader again. Anything that she could do to make him look bad and make others question him, she was going to do. 

“Rey,” he said as the message began transmitting. “You need to get rid of the stormtrooper suit you still have on the Falcon.”

Wayzac hadn’t been able to stop replaying what he had said in her head over and over again. How did he know she was lying? _Disappear into thin air_. How had he possibly known? He couldn’t have. There was no way that anyone but her and that small group of troops knew what had happened. And she couldn’t even explain it herself. FN-2187 had fallen through a wall. Just walked through the solid metal wall and was gone. How had he done it? 

“Madam Irwilig,” a voice said. 

“What?” she shouted, looking up from the stark black conference table her hands were resting on. Her eyes met those of a young man who stood tall and straight, but had a startled look in his eyes. 

“Kylo Ren has excused all of the staff in the North transmitter room. I thought that you would like to know.” 

Wayzac straightened herself upright and tipped her head to the side, working her jaw. Who did he have to contact? If he had been in prison, which she didn’t buy for a moment, then he had no one to contact. Everything and everyone that he could possibly need to reach out to was on this ship. And even if he needed to contact someone, he surely didn’t need to do it privately.

“Gather up the crew that was excused and have them return to their shifts. No one should have left that room.” She straightened the sleeve of her shirt and went for the door, passing the man. 

He bowed his head as she passed. “Of course, Ma’am.” 

She broke into a run the moment she was out of the council room and raced for the North corridor. She had worked too hard for this position, had so much blood on her hands and she wasn’t about to give it all up so Snoke’s perfect pet project could have his hands all over everything again. This was her position. She had earned it and she was not about to lose it, not by a long shot and definitely not to some snot nosed kid with daddy issues. 

She stopped just outside of the open doorway and peered inside to see him at the holotransceiver console. 

“The First Order has been tracking you through it. They know that you’re going back to the base. Ditch the suit and go back to where you are safe like you promised. Please.” 

Wayzac couldn’t help the grin that covered her lips. He was working with the Resistance. She had suspected it all along. She hadn’t had the proof of course. And this wouldn’t constitute as much. She knew he would wipe all of the information from the logs and there weren’t any cameras to watch him in this room, which she would have to get fixed if he was going to keep sending messages. 

She was patient though. She had waited this long to become the Supreme Leader, she could wait for him to screw up again. If she played her cards right then this would be over quickly. Cute little Ben Solo would be behind bars or dead if she had a say in it. And why wouldn’t she? She was the Supreme Leader. The title might have been passed to him, but she would still run everything just as she had since the beginning. This was her ship, her fleet, her war and by hell or high water, she was going to see the end of it and come out on top. 

“I will also be sending a message to Naboo to warn them of an attack that is going to take place there.”

She turned back up the hallway, leaving Kylo to his secret message and went to the main bridge. It didn’t take her long to find her new favorite toy and pull him to her. She straightened his tie and a deep blush rose to his cheeks, his blue eyes shining at how close she was during work hours. Wayzac had made it quite clear that they were a very private relationship, but if she wanted this weak spined man to do what she asked, sometimes she had to indulge him. 

She brushed some of his blonde locks of hair out of his face and put on her best smile. “We had a change of plans. I need you and your group to leave tonight.” 

He cleared his throat and turned away from her. She smiled. His name was Krim or maybe it was Irek. She couldn’t really remember. They were all blurs now. Just names with no faces. They served their purpose. 

“I will have my team ready to move immediately,” he said with a small crack to his voice. 

“Perfect.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give everyone a heads up. I do have the next few chapters written out, but I do have a surgery coming up at the end of March and I will apparently be on some pretty hard drugs that will make it so I probably don't remember the next two weeks. Haha. So, I go in on the 25th and I'm not sure what will be happening for the next two to three weeks after that. So we will have to see! No worries though. Maybe you will get some drugged out chapters or something. Thanks as always for the kind comments and the kudos! Until next time, Happy Reading.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t think that you are understanding General.” He had never heard a tone so low and condescending before and it shocked him.  
> Finn jumped at a clap of a hand on his shoulder. “Leave the Queen alone,” Poe said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally feeling better. Sorry it's been a while since an update. I was camping this weekend and didn't have much service. Also would like to thank my sister for always reading everything, but I also have found a beta reader, finally. She's been a champ and has been going through each chapter for me. She finally got caught up. Thank you @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter. Enjoy!

* * *

“What do you mean they’re both gone?” Finn asked as Poe ran into the suite. “Wasn’t Rose supposed to be stopping her?”

“Obviously she didn’t,” Poe grumbled. “They’re going to screw something up.”

“I doubt they would be able to screw up anything more in this universe than it already is,” Finn said, hands resting on his hips as Poe gave a dark look, but didn’t say anymore. “We have a meeting with the Queen anyway. We don’t have time to just race after them. Rey can take care of herself.”

“Why are you making me feel like I’m somehow a bad father in all of this?” Poe gave a sigh and a nod. “We’re needed here.”

The two left the room and made their way up the hall to where Queen Cordella was already walking towards them at a strong stride, her advisers falling behind her. She motioned them to follow her and spoke without missing a beat.

“I have been informed of a small fraction of First Order that is going to be coming here to attack my people,” Her voice held more emotion in it as she spoke to the two men. As long as her advisers couldn’t hear her, then she could show as much emotion as she wanted. “I am asking that you two find a way to protect my people.”

“How do you know this?” Finn questioned.

“Don’t you have your own security?” Poe asked. Finn smacked him and sighed. It seemed like that had been all he had been doing lately. Trying to fix Poe’s slip ups. Ever since Ben had returned it was like Poe couldn’t focus, didn’t have a filter.

“You’re quite correct, General,” Cordella nodded in agreement as they continued on. “But they did not bring the First Order here, you have. It´s seems to me that this will be the best exchange for letting you stay here, don’t you agree?”

Both Finn and Poe stopped and looked at the teen who wore a sly side smile. They hadn’t expected her to be so cunning and maybe the new added emotion was just more able to catch them off guard than her monotone voice was.

“If you can protect my kingdom, then all of your needs will continue to be met and your Resistance can stay here as long as I am in office. If you do not help me with this mission, I will ask that you and your crew leave immediately.”

“Why you-”

“What would you like us to do?” Finn interrupted, stepping on Poe’s foot to keep him quiet.

The Queen smiled wide as they continued out into the courtyard with a large fountain that glistened in the sunshine. “We received a transmission and the First Order is convinced that Rey is still hiding here with the rest of the Resistance. The First Order wants to be rid of the Rebel scum.”

“Fine,” Poe finally agreed, not seeing a better option. They didn’t have the ships that could hold the capacity of the Resistance without the Falcon, which Rey had been kind enough to take when she left the two of them alone. “Do we know when this supposed attack is going to take place?”

“Tomorrow.”

Poe coughed in surprise and Finn’s eyes widened. “You didn’t leave us much time to prepare, Your Grace,” Finn said, surprise dripping from his voice.

“We received this transmission moments before I arranged this meeting.” The Queen came to a stop at the fountain and looked down at the water before turning back to the two men.

“And who might have you received this transmission from?” Poe questioned, rubbing the back of his neck with a sigh.

“Ben Solo relayed the message,” Cordella answered, her fingers dipping into the cool water of the fountain, her long sleeve grazing the surface. She had expected some push back at the mention of Solo, she knew that there was a stressed bond between all of them, it was quite clear when they had arrived. But when no argument came she decided to press on. “I do not mind being of assistance. I can fly.”

“Do you think that wise?”

“These are my people and you may have been who brought this threat to us, but I will do whatever I need to, to protect them. If that involves me flying into battle with you, then so be it.”

“So there’s going to be three of us against the First Order,” Finn muttered, hand going to his head.

“We’ve done it before,” Poe threw out. “We can do it again.”

“And we do owe her.”

“Remind me to never owe a Queen a favor ever again,” Poe muttered making Finn snort. “I’ll see if I can have some reinforcements join us by morning. We will do everything we can to protect your planet, Your Grace.”

“Thank you General.”

Poe nodded and turned away leaving Finn to scramble after him. “Who are you expecting to call in time for this to happen? It might happen tonight. We have no idea when they’ll show up and we have no idea where Lando-”

“Zorii will help.”

“You can’t depend on your spice runner-”

“She’ll come if I call,” Poe insisted, waving away Finn’s concerns.

“How do you know that?”

“She’s never said no before.”

“It’s kind of creepy, isn’t it?” Rose asked softly as they walked through the deserted base. The small amount of items that were left were smashed and strewn across the floor. The lights were flickering as if they couldn’t decide if they wanted to be on or not.

“Just a bit,” Rey agreed, glancing around.

The walls were a sad grey and the place felt cold and unwelcoming without all of the laughter that could normally be heard coming from down various halls.

“I don’t think he’s here,” Rose announced, staying towards the entrance and not following Rey in. Rey glanced back with furrowed brows. “His ship isn’t here.”

“He would have told me where he was going if he left.”

“Like you should have,” she teased, making Rey smile.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Rey gave a sigh and nodded. “You’re right. We’ll stay here tonight and head back to Naboo tomorrow.”

“That sounds good,” Rose agreed. “I’m sure he’ll let you know where he went.”

Rey nodded and went to follow Rose back outside when a familiar presence caught her attention. She turned back to the base and took a deep breath. “Rose,” she muttered. “I need to check something out. I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, no,” she answered, waving Rose away absentmindedly as she stepped further into the base. “I’ll only be a minute.” Rey quickly raced down the hall and grabbed the wall to help her round the corner, feet sliding on some papers that were on the ground. She caught her balance easily and stopped at a tall form in front of her. “Ben.”

He spun around quickly and Rey could only stare back at someone who looked more like Kylo than her Ben. He took a swift step towards her. “Where are you?” he asked as his hands took her shoulders. His voice was rushed and he was looking around her as if he could somehow see where she was though she knew he couldn’t.

“The base. Where are you?” she shot back, pushing him away to look at him. “What are you wea-”

“I don’t have long,” he interrupted. “Did you get my transmission?”

“No. I turned off the communicator.”

“Of course you did,” he muttered, an almost laugh underneath the sentence. Rey raised an eyebrow. He glanced over her and it took a moment for her expression to click. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how-”

“You left Naboo. You promised.” He took her arms again and rested his forehead against hers. “You were supposed to stay safe.”

“I am safe,” Rey pushed, again trying to move him back so she could look over him. She needed to see his eyes. His eyes met hers and relief flowed through her. They belonged to Ben and that meant more to her than the outfit did. Her hands went to his face and she brushed back his hair from his dark eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“We left on such bad terms.”

“Don’t worry about that now,” he whispered, placing a kiss to her head. “You need to get rid of that stormtrooper armor that’s on the Falcon. The First Order can track you through it. They’re leaving tomorrow to find you.”

“How do you know that?” Rey asked before she really put much thought into it. Her eyes widened as she put two and two together. “You’re back with them!”

Ben winced at the sharpness in her tone. “There was a change of plans. I’m perfectly fine. Don’t worry about me. You need to leave that base.”

Rey nodded. They would have time to discuss the fact that he was back with the First Order again later. She needed to pick her priorities and right now being tracked and found was far more important.

“Rey!” a shout came from down the hall. Rose’s voice was disheveled and it made Rey turn around worriedly. “Rey!”

Rey turned back to face Ben whose eyes held deep concern laced with anger in them. “Wayzac,” he hissed. She went behind his back and he didn’t know why he was surprised that she did. It fit her. “You need to go now.”

“Rey!” It was further away now, muffled by the distance.

“Go now Rey.” Ben ordered, gently pushing her away from him.

“What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me, go!”

Rey gave a single nod before turning back around and racing up the hall. She rounded that corner and was immediately face to face with two stormtroopers. Rey skidded to stop, heart racing in her chest.

“Rose!” she shouted as she took a few shaky steps back. “Rose!” But there was no answer and a stormtrooper lunged for her.

Finn’s eyes flickered from the checklist in his hand and over his ship to make sure everything was in order. Ben had been able to send them the coordinates of the ships that were planning to show up. A handful of Tie Fighters. They were still several hours out, but that left very few precious seconds to get ready.

Finn also would have laughed his head off when Zorii had said no the night before from the smug look that had been zapped off of Poe’s face in a flash, but with how badly they needed the help he couldn’t find the muscles to smile.

As far as Finn knew when he had woken this morning, Poe had been up all night begging Zorii for assistance. He was bargaining away whatever he could think off as well as having helped himself to some drinks. Finn knew Poe would be fine and would be able to function as well as he normally did, Poe could hold his drink, but he wasn’t sure if Poe would be as motivated to participate as he would have been with Zorii there.

For the longest time Finn had believed that Poe had a thing for Rey. And Finn couldn't blame him. Rey was stunning and for a good while he had entertained the idea of the two of them being together as well, but had decided to move on. That had been for the best. Rey was perfectly happy with Ben and Ben seemed like a better person with her around and that’s all Finn truly wanted for Rey was for her to be happy.

With how frazzled Poe had been when Zorii had shot him down so quickly, Finn could believe that Poe really did like Zorii, which was also completely fine. They had a certain connection that was unmistakable on Kijimi.

Movement out of the corner of his eye pulled Finn’s attention from the checklist and he turned to see a young girl striding with a strong presence across the hanger floor and to another X-Wing that sat among a few other ships that were a mix between belonging to the Resistance and the Royal Court of Naboo. Her long hair was pulled back lazily into a ponytail that still cascaded down her back. A pilot’s uniform that was a touch too big covered her and she had a helmet tucked securely under her arm, goggles hanging loosely around her neck.

Finn quickly raced over to her and his eyes widened at her age. “Miss, where do you think you’re going?” he asked, causing her to stop and turn to look at him fully. He couldn’t help but note the beautiful sun kissed gold that her skin was in the morning light.

“To my ship,” she responded coolly, tucking some hair behind her ear.

Finn’s brows knitted together and he gave a forced laugh. “That’s cute. A twelve year old is not flying a ship. Especially not right now.”

“I’m fifteen,” she corrected quickly, her voice sharp and forceful. “And this is my ship and I will fly it if I want to, General.”

“We are about to fly into a war zone. I don’t think you understand,” Finn tried again. He was not in the mood for these games. He still needed to finish the checklist on his X-Wing and then start on Poe’s since the pilot had decided that he still didn’t want to show up this morning.

“I don’t think that you are understanding General.” He had never heard a tone so low and condescending before and it shocked him. What child had been taught how to speak with such command?

Finn jumped at a clap of a hand on his shoulder. “Leave the Queen alone,” Poe said before taking a bite out of an apple with a crisp crunch. The sweet scent fluttered through the air. “How are you this morning, Your Grace?”

“Perfectly capable of flying my ship, thank you very much General,” she replied with a nod of her head before continuing to make her away across the hanger floor.

Poe chuckled and patted Finn’s back a few times, harder than he needed to, in an attempt to get the surprised look off of his friend’s face.

“The Queen?” Finn mumbled out after a long pause. “But she-she-”

“What? Did you think all that make up was her real face? Or that voice she has to use? Come on Finn.” Poe released his grip on Finn and began to walk backwards towards his own X-Wing. He tossed his apple to Finn who caught it on instinct and shot Poe a dark look. Poe only smiled. “Next time be a bit more polite, would you?”

Finn frowned and chucked the apple back at Poe who flinched just far enough out of the way that the apple barely missed him. He only laughed as he turned back to his ship, leaving Finn feeling like a fool for having not realized.

He should have figured it out sooner and now that he knew it made sense. The way that she held herself should have been enough to give it away. He stubbed the toe of his boot into the ground and went back to his ship, something heavy settling in his stomach. Something wasn’t right. He couldn’t exactly name it, but it was strong.

He climbed up on the wing of the ship that was chilled still from the night that clung to it and then leaned into the cockpit to grab his communicator. “Rey?” he asked into it. “Rose, confirm transmission.” There was only static on the other side and he gave a frown. “Rey, confirm transmission.” Static. “Rose?” Still nothing.

He quickly dropped back down to the hanger floor with a loud echo from his boots and made his way over to Poe who was tinkering with a set of wires. He gasped at a sizzle and shoved his thumb into his mouth before catching Finn’s eyes and looking up with a questioning crease in his brows.

“They’re not answering.”

Poe pulled his pulsing finger from his mouth and sighed. “I’m sure they’re fine. Rey always turns off any lines of communication when she doesn’t want us to know where she went, you know that. I wouldn’t be concerned.”

“But-”

“I know it’s hard to release our little birdies and let them fly free and be left with an empty nest, but Rey can take care of herself,” Poe insisted. “Both of them are more than fully capable.”

“Poe-”

“Are you ready to go?” the pilot yet again interrupted, turning back to the set of live wires he had been messing with. “We need to head them off before they reach the atmosphere. We’ll have a better chance of keeping everyone safe that way.”

Finn gave an exasperated sigh and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. He wasn’t stupid. He knew they needed to meet the First Order before they got close enough to do damage. And he knew Poe was just as worried about their two friends and was pushing it away so he didn’t have to deal with it like he seemed to do with a lot of his problems. They were hidden away for a later date that he worked very hard to never face.

“Is Zorii coming?”

Poe paused and Finn studied him carefully. Poe’s face had stayed still but his head dipped a bit and his shoulders rose and fell with his breath. “I wouldn’t count on it.”

“What happened to her coming whenever you called?” Finn said, trying to put as much of a tease into his tone as he could.

“She’s a few systems away. Wasn’t sure if she could get here in time.”

“We need to go!” the young voice of the Queen said as she clambered up on the wing of her own ship, having to jump due to her height. Both Finn and Poe chuckled at the somehow regal awkwardness of it all. How was she so put together when she was so young?

“We still have time,” Finn said curiously. “Why are we leaving now? The sun’s barely up.”

“Her advisers don’t know she’s coming. They’ll most likely be searching for her by now, as she didn’t show up for their breakfast meeting to discuss the day’s schedule.”

“She didn’t tell them?” Finn demanded, looking over the teen skeptically. This wasn’t going to end well.

“Do you think they would let a Queen race off and fight a fleet of First Order Tie Fighters?”

“No,” Finn answered slowly as he thought about it. Poe was right. She would never have been allowed into the hanger if her advisers had any say in the matter. The realization seemed to only add another layer of stress to the morning. First this battle they were somehow blackmailed into, though in all honesty they would have helped anyways, Rey and Rose not answering the communicator after leaving with no notice, and now having to sneak the Queen out to help them when Finn wasn’t even sure if she really could fly. She could barely get into the X-wing, how was Finn expected to believe that she could do anything more than maybe start the ship? “Is she any good?”

Poe shrugged as he closed the panel of wires, seemingly satisfied with the work he had done. “No idea.”

“And you think this is a good idea?”

“Never said it was.” Poe wiped his hands on his pants and sighed. “But you can’t tell women no, Finn. They get an idea in their heads and they just have to follow it through to the end no matter how stupid it is.”

“That’s not how women are at all,” Finn shot back, arms folding over his chest. “Who in the world have you been spending all of your time with?”

“Woman wise as of late, mostly Rey.”

Finn gave a nod of acceptance. Rey did fit that idea that Poe had thrown out and the more he thought about it, the more he had to agree with Poe. Every woman he had met and spent time with over the last year or so had been as stubborn as a wastoid, but that was also what made them so amazing. Each one had an opinion and a will to fight for what they believed in.

“Time to depart Generals!” Cordella called as her transparisteel canopy was lowering around her.

Poe smacked Finn’s arm and nodded to the entrance of the hanger where a large group of the Queen’s advisers and handmaidens were rushing in. Both Poe and Finn raced to their respective ships and climbed in.

As his own canopy closed around him, Finn could make out muffled shouts from the people below. The Queen’s ship roared to life and Finn couldn’t help but be impressed at how quickly and steadily she shot from the hanger and out over the deep colored ocean. Maybe she could fly.

“Why was I not informed that you authorized an early departure?” Ben asked as collectively as he could. “As the Supreme Leader, I am privy to all commands on this ship.”

“I just thought that I would take matters into my own hands as you are still getting adjusted,” Wayzac replied innocently as she worked in her bathroom to get ready for the day. Kylo had been kind enough to burst into her room without a warning and had left her annoyed at her ruined morning routine. “I’m really only thinking of your welfare, Kylo. In all honesty I thought you would be grateful that you could focus on the bigger issues rather than on the minor details that I, as your second in command, am more than capable of handling.”

She kept herself busy with pulling her long hair that had been straightened from its natural curl within an inch of its life up into her normal bun.

_I like it curly,_ Kylo’s voice said somewhere in the back of her mind. She closed her eyes and pushed the memory away. She didn’t care much for the compliments and definitely not his.

Her eyes snapped open at Kylo’s footsteps and her hands were so practiced in the motion of pulling back her hair that she didn’t have to look, she kept her eyes hard on Kylo in the mirror as he stared daggers into her back, anger seeping from every inch of his body. His jaw was hitched in its normal dislike, a scowl always present on his brow and his hands were clenched into fists. Everything was like it had been before he had wandered off to play hero. He still held the same anger in all of his movements and in all of his words. He hadn’t changed in the slightest and she was curious if he had always been this distraught, swirling in his own guilt.

“Next time inform me,” he ordered, struggling to keep his voice level. Wayzac’s lips twitched into a smile as she watched him pace behind her distractedly. His discomfort was pleasant. “I do not take kindly to being ignored.”

“I never meant to ignore you Kylo.” He halted at the words, but didn’t dare look up at her. One of his hands was resting on his saber at his side and Wayzac tipped her head. Was it a comfort to him to be ready at all times? Maybe he liked the weapon so much because it was all he had left of who he was before. Something to tie him to what he had been. “How did you get your saber back?”

“Stole it from the prison inventory when I escaped,” he answered, smoothly. He glanced up curiously. She could ask him anything she wanted. He had repeated through the lie enough times in his head that he could recite his story forwards and backwards.

“And how did you escape?” she challenged, turning around and leaning against the counter, arms folded. This was going to be good. She could tell.

“Bribed a guard.”

“With what?”

“Credits.”

“And where did you get the credits?” She pushed herself up from the counter and walked over to him so that she could get a better look at his eyes. She was grateful that he hadn’t started wearing that stupid mask again. The only way she could know if he was lying was to see his eyes. His face was always far too cold and collected.

“I didn’t.”

She stopped, confused. “You didn’t pay off the guard?”

“I offered him a fortune because I’m the Prince of Alderaan. If he were as bright as a blaster bolt he would have known the planet no longer existed,” Ben explained, keeping his tone low. It was a lie. She knew it was. But he told it well, as if he really did believe it. If she didn’t know he was bluffing through his teeth she might have been tempted to believe him. “He opened the jail cell and I took him out and escaped. Wasn’t that difficult.”

“That’s a high security prison.”

“What point are you trying to make?” Ben snapped.

Wayzac quickly smiled and shook her head. “Nothing at all.”

Deciding the conversation was over, Ben turned away. “Next time you are to report to me. Is that clear?”

“As kyber crystal.”

Ben left the room and stretched out his fingers from how tightly he had been holding his fists. He took a deep breath and let his body relax. He didn’t realize how much energy it took to stay angry all of the time and he didn’t understand how he had done it for so long. Maybe it was because for the longest time he didn’t understand that he could just let things go. Relationships were far more important than anything that put strain on them, and he was tired of being that strain.

He could feel a familiar ache beginning to set into his body. One that he had felt almost daily during his training sessions with Snoke. He was working himself too hard and not resting. He was running on nothing and pushing though the settling want of sleep to keep working. There was so much to do when Wayzac kept going behind his back. He would do his best to get some sleep later tonight, but it was difficult when he felt like he had to keep one eye open with Wayzac around. He exhaled deeply and straightened himself up as much as he could and went to go speak to an officer that Wayzac had seemed to have taken a liking to.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We trusted you!" she shouted, making Ben's heart sink and a pink heat flood the top of his ears. "You gave us up, didn't you?" 
> 
> Ben watched with his tongue held tightly between his teeth so he wouldn't speak. His hands were tight fists at his sides and he did his best to breathe deeply. 
> 
> "She loves you bastard!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.

* * *

Cordella gasped as her ship jerked forward among the stars. Her chest ached painfully from the force her harness had used to keep her in her seat. 

She yanked the steering in her hand and her X-Wing spun out of the way of another laser cannon shot. 

The TIE Fighters might not have any shielding or hyperdrive, but that only made them lighter and harder for her to chase down. They were faster than she thought something without a hyperdrive could be. 

They stayed tight on her tail and she grumbled under her breath as her mind scrambled for an idea. 

Alarms were blaring around her, damaged reports flashing across the screen of her helmet visor. 

"I know!" she shouted angrily at all of the pop ups. "I know the core processor is on fire!" 

"How are you holding up?" Poe's voice asked into her ear and she rolled her eyes.

She didn't have the patience she normally had to deal with the other two at the moment. She needed to lose these three tie fighters that had better aim than stormtroopers. Or at least the rumor was that they weren’t very good at aiming. She had never been able to see one before. Her life had been nothing but politics since she was a child, even after her parents had died, and she had grown fond of what it meant to be a leader and help people and that was why she had run for the position, but there were moments like these where she wished she didn’t have the pressure. It added more to this fight, an underlying understanding that she was responsible for what happened from here on out. 

“Fine,” she replied tightly. 

With a firm grip, she pulled back on the steering and was shoved against the back of her seat at the sudden change in movement. Her ship climbed upright before looping back around. Ahead of her were the three ships and she didn’t waste any time opening fire on them. 

Not having shields had been a design flaw that she was more than happy to capitalize from. An explosion of debris flew past her as one of the TIE Fighters went down in a ball of contained flames that were quickly extinguished as all of the oxygen burned up. 

“Poe, on your right,” Finn instructed and Cordella did her best to push the instructions not meant for her out of her mind. 

There was another shove and Cordella could feel something sharp hit her side. Her teeth clenched and she exhaled, one hand shooting to the pain to hold pressure to it. Her fingers touched something cold, but she didn’t give much thought to it. 

Her ship was losing power. The lights around her were flickering and her headset was showing warnings for what felt like every inch of her ship that was damaged. Her core processor was whirling somewhere behind her, gasping for help. 

“My ship is down,” she said, her voice pitched high with the pain that was finally starting to set in as warmth licked at her fingers. 

“Can you hyper jump back to Naboo?” Poe asked over the headset. 

Cordella’s head drooped forward as her ship came to a sputtering stop, the cockpit lights now fully off and washing her in a deep darkness. “I have no power,” she explained, even though she was sure that they couldn’t hear her anymore. With a deep breath she sat up fully and began flipping switches for emergency backup power. She could hear the engine breathe with life, but it died again with a sad whirring noise. Once more she flipped the switch and it gave one hopeful breath before falling silent again. 

She wasn’t sure what else to do. There were still a good eight Tie Fighters they were battling and the two men didn’t have the time to help her. She had to do something though. She didn’t know how much more oxygen she had left and if there was still a fire within her core processor then it would be burning up all of her air. 

She could just make out the fight going on outside of her canopy, bright flashes popping up across the sky among the stars. A bright beam shot towards her and she jolted in her seat as her ship became detached from one of its wings. 

Her heart beat madly in her chest and her hands worked as quickly as they could, trying to start her x-wing back up desperately. With all attention back on her, she didn’t stand a chance and this was not where she was going to die. She had things she wanted to do when her term was up. She didn’t want to be a politician forever damn it. 

Nothing was working. The switch wasn’t even giving a startup hum anymore. She pulled off her helmet and tossed it to her feet with a crash before making sure that her oxygen mask was snug over her mouth and nose. 

There was a flash of movement outside and her eyes watched as a TIE Fighter circled her ship. It was playing with her. It had to be. It had an open shot at her and she had no way to stop it. 

There was a large flash and Cordella jumped as the TIE Fighter exploded, sending her ship skirting back with the power of the blast. A new light colored ship zipped past her and she stared. It was a Y-Wing. It had been a while since she had seen one of those and she couldn’t pull anything to mind of who could possibly be flying it. 

Whoever it was, was an excellent pilot and she was grateful that this person had shown up in time to help her. She watched curiously as the new ship took out another TIE Fighter as easily as the first, leaving Finn open to take out one in front of him now that he didn’t have to worry about the one following him.

“I didn’t think that you would make it,” Poe found himself teasing over the headset. 

“It looked like you desperately needed a bit of help,” the familiar voice of Zorii answered. 

“You two can flirt later,” Finn’s voice crackled through and Poe frowned. 

“We weren’t-” he broke off knowing that it was worthless to fight against Finn and this definitely wasn’t the place. “Is the queen alright?” 

“In that beat up thing? Not sure,” Zorii replied. Poe exhaled tightly and a smile covered his face as he blasted one of the few ships left out of the sky. “I couldn’t see any movement inside.” 

“Shit,” Poe hissed, watching as Finn took out the last one. “Zorii, I’m going to pull that ship in. As soon as we hit the gravity it will fall without power. Can you get under it and guide it in?” 

“Alright.” 

“Finn, how are you holding up?” Poe asked as he made his way closer to Cordella’s ship and shot a tow cable into the wing that was still attached. He waited for Zorii to get under the X-Wing before turning back towards Naboo. 

“I’m good. Looks like there’s an issue with the fuel line, but I should have enough to make it back.” 

“Right.” Poe gave a nod to no one and slowly pulled on the tow line, the other ship moving fairly easily after him. Reentry wasn’t too difficult. Zorii was doing well with supporting the destroyed ship until the hanger where it was less than gracefully tipped off of her y-wing and to the hanger floor with a squeal of metal grinding against stone. 

Poe landed and immediately jumped down from his cockpit, sprinting to Cordella’s ship. Finn had beat him to it and was doing his best to pry open the canopy that had been damaged in such a way that it wouldn’t open. 

“Here,” Zorii called, tossing him a hand tool that Finn caught and looked at curiously. 

Finn found the small switch that ignited the arch welder and blue contained streams of electricity buzzed to life. He pointed it at the metal frame around the transparisteel. All three of them looked away as sparks flew into the air. 

“Zorii, we may need a first aid kit,” Poe called above the loud sound of the welding. Zorii nodded within her helmet and went back to her ship to search for one. 

The brightness faded and Poe watched from below as Finn tore open the canopy to reveal a lightly banged up Cordella. She didn’t look too bad off. There was a small nick on her cheek and her hair had mostly fallen from its ponytail. She pulled her oxygen mask off her face and exhaled deeply. 

“Would you mind helping me down?” she asked in a voice half as strong as she normally used, her face paling. 

Finn jumped into action and carefully unstrapped her from her seat, supporting her as she climbed over the edge of the cockpit and onto the wing. Finn’s grip was tight around her upper arm as he helped lower her down into Poe’s waiting form. 

Poe’s hands took the young queen’s waist and helped her drop down to the hanger floor. Her knees gave way beneath her and Poe snatched her up quickly before she could crumple to the ground. 

“Zorii,” Poe called, waiting for her to return from her ship. Finn dropped down and stepped closer. “Finn, help me.” Finn nodded as he helped Poe lower the girl gently to the floor, using himself for the teen to lean against. She rested back against Finn’s chest, face blanched and sweat forming on her brow. “Zorii!” 

“I’m coming!” she shot back in annoyance from somewhere in the distance, her footsteps echoing as she raced back to them. 

“How are you doing?” Poe asked with a kind smile, trying to make sure that the young girl was comfortable and not afraid. 

“I’m hurt, not dying,” she teased with a weak smile. “I’ll be fine.”

Zorii dropped to her knees beside the group and opened up the case for Poe to look at. Poe dug through it and stopped at the sight of blood that had soaked into the side of his shirt that he hadn’t noticed before. His eyes immediately went back to the queen. 

A flood of different emotions rushed through him at how her flight suit was stained with her blood, the color darker from a large hunk of twisted metal that was stuck in her side. He had never felt so much guilt before. He shouldn’t have let her go with them. They could have handled it just fine without her. 

“Poe,” Finn hissed, trying to get his friend’s attention back from the intense stare he had. 

Poe’s face fell as he moved closer to the queen and reached out to help her. The moment his fingertips brushed against the metal Cordella squirmed out of his reach and snatched up one of Finn’s hands with a grimace and whimper. Poe’s hand shot back and he glanced over at Zorii whose face was still hidden behind her helmet and giving him no direction. 

“You need to stay still,” Poe said softly, his eyes meeting Cordella’s with an apology. This had been his fault. He should have told her no, but he had let her come. He had given her the idea of sneaking out and now she was hurt. “Ok?” 

She licked her lips and nodded her head, turning her face away and hiding it into Finn’s neck who looked surprised at the movement, but let her seek out comfort however she wanted. Her fingers laced with Finn’s who returned the grip and Poe took a deep breath, reaching back out. He cast a glance to Zorii who was ready with some gauze. 

With a determined nod he took a firm hold on the slick metal and felt a pang of apprehension. “On three. One.” His gaze flickered over the young girl’s face as her breathing quickened as if she were trying to ready herself for the pain. “Two.” He didn’t make it to three. He knew she would be too worked up if he waited. So he pulled at the metal and she cried through her teeth, feet kicking as Finn held her still. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as she gasped. “It’s ok,” Poe assured gently as he tossed the piece of debris away with a clank. “We need to get this off of you, alright?” 

His fingers worked as quickly and softly as they could, unbuttoning her suit down to her waist and pulling it off of her shoulders so that he could more clearly work. He lifted the hem of her thin undershirt off of the wound and took some of the gauze that Zorii held out. He placed it to the deep gash and Cordella groaned. 

Zorii held out a container of clear liquid and Poe snatched it up, pulling back the gauze and pouring some of the liquid over the wound. The queen cried, biting at her lip so harshly that it would leave marks. 

The open wound bubbled as the liquid cleaned the cut with a harsh burn. Poe leaned down to get a better look at the problem and shook his head. “There’s still shards of metal. I need something to get them out.” Zorii dug back through the bag and Poe caught Finn whispering softly to Cordella while his free hand that wasn’t trapped in her grip was gently smoothing out her hair. Zorii held out a pair of needle nosed pliers of some sort and Poe chewed on his tongue as he did his best to be careful as he dug around to retrieve the remaining pieces of metal. 

Once he was sure that everything was clean he pressed more gauze onto the wound and Zorii helped wrap the bandages around her middle. They were done with their work that would need to be looked over by a better medical professional later, but for now that would do. 

Poe carefully scooped Cordella up into his arms and her face scrunched up in pain as she settled against him, head on his shoulder. “We’re going to get you taken care of,” he whispered to her as he made his way out of the hanger to find someone who could help her far better than they could. 

“Thank you general,” she answered in a breathless voice, curling further against him. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“As long as my people are safe, you have done nothing wrong.” 

Then why did he feel so awful? The guilt didn’t sit on his chest, it was swirling in his brain. What had happened couldn’t be undone and he could mend things in subtle ways, but nothing would repair this. There was gasoline in his gut. His insides were slowly dying from the toxicity, burning him. He had done everything wrong. 

Ben hadn’t been able to sleep. There was something wrong. Something wasn’t sitting right in his chest. That commander that Wayzac seemed to like was gone. Apparently he was among the crew that Wayzac had approved to depart and he was long gone by the time Ben had gone to find him.

Ben made his way down the maze of halls doing his best to push aside his annoyance that was bubbling in his chest. This was going to be more difficult than he thought it would be. He was positive that he had made the right choice in coming back to the Finalizer, he just wasn’t sure how to get rid of Wayzac. He had to wait for the right moment. He had to keep tearing her down. He couldn’t get rid of her now. The other officers still liked her and he knew that he would be in for a rough time of it even if he was the Supreme Leader. He wasn’t Snoke. He couldn’t rule with absolute fear and there was no way he was good at manipulating like Wayzac. He just had to make sure he played the game right. 

Up the hall there was a commotion that captured Ben’s attention and he could only stare at the struggling woman that some guards were dragging down the hall. 

“Let go of me!” the woman hissed as she tried to free her arms. 

“Rose,” Ben whispered, taking swift steps forward. He was about to demand her release, but the cold eyes and red hair that turned the corner trapped the words in his mouth. 

"Ah, Kylo," Wayzac said happily. Rose immediately froze and her eyes darted to Ben's face, her dark hair seized by one of the guards, holding her head in place. "We picked this one up on the Resistance base." 

"I see," Ben muttered, his voice small. He cleared his throat. "And the Jedi?" 

"I'm afraid she might still be on Naboo. We didn't find her. Only this one." Wayzac moved closer and Ben avoided her gaze, eyes on Rose. "We will be checking in with our group that was sent there during our conference later today." 

"And what are you going to do with this one?" Ben nodded to Rose whose nose had scrunched up in absolute hate, her eyes dark, jaw clenched tightly. She didn't know. Rey hadn't told her. What happened to Rey? He had to bite back the question. 

"She will be posted in Cell Block C," Wayzac answered calmly. "We will interrogate her to find where the rest of the Resistance is. I have also been updated about the small crew we sent to Naboo. It looks like there weren’t any survivors.” She didn’t at all seem concerned about the man she had been flinging herself on that was not dead somewhere off the planet of Naboo. In all honesty, she didn’t care. She would find another like him. There were always more men like that one, another nameless face to dispose of when the time came. 

Ben nodded, hoping that his face stayed neutral enough for Wayzac but with enough expression for Rose to understand. He would get her out. She didn't have to worry. "I will conduct the interrogation myself," Ben instructed. Wayzac didn't look impressed but didn't fight him. "Take her away." 

The guards began to shove Rose again and it took her a moment to realize that she was being moved. Her eyes stayed on Ben as she fought once again. 

"We trusted you!" she shouted, making Ben's heart sink and a pink heat flood the top of his ears. "You gave us up, didn't you?" 

Ben watched with his tongue held tightly between his teeth so he wouldn't speak. His hands were tight fists at his sides and he did his best to breathe deeply. 

"She loves you bastard!" 

"She's excitable, isn't she?" Wayzac said from somewhere beside Ben. "Are you going to be able to handle the-" 

"I'll be fine." His voice came out harsh. 

"She seemed like she knew you," she pushed finally calling Ben's eyes to her. There was something smug in her tone. He couldn't let her know. "How does a member of the Resistance know you?" 

"Prison." Ben quickly turned his back on the woman and started back up the hallway he had come down to head back to his room. 

"Why were Resistance personnel in the prison?" 

"They commit war crimes just like everybody else. There are still laws that have to be obeyed, Wayzac." He rolled his eyes as her footsteps followed behind him at a swift pace to catch up to him. "Please let me retire to my room alone."

"Kylo, who could ever love you?"

Ben's steps faltered and he stopped, his heart aching at the laugh she gave. His eyes lowered to the floor and he tried to step again, but it was like his feet were welded to the floor. 

Her laugh continued to echo in his head long after it had disappeared from the hallway. 

"Did I hit a nerve?" Her tone was so innocent that it infuriated him and he closed his eyes, willing his feet to move forward but they wouldn't. "Did Kylo Ren really think that someone could actually love him?" She laughed again and Ben clenched his teeth so hard that it made his ears ring. "No one could love you. No one in their right mind-"

He couldn't stop himself. It was so natural, so quick. He spun around and his hand went to her neck like a missile finding its target. He slammed her against the wall with a loud crash, her eyes wide in surprise as she gasped. 

"Shut up!" he snarled. He couldn't remember having been this angry in a long time. His free hand trembled in a fist. The shock slowly ebbed from her face and she simply smiled that damned smile that said she was better than him. "I want to kill you. You have no idea how badly I want to end you." The words spilled from him, unable to be held back by his gritted teeth. He shocked himself as the words bounced off of the metal tomb like walls around them.

"You don't have the guts," she shot back sweetly. "We both know you can't." 

With a deep breath he forced his hand to release her. He couldn't let her taunt him and he definitely couldn't blow up like he used to. He might have had his father's temper and short fuse, but he didn't have to act on it. Not anymore. 

"You forget your place, Irwilig," Ben said, brushing his hair back from his face and stepping away from her. Her expression flickered from smug to again surprised as if she had been expecting him to try to hurt her. Kylo Ren would have, but Ben Solo would be a better man. "You would do well to remember." 

"Go change," Finn instructed, patting Poe's shoulder as he entered the infirmary. The room was a long, large hall that was lined with beds and medical equipment. Personal humans in white robes and robots were quietly walking around checking on a small handful of others that were in the same room. Poe didn't move from his forward slump from the bedside of the queen who was fast asleep. "Go take a shower. She's fine. Her vitals are stable." 

Poe shook his head and glanced up, hands steepled at his mouth. His eyes raked over the bed, stopping on the young girl's face. "She ordered me to stay." 

"I will be right here and I am sure that the queen would not want you still wearing her blood when she wakes up." 

Poe was silent for a moment before sighing. He rose to his feet, his knees cracking as his stiff joints straightened out for the first time in hours. He stretched his arms over his head, his back popping too. Finn winced at the sound, but Poe didn't notice. 

He made his way past the bed, but froze at Finn's words. 

"You don't need to keep beating yourself up for this. It wasn't your fault." 

Poe's head dropped down as he held back tears and he pushed himself from the room. 

Finn took Poe's seat and looked over the queen whose face was calm and breathing steady as she slept. Poe had done a good job patching her up according to the doctor that had looked over her. 

Cordella would be fine with rest and time, but she wouldn't be fit for duty for quite a while. The piece of metal had damaged one of her internal organs, but the doctors had been able to fix it up. It was just a matter of waiting. 

Finn looked back up to where Poe had been. He understood why Poe was upset. He knew that it had to do with Poe's brother and what had happened. He just had a feeling that was it, but he wasn't sure how to fix it. Finn didn't even know if there was anything that he could do to help. A lot of the time he honestly felt in the way. 

He wanted to be something more than in the way. He wanted to be something useful. He wanted to be someone that they could all look to for help. 

An odd memory entered his head and he wasn't sure why. That desert planet, the quick sand, the cave. That monster that Rey had... Healed. 

His eyes widened and he turned back to the bed. Could he? He still wasn't very good at anything that had to do with the force yet. He still had trouble summoning it when he needed it. He was nowhere near as talented as Rey and nowhere near as practiced as Ben. But he could still try, couldn't he? 

Or would he just make things worse like he always made things worse? He was the screw up of the group. The last to understand. The last to know. The last to act. And he wouldn't be that anymore. 

Finn got to his feet and carefully took Cordella's hand into his own. He could do this. He would do this. 

What was it that Rey had said? Life force. She was giving her life force. 

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, concentrating as best he could. The force was a feeling, or that was how he had come to think of it. Or maybe that was how he used it. Emotions were what summoned it. So what emotion did he need? How did he use the force to help? How did he give his life force? 

"Will you stop pacing? You're going to make me sick." Poe didn't pay any attention and continued in his brisk walk back and forth across the ornate room of the suite. "You're still wearing that shirt," Zorii pointed out again trying to get his attention. When Poe still didn't acknowledge her, she sighed and got from the couch, stepping into his path.

He came to a stop in front of her, eyes slowly coming back to life as he stared at her helmet. He took a few steps backwards and changed his direction, getting lost in thought again. 

"What has gotten into you?" Zorii demanded, getting back in front of him. She caught the pilot by the chest and shoved him back. He stumbled and fell to the floor. His eyes flickered up to her, tears lining them. She frowned. "I've never seen you like this before." – She affirmed.

Poe sniffed and used the sleeve of his jacket to wipe at his nose. He didn't move from where he was on the floor, just crossed his legs and began to play with some loose thread at the cuff of his pants. 

Zorii growled and her hands moved up to grasp each side of her helmet and lift it over her head. Her brown loose ringlet curls were wild now that they were free from her helmet. She dropped to her knees in front of Poe and when he caught her eyes, he finally met her gaze. 

He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her without her helmet. She never took the thing off. Maybe when they had kissed the first time? But it was so long ago and alcohol blurred that he wasn't sure. 

His eyes raked over her face, taking in every detail he could before she decided to block him out again. Her eyes were a clear glass bottle green that were concerned, which was a nice change from having to guess what she was thinking. Her nose was slim and there was a scar across it that matched Poe's still healing nick. Her thin pink lips were turned down in a frown. 

"What is going on, Poe?" she asked.

He inhaled sharply and held it until his lungs burned and he left it go. He lowered his head into his hand with another deep breath. 

"It's my fault that she's hurt," he got out, rubbing at his eyes with his palms until patterns played in front of him. "I let her go." He regretted it. All of it.

"Did she want to go?" 

"Yes," Poe answered softly, looking back up at her eyes. 

"Were you the one who shot her?" 

"No." 

"Did you do your best to protect her?" 

"Yes." 

"And you helped fix her up, didn't you?" she questioned.

"Yes," he whispered. 

"Then this is not your fault!" Her jaw was tight and her eyes bright. Poe felt his chest restricting as he tried to breathe. "You obviously don't believe me. Why in the world is that your fault?"

He blinked several times and licked his lips that were suddenly dry. Zorii's expression became annoyed and he pushed herself back to her feet. 

"If you're not going to talk to me then I'm done." She scooped her helmet from the floor and shoved it under her arms as she began to twist her hair up so she could shove it into her helmet. 

"N-no," he gasped out. "Please." His hand reached out to her, nowhere near touching her and she eyed it. His voice cracked, his tone a beg. "Stay." 

She paused, looking over the disheveled man who desperately needed a shower and shave on the floor before her. With a huff of air, she released her hold on her hair and lowered herself back to the floor in front of him. 

"Then you better start talking." 

He swallowed and Zorii waited until her patience was about to snap before he finally spoke. "She reminds me of Cole." 

"Your brother?" she questioned. Poe nodded in answer and she pursed her lips as if she were trying to fight back something she was going to say. "Why?" 

"She's just full of this life and power. She can do whatever she wants, not because she's queen, but because she's determined. She doesn't take shit and she-"

"I get it," Zorii interrupted, perturbed. Had he said something wrong? He was about to ask when he saw a pink tinge in her cheeks. He couldn't help but give a small smile at what he never got to see. "Your brother wasn't your fault either." 

His smile dropped and he turned his gaze to the floor, hands gripping the fabric of his pant leg tightly. "You don't know that."

"I do know that," she argued, her hand reaching out to his, the fabric of her glove somehow warm despite the coldness of the leather. "You have to stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over." 

"But maybe if I hadn't left with my mom, he wouldn't have run off. Maybe I should have tried to look for him when he went missing, maybe-" 

"There are a lot of maybes that didn't happen and you can't change now. Stop trying to fix it." 

He stared at her, shocked. 

"You can't keep holding onto the maybes. It's going to drive you crazy." Her hand squeezed his tightly and he released his hold on his pant leg and let hers encircle his. "You have to let it go or it's going to kill you." 

He had never had someone say that out loud before. It was always _I'm sorry_ or _You'll get over it_. Her words held a truth in them he didn't know that he had to hear until the words echoed in his head. 

With a new feeling in his chest that he couldn't place and a deep breath, he got to his feet, holding out his hand for Zorii to take. He helped her up and pulled her closer, placing a kiss to her cheek. 

She stared at him, wide eyed as blush covered her cheeks. 

"Thank you," he whispered before releasing her hand and turning around. "I'm going to clean up." 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey was still for a moment before she gave a single nod and the woman reached out not at all gently taking the gag from around her mouth. As the cloth fell away, Rey worked her jaw as a soreness and stiffness set in, but her eyes stayed in a tight glare on the woman. The woman carefully pushed her red hair all over onto one shoulder and looked over Rey for a while, the silence tight around them. Rey didn’t dare break it. She knew better. If Plutt had taught her anything, it was that you didn’t speak until you were spoken to and this seemed like the perfect situation to try to implement that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: if you haven't read the tags, this chapter does of mentions of sexual assault. There's no detail, but still a warning.

* * *

Ben held the paper tightly in his fist and he made his way to Cell Block C. He nodded to guards as they opened a door for him to pass and he found that a chair had been set out in front of the indicated cell. He stopped for a moment knowing that the words Rose was going to say would be far crueler than sweet and thrown at him sharply. But he was no stranger to cruel. It just felt odd that someone who he considered a kind and quiet person was capable of such harshness. He made his way to the chair and took a seat, looking through the clear holding cell door. 

Rose was standing with her back to him, arms folded over her chest. Ben swore he could feel the anger radiating off of her in a black swirling mass. 

"Miss Tico-" 

"Don't pretend like you don't know me," she hissed, turning to face him with fire in her eyes. "Say my name when you speak to me, you coward." Her words bit into him even though he knew exactly why she was saying them. It didn't make them hurt any less. "I'm surprised you're not hiding behind that mask you are so fond of." 

"Rose," he corrected, shifting in the chair to a more comfortable position. "We have been trying to find your group for quite some time. Where are they?" he asked calmly.

She snorted. "Like I would tell you." 

"Are they still on Naboo?" 

Her anger fell from her face in surprise, clearly wondering if the rest of the crew knew as well now that he had said it out loud. Her eyes narrowed. "You've known all along where we've been, why are you asking?"

Ben leaned forward in his chair. "I'm trying to gauge how this is going to go. If I don't get answers now, Irwilig is going to have a crack at you and I can promise that she will not be nearly as kind as I am being."

"Kylo Ren can be kind? How endearing." She spat the words at him and he dropped his gaze. Was she really going to be this difficult? Did she really not trust him? 

No, she didn't. None of them really did and it made him wonder if Rey did at all. She had always been on his side, but now he was wondering if maybe it had all been... No. Rey wouldn't do that. She wasn't that kind of person. She meant everything she did and said and that was one of the many things he liked about her. 

"We sent several of our men to Naboo to, let's say… Remove the Resistance that are there." Rose didn't answer, but Ben could see the worry on her lips. “Their extraction has been successful.” It was a lie, but that was the point. That had always been the point. Find a weakness and use it against them.

Rose looked over him like she didn’t know what he was saying, like he was speaking a different language. She was at a loss for words as she searched over his face for something, anything that was a lie. But she didn’t find it. Her heart shattered at the thought that everyone she knew was slaughtered and it was all because they had let this man into their lives, had trusted him with everything they had because Rey trusted him with everything. 

“We just can’t seem to find the Jedi,” he continued. 

“Does she mean so little to you that you can’t say her name?” Rose shot, finally finding her voice

“This is not about me,” he clarified, trying to keep his voice cold. He knew that Wayzac would be watching his every move, listening to every word. “Where is she?” he insisted.

Rose strode up to the clear wall between them, hands gripping as the small slot that let them speak and that food was passed through. Her jaw was clenched and her knuckles were white from her grip. Maybe this was his chance. 

“There is no way in hell that I am telling you!” she yelled back.

Ben jumped to his feet and snatched up one of her hands before she could move away. Her breathing was startled as he pulled her back to him. He pressed the piece of paper with his written note explaining everything into her hand. His expression softened and he hoped that she saw it. 

“Rose, where is Rey?” he asked softly, hoping that the cameras wouldn’t pick up what he was saying. Rose struggled against him for a moment, but he kept his grip tight on her. “Please Rose. Where is Rey?” Her eyes met his as he begged. “Please.” She shook her head.

“We were separated,” she answered softly, finally seeming to understand. “I don’t know where she is.” It was a worried whisper.

Ben nodded, releasing his hold on her. He went back to his chair and watched as her hand closed tightly around his note. He sat down, propping up his head with a hand to his cheek. “What do you want with the keys?” 

“Keys?” Rose asked, curious. 

“Yes. FN-2187 stole a pair of keys. What are they for?” 

Finn stopped, eyes wide and flickering over the scene in front of him with a blush flooding his cheeks. With a deep, steadying breath he strode forward and grabbed a vase of flowers from a nearby table as he went. He removed the fresh blossoms and threw the water at the sleeping Poe. 

The pilot gasped and sat up, waking the woman that was against his chest. Finn looked away with embarrassment as the two scrambled away from each other more fully dressed than Finn had expected. He placed the flowers back into the vase and replaced them on the table. 

“We have a breakfast meeting that you are expected to be at,” Finn announced. “I feel like that was made clear to you several days ago.” 

Poe glared and Finn could hear the anger boiling up in his voice as he spoke. “I was informed that it was canceled.”

“Well, it’s not. They expect you there in 15 minutes,” Finn said again, daring a glance over. The woman was hiding her face in her hands and Finn wasn’t sure if it was from her being uncomfortable or she was just trying to hide her face from him. He wasn’t sure why she was trying to hide from him if that was the reason. She was beautiful in a rough sort of way. You could see her life trials across her skin, but that didn’t stop the sharp angles of her cheekbones from standing out in a beautiful contrast. Finn glanced around and located the familiar looking helmet of the spice runner finally realizing who she was. “Zorii, you’re wanted there as well.” 

She looked up at Finn with the clearest eyes he had ever seen a person have. No wonder Poe liked her. Just her eyes alone were enough to trap Finn in his place with no hope of escape. 

“I need to return to the queen,” Poe said as he got to his feet, shaking water from his hair that was sticking to his face. 

“I’m sure she will understand if you are gone for a while longer,” Finn pushed, trying to hold back a warm feeling in his chest. Pride, was it? Maybe excitement that he had finally succeeded in something. He couldn't exactly place it. 

“I’m not-”

Finn stopped Poe with a hand to his shoulder. “Come eat something and then you can see her. She wouldn’t want you to starve and I’m sure that you didn’t eat last night.” Poe looked hesitant but nodded, giving Finn his queue to leave the room. 

Poe watched his friend leave and sighed, going to find a dry shirt. Once dressed, he returned to the main room to find Zorii already helmeted and ready to go. She took his hand as the left the room, and Poe felt like something had clicked into place. This was right. This moment wasn’t supposed to be anything else but this moment. 

They made their way to the large dining hall and some servants opened the large hand carved doors and let Poe and Zorii inside. Her hand pulled from his hand he immediately felt cold. He frowned as he watched her step to one side of the table and he stepped to the other. 

Large bowls of fruit waited for them as well as what looked like to be some form of pastries that Poe wasn’t quite familiar with but made his stomach rumble all the same. He rounded a very large pot of flowers and stopped as his eyes met a young girl at the head of the table with a painted face and an over designed gown and headdress that reached out in every direction with the most expensive snow white lace. Chains of crystals fell from each point of lace and some drooped across her neck to connect on the other side of the head dress. 

His feet moved briskly without him telling them too and several of the guards took prepared steps forward to protect the girl at all costs. Poe didn’t pay much attention. He was about to hug her, arms already up before he realized where they were and that they again had positions and titles and hers were much higher than his. 

Instead he dropped to his knees in front of her and took her hand in his. Her head tilted to the side, the crystals swaying freely with her movement. Poe could make out a small smile tug at the corners of her lips that she quickly pushed away for her more blank expression. 

“You’re alright,” he gasped out softly. 

“Quite alright, General,” she answered, her voice once again back to its monotone. 

“You weren’t supposed to leave the infirmary.” Poe’s hand clutched even tighter around hers and she returned the gesture subtly. 

“When the doctor looked over me this morning, he told me that I was almost perfectly healed. Barely even any scaring. Said it was a miracle.” She twisted her head again to look at something behind Poe. “Tell me General, do you believe in miracles?” 

Poe followed her gaze to where Finn sat softly conversing with some other rich looking people who must have had some form of power or needed something from Cordella and were trying to get on her good side. 

Had Finn done that? Had Finn healed her? Poe had never thought of Finn as a very good force user. Finn lacked the confidence and just couldn’t seem to manage it well. His fighting ability was astounding, but his lightsaber skills were subpar and left much to be desired. Poe licked his dry lips and nodded to himself. It was Finn. He had helped the queen far more than Poe could and a strange mix of pride and gratefulness filled his chest. 

“I just might start, Your Highness.” 

She was tall, thin and terrifying. There was something in the way that she entered the room that reminded Rey of the way that Queen Cordella held herself, but this woman commanded the room with fear, not with respect. 

Rey watched as the woman coolly came to stand in front of the chair she was strapped in. It was a far more comfortable position than what Kylo had kept her in, but the restraints were much tighter around her wrists and ankles. 

“Let me tell you how this is going to work,” the woman announced, letting her long hair fall from the meticulous bun it had been in all day that was beginning to make her head ache. “I think you will find this pretty straight forward.” She grabbed a spare chair and pulled it up to Rey, sitting in it with a stiff back. “I have some questions. You are going to give me answers. If you do not then we will find out what makes you talk. Do you understand?”

Rey was still for a moment before she gave a single nod and the woman reached out not at all gently taking the gag from around her mouth. As the cloth fell away, Rey worked her jaw as a soreness and stiffness set in, but her eyes stayed in a tight glare on the woman. The woman carefully pushed her red hair all over onto one shoulder and looked over Rey for a while, the silence tight around them. Rey didn’t dare break it. She knew better. If Plutt had taught her anything, it was that you didn’t speak until you were spoken to and this seemed like the perfect situation to try to implement that. 

The longer Rey looked at the woman, she was able to figure out who she was. The picture was finally clear. Red hair, clear eyes, dreary disposition. This was Wayzac just as Finn had explained her and even if Rey had never met this woman before, Wayzac definitely fit here. She was made for here. This was her ship, she commanded it and that was exactly where she belonged. 

“Where is Kylo Ren?” she demanded.

Rey found herself frowning at the question, having not expected that to be the first thing that Wayzac would ask. Wayzac waited patiently for a moment until Rey could see the woman’s fuse growing short. She had about as much emotional control as Kylo did. Was everyone in the First Order always so guided by raw emotions? She couldn’t help but wonder.

“I don’t know,” Rey finally answered. It was the truth. Rey had no idea where Ben was. She had a good guess as to where he could be, and nearby was Rey’s guess, but she didn’t have a definitive answer and that was probably for the best. 

Wayzac watched her carefully for a moment more. “You don’t know where Kylo Ren is?” 

“I don’t,” Rey confirmed, glancing around the dark room. She could see the walls lined with different objects of various sizes, but with a light right in her face as well as how dark the rest of the room was, Rey couldn’t make out exactly what they were. But if Wayzac’s earlier statement was anything to go off of, Rey didn’t want to find out. “Is he not with you? I would have thought that he-”

“I will be asking the questions here, Miss Skywalker,” Wayzac interrupted provokingly, shifting in her chair to somehow straighten her back more than it already was. “Interesting name. Is it a family name?” 

“Adopted,” Rey whispered. The name still held a weight to it that she wasn’t used to, but she didn’t feel like it belonged to someone else anymore. It was her name and nothing would change that, save for one thing, but Rey didn’t see that happening anytime soon or anytime at all for that matter. “Where is Rose?” 

Wayzac’s face twisted from something calm to something almost annoyed. She stood from the chair and took a step towards Rey who wished that she could move backwards. Rey bit her tongue and waited patiently for what was coming. Wayzac hummed amusedly and gave a small fake smile. 

“I’ll let you have an answer this once. She’s perfectly fine. Just in a holding unit. No need to worry.” 

“She’s safe?” Rey pressed finding it hard to believe the woman. 

“Absolutely. I give you my word.” 

“Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.”

Wayzac gave an offended look that Rey had trouble figuring out if she meant it. “I have broken many laws and done many things that I am not proud of, but I have never broken my word.” There was a small pause as Wayzac waited for a comment, but when none came from Rey, she continued. “Your friend was just smart and told us what we needed to know. And I suggest you do the same, Rey. If you want her to stay safe.” Rey’s eyes widened, her mouth falling open. “Oh good. I pinned you right.” Wayzac smiled. Rey watched as the woman began to calmly braid her long hair over her shoulder as if this was a normal everyday occurrence. Pinned her how? What did she mean? “Speaking of things that she’s told us,” Wayzac’s eyes met Rey’s as she continued to braid her long locks. “She told us that your companion, Finn, stole a set of keys from us. She stated that they were in your possession. Where are the keys?”

Rey stayed silent, unsure of what to say. She knew what keys Wayzac was talking about, but she wasn’t sure what Rose had already told Wayzac. Could Rey lie about the keys? Was there really a point? Wayzac couldn’t use them anyways. Not anymore. 

“We’re starting this already?” Wayzac asked, tying off the end of her hair into a knot so the braid would stay in place. “Glad to say I’m not disappointed.” Wayzac took another step closer to Rey and lowered herself to be eye level with the Jedi. She took Rey’s hand and glanced over Rey’s fingers almost fondly. Rey wanted to pull her hand free, but the way her wrist was restrained made it impossible. Wayzac’s eyes sent a shiver down her spine. There was something off set in them. Something deep that was corrupt that Rey couldn’t place. “Rey, I have learned a lot about you. You grew up on Jakku, abandoned by your parents and now you have finally found a family, if I’m not wrong. It’s a sweet story, really.” Her fingers were warm as they took a liking to Rey’s pinkie. “See, I didn’t have much of a family either. My father was killed when I was younger in some raid. My brother and I were raised by my mother. She was a wonderful woman deep down, kind heart, but she did what she had to, to keep us alive, make sure we ate and were taken care of. I’m sure you’ve been in some difficult positions yourself.” 

Rey gave a small nod, afraid of what would happen if she didn’t. Something was tight in her chest. Why was Wayzac telling her this? She wasn’t as straightforward as Kylo had been. It was like the woman was toying with Rey, enjoying this time together. Kylo had simply wanted information. 

"My brother and I were no stranger to the company of men. I think I was twelve the first time I was sold for a night." 

Rey's breath caught in her chest at the woman's admission. What a horrible idea. Rey had never had to do that to stay afloat by any means. Begging in the street was in no way easy, but she could never imagine selling her body for money and definitely not the body of her own child. 

"And it taught me something valuable," Wayzac continued, eyes not meeting Rey's. They stayed strictly on Rey's hand. "Men are easy to manipulate. You just have to promise something or stroke their ego and they're yours. They dance so easily. But women are different, Rey. You really have to work on them. Find their weakness and use it against them." 

Rey wanted nothing more than to run away and hide. She didn't like the story that Wayzac was spinning. She didn't want to hear any more or know any more about this woman. She wanted to be on the Falcon, held tightly in Ben's arms, painting pictures of exploring the galaxy. 

“It took a long time for me to get to this position. I worked hard with my brother beside me. We deserved it, after all we went through as children. He never would have admitted he cared for me, but he helped me. Then again, I was a monster to him. I never forgave him for that time he cut all of the hair off of my only doll that my father had given to me. So I used him too. Made him part of the First Order, the greatest power in the galaxy. I helped him rise through the ranks and in turn he helped me. And I suppose that he really was weak the whole time now that I can look back at it. He would have been easy to break and turn into a spy.” 

Rey didn’t have to question anymore. It was perfectly clear who her brother was now that she had all of the little pieces to put together. She had never really met him, in all honesty. She had absolutely seen him though. The man with the same blazing ginger hair as Wayzac’s that Ben despised so much. She recalled the name Armitage, a spy for Leia. 

"And I know your weakness Rey." The words were a whisper that made Rey's heart quicken. "You hold your friends much closer than you should because they're the only family you have." Wayzac finally looked up with a gentle smile that made her look like she honestly cared about Rey's predicament, which was more terrifying than a ruthless Kylo Ren had been. Wayzac's free hand reached out to Rey and stroked her cheek. Rey blinked several times before she realized she was crying. "So, let's add some rules to this game, shall we?" Wayzac's fingers wiped away a tear and returned to Rey's hand. "You answer the questions and Rose stays untouched. You stay silent or give me an answer that I do not like, then you will be punished and I will do the same to your friend." 

"A-Alright," Rey whispered, swallowing thickly. 

"So, where are the keys, Rey?" 

"They're broken." 

The cry ripped from Rey before she knew what had happened. Her fingers strained against Wayzac who still held her hand. The crack echoed in Rey’s ears as the pain traveled from her now oddly bent pinky, up her hand, through her wrist and up to her shoulder. A deep fire was setting into where the bone no longer connected and Wayzac dropped Rey’s hand, rising back to full height and playing with a stray hair that had come loose from the braid. Her next words were peaceful in nature and would have disturbed Rey had she not been crying and trying to catch her breath. 

“That is not the question I asked you. Where are the keys?” she repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off at his name. He turned to see Wayzac standing in the doorway to the cell block. She glanced over the scene and gave a frown, obviously disappointed in the fact that Rose seemed fully intact. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Been a crazy few weeks. It feels like 12 years of events happened in the last week or so. Because of this pandemic my surgery got canceled, so no drug induced chapters. Haha. Been living through working from home, multiple earthquakes that have shaken the house like crazy, and now possible lock down from this pandemic. But on a lighter note, I think I am almost done with chapters. I have to write another 2-ish and this fic will be complete! Please let me know if you guys want to see Epilogues for each of the characters. I wouldn't mind writing some out, but I didn't know if you would care about everyone or just my dear Reylo.  
> Anyway, enough rambling. I hope you enjoy! Please let me know!

* * *

“Have you been able to get a hold of them?” Finn asked, tossing the communicator aside in frustration. It bounced across the couch cushion before falling in between a crack, seemingly forgotten for the time being. Poe shook his head and sat down on the couch opposite Finn’s, head in his hands, eyes tracing the patterns in the luscious carpet beneath his dirty boots. He sighed and Finn couldn’t help but understand exactly how Poe felt. 

“I’ve tried reaching out to the Falcon too. There’s no response.” 

“Rey wouldn’t keep communication down this long, would she?” Finn pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew the answer. Finn gave a sigh himself and Poe looked up. “Have we heard from Ben?” 

Poe frowned, teeth tight. “The last time the queen spoke to him was when he changed their plan. Which I still am not comfortable with.” 

“Cordella seemed to think it was a good idea,” Finn defended. He was doing his best to give Ben the benefit of the doubt. Ben had done nothing since he had returned that made Finn uneasy and if Rey could trust him after everything that they had been through together, everything that Kylo had put her through, then that was good enough for him. Until Ben did something wrong, Finn would do his best to support and believe in the good. “I’m sure we’ll hear from one of them soon.” 

“You can’t be serious,” Poe argued, the flash of anger in his tone surprising Finn. 

“No,” Finn admitted. “I’m not sure. But we don’t know where they are or what they’re doing. What’s the point in fretting over the worst?” 

“Because there is a worst!” Poe answered, getting back to his feet and starting in his very familiar pacing across their suite that felt a bit smaller than it normally did. Finn had noticed it really was Poe’s coping mechanism. Anytime he wasn’t sure about something or was upset, the pilot would take to wearing down the floor beneath his feet. 

“Where’s Zorii?” Finn questioned, hoping that it would distract Poe. 

“She’s trying to fix her ship from helping bring the queen back in,” Poe answered, his feet pausing for only a moment before he continued. 

“You two seem to be on better footing.” 

“Stop trying to change the subject. There’s something wrong and you know there is!” 

“Pardon me,” a small voice said from the doorway. Both Finn and Poe looked up to see one of the many handmaidens that walked the palace. Her announcement was a bit stronger as she spoke again. “The Queen would like to see you in the transmission hall immediately.” 

Finn and Poe traded glances before breaking into a sprint to the room the handmaiden had indicated. They both rounded the corner and came to a stop in front of a large blue flickering hologram of Kylo Ren that was a top one large projector in the middle of the room, control panels around this main transmitter and other smaller consoles on the edges of the room. The man didn’t have his mask, but the clothes were the same as before. Dark fabric covering every inch of him and he was wearing that cloak that scraped the floor by his boots. 

Finn could feel Poe tense, but Finn pushed Poe further into the room so that they could hear what was happening. It looked like the Queen and him were already deep in conversation. 

“... am concerned for-” Ben broke off as he saw the two men and his eyes quickly returned to the Queen, “-for her.”

“Of course, Prince Solo,” the Queen answered with a nod. She glanced over her shoulder and gave a small nudge of her head at the two men. They both stepped closer to the live transmission, but stayed silent. 

“Have you heard from Rey?” Ben asked, catching Finn and Poe off guard. He didn’t know either? It shattered both of their hopes that Rey would have at least kept one of them in the loop.

“She’s not with you?” Finn questioned, taking a step closer. 

“No. She’s not with me,” Ben clarified. “I can’t reach her at all.” 

“She’s not answering any of our communications either,” Poe explained. “Where is she?”

“At least she’s with Rose,” Finn threw out, hoping to lighten the mood of the room. 

“She’s not with Rose,” Ben muttered, causing both the men to glare up at him. “Rose is here on The Finalizer. She’s safe,” he quickly added at the concerned looks. “She doesn’t know where Rey is either.” 

“Great,” Poe grumbled, throwing his hands up in the air before letting them rest on his hips. “Great.” 

“Can you not use your force thingy to find her?” Finn asked, making the room go still. “Your dyad keeps you connected, doesn’t it?” 

“It-it does,” Ben said, a gloved hand pushing back his hair. “As long as the pathway stays open. There’s something blocking it. It might be her. If she doesn’t want to speak to me...” he trailed off, lost in thought. That didn’t sound right. She wouldn’t just close him off.

That made both Finn and Poe again trade looks. Where was she? Why didn’t she want them to know? Why was she hiding? Was she hurt? Had she finally decided that enough was enough and had run away for good? No one would blame her if that was the case, they all just wanted her safe. 

“We need to find her,” Finn whispered softly to Poe, concern in his voice. “Something is wrong.” 

“We’ll find the Falcon and go from there,” Poe agreed. 

“Let’s go pack.” 

On long nights when Ben couldn't sleep, which was most of them nowadays, he would take a trip to Rose's cell. She wasn't unpleasant to talk to. She was a bit on the chatty side, but she was really all he had. Sure, he could go bother Wayzac, but he thought it better to not antagonize her much. She was stronger now, more in control and he didn't want to push it. 

Ben stopped as he entered the cell block and could see two figures that didn't belong in Rose's cell with her. She was struggling against them, yelling and kicking. 

Ben rushed forward and ripped his glove off, his hand print opening the cell door. He took the back of one of the men's cloaks and pulled him back, tossing him aside easily with the help of the force. 

Ben snatched up the second man who hadn't seemed to notice that his friend was missing. Ben shoved him against the cell's wall, hands tight on the collar of his shirt. 

"What are you two doing?" Ben hissed. The man stared at him scared and wide eyed. His nose was crooked and Ben wanted nothing more to break it again in an experiment to see if he could straighten it back out. "Talk!" he ordered when neither of the men spoke. 

"Irwilig told us to," the one in Ben's grasp finally got out. His breath was rancid and Ben fought the urge to gag at the assault. "Said that she needed to be punished." 

"What for?" Ben demanded, fists growing tighter on the fabric in his grip. "She's been cooperating. There is absolutely no need." 

"She didn't say," the man that was still on the floor said. "Just told us to." 

"You do not touch this prisoner. Do I make myself clear?" Ben threw the other man to the floor beside his friend and both stared up at him. "I am the Supreme Leader, not her. All orders need to come through me." 

"Yes, my Lord," the crooked nosed one said with an eager nod. 

"Get out of here before I change my mind about not giving you a punishment," Ben grumbled, eyes like daggers on the two of them as they scrambled to their feet and raced from the cell block. 

"You're getting a bit soft, Solo," Rose teased softly. Ben let his body relax from the tenseness and turned to glance at Rose who was wiping at a bloodied nose. Her top lip was swollen and was bleeding as well, but the rest of her seemed fine. 

"I'm sorry they did that. I should-" 

"Thank you," Rose interrupted, pulling up the corner of the small bed spread and using it to push against her nose. Ben gave a small nod and scooped up his fallen glove from the floor. 

"Did they say anything else?" 

Rose gave a small nod from behind the blanket. "Said that some other prisoner had lied about something and so I had to be punished. Not sure why me though." Her voice was muffled and Ben had to move a bit closer to hear her conclusion better. "Maybe Irwilig just doesn't like me." 

“She doesn't like anyone,” Ben grumbled as he lowered himself to his knees in front of Rose and pulled her hand down so he could look at her injuries. Rose was shocked at how gently he touched her face with his calloused fingers. Was he like this with Rey? She wondered. “Your nose doesn't look broken. I’ll get you a cooling pack for your lip.” 

“Thank you,” she whispered as he rose to his feet and went across the hall to where a first aid kit hung. His hand print opened it and he snatched out a small white pack and shook it up to activate it before heading back into the cell and passing it to Rose. “Were you always this kind?”

Ben froze, hand outstretched with the cooling pack making his fingers twitch with cold. “I’m not a kind person, Rose,” he muttered, hiding his hands behind his back once Rose took the pack. “I may have killed the old me, but I’m afraid the new me isn’t much better.” 

Rose just gave a small smile knowing that that absolutely wasn’t the case. Ben Solo was a very kind and good man. He was risking his life for the resistance, he had turned himself in, he made Rey happy. He was nothing like Kylo, but it wasn’t her place to argue with him. It was something he needed to realize for himself. 

“Any sign of Rey?” 

Ben shook his head and turned away from Rose, leaving the cell and closing the door behind him before leaning against the clear wall. “No one knows where she is.” 

"Do you think-" 

"She's still alive," Ben assured her. He would have surely felt the same horrid sinking feeling he had back on Exegol if she had died. "Are you sure she wasn't with you when you were brought here?" He was almost certain that Rey would be on this ship, hidden away under Wayzac’s order, but he couldn’t find where or anyone who would know. There was one stormtrooper he had been questioning intensely, but Ben just couldn’t be cruel like he used to. He wasn’t angry enough to run him through with the blade of a saber or use the force to cut off his airways, but Ben had been close to putting the man in an escape pod and ejecting him out into space with nothing more than the armor on his back. 

"I'm positive," She assured him.

"And was there only one ship?" 

"From what I could see, yes," Rose answered, finally dropping the blanket as her nose stopped bleeding. Ben nodded. It was possible, but Ben didn't believe it. Not Rose. He was positive, Rose was telling the truth, but Wayzac wasn't. Rey was here too. He didn't have any evidence to go off of, just a gut feeling, but it was enough. She wouldn’t have gone all this time without contacting anyone. 

Ben opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off at his name. He turned to see Wayzac standing in the doorway to the cell block. She glanced over the scene and gave a frown, obviously disappointed in the fact that Rose seemed fully intact. 

"I need your help with an interrogation," Wayzac announced, making Ben's head tip in question. She shouldn't have been interrogating anyone. There wasn't a prisoner that they needed information from at the moment and he hadn't been informed of anyone new on the ship. Not to mention it was easily two or three in the morning. How long had she been at it? 

"What interrogation?" Ben asked darkly, making Rose glance between the two of them curiously. She had never heard Kylo Ren speak before and she was sure that he was still more Ben than Kylo, but his tone was just as captivating and fear striking. "I feel like you didn't understand our conversation about how everything, _everything_ -" he hissed the word, pointing to the tall woman, "-is supposed to go through me." 

"Of course it is," she answered brightly, undeterred from his accusations. "I'm coming to you for help, aren't I? So let's not be so cross." 

Rose stood, the cooling pack pressed to her lip as she walked over to the cell wall. She never would have questioned anything that Ben said in that tone of voice. Ben hadn’t even used it on her when he was questioning her several days ago. It would put her in her place so quickly, but the woman wasn't afraid of him in the slightest. She had an almost teasing way about her, like it was a joy to antagonize him. 

"Kylo, come help me, please. This one is hard to crack." 

Ben glanced over at Rose who just returned the gaze, unsure of what else to do. Ben took several large steps to Wayzac, fists clenched tightly. 

"We will discuss your inability to follow orders later," he said before leaving the room. 

Wayzac clicked her tongue as she looked over Rose. "Looks like he found you just in time, didn't he?" Rose couldn't exactly place the look that the woman gave her. "Don't worry. I will make sure that is fixed." She gave Rose a brilliant smile before turning and leaving the room to follow after Ben. 

"What do you need me for?" Ben asked as she finally caught up with him. 

"She won't answer my questions. Normal tactics aren't working. I need you to pull the information from her," Wayzac explained, a giddy feeling in her chest. She couldn't wait for his reaction. She wasn't lying. The girl wasn't giving her any information to work with and they had been at it for hours, he would have to pull it from her. It was about the only thing he was useful for. 

"And where did you pick her up?" 

"She's been here for a few days," Wayzac answered, beating around the bush. Sometimes Kylo would just buy what she was telling him and she was under the impression that this would be one of those times. 

"That is not what I asked you." But he didn't push it any further. Wayzac smiled. He was so easy to read without his stupid mask. The game wasn’t quite as fun without her having to guess everything, but it definitely meant that she could ruin him easier. And there wasn’t truly much else for her to do at the moment. 

They stopped in front of a door to one of their holding cells. Ben had never particularly liked this part of the ship. It was where Snoke would torture those unlucky enough to cross him. It still held millions of screams within the walls and made Ben shift uncomfortably. He was no stranger to torture or inflicting pain, he was sure he had even enjoyed it at one point, but now it unsettled him. There were better ways to get what you wanted, things other than pain and mental abuse.

Whoever it was behind this door was important enough to warrant her being here, or at least Wayzac thought so. 

When he didn’t move, she opened the door for him and theatrically motioned him inside with a smirk. He eyed her carefully before stepping into the unusually dark room. The lights flickered on around them and Ben’s heart dropped out of his chest. 

Ben had to fight everything in him to keep his expression blank as his body screamed at him to run forward. His fingers shook at his side and he was grateful for the cloak he had to block the movement from Wayzac who was standing at his side with her arms folded over her chest as she stared at her handy work. 

He had never had this many emotions run through him all at once and he was certain that his knees would give out under him. He had never once wanted to kill Wayzac so badly before. He had never once wanted to make Wayzac suffer, but as he stared at a bound and gagged Rey, he was having second thoughts. 

He could tie Wayzac to a table and take his time with her. He wouldn’t even feel bad if she lived for days on end, in fact, he would ensure it. Each day would be worse than the last. And she would beg and he would laugh just like she laughed at him. 

But above that, Ben’s mind wouldn’t stop yelling at him, demanding to understand. Why was Rey here? Why was she still in this position? Ben hadn’t sent the transmission. He had made sure of it. He had done everything he could to protect her and it hadn’t been enough. He had never been enough. He would never be enough and now that was going to get the only person he cared about in this whole galaxy killed. 

No. It wasn’t. There was no way in hell that he would let her die. Not again. Not now, not anytime soon and she definitely wasn’t going to die because of him. And not alone. Never alone. He would protect her even if it killed him again. He would make sure she got out of here. 

Wayzac moved over to Rey who was slumped in the chair, eyes closed, breathing rapidly. Her wrists and ankles were bruised and cut from the ropes around them. Several of her fingers were swollen and bruised. Blood was shining on the gag that was over her mouth from her nose. Her clothes had been ripped in places that looked like they had been cut with a knife. 

All in all, Wayzac hadn’t been that hard on her. She didn’t even use her favorite tool. It was a really nasty set of pliers that she used to rip off fingernails and toenails if it got to that. It might not have been as extravagant as some of the other items in the room to use, but it was nonetheless effective and it allowed her to get close. She loved the squirm in her hands, the trembling of pain, the cries and how everyone's eyes would fill so full of emotion that they were as large as a moon. Something in her life that she could actually control.

Wayzac was disappointed in all honesty at how little Kylo had reacted. She had truly hoped he would have ran to the girl, tried to save her, show his true colors, but he was just as cold as always. Maybe he would always be that way. Maybe she had read him wrong. Maybe he really hadn’t changed in those several months he had been missing. Maybe he was still just as detached as he had always been. 

Wayzac grabbed a handful of the girl’s hair and tugged on it sharply, eyes up on Kylo to watch his face. He didn’t so much as flinch. Where was the fun in this? 

Rey gasped and straightened up, breathing hard from behind her gag. Her eyes were wide and looked around the room frantically before falling on Ben. A worry filled them and Ben couldn't believe that she would still be worried about him in a time like this.

He wished so badly to take her away. He had never wished so badly to go back in time and take up the offer of running away. Just the two of them and the stars. That’s what they would do the moment they were free of this place. They would run and never look back and he would never let her out of his sight again, never let her hurt ever again. 

“You do realize that if you want her to speak, she needs to be able to, right?” Ben challenged, his eyes tearing away and to where Wayzac still held tightly to Rey’s hair. He stepped over to her, knelt down and carefully undid the gag, his fingers trailing over her skin for longer than they should have. “What are you wanting to know?”

“What do the set of broken keys go to?” Wayzac asked, finally releasing her hold on Rey’s hair and stepping away to let Ben work. 

Ben’s eyes met Rey’s and she shook her head, her eyes begging him to not tell Wayzac anything. There was no telling what would happen if Wayzac discovered the Vergence Scatter. She would wage wars across space and time. She would rule all of it with no one to stop her. She would be the Queen of the whole universe and it was scary to think how easily the idea fit her.

“You know that I have the power to dig through your mind. I would suggest telling Irwilig what she wants to know,” Ben said, playing the part dutifully despite how it made his stomach churn. Rey shook her head and Ben reached his hand out to her, his fingers resting against her temple. He waited a moment before releasing his hold on her and standing upright. “They went to a camtono. The keys are lost and she doesn't know where the camtono is or what was in it. Exactly what the girl in cell block C said.” 

Wayzac didn’t look impressed by the answer. “Then why were you hiding that from me so intently, darling?” she asked with a sickly sweet caress to her voice. She tugged Rey’s hair in the other direction and Ben froze, afraid of what else he would do if he allowed himself to move. Rey whimpered with the movement. 

“She needs to be taken to the infirmary,” Ben instructed, shooting Wayzac a warning look. She loosened her grip on Rey’s hair and stepped away. “If you want to keep interrogating her, she needs to be taken care of. She’ll get sick.” 

“Fine. I’ll trust you to escort her there.” Wayzac sounded annoyed, but her expression stayed the same. “And I expect more information on the camtono.”

“There’s not anymore. What do you expect to learn?” Ben shot back, making her eyes go to his face sharply. 

“I will do as I see fit.” 

Ben didn’t answer. He ignored Wayzac, his mind far too focused on trying to find the best way to get everyone out of here. With Rose she had agreed that they could bide their time and wait for the right moment to get out, but with Wayzac so intent on doing whatever she could to Rey, he had to move fast. 

Ben’s hands worked as quickly and as carefully as they could to untie Rey’s legs and wrists. Without something to hold her up any longer, she fell forward and Ben was swift to catch her and scoop her up into his arms. 

Without another word to Wayzac, he left the room with a limp Rey in his arms on his way to the infirmary. He rested his head against hers and sighed. “I’m sorry,” he muttered to her. “I will get you out of here. I promise.” 

“Ben,” she whispered, her voice breathless in its beg. “She can’t know.” 

Ben nodded and hushed her. “You’re more important right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But that scared little boy.... That Ben Solo.... He had been hers for a moment and a half. 
> 
> And it occurred to her that maybe he had loved her back. He had said that, among many other things, but for once in her life she knew what it felt like to truly be loved. But that wasn’t in her plan, in her ideal picture, so it had been pushed aside. And she knew she would never get it back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't done a super close update in a long time, but my beta was super awesome and got me this chapter back super quick and we're getting to some good parts and I just couldn't wait, plus I am super hella bored now that we have a full shelter in place where I live. Please be sure to let me know what you think in the comments, they are such a joy to read. 
> 
> And fair warning in case you haven't read the tags, as Wayzac's character gets more fleshed out things are going to get darker.

* * *

"She’s still not answering her communications,” Finn said more aloud than to anyone as his fingers tapped nervously on one of the many consoles in the transmission room, his chair swinging side to side as he swiveled. They had packed and been ready to depart when the Queen had asked them to stay a little while longer. For what, they weren’t exactly sure, but the young girl had seemed reluctant to be without one of them after she had been injured. “And Ben missed his daily call.” Finn was at a loss of what exactly to do. Ben had been able to sneak the storm trooper’s armor tracking code to them, but it was no longer registering and they all had to assume that Wayzac had deactivated it. They weren’t even sure where to start. The Queen had been keeping them pleasantly in the dark about most of the major questions they had, like where Ben had been going, why the plan of the transmission had changed to him going onto the Finalizer and so on and so forth. The most they got out of her was that Ben had his reasons and they were not to be gone against. 

“I am well aware,” Poe grumbled, head in his hands. Finn had been muttering the same thing for a while and it was beginning to get on Poe’s nerves. “The Queen informed both of us this morning. He missed yesterday’s as well, if you recall.” 

“Do you think something happened to him?” Finn questioned only to receive a shrug from Poe. There was a slightly heavy air about him and Finn knew Poe was holding back a nap about Ben being the one he was caring about instead of Rey and Rose. Poe had been trying very hard to give Ben the benefit of the doubt since Zorii had shone up and Finn could only guess she had spoken to him in some fashion that affected him enough to calm him down.

There was a beeping as a call came in and Finn glanced at the monitor for the calling code. It wasn’t one that Finn recognized, but he answered anyway. 

“This is Lando Calrissian. I’ve been informed that the Generals of the Resistance are possibly on Naboo. Can you please confirm? I have an important message.” 

Poe’s head rose from his hands at the voice and traded looks with Finn who was speechless. 

“Lando, it’s us,” Poe said to the disembodied voice. 

“I have been searching for you two everywhere, damn it,” Lando said with a laugh. 

“Why?” 

“We found the Falcon,” Lando explained. “It’s sitting abandoned on Aljan Kloss.” 

“Did you go there searching for us?” Poe questioned.

“Sure did.” Lando took a pause and both Finn and Poe could hear him take a deep breath. “Why is the Falcon here?”

“Rey and Rose went on a mission and are missing,” Finn explained, finally finding his voice. “So, they were back at the base.” It was again said more out loud than to anyone specific. 

“That doesn't tell us where they are now,” Poe muttered, again lowering his head into his hands. Finn looked over him for a moment in silence before speaking. 

“The Finalizer. She’s there. She has to be.” 

“It is the only thing that makes logical sense,” Poe agreed. “Lando, is there any First Order that have been hovering around the base at all?” 

“Not that I have seen,” Lando’s voice answered. 

Poe rose to his feet, hands on his hips as he thought. “Can you wait for us to get to you? We may need your help.” 

“I’m assuming you’re going after Rey?” 

“You’re assuming right,” Poe answered.

“I will be more than happy to wait here for my ass to be blown to smithereens.”

“We’ll be leaving at once,” Finn assured as he got to his own feet. “Also, if you see a storm trooper suit on the Falcon, can you ditch it? The First Order has been tracking the Falcon through it.” 

“Because that makes me feel all the better about this,” Lando commented sarcastically. “I will see you in a bit.” 

Without another word the transmission disconnected and both Finn and Poe rushed from the transmission room to come face to face with the Queen who looked a little flushed under her thickly painted white face. Finn slammed into the back of Poe who steadied the stormtrooper as he caught his own balance. Before either of them could speak or offer a formal greeting, the Queen took a deep breath and the words gushed from her red stained lips. 

“I just received a word from Ben Solo. Rey is prisoner on the First Order ship.” 

A pitcher of Merenzane Gold had been all she was worth. Less than a pitcher. Her older brother was half of the pitcher. But it occurred to her that half a pitcher of Merenzane Gold had been all she had ever been worth to her mother and she couldn’t remember anything having ever cut that deeply before. 

She could deal with the men at night and she could live with the drugs and drinking that their mother partook in as a daily ritual to drown out the sorrows of their world. She had for years, ever since her father had died. She had been the one to rise up when her brother had been too weak and her mother had eventually fallen into such a deep depression that she had never recovered. 

What she couldn’t deal with was the idea of their small family that could barely scrape by being torn apart all because her mother didn’t have enough money to afford alcohol. 

In the end she had torn the family apart anyway. She had done it for her brother. Her brother who couldn’t see blood without getting dizzy. Her brother who couldn’t stand up for himself. Her brother who might as well have been the younger sibling. 

When the slave traders put their hands on him and he didn’t fight, she had. For both of them. She had shoved at the trader holding her and he had stumbled into the small barely furnished table in their one room hardly a shack, where a single candle, that was the only light they had to see by, illuminated the small room as it set fire to the blanket of the single bed. 

She had snatched up Armitage’s hand and pulled him from the flames and to the bar the slave traders had mentioned in their taunting. She confronted her mother, whom she had gained all of her beauty from. The red hair and the clear eyes and the awfully white skin that was sun kissed with freckles. 

She was drunk, which was nothing new. Her breath could be smelt across the room, her words loud and slurred, each step that connected with the floor beneath them was as if the collision of shoe and concrete wasn't entirely anticipated and she lurched, stumbled.

And something snapped in her, a pain in her chest, something that she made sure never snapped again. It frightened her when she had finally understood hours later what she had done with tears raining down her dirty cheeks. 

She didn’t remember what happened in all honesty. There were flickers and flashes of memory, but never a full picture. When she came to, her tiny hands were wrapped so tightly around her mother’s neck that her knuckles were white and her mother’s neck already black and blue. 

Her mother was beautiful, even in death. The bruising adorned her skin like a delicately crafted necklace, her skin even more pale now that the color had left her cheeks, a deep crimson painted from her nose and over one cheek and her long red curly locks were fanned around her like a crown. But her eyes were something else entirely. 

Even in their emptiness, they were clear and danced in the candle light from the bar. Hauntingly still alive despite the light that had ran from them. The same eyes that she stared back at every day in the mirror. 

This was the only moment in Armitage’s life where he had done something unprompted. He, without tears or sadness, took her hands and led her out of the now empty bar and hid her away as everyone began to search for the two of them. Hid them away while she broke down again and again and again, until she ripped herself from her stupor and took charge once more. 

Made sure they survived. Made them who they were. Someones who didn’t need a family. Someones who never needed to sleep in a bed for money. Someones who were powerful and feared and were no longer those pathetic children on the street. Someones who were no longer surviving, but thriving. 

Wayzac’s fingers trembled as she tried to button up the front of her tunic. She opened her eyes, pulling herself from a memory that she couldn’t remember giving herself permission to relive. 

She worked her jaw at the swell of anger that was digging into her chest at how her fingers wouldn’t obey her commands. She desperately tried to cover up the skin around her neck in its usual black attire, but her fingers continued to struggle until with a cry of frustration, she dropped her hands to her sides. 

She had never wanted to crawl back into her skin so badly, especially since now she couldn’t stand the idea of her skin being bare and out for the world to see. She knew how to get what she needed with her body when she needed it, but when that wasn’t the occasion, she wanted nothing more than to hide behind the fabric of her clothes. It kept her safe. Kept her hidden. Made it so that she could show what she wanted instead of it being demanded. 

And every day was the same. Long pants, high boots, long sleeves, high collars, and gloves. Every possible inch of her covered, though she had never been vain or frail enough to sink to wearing a mask. 

With as calming of a breath as she could manage through her heated lungs, she returned to the buttons and finally was able to hide away her pale skin beneath the material.

Next came her hair. No one was allowed to see it down without her permission. And no one, absolutely no one, was allowed to see it in its natural curl. Not when it reminded her so much of her pitiful mother. 

_I like it curly._

He had seen. 

_I like it curly._

He had touched. 

_I like it curly._

He hadn’t shuttered away and looked at her like a monster when she said what happened with her mother. Something he had done to his own father several years later. 

_I like it curly._

She, for once in a very long time, let the tears brim her eyes and finally fall. She gripped at her hair and slowly sank to the floor, knees pulled in tightly against her chest. It wasn’t often she left herself long enough to feel and it was hardly at all that she allowed herself to be weak and cry. 

She couldn’t be weak. There wasn’t a time or place for such a feeling. Not when she had to carry everything on her shoulders alone. She was going to share it with her brother before he died and that had hurt her far more than she had thought it would have. Maybe that was pushing some of her emotion forward now. She had never cried for him, just let the words wash over her that she was truly alone in this whole universe and then moved on just as she always had. 

_I like it curly._

She didn’t regret her decisions. They had gotten her to where she was, where she deserved, because she did fucking deserve it. But right in this moment, for the first time in her life, she realized she had made a mistake. She had been blind. She had pushed away something- no, someone who had been there. Someone she could talk to. Tell things to. Someone who had made the world lighter. Someone who had made her not feel alone. Someone who had offered to help carry the galaxy with her. Someone she had turned away without a thought. 

And she doubted that the man she had.... Fallen in love with had been Kylo Ren. No one could love a mask like that. Kylo Ren was an armor for a scared little boy. But that scared little boy.... That Ben Solo.... He had been hers for a moment and a half. 

And it occurred to her that maybe he had loved her back. He had said that, among many other things, but for once in her life she knew what it felt like to truly be loved. But that wasn’t in her plan, in her ideal picture, so it had been pushed aside. And she knew she would never get it back. 

She had seen his eyes. The way they had looked at that Jedi that was strapped to a chair. He had looked at that woman in the same way he had once looked at her. Those deep, dark eyes full of so much more emotion than his face. Eyes that had always been Ben Solo and never Kylo Ren. Eyes that had told her over and over he cared before they had shattered like that mirror in her bedroom. 

A dark mass swirled dangerously inside of her chest at the idea of him belonging to someone else. She would never admit it to anyone, not that she had anyone to admit it to other than the empty room around her and her reflection in the mirror. 

She pushed her hair away and wiped at her eyes. 

No more tears. 

There was no place for that. 

No more feeling sorry for herself. 

There was no place for that. 

No more emotions. 

There was no place for that. 

She had a ship, a fleet, a war and a galaxy to run and she was not about to let some poor lost Jedi and a traitor get in her way. Not even if he still made her heart beat awake from its death like sleep or her stomach flutter with butterflies that had been hibernating for most of her life. This was her moment, she worked for it, she deserved it and it would be hers. 

She rose to her feet, fetched and carefully dabbed a cool damp towel over her flushed skin and red eyes before pulling her hair up into its pristine bun. When satisfied, she pulled on her gloves and nodded in approval at her appearance in the bathroom mirror, then left the room to attend her early morning meetings. She would check on her new play toy after. 

When Ben didn’t show for the meeting, Wayzac had to bite back her anger. He was with her. Wayzac had to take care of this now, quickly, before it spun out of control. They both had to be dealt with and she sure as hell wasn’t going to be gentle. 

Rey’s mind was swimming as she again floated to the surface of her consciousness for the second or third time that night. Or maybe it was morning? She couldn’t tell anymore. She had tried to keep track of time, but the hours continued to scrape past her, slower than an unoiled droid’s gears. 

She tried to piece together the flashes of memories, but she couldn’t put them in any logical order. But then again, did it truly matter if her finger was broken or the bottom of her feet were burned first? All that had mattered was that she hadn’t told Wayzac anything about the Vergence Scatter. And it would stay that way. 

There had to be a reason why that place was so hidden, so secret. It was just too much of a temptation for anyone who found it. They could change anything they wanted and that truly was a terrifying idea. Rey didn’t know much about Wayzac, but in the few intimate hours they had spent together, she didn’t want the woman getting anywhere near the containment of all time and space. 

An ache was beginning to set into her body, a dull pain all the way through her. She could barely recall someone telling her that she would need to heal normally because it would be too suspicious to heal her out right. 

She could almost hear the deep, smoky voice through the fog of her mind and with a great effort was finally able to place it as Ben’s. She couldn’t exactly place his presence at this moment, but there was a feeling of safety around her that she was sure was him. Nothing else would make her feel that way on an enemy ship.

There was a shift in the room and a loud, echoing voice made Rey wince, but she couldn’t bring herself to move from where she was laying. 

“You weren’t at the meetings this morning. Care to explain?” 

It was Wayzac. Cool, collected, calculated Wayzac. Somehow it felt like the woman showed less emotion than Cordella did. Maybe that wasn’t right. Wayzac showed emotion. You could hear it in her voice, see it in her movements, but they were emotions she wanted you to see. Rey couldn’t seem to upset the woman in the slightest, even when Rey wouldn’t answer the questions given to her Wayzac stayed put together in a way Rey was sure would drive any other person to snap. 

“I was making sure that your new toy didn’t die in her sleep.” 

That was Ben. His voice was colder and darker and Rey remembered the first time she had heard that voice. Kylo’s voice. His shield, not him. 

“When did you become the good guy?” 

“Don’t insult me,” he shot back coldly.

“We don’t have time to wait around. We need to know what that key unlocks.”

“What key, Wayzac? The one for the camtono?” There was a taunt to Ben’s tone that Rey couldn’t remember having heard before, something that said he knew more than she wanted him to and he was going to flaunt that he did. “This wouldn’t happen to be the same key as the one that was stolen from your private quarters, would it?” There was a tense energy behind Rey’s back and she didn’t dare turn around to look, though she was sure Wayzac was seething silently. Ben chuckled darkly. “This is how you have it under control? Torturing this Jedi even though she told you everything she knows,” he said, his voice mocking her.

“She’s lying.” 

“I read her thoughts,” Ben pushed. Rey could hear fabric rustle behind her from movement. “There’s nothing else.”

“She’s a gifted force user,” Wayzac shot back, her voice muffled and Rey could only assume she was speaking through her teeth to stay calm. For as perfectly collected as she was when she was torturing Rey and getting nowhere, Rey couldn’t help but note the way that Ben got under her skin. She bristled every time he spoke, rose to his taunts when she couldn’t help herself any longer. 

“Not better than me.” 

There was a lengthy silence and Rey did her best to keep her breath steady and quiet to hear the whole conversation if more was going to be said. The silence dragged on, the creaks in the ship being the only sound among the medical equipment. Were they still behind her? Rey was about to cock open a curious eye when there was a large inhale. 

“Make sure she’s back in that room within the hour,” Wayzac stated strongly. “I’m not done with her yet.” 

“You’re done until I say so.” 

It was Wayzac’s turn to laugh. It was a laugh the edge and that sent a shiver and chill down Rey’s spine. Her fingers clutched a little tighter on the thin scratchy blanket that was around her. 

“May I remind you that your job is to run this galaxy, not get soft for a girl!?” 

“I’m not soft,” Ben argued with a huff. “You can have at her all you want, but her being on the brink of death isn’t going to make her answer any quicker. Let her get her strength and then you can crack her.” 

The brink of death? Rey knew what it felt like to die and she was nowhere near it. Being a little sick to the stomach and slowly slipping into a comforting warm darkness were two very different things. He had to be exaggerating. She couldn’t remember anything too horrible happening to her that would make her come close to dying again. 

“Within the hour,” Wayzac insisted.

“Irwilig, in your dire need to be in control you have seemed to have forgotten that I am the _Supreme Leader!_ ” The last two words were harsh, powerful, cutting. They shut the woman up. Without another word spoken, her footsteps rang out and then disappeared from the room and Rey could hear Ben sigh tiredly as if he had used all of his energy for that one conversation. 

“Ben,” she croaked out when she was certain that no one else was close to them. There were rushed movements and she could make out a blurred Ben racing to her side and kneeling down to be level with the bed she rested in. 

“I’m here,” he whispered, gloved fingers brushing at her hair. She winced as the material they were made of snagged at her hair and Ben snatched back his hand in concern. “I’m sorry.” 

Rey shook her head. Or at least she thought she did, and with the new wave of dizziness, she must have. He didn’t need to worry. She desperately wanted to tell him those words, but the dryness of her mouth kept her lips shut tight. “We’re going to get you out of here. I promise. Rose and I have been working on an escape plan. I’m going to get the both of you to an escape pod. You are both getting out of here. You never should have ended up here,” he said with regret.

His words were so quickly spewed out it took far longer for Rey to string them together than it probably should have. She licked at her lips trying to make her mouth not feel sandy. Her eyes blinked as she took in the grey room around her, machines beeping in the distance and reminding her fondly of the small little orange bot that was being taken care of somewhere back on Naboo. 

Rey took a deep breath to fill her lungs as much as she could and did her best to sit up. Ben had a concerned look, but helped her in the movement. She glanced around and saw several more beds in the small dim room. All were empty and most of the droids were in their charging stations, the few that roamed around were busy cleaning. 

“When do you expect us to get out of here?” Rey asked, rubbing at her eyes with fingers that ached dully beneath their bandages. “I don’t think that she’s going to just let me sit about for long.” 

“I will take care of all of the details,” Ben assured her, sitting on the edge of the small bed beside her, the metal frame giving a protesting squeak from all of the added weight. 

A silence settled in around them. It wasn’t exactly a comfortable one, but it wasn’t uncomfortable either. There were so many words that floated about their minds, words that needed to be said, words that wanted to be said, words that clawed at their tongues, teeth and lips, begging for an out. But neither of them could seem to find the courage to say everything. And it really was everything. So much had happened while they had been apart and at the same time, it had been so little. 

Rey watched as Ben slowly pulled his hands free from their material prison and he placed his gloves aside. He reached out to her and again brushed her hair away from her eyes, this time as gently as he could so he wouldn’t hurt her again. His hand rested against her cheek and she let herself relax into the safe touch. 

It had been a long while since they had been close like this. The universe kept ripping them apart, or at least that’s how it felt to Rey. Every time she finally got to be with him, something else came along to push between them, to create a space between them. A space she didn’t like. 

She wasn’t blind to the pull that was there as well. There was something out there, be it a cosmic being or a single star, that was bringing them together with the same intensity that they were being ripped apart with. Two different forces fighting, just as the two of them had always fought. At first it was against each other and now it was for each other, but it was a fight nonetheless. A fight that she would keep participating in until she won and was able to keep this man by her side and she knew he felt the same. 

She blinked several times, coming back to the dingy grey room and realized she had simply been staring into his eyes. She wasn’t sure how long it had been, but Ben didn’t look like he cared much with that small smile on his lips that Rey had come to adore. The deep earthy browns, the color of Jakku sands after a sparse torrential rain storm, were the kind of beauty that expanded a moment into a personal eternity. 

She reached out a hand and took hold of the front of his shirt, pulling him close enough that she could feel his breath against her lips. His eyes were wide with the movement and she gave a small, almost inaudible laugh before kissing him lightly. Simple, sweet. Something that filled the silence around them snugly. 

“Rey-”

“-You’re coming with me-”

“-I can’t come with you-”

“-right?” 

She released her hold on him, that dull ache of pain bursting into a fire now that the reality of his words were setting in and allowing her pain to come back into her body. His thumb caressed her cheek and he sighed heavily through his nose, taking in the disappointment in her large eyes. 

“I can’t come with you,” he repeated softly. She needed to understand, she would understand, wouldn’t she? With the light that turned dull in her eyes he knew she didn’t like what he was saying. “Rey, someone needs to be here. I can’t keep letting Wayzac run amuck. She was planning to go after Jakku and Chandrila again with another set of transport ships. She wants to blow Naboo off the face of the map, she wants to know where those blasted keys go to-” 

“It was her,” Rey muttered. It didn’t surprise her to hear the words. Of course it was Wayzac, who else could it have been? She just hadn’t put two and two together until now. “Does she know something about the Vergence Scatter?”

“Nothing, as far as I am aware, but I have to make sure it stays that way,” Ben explained. He didn’t need to explain it. Rey understood exactly what he had to do. “Until she is gone and I can offer a ceasefire, this war is going to keep going. We just have to keep playing it by ear and it is better for everyone if I stay here.” 

The words burst from Rey before she really had the time to weigh them and hold them back. “I’ll miss you.” 

Ben’s face turned to shock, something Rey wasn’t used to seeing in his expression. It softened once more into that half smile he liked to give, something Han-like in nature. Cocky but reassuring. “It won’t be forever,” he replied.

Rey didn’t want to keep this conversation going any longer. She didn’t like the idea of leaving him behind. Especially after she had come all this way to find him and she was just going to be dragged back to where he had left her. Sitting in an overly furnaced bedroom, eyes turned up at that sky, watching his X-Wing fly away without a single word of goodbye. 

“I promise,” he whispered kindly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.  
> Thank you all for the kind comments on the last chapter!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The blaster clicked, finally empty and leaving Ben breathing hard from the effort it had taken to block the rapid fire, one arm curled tightly against his chest as blood soaked the sleeve of his tunic from a bolt that had hit him back in the smoke filled hall. 
> 
> Ben glanced around in the small moment of calm and finally took in where they were. The staircase that he had just climbed had a path of his blood along it and now he stood, uninjured arm against the railing of the walkway that sat high above the hanger bay below them, trying to catch his breath. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I beg of you not to hate me after this chapter! Things will eventually get better. Please enjoy all the same!

* * *

The jungle planet had been a welcoming site to the two generals who had finally been able to fly out to check on the Falcon. The trees were lush and green and gave a feeling of home to them. 

The grey and blue Sheathipede-class shuttle slowly lowered to the jungle floor that was densely overgrown since they hadn’t been here to keep the invading wildlife from taking over. The shuttle had been the only ship that had been large enough to hold more than one person that the Queen had been willing to let them use after the two generals had made sure that she stayed behind to keep her safe. It didn’t have any weaponry as far as the two of them could tell, which was fine. They weren’t expecting to take this shuttle to the Finalizer and both of them had been sure that Lando would favor the Millennium Falcon over his Lady Luck.

They, in this case meaning Poe, had also begged Zorii to come with them, but she had made up some excuse about something or other -Finn wasn’t paying much attention as Poe and Zorii had been trading kisses like their lives depended on it- and had left with the promise of returning if they needed help.

Poe and Finn stepped from the shuttle and into the dense, suffocating undergrowth, fighting through the air that hung heavy, moist and still. The trees stood tall like ancient temples and a shimmering green light came through all of the large leaves. 

The two of them wandered towards the base and as they came to a clearing that was beginning to be overgrown around the edges, they could see the Falcon waiting for them patiently with Lady Luck sitting beside it, shining bright in the noon sun. 

“It’s a bit muggy, isn’t it?” a voice said somewhere behind the two of them. 

Both jumped, turning. Poe swore and had his blaster pulled on instinct before he took in who stood behind them, had been following them through the trees without so much as a sound. The young girl stood there innocently, hands clasped behind her back as she craned her neck back to see the tops of the old trees. 

“Your Majesty?” Finn asked, dumbfounded. Poe slowly holstered his blaster back against his thigh and gave a disapproving look. Finn’s eyes darted to Poe and failed to see the expression on his face. “You let her come?” 

“Not this time,” he answered sternly. “We strictly agreed against it."

“You were against it, General,” she said calmly, eyes finally leaving her surroundings and going to the two men who still stood tensely. “I however, never agreed to anything.” 

Poe opened his mouth to argue, but stopped as the conversation replayed in his head. He had the final word, hadn’t even let her object. He had said his peace and walked away and she had ignored it. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

Finn chewed on his tongue for a moment before looking from his friend and back to the queen. “Aren’t you worried about your people?” 

“As long as you two aren’t there, there won’t be much contention,” she replied, stepping over a large tree root and again looked around, hands still clasped innocently behind her back as she slotted herself between the two of them. “They don’t seem to like the two of you much, but I can’t begin to understand why shooting a blaster off in the middle of an official meeting would offend anyone.” Her tone was dripping with sarcasm and it made Poe grumble under his breath. 

“And what about your advisers, Your Majesty?” Finn continued on as Poe seemed to be lost in a low voiced conversation with himself. 

With a sigh, her hands dropped to her side. “Please, let’s drop the titles out here shall we? Please just call me Cordella.” Her eyes were now locked somewhere behind him and Finn turned to follow her gaze. “I’ve left my double in charge. They wouldn’t let me run off after what happened with the X-Wing,” she answered absently as she walked past Finn and towards the two ships in the clearing. 

“What double?” Finn asked again, ignoring Poe’s mumbled monologue beside him. 

“I have a double for when I travel in case someone wants to come after me. She had been away for a while. Her grandfather had passed away. She returned shortly before you had planned to depart.”

“That’s why you had asked us to stay longer,” Finn accused as he put two and two together.

Cordella shrugged in a non-confirmation short of way and walked on. Finn grabbed Poe’s arm and dragged him along, pulling the man from the argument he was having with himself. 

“She has to go back,” Poe finally said to someone other than himself. 

“You couldn’t make her even if you wanted to,” Finn said. 

He could make out the door of Lady Luck begin to lower and three figures at the mouth of the entrance. One was the notable form of Lando that caught Cordella so off guard she stopped, letting Finn and Poe catch up to her. 

“Baron Landonis?” she asked. “You didn’t mention that you were meeting him.” 

“You didn’t ask,” Poe offered, continuing to head towards the three figures. 

The second was Chewie, who towered over the other two. The other one was a slightly smaller frame with large hair that made Finn smile. It had been a long while since he had seen Jannah. 

Ben paced across the floor of his new-ish room that still had that broken mirror adorning the wall. The floor was black beneath his feet and reminded him of the Nether. But there were no whispers of the past, or of the future. Just his own thoughts to keep him company. 

Why had he been so stupid? What made him think that he could outrun the future, or at least alter it enough that he would be helping Rey? He had disobeyed the Queen’s direct orders and had taken things into his own hands and now where were they? Rey was still just as hurt as she had been, and he had drug more people down with him, just as he always had. 

Wayzac still had a hold on Rey, despite his best efforts to make it so that she wouldn’t. And if she did get a hold of Rey, then Ben had been very certain that Queen Cordella’s plan didn’t work the way that she thought it would. It meant that something had gone wrong during the attack or on the way to the attack. But that didn’t matter now. The past was the past and there was no changing it, but then... Was there much chance to change the future? 

If Rey had still ended up tortured by Wayzac, what could he possibly do to make this better? Had his story already been written? Had his fate already been sealed away? 

He shook his head. He didn’t have time to let the guilt swirl around him. He had to make sure that everything was ready for tonight and he had to keep an eye on Wazac and make sure that she didn’t lay another hand on Rey. She had also taken all of Rey’s things. Where was Rey’s lightsaber? They couldn’t just leave it behind. A lightsaber was as much a part of a Jedi as their lungs were. It was connected to them in a way that nothing else was. A force like the Dyad. 

There was a loud commotion that pulled him from his thoughts and sent his eyes to his door. His eyes searched the face of the door as a loud thud radiated from something that had hit it. He hesitated for a moment, hand on his lightsaber, ready to go if needed. 

He placed his hand to the interface pad and it let the door slide open for a slumped stormtrooper body to tumble to the floor, effectively blocking the door from fully closing again. Ben’s eyes searched what seemed to be a fairly empty hall from where he stood and took a step back at the bright color of a blaster bolt shooting down the hall. There was another and a voice yelling. One he recognized. One that he hadn’t heard in what felt like years. 

“Uncle Lando?” he asked, taking the risk of looking out down the long grey hall that was inlaid with pipes taking various items from one end of the ship to the other. There was a good handful of troops collapsed outside of his door and down the right end of the hall. Up the left were running footsteps and Ben couldn’t believe his eyes. 

There was Finn, Poe, Lando, a stormtrooper he seemed to recall as TZ-1719, part of a large fraction that had defected shortly after Finn had, the large and furry Wookie that had been such a good friend to his father and lastly a young girl that had familiar features that he couldn’t exactly place. 

He stepped fully out into the hall and the group came to a halt at the sight of him. Three of them stood tensely in his presence and the two generals were more at ease, but still looked hesitant. The girl he couldn’t exactly place took a step towards him. 

“Ben, I’m glad to see you in one piece. We were worried when you missed your last meeting.” 

His eyes widened as the voice matched a name to her face. “Your Majesty,” he said with a small bow of his head. “What the kerfing hell are you doing here? All of you.” 

“What does it look like?” Poe asked curtly, making Ben frown. 

They didn’t have time to fight. Someone would be coming to check out the noises soon. And he wasn’t exactly sure how they had all snuck on board, but they were most likely seen with each turn they had made. Wayzac had been eerily thorough with having cameras installed on almost every inch of this ship since he had arrived and he knew it was to keep an eye on him. 

Ben knew she was onto him and it was only going to be a matter of time before she outed him, but he had hoped it would last a little longer than this. She would use this against him now. There would be no other reason as to why they would know so specifically where the two prisoners were. 

“Follow me,” Ben instructed, leading the way up the hall, through the mess of bodies. 

There were hushed concerns behind him that Ben did his best to ignore as he checked the next hallway for clearance before leading the group up it. 

“Are we trusting him?” That was Lando. Ben could pull that man’s voice out of any crowd. He had grown up with it around. A low growl came from Chewie, something akin to agreement with Lando. Chewie’s was another voice he had grown up with, hearing it far more than he did Lando’s. He had never really been able to speak Wookie, but being around Chewie enough had let Ben know what the Wookie was trying to say. 

“Yes,” Finn answered. 

“You do realize who we’re following, don’t you?” Ben glanced behind him to see the dark skinned stormtrooper woman with large curly hair staring daggers at Finn. Ben did his best not to put any thought on the fact that the woman had her weapon aimed at him. It was some sort of modified bowcaster, the bolt set at his back that looked as scrapped and put together as she did. It also looked like she was the one who had to pull back the bolt and release it instead of the machine doing it for her, which was an interesting idea than Ben would have to explore later. It made him wonder how strong she had to be to get her shots to go where she wanted them to. 

“We do,” Poe offered, a darkness to his tone. So, they were still on bad terms. Ben hadn’t thought that they would be fixed over night, but he had hoped that whatever was wrong between them could be fixed. He really did want to try to fit in with the group. He wanted more than anything to belong to something for once in his life, and to belong to something good. 

“Ben knows what he’s doing,” the Queen defended. At least someone other than Finn was on his side. It felt nice to finally have one more person in this expansive universe he could call an ally. 

Ben came to a halt, an arm out to stop the group, all of their soft chatter dropping. Wayzac stood at the end of the long hallway, making the hall feel like it had shrunk in size. Her stance was tall and unburdened, her hair back and a missable smile on her lips. Her hands were clasped behind her back as if she had been waiting for them. 

“Rose is in cell block C,” Ben said to the people behind him. “Finn, can you please take several of your people to go and find her? It’s in the same corridor as on The Supremacy. She will know the code.” Ben could see Finn nod and Chewie and Lando went with him, leaving Ben with an almost sinking feeling that he would never see his uncles again and he was sad that he didn’t get more of a chance to say sorry for the rift he had cast between his parents and them. 

Ben regretted that he didn’t know her name as he spoke again. “TZ-1719, Rey is in the infirmary. You should know where that is.” 

“East or North?” she asked, her weapon now taut at Wayzac who stood patiently still for him to finish giving his orders. 

“East.”

She slowly relaxed her muscles and lowered her bow, taking a few steps backwards until turning away with Poe. The pilot had to snatch up Cordella’s arm and pull her away and Ben could sense her want to stay and help. But this was between Wayzac and him and no one else.

It was always going to come down to this. They were two opposing forces, two strong entities that Snoke had enjoyed to place against each other after Ben had broken into a million pieces and had shut Ben Solo away behind his armor of Kylo Ren for good until a ball of sunshine had brought him back out again. 

“How long have you known?” he asked as he pulled his saber from his belt and caressed the activation lever, waiting for whatever attack was coming his way. 

“You’re far too careless Benny, dear,” she said flatly, head tipping to the side. Ben frowned in dislike. The last time anyone had called him that had been his mother when she had come home after a long day of work and would give him a single hug before starting all of the work she still had to finish and had brought home with her, leaving him alone for the rest of night like he had been all day long. “Have you ever thought of me as a foolish person?” 

“Not at all,” he answered, widening his stance slightly to make sure all of his weight was balanced so he could move at a moment’s notice. 

“And I haven’t ever thought that way about you,” she continued on. “Though you are a tad big headed.” She cracked a smile at her own joke. “So, how long have I known?” 

“Since I came back on this ship.” 

“Very good Benny dear.” 

Her movement was calculated and swift. A single blaster bolt hurdled down the hallway towards Ben who deflected it with a swipe of his crackling red blade. It ricocheted into one of the many thick pipes along the wall, filling the room with a thick haze, hiding Wayzac and her SE-14C Blaster Pistol from him in mere moments. 

Through the fog was a bright flash that barreled towards Ben. 

Rose gazed up at the ceiling above her bunk. The dull creme color was chipping from years of being forgotten and lack of anyone actually caring to repaint the cell. She bounced her bent leg, hands clutching a map to the escape pod against her chest. if something happened and Ben had to stay behind to keep them safe she needed to know where she was supposed to go. 

Ben and her had been carefully planning this for days. At first it was just going to be her, but when they had finally found where Rey was being kept, plans had changed. Now she just had to wait for Ben to let her out and then the three of them would leave together. Though she had her suspicion that Ben would stay behind. 

She supposed that he had always had a sense of duty, some form of loyalty that maybe came from his parents or the fact that he was and still is a Prince and had probably been raised as such, but it had been skewed away from its true purpose. And now that he knew what it was, he would follow it through to the end. 

Rose’s tongue played with her busted lip, the crack feeling odd and foreign to her. Her eye was still pretty swollen and a deep black and blue, but all in all she wasn’t too badly beaten. Ben had shown up just in time again and since that second time, Wayzac hadn’t been sending anymore of her goons to try to attack her. 

Her eyebrows furrowed together at a set of footsteps that she recognized and she pushed herself from her back onto one of her elbows in her bed to find not only Finn, but Lando and Chewie with him as well. She scrambled to her feet and raced to the glass wall that separated them, her hands pressing into the cold firm surface. 

“Finn,” she called. His eyes met hers and he raced to the wall between them, looking around for some way to get her out. “What are you doing here? Where’s Ben?” She had a million questions running through her head, but she knew time was short and she wouldn’t get all of the answers she wanted. 

“He’s busy holding off Wayzac,” he explained. Rose watched as both Lando and Chewie kept an eye on either side of the cell block incase stormtroopers decided to show up. “Ben said that you knew the code.” 

“Yeah. 57Z2,” she said, concern across her face. “Is he alright?” 

“He was when we left.” 

“Ben’s a big kid,” Lando said proudly with a smile over his shoulder at her. “If he’s anything like what Luke gushed about when they were training, he can hold his own.” 

Chewie gave a nod with his own sound of agreement, but it still didn’t sit right with Rose. They didn’t know Wayzac on the level she did. There was something absolutely terrifying about that woman, a fire in her that was burning down forests within minutes without a second thought. 

There was a beeping and the glass wall slid open to let her out. She clutched Finn in a tight hug that he returned before releasing her. “We’re meeting Poe and Rey back at the hanger bay.” 

She gave a nod. “Let’s get going then.” 

Rey sat up far quicker than she should have and her head spun a bit. Arms circled around her in a tight hug and she was glad to be back with familiar faces. Poe and Cordella were wearing relieved smiles and Rey hadn’t been able to meet Jannah for more than a few minutes before she and Lando were racing off to locate her family. Jannah stood at the doorway to the infirmary, her makeshift weapon drawn tight. 

“Poe,” she whispered as he released her. “It’s so good to see you.” 

“No more running off without telling us, alright?” he teased. She only smiled back.

“Where’s Ben? Is Rose ok?” 

“Finn is getting Rose, Ben is buying us time to get out.” 

Rey froze and looked to Cordella for an explanation. “There was some woman with red hair. She must have been someone bad because he stayed behind.” 

“Irwilig,” Jannah said, glancing back at the reunion. “Wayzac Irwilig. She’ll kick your ass like it’s nothing. You don’t want to mess with her.” Rey jumped at a ringing that came when a bolt was released from Jannah’s bow. “We need to go,” she said urgently. 

“Cordella, take this,” Poe instructed, pulling his blaster from its holster and shoving it into her waiting hands. The thing looked massive in her tiny fingers, but she didn’t hesitate to go to the door and see if Jannah needed help. 

“Can you walk?” Poe asked at the sight of the bandages on her bare feet. Without waiting for an answer, he scooped her up from the thin hospital mattress. Rey groaned in pain and circled her arms around his neck as tightly as she could. “You look a lot lighter than you are,” he teased and Rey smiled through her grimace. 

The sound of Codella firing her blaster made Poe freeze in his tracks and not continue towards the door that Jannah and Cordella were firing out of. He shifted Rey to get a slightly better grip on her and glanced around the small room, hoping for another entree way to escape out of, but this door seemed to be their only exit. A design flaw for an infirmary if you asked him. 

“Let’s go,” Jannah said, lowering her bow and nodding them out. Cordella went first and Poe followed behind, checking the long dark hall littered with white clad bodies before carrying Rey out with Jannah behind them. “We want to take a left up this hallway.” 

“They’re this way,” a muffled voice said somewhere down the hall. 

The white armor of stormtroopers rounded the corner and Poe immediately took cover in a small alcove in the wall where the supporting beam rose from the floor and curved to the ceiling, using his body to shield Rey as best as he could while Cordella and Jannah worked on the group down the hall. 

Poe felt movement and there was a loud crash. His eyes met Rey’s and he could feel her breathing hard against him. He glanced around the indent he was in and saw a large pile of stormtroopers shoved up against a wall, having all been slammed there at once. 

Rey still had her hand outstretched over his shoulder and Poe moved swiftly to the turn that Jannah had indicated. Rey was holding the troopers there, but he could see the struggle in her features. 

The blaster clicked, finally empty and leaving Ben breathing hard from the effort it had taken to block the rapid fire, one arm curled tightly against his chest as blood soaked the sleeve of his tunic from a bolt that had hit him back in the smoke filled hall. 

Ben glanced around in the small moment of calm and finally took in where they were. The staircase that he had just climbed had a path of his blood along it and now he stood, uninjured arm against the railing of the walkway that sat high above the hanger bay below them, trying to catch his breath. 

Wayzac stood tall and unfazed, hair still perfectly in place and in no way out of breath. The man before her was stumbling along the walkway, but eventually did stop when the last blaster shot had rung out and zipped away from his swipe. 

She had pushed him here on purpose, to this exact staircase, to this exact walkway that overlooked this exact hanger. It was remarkably empty below them save for a single ship that Ben knew far too well. The Falcon stood out against the dark floors like an Acklay in the middle of downtown Coruscant. It was so out of place while waiting patiently for its occupants to return to it. 

He didn’t like how little activity there was on the floor far beneath them and as he focused closer on what was below, he didn’t see anything or anyone else. No usual patrol, no wanderers or stranglers who were taking the hanger as a shortcut to the other side of the ship, no other ships flying in or out or parked by the Falcon whatsoever. 

He inhaled deeply and looked back at the woman that was slowly inching closer. She had planned this. Ben was sure of it, though what _it_ was, he didn't know. But there was a reason she had placed them here. There was a reason the floor was stark bare. 

In a swift movement that caught Ben off guard, Wayzac pulled the blaster behind her head and threw it. Ben jumped up and slashed at the blaster, easily splitting the weapon in half. The two halves clanked as they made contact with the thin walkway they were on before spilling over the sides and crashing down to the floor below. 

Ben doubled over, air wrenched from his lungs at a boot that connected with his chest. He coughed, watering eyes stuck on Wayzac’s boots. Hands snatched up two fistfuls of his hair, hair that his mother had begged him to keep short and now he almost wished he had. 

He was pulled upright and face to face with Wayzac. Her smirk was infuriating. The one that said she was better than him. She was always better than him. Would always be better than him. And he was so tired of her being better. 

With one smooth movement of his saber, Wayzac screamed, a sound he had never heard her make before. She stumbled away from him, hands clutching at her face. 

The scream continued in the same high pitched note, but it wasn’t from her. Something else cried through the air and creaked dangerously. The metal floor beneath his feet was a bright gleaming red from how hot it had gotten with the blade of his saber. Ben took a few more steps away from Wayzac, who was still more occupied with her face than with him. 

There was another loud and echoing crack and Ben could see the side of the walkway that Wayzac stood on tilt to one side and then to the other, now completely free from the side that Ben stood on. Ben couldn’t see Wayzac’s face, but her hands gripped the railing to the side of her as she tried to get her balance as the platform buckled.

She turned to look at him, eyes a flame, but that wasn’t what he was focused on. From the middle of her left cheek began a deep, crimson gash. It twisted down, narrowly missing her nose and crossing right across her normally devastatingly beautiful lips to end at the bottom of her chin and jawline. 

With a determined air around her, she broke into a sprint forward and jumped as the floor beneath her gave away to join her blaster on the ground far below. The crash would have been deafening had Ben been able to pay attention. 

Wayzac’s body collided with Ben’s, sending them both tumbling. Ben moaned as his shot arm was bent at an odd angle under Wayzac’s weight, the pain bringing new tears to his eyes. 

Wayzac pushed the searing pain out of her mind, willing her face to numb just enough for her to think. Her eyes flickered up at two ringing clanks. Her heart beat madly in her chest. If she could get the upper hand here, Ben had no chance. She would be unstoppable with that type of power in her hands and she needed it. Ben was stronger than she remembered. There was something different in the way he fought now. It wasn’t angry and passionate. It was thought out and carefully executed. This was her win. 

She pushed herself off of Ben’s chest and scrambled across the still intact walkway to go after the lightsaber that was bouncing away. She dove forward, skidding across the walkway, one hand grabbing up a supporting beam of the railing to catch her, the other snatching the lightsaber from its descent to the hanger below. 

Wayzac pulled herself to her feet, breathing hard and turned to face Ben, but before she could activate the lightsaber, her body froze in place. She blinked several times and watched as the man who was on his knees before her held her in place with a single outstretched hand. His other one was still cradled against his chest, the blood making it seem like the sleeve of his shirt was far darker than the black fabric was possible of being. 

His eyes were dark as he glanced up at her through the mess of hair that was in his face, but he didn’t scare her. He never had. He was so readable, always had been. And she had seen that look before. He was about to give her hell, but it would be chaos, easy to dodge and deal with if she could only get her arms to move. 

  
  


“If we hit the lift at the end of this hall, we can reach the hanger,” Jannah explained to the group that had finally been able to meet back up. Lando and Chewie held back the slosh of oncoming stormtroopers and their fire, Rey far too spent to try to help any longer. Finn now clutched Rey tightly in his arms, Poe taking the blaster from Cordella so that she could fall back towards the middle of their small group to be safer. 

“Ben,” Rose muttered from somewhere beside Poe, skidding to a stop. Poe followed her gaze and looked out of a small doorway to their side that he had all but ignored earlier. A thin walkway with a handrail jutted out into what looked like a bottomless cavern from where he stood and at the end of it was that red haired woman that had put Poe on edge and Ben on his knees, doubled over in pain. 

Before Poe could snatch up Rose’s arm, she broke into a run. “Keep going,” he said to the others, receiving shocked looks. “That’s an order!” The rest of the group gave their own small nods and started off again, leaving Rey watching intently from Finn’s grasp. 

Poe raced out onto the walkway that protested under the new weight. His hand snatched up a rail and he couldn’t stop from looking down at the floor beneath them of the Falcon and twisted metal of the other half of the walkway that had barely missed their ship. 

“Ben!” Rose yelled. 

Ben’s eyes shot behind Wayzac, surprised at the voice. Rose was sprinting over and Poe was hanging back towards the entrance of the walkway. Ben couldn’t hold back the shocked expression. He had been completely ready with the expectation that he would not be seeing anyone from the Resistance for a long while. He knew that Rey would immediately be hatching a plan to come and get him, but Wayzac would be more vigilant now. 

He hadn’t meant to let his guard drop. He hadn’t meant to release his hold on her. He hadn’t meant to get swept up in his own thoughts and forget where he was. 

The moment Wayzac felt the hold on her body go slack, she ripped herself free and ignited the lightsaber the way that she had seen Kylo do multiple times. The hissing red beam shot forward and in a natural movement from years of using a stick for protection in the streets, she slashed through the air. 

Pure, intense, brilliant pain. The sound that came from his throat was inhuman as his outstretched hand fell away and he pulled his wrist to his chest, his other hand trying to clasp something that was no longer there. 

“Ben!” 

Poe shot forward as Wayzac turned towards the two of them now that Ben was more occupied. He ran as hard and fast as he could to catch Rose and skidded to a halt as his brother’s death played out in front of him once more before he had a chance to even stop it. 

With a smooth thrust, the red blade pierced through Rose’s torso, making her eyes go wide. Wayzac gave a small smile that tugged painfully at the deformation that now sat upon her lips. Her free hand clasped Rose’s shoulder and pulled her closer to the sputtering hilt of the lightsaber and Wayzac leaned in close to the woman, lips by Rose’s ear. 

“You’re in my way,” she whispered. “It’s time for you to go.” 

Wayzac’s hand pushed at Rose’s shoulder and her limp body met the railing, tumbling over and leaving the path clear for Wayzac’s eyes to lock with Poe’s face, who’s mouth hung open, eyes where his friend had been standing only moments before. 

She took several careful steps towards the pilot. She knew who he was. Poe Dameron. She had seen his face many times in multiple meetings to discuss the man who had found an army in the midst of a hopeless battle and had destroyed their entire fleet on Exegol. He had taken over for Leia Organa when the woman had died and if she could rid the world of this man, then that was one step closer to cutting down all of those who opposed her. 

Poe’s draw on his blaster was quick and shockingly steady from the scene he had just witnessed. She had expected him to be a bit slower, but it was no matter that concerned her. He stood his ground as she gained, Kylo’s saber protecting her as it stayed between them. 

Poe could faintly hear the engines of the Falcon roar to life below him, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to end this woman here and now. If he could do that then he didn’t have to worry about the First Order ever again. If she was just dead.... He needed her dead!

With a shout, he raced forward, blaster still aimed at her head, but that mocking red blade was laughing as it swat away every bolt that he fired. He was almost to her when there was a rough tug around his waist and he was pulled over the railing of the walkway towards the hovering Falcon by Finn, who was waiting for him with the loading dock’s door wide open. 

Once Poe was inside, the door closed and the ship jolted into motion as it left the hangar bay. There was a heavy atmosphere around the ship and Poe could see the body of Rose, eyes still wide open and lightless, yet another person he couldn’t save and the guilt slammed into him. 

“We have to get Ben!” came Rey’s voice from somewhere deeper in the Falcon. 

“He can take care of himself,” Lando insisted. 

“We can’t leave him!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.  
> Thank you all for the kind comments on the last chapter!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Promise me Rey!” he begged, choking on his words. Rey could see the tears at the corners of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all of my wonderful peeps! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy!  
> As you can see I finally have an ending chapter. I am writing it out right now! I am super excited. My beta is trying to work through my chapters are quickly as she can while working and so we will probably continue with a chapter a week until the end, which will give me more time to work on my next Modern AU story. I will tell more about that when this story is completely finished.  
> Just a reminder that here on out it will get darker, but never you fear!  
> And thank you all for all of your kudos and amazing comments! I always look forward to reading them. Until next chapter, Happy Reading!

* * *

Everyone's heads were down. Maybe it was them showing respect or maybe they were too afraid to look at what was happening. The silence dwelled on, the only sounds to be heard were the occasional small sniffle, the crackling of the flames, the ocean waves and the wind that brought with it a steady mist of rain that was threatening to only worsen in mourning. 

It wasn’t often that Naboo saw rain, but it was fitting. Most of the city was gathered along the beach for her. The three stood hand in hand, unable to look away from the flames that sent sparks fluttering away into the dark sky. 

Soon the people left, one by one, the service shrinking smaller and smaller until all that was left were the three, hand in hand with a smoldering fire that was being put out by the now heavy rain. Rey stood between both Finn and Poe and despite the fact that she had both of them to hold onto, she still felt unbalanced and wanted nothing more than to collapse into the wet sand. 

Finn had been kind enough to heal her on the Falcon, only nicks and scratches left, but neither of them had had the strength to help Rose and the guilt that was wrapped around the three of them was tighter than anything any of them had felt before. Failure to save a friend. 

Rey’s heart pounded in her chest as they finally decided to head back to the palace without a single word, just a known feeling around them. 

The suite was gloomy when they arrived back in it. The windows that normally let in the warm morning sun were fastened shut with thick drapes pulled closed over them. The two large couches around the coffee table were unwelcoming next to a cold and dull fireplace. And the normally bright and happy flowers that were strewn on every surface that was possible to put a vase on, were sad and beginning to wilt. 

Rey retired to her room with the large four poster bed, its own fireplace and window seat. She dried her wet hair with a towel that was draped over a chair next to her private bath. She changed into warmer clothes, the sleeves of one of Ben’s sweaters hanging over her wrists, and one side of the collar was dipped over her right shoulder, too big to stay on right. She wandered back out into the main room of the suite and took a seat on the couch next to the other two who had changed out of their wet clothes as well. 

She pulled her knees up to her chest and held the hems of the sleeves in her fists. The room was silent for a long while, Rey was afraid to speak. She knew that they didn’t want to hear it and definitely not now. But she was worried sick and it must have been plastered over her face because Finn cleared his throat. 

“We’ll get him back Rey,” he assured. “We just need to get our resources back together-”

“Is it good to risk that?” Poe asked absently, eyes glued to the unlit fireplace and a hand over his mouth. “I don’t want to lose anyone else.” 

“She’ll kill him” Rey said softly, afraid to disturb the heaviness in the air. She wasn’t sure how far to test the waters. Everything was so unbalanced now. “If we leave him there, she’s sure to kill him.”

“It would just be us three,” Poe muttered. 

“Jannah, Lando and Chewie were planning to head back out unless something monumental happened again,” Finn agreed. “They’re still looking for her family apparently, and there was a good lead that they'll miss if they wait around here for much longer.” 

Rey understood that feeling extremely well. She had spent endless nights staring at the stars and hoping someone would hear her silent prayers to be found. Jannah deserved the feeling of finally being complete, even if it was never what you would expect. 

“Does anyone else get the feeling that Lando...” Rey trailed off and traded glances with the others, sure they understood what she was referring to. 

“No,” Poe shook his head with a smile. 

“She is!” Finn all but shouted. 

“Maybe we should just let the two of them figure out they’re father and daughter on their own. It’ll be much nicer for them to find out on their own,” Rey said with a small laugh. “It’ll be sad to see them go. It was nice to see them for a bit.” 

“So, what is the plan?” Finn pushed. 

“Well, if Wayzac is smart like everyone is saying she is, she’s going to have moved the ship.” Poe pushed himself up from where he was leaning against the couch and sat up. “But Finn had a brilliant idea.” 

“We hid the armor we stole on the ship and then Connix was able to get the tracking signal to turn back on. So we should know where The Finalizer is headed.” 

Rey smiled. “That is genius Finn. When do we leave? I can get Ro....” Rey trailed off, her spirits immediately falling. The room shifted back into its gloomy haze and they all wore frowns. Had she really not accepted the fact that their friend was gone? “Uh... When can we leave?” 

“Let’s make sure all of our resources are pulled together first. We also need to do some maintenance on the Falcon before we take her out again,” Finn offered, trying his best to pull a lightness back into the room. 

“Are you sure-” she began.

“Rey,” Poe interrupted, with a kind smile. “Rose would not be upset for you wanting to go after Ben. She was trying to protect him after all. I’m sure she would want you to get your boyfriend.” 

Rey’s cheeks grew red at the word and she hid her face deep in the fabric of Ben’s shirt that still had his scent clinging to it. It made her feel a bit safer than she had for a while, but it was nothing compared to his arms. 

“We’ll discuss provisions with Cordella and then figure out our game plan,” Finn instructed, getting to his feet. “I’m going to go find Connix and see if she can pinpoint where The Finalizer is. And maybe we can get that lightsaber back that you’ve been so worried about.” He swiftly left the room, a warmth staying behind him. Rey stared after him for a moment, having forgotten that her weapon was still back on the Finalizer. She was more concerned about the person still there over a weapon that she could remake if she truly needed to. 

And they were right. Rey knew that the two men were. The sting of losing Rose was going to be difficult to work through and they would each need to do it in their own time, but Rose wouldn’t want them sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. She would want them doing what was best for the universe, saving what they loved and Ben was absolutely one of the many things that Rey had come to love. 

As kind as Poe’s smile was, there was still some form of resignation behind it that Rey had noticed, but couldn’t exactly place. She had never been able to find the right time to ask him about it, but maybe this was it. She wanted to understand the wall between Ben and Poe. Everyone else had seemed to accept him as fully as they were currently capable and Rey knew it would take longer for everything to fall into place, but it would happen. With Poe it was different. 

“Why do you hate him?” she blurted out, calling Poe’s gaze to her. He was quiet for a long moment, his eyes dark with swirling emotions that made Rey want to shrink into the couch. “You don’t have to tell me,” she finally said, trying to fill the silence that was between them. 

Poe sighed and rubbed the back of his neck before finally speaking. “When I was younger, I was on a raid and my brother was killed. He was a Knight of Ren and I guess he upset Kylo and Kylo took care of him.” His voice was solemn, sad, but not pointed at Ben or angry. It surprised Rey. She had been expecting Poe to be seething, but the story was simple and matter of fact. “Zorii helped me put it into perspective while she was here.” He wrung his hands out, unable to keep them still. “I am still upset, and...” He paused in thought and Rey let him finish whatever he was trying to complete in his mind before saying it aloud. “And I’m not sure I can forgive him for what he did, but he has changed. He saved Finn and I during that initial raid at the base and he helped us escape when we came to find you. I can... help you get him back and then maybe we can talk through it.” 

“That’s quite mature of you,” Rey muttered, looking over the pilot before her. He had changed. They had all changed since the battle on Exegol. She had been waiting for the same hot headedness that had manifested on Ahch-To, but this was a pleasant surprise. “Thank you for helping.” 

“Anything for you.” Poe rose to his own feet, stretching his arms over his head. He exhaled deeply, hands lowering to his hips. “I need to speak with Cordella. She’s going to try to sneak onto the Falcon and come with us again if we don’t stop her.” 

Rey smiled. “So that’s how you let her come along.” 

“She was already there, what else was I supposed to do?” Poe asked with his own smile. “I’ll be back in a while. You should get some rest. I know you haven’t slept since we got back yesterday.” It wasn’t said in suggestion, more orderly.

Rey nodded and watched as Poe left the room, leaving her alone with only herself. She rose from the couch and went to her room, sitting on the edge of the four poster bed, eyes closed. 

She willed her breathing to steady and become long and slow, reaching out as far as she could with the force. It had been a long while since she had sat and meditated and tried to be one with the force, and the feeling of the aura around her was comforting. 

“Be with me,” she breathed out. She had chanted those words for hours on end before, hoping for something, anything to come to her. Any advice, any form of wisdom, anything at all. “Be with me. Be with me.” 

“Rey...?” 

Rey’s eyes shot open at the gravelly voice and her gaze rested upon a battered looking Ben. He sat, slumped forward, against the wall by one of the bedside tables and Rey got to her feet to move over to him. She knelt down and reached out to carefully take his cheeks in her palms. 

His normally crooked nose looked like it was busted once more, dried blood in a trail down his face. His eye was black and swollen, his brow also cut deeply, another trail of deep red liquid down the side of his face. One arm was limply at his side, a blaster bolt wound very present, and his other... 

Rey fell backwards at the sight. “Ben,” she gasped out, one hand reaching out for the mechanical fingers that had taken the place of his flesh and bone. “What happened?” 

“Wayzac.” He gave a chuckle, but it immediately turned into a cough. “I guess it’s fitting, isn’t it? First my grandfather, then my uncle. It was bound to happen to me sooner or later.” 

Rey’s hand trembled as she reached out to it, jumping at how cold it felt to her touch. She caressed the silver plated knuckles of his new hand. “Does it hurt?” she asked softly.

“Not much anymore.” 

Rey returned to her knees, eyes meeting his. “I’m coming to get you.”

His eyes widened in fear, something she had never really seen from him before. There were variations of it in his worried or concerned expressions, but never any of straight fear. “No,” he said sternly. “I will come find you. Do not come back to this ship.” 

“But Ben-”

“Promise me Rey!” he begged, choking on his words. Rey could see the tears at the corners of his eyes. “Please promise that you will not come find the Finalizer. Do not come find me.” 

Rey was silent, her jaw set tightly. She couldn’t just sit here and wait. That wasn’t her. Even when he had been trapped between the worlds, she hadn’t sat still. She was always searching, always doing something to find him. She was going to find him. She needed him safe, wanted him safe. Wanted him here with her until the day they grew old. Until she was 12,983 and he was 12,993. 

“Rey, please,” he begged.

She released the tension in her shoulders and nodded, lowering her eyes to the mechanic hand that she now held tightly too, the metal no longer cold against her skin. This time she would listen. She wouldn’t go back to the Finalizer. But she wasn’t about to stop looking for him. Not in the slightest. She would find him somehow. She would always find him. Chase him across all of time and space if she needed to. 

Time and Space.... She pushed the idea aside as another cough came from Ben. 

“I promise,” she whispered, slowly moving so she could sit beside him. She rested as close as she could, hoping that she wasn’t hurting him when she leaned against his shoulder. 

“You are swimming in my shirt,” he muttered after a stretch of quiet. He chuckled, but again coughed roughly, making Rey sit up until the fit was finished and she could lean back against him. “It’s cute.” 

Rey wanted to smile, wanted to pretend that this was a normal day, but she could feel this moment’s bond between them fading, She desperately tried to hold onto it, onto him. She didn’t want to leave him alone. Especially when he was hurt and within reach of that woman. 

“We’ll talk again soon,” he promised her as he noticed her struggling to keep their pathway open. “I’ll be back with you in no time.” 

She tilted her chin up and he took in the worried look in her big and beautiful eyes. They would keep him going until he saw her again. That warmth of love that flooded through him would keep him strong no matter what Wayzac threw at him. 

He kissed her and she pulled him close against her body, as close as she thought his aching body would allow him to. He did his best to imprint this into his memory, making this a moment that he could escape to if things got bad before he could get out. And he was certain that they were going to get bad.

She clung tightly to him and Ben smiled into the kiss. It felt good to be wanted, to be loved by even just one person in this universe and he was glad it was Rey. Kind, beautiful, stubborn Rey. 

The warmth of her body abandoned him in a moment and when he opened his eyes again, he was back in that room. The one where the light shining in his face made it so that he couldn’t see past an arm’s length ahead of him. But he knew what lined these walls and he knew what instruments Wayzac favored above the others. He didn’t bother to pull at the restraints, even if he used the force he was too tired to get out and he was sure she was watching him intently while he sat alone in this room. 

He wasn’t sure how long he had been strapped to this chair, only knew that Wayzac had been generous enough to find him a new hand, but still left his bolt wound wide open. He wasn’t sure what her plan was, but he had an idea it would be about where to officially find the Resistance and those keys that she was so obsessed about. Those keys that Rey couldn’t explain why they had snapped in half. Those keys that his uncle had been searching for along with the wayfinders. Those keys that had been in his mother’s possession and he didn’t know why she had found them so important to keep. 

Ben pulled at his restraints to see over his shoulder as the airlocked door opened and a single pair of footsteps that he knew far too well entered the room. He watched as Wayzac came around his side and took up the extra chair in the room that was across from him. She leaned forward, her knees brushing against his from how close she was. 

“You have no idea how long I have been wanting to do something like this to you,” she said so softly that Ben had to strain to hear her. “Snoke’s little perfect project. Well, not anymore.” Her eyes were harsh in their clarity and her jaw was set. The mark he had made down her face looked like it hadn’t been tended to yet and he couldn't understand what was so important that she had to risk a larger scar forming over her otherwise perfect face. 

“Ben, I believe that you should absolutely know how this works. If you lie to me, I will hurt you.” He could hear the smile more than he could see it. “And I might hurt you for fun, but please don’t let that dissuade you from telling me the truth. Now,” She got to her feet, forcing his knees apart so she could stand between his legs, far closer than what he was comfortable with. “Benny darling, what were those keys for?” 

Ben ran over the various options he had to go with in his head. He wasn’t sure which was the best option. He could admit that he had lied and give her a new lie to work with or stick with the same story. He couldn’t tell her about Nether. There was no telling what she would do with that type of power in her hands. 

He must have taken far too long to speak because he quickly got an answer as to why the blaster shot was still fresh and open in his arm. His breath was stolen from his lungs as her fingers invaded the open wound, an unnatural sensation shooting through to his brain, telling him to run because no one was ever supposed to be able to touch the inside of his arm like that. 

“Camtono,” he got out through clenched teeth. 

Wayzac laughed. “Don’t give me that bull shit, Benny.” Her fingers drove further into him and he swore he could see stars as he gasped for the air that evaded him. “What are the keys for?” 

“The camtono!” 

She pressed firmly before removing her fingers from his wound, leaving Ben gasping. His head drooped forward without his say so and he held back the tears that threatened at the corners of his eyes. Some spilt down his cheeks of their own accord and he inhaled shakily.

Wayzac’s hand took a firm grip on his chin and pulled him up to look at her. His own blood smeared across his jaw and cheeks, warm and sticky against his skin. Her eyes wandered over his face and she snarled when she finally spoke. 

“You were made a weapon Ben, and weapons don’t weep.” 

She released her hold on him and stepped back, looking over the boy before her. She had never seen Ben this broken before. Sure, he had come back from training bruised and bloodied and needing to be patched up, and he would be gone for days at a time where he had told her he hadn’t slept at all. He had strictly been doing strength and endurance exercises for days on end. He had limped back into her arms, nose smashed to pieces and needing to be rebuilt. He had dragged himself into Snoke’s mansion with Snoke’s biting disappointment being lashed at him. He had collapsed on the steps of temples across the galaxy with orders to not be helped more times than she could count, but he always got back up. He always rose again. So where was that man now? 

She watched his chest rise and fall as he gained a steady breathing rhythm again, dark eyes dull and hidden behind unruly curls. His robotic hand glittered in the dim light of the room and Wayzac was curious why he hadn’t used it to get out yet. He could easily break the restraints holding him even without the new added strength. The Force alone could send her flying across the room and leave him enough time to race away and back to the Resistance. He could even kill her, obstruct her airways. She had seen him do it many times before. So why wasn’t he? 

Wayzac reached out a single, blood covered finger and tilted his head up so his eyes could be seen from under his hair. There was a distance in them, the same distance that she had seen in her brother’s eyes when her hands finally released their mother’s throat. A shield. A protection. Hiding within themselves to make sure they survived. She hated it. 

“All that blood looks good on you,” she muttered. She stared, a thrill filling her as the distance in his eyes faded and he was brought back to where he was. Strapped to a chair in her scream stained room. “It brings out your eyes.” 

He blinked several times in surprise and she released him, removing herself from between his legs and moving to one of the walls that had tools set across it. Some were simple items and others had gadgets and gizmos to make them function. Her fingers trailed across one especially nasty looking item, but it wasn’t personal enough. 

“Why are you so obsessed with those keys?” he asked somewhere behind her as she moved onto the next wall to look at the toys there as well, disinterest in her features. 

“I need them,” she replied simply. He didn’t need to know. She wasn’t even sure if they belonged to what she was looking for, but if that stormtrooper reject had been brazen enough to sneak into her own quarters to take them, then she had a pretty good idea that she wanted whatever she thought was connected to them. She was just searching for confirmation. A yes that told her she was moving in the right direction. 

“Aren’t you more concerned with where the Resistance is?” 

His nose wrinkled as she contemplated her answer and how much she should give him. “It’s no secret that that child is hiding them on Naboo. But I know my fights and that is not one that I want to take on yet. I have more important things to attend to.” She stopped in front of another tool and tipped her head to the side as she looked over its sleek outline. “And my brother may have been your little spy, but I have my own that’s with them now.”

“Who?” 

Wayzac couldn’t help but laugh at the question. “Do you really think that I would tell you? You seriously underestimate me if you think I would.” 

“Why the hanger?” 

“Hmm?” she asked as if she hadn’t been paying much attention to him. “The hanger?” Ben could make out the teasing smile that oozed from her voice. “I just thought that it would be a fun thing to watch if they didn’t happen to get out in time.” She finally decided on her tool of choice and flicked on the arch welder, the blue contained lightning crackling. “Do you think it hurt?’ 

“That what hurt?” he asked as a reply.

“When your friend died. Do you think it hurt? I’ve never held a lightsaber before. I’m in no way force sensitive, so there was never a need. I’ve also never been stabbed with one.” 

Ben was quiet for a moment and Wayzac finally turned around to face him again. His shoulders were slumped and his head was bowed forward. She moved over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, making him look up and back at where she stood behind him. 

“Yes, it hurts,” he muttered quietly.

She gave a curious look, coming to stand in front of him. He sounded like he spoke from experience and his eyes told her that he didn’t like the memory the feelings were attached to. 

“Because I have been burned with this.” She held out the welder and let the electricity crackle in her hand. “And it’s a bitch. You’ll be a dear and tell me how it compares, won’t you?” Ben’s eyes flickered between her face and the handheld device in her fist several times. “Now, let’s try this again. What do those keys go to?” 

“We’re not going back to The Finalizer,” Rey announced early the next morning, causing both Finn and Poe to stop in their rapid inhale of food from the lavish dining table that stretched the full length of the room and stood quite bare towards the end no one was seated at. 

“What do you mean?” Finn asked through a mouthful of Meiloorun. 

“I’ve thought it over. It’s not safe to try to find the Finalizer again,” Rey explained, her fork pushing at the royal jelly roll on her plate. 

“Then what would you like to do?” Poe questioned, lowering his fork and knife back to the table top and folding his hands under his chin to turn all of his attention to her. He gave a kind half smile. “We’re going to get him back Rey. Finn and I can just go if it would be easier for you-”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Rey interrupted with a shake of her head. She leaned around the large flower centerpiece to better see her companions and continued. “We’re still going to save him, but we need a safer way to reach him than just sneaking back on that ship. We were lucky the last time to get away so freely. It was like she didn’t even try to stop us. Like she let us go.” 

“So how do we find him if we don’t go on the ship?” Poe questioned.

Finn’s eyes widened and he quickly swallowed his mouthful. “We could use the Vergence Scatter,” he said.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Rey nodded.

Before she could say anymore though, Finn jumped to his feet and then Poe quickly followed. Rey glanced behind her and rose to her feet at the sight of first the queen’s headdress and then the teen herself. The Queen sat herself down and nodded to the rest of them and they all returned to their seats. 

Rey’s eyes flickered over the teen who looked tired even under all of her make up as if she hadn’t been able to sleep. Just behind her right shoulder stood one of several handmaidens in the room that Rey had never seen walking about the palace before, but she had a striking similarity to Cordella. The girl’s own headdress covered up most of her head and hair, but the two shared similar facial structures. The nose, the cheek bones, the lips, the chin. The only real difference was the color in their eyes, but from far away, no one would be able to tell. Rey tipped her head to the side in curiosity and Cordella must have noticed because she spoke as her food was served to her by some other staff. 

“This is Emila. She is my double."

“Your double?” Rey questioned through the silence that again seemed to have accomplished the table as the two generals looked up at the new girl. 

“It is customary for the appointed ruler of Naboo to have someone who can take their place if there is a threat,” Cordella explained to Rey with a kind smile. “It’s also quite useful if there are meetings that I don’t wish to attend.” This caused Rey to smile. “I believe you may have met here when The Finalizer Attacked here. I was away on business. She has been away, but I must say that I am very glad to have her back with me again. She is a dear friend.” 

Rey gave a curious look over Emila. How had she met her and not realized a difference? 

“You’re too kind, M’lady,” Emila said in that same monotone voice that the Queen used. Rey stared for a moment longer at the girl. Emila sounded just the same as Cordella when the Queen spoke plainly. Maybe that was why they spoke in such a way, so you couldn’t tell them apart. “I am just attending to my duties.” 

“Don’t be so modest,” Cordella said with a hint of sweetness to her words. She glanced around the table. “I did not mean to interrupt the earlier conversation. Please continue. It quite piqued my interest.”

The three traded looks before Rey spoke up. “We were wondering if maybe the Vergence Scatter would be a safer way to track down Ben.” 

“And do you know how to access the Nether?” The Queen asked before taking a sip of her drink, but otherwise not touching her plate. 

“Yes,” Finn answered, a tone of caution lacing his voice. 

“I would prefer if we didn’t discuss this over breakfast,” Poe pressed, just as careful as Finn had been.

“Of course general,” the Queen smiled. “We will discuss it later then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her bun was falling out, her eyes red from crying. She wasn’t wearing her normal black jacket and her milky white arms were nicked here and there, the marks looking fresh. Her right hand was bruised and had indents that looked like teeth had made them. Her left clutched a pair of shears tightly in her fist. Blood covered her palms. And she stood barefoot, crimson puddles forming beneath them. Ben’s eyes followed the path that she had taken to walk into the room, her bloody footprints left glittering against the cold dark floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Still getting darker. But there are happy endings coming!

* * *

“You better have an important update for me,” Wayzac hissed to the blue holograph person that stood in front of her. “I’m rather busy today.”

“I’m sure you would find it interesting to know that they are coming after you again,” the holograph stated.

Wayzac rolled her eyes. “I’m not an idiot. I know that as long as I have Ben Solo, they will keep coming back.”

“They said that they were going to use the Vergence Scatter to find you.”

Wayzac’s eyes widened as her heart jumped in her chest. “It’s real,” she whispered, leaning against the control panel that was in front of her in the transmission’s room. This was her yes. The proof she had been looking for that she was moving in the right direction. She looked back up at the hologram before her that was standing on a round reading plate. “Did they say anything else?”

“They know how to access the entree. They did not discuss the matter further, Supreme Leader.”

“Damn it,” she grumbled under her breath. “No matter. I’m sure I can drag something out of him.” She waved away the subject with a wave of her hand. “Remember our deal.”

“I have not forgotten the terms,” the holograph said.

“Then I expect an update quickly.”

“Of course, Supreme Leader.”

Wayzac disconnected the communication, cutting off the hologram in its bow to her and she exhaled deeply, trying to wrap her mind around all of this new information. This was the break that she had been waiting for. Something to take them to the next level, something to get the First Order back on top. This would be something that would take those annoying Rebels far more than the three misfits to take care of.

She glanced around the empty room that had seats around the reading plate. Normally each seat would have been filled, but in the early morning hours she had found the emptiness of the room comforting in a strange way.

She let out another deep breath and left the room how she had found it and walked the dark halls, wandering about until she found herself at the door to her room that her legs must have subconsciously led her to.

She entered the room that was shrouded in black, removing her gloves, jacket and shoes and dropped onto her bed, pulling her blanket in tight to her chest as she curled up. Her eyes slid shut and she permitted herself to fall into the kind memory, if only for a moment.

Arms tight around her in this same bed. A warmth at her back, hot breath at her neck. If she imagined hard enough she could feel the shape of his body perfectly fit to hers, something she hadn't felt after that night. The night that she had made her choice. The night she gave all of it up only to be passed over once again in her life.

_You’re so beautiful._

Ren’s voice wrapped around her, tugging at her dead heart, trying to breathe life into it.

_You’re so beautiful._

That man’s breath smelt of death sticks, his hands pawing at her.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Wayzac froze, her heart thudding in her ears.

“I feel like I never told you that enough.”

Wayzac shot upright in her bed and turned, one fist still clutching the blanket to her chest as a life reserve. She couldn’t remember the last time she had heard that voice, but she was sure as hell that she had never wanted to hear it again and it scared her.

She pulled herself from the bed and tried to get to her feet, but her knees were weak and buckled beneath her. She lurched towards her desk and put all of her weight into it, eyes never leaving the woman that stood in front of her.

“You’ve truly blossomed. A proper young woman, Lilith.”

“Don’t call me that,” Wayzac gasped out, finally finding her voice.

“Don’t tell me you’re still going by your father’s name, Lilith.”

Wayzac’s father had been the only light she could remember in the dark world. A doll with tattered hair. A kind smile and warm embrace. A reminder that everything was alright until in a ball of fire they weren’t anymore.”

“Lilith is dead, mother!”

The woman gave an exasperated sigh, her hands clasping in front of her. Her clothes were ill fitting, tattered and worn. A dirty brown smock whose sleeves fell past her dainty hands and whose skirt hem had skimmed the floor so much that it was ragged and falling apart.

Her long red hair fell in familiar curls down her back and over her shoulders and her eyes shone brightly against her dirty cheeks. The black and purple lace around her neck stood out stark against her sickly pale skin.

“Let’s not be dramatic.”

Wayzac’s knees trembled as she pushed herself up from her desk. She made sure that one hand stayed secure on the edge of the desk to keep her steady and upright. “You’re not real,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “You’re not real.” It was a chant, a prayer, a beg. “I killed you, you’re not real!”

“I wanted to tell you that I was sorry.”

Wayzac’s eyes snapped open and a loud laugh ripped from her throat, her grasp on the desk tightening enough that her nails were cutting into the wooden face. “You’re not sorry! You were never sorry.”

“Lilith-”

“My name is not Lilith!” Wayzac shouted, her voice echoing back to her from the slick black walls. “I haven’t been Lilith since the day you sold me off!”

“I was not the best mother. I’m sorry I was not better to you and your brother.”

Wayzac couldn’t stop a snort that left her nose. “Not the best? I’m sorry I didn’t get you any awards.”

Her mother’s eyebrow rose, but she made no comment, just stared at Wayzac who refused to give her mother what she knew the woman wanted. She wasn’t going to get an apology. There was no way in hell Wayzac would ever give that woman an apology.

“I’m sorry,” her mother tried again. “Your father and I-”

“Don’t talk about him.”

“We’re both happy of the woman you have become.”

Wayzac fell silent, chin quivering as she pushed away the tears. Her free arm wrapped around her middle and she leaned forward feeling sick. Her hand at the desk continued to dig into the wood. A sound crackled from her throat and her eyes burned as they finally released her tears, her sobs loud. The hand at the desk went to her mouth and she bit down harshly on the skin just below her thumb.

The metallic taste of blood filled her mouth, but she didn’t care. She just needed to wake up. This was just a nightmare. Just like she had every night. She would wake up and her mother would be gone. Her mother would be dead once again, where her mother belonged. She had been dead for 14 years and she wasn’t suddenly back from the dead now.

So why was she still standing there when Wayzac looked back up with tear stained cheeks?

“What do you want from me?!” Wayzac gasped out.

“Hush now, Lilith,” the woman scolded. “I thought I taught you better than to cry.”

“Why are you here?!”

“I didn’t want to miss my own daughter’s crowning achievement. Becoming Queen of time and space is impressive.”

“Don’t act proud,” Wayzac snarled, using the back of her hand to wipe at her eyes as she straightened up. She turned to her desk and desperately searched for something, anything that would wake her up. Anything to make this monster leave her alone. “I know what you really think of me. I was never worth anything to you.”

“I think you’re confused.” Her mother’s voice was concerned, hurt in a way, but Wayzac couldn’t bring herself to care. “You’re worth more than this-”

“I’m confused?” Wayzac closed her eyes wanting nothing more than to lie back in that bed and hide away under the covers, like she had on those long nights after being paid, held safely against her brother. The only thing they had ever had was each other and he ruined that! He was just like them! He had left her. Abandoned her. Betrayed her. “You pawned me away. You already told me how much I was worth. I’d say I’m in the three credits range, wouldn’t you?”

“I love you, Lilith. I always have.”

Wayzac trembled as her legs struggled to hold herself up right against the desk. Blood rushed in her ears. Tears poured down her cheeks, and she bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out, teeth bound to leave marks.

Her eyes shot open and her hand snatched up the first thing her eyes landed on. With all of the strength she could muster, she threw the shears towards her mother. The momentum sent her tumbling to her knees.

There was a shattering of glass, the full length mirror mounted on her closet door smashed into a thousand glittering fragments. Wayzac’s eyes shut tight as the new knives fell softly over the floor and all around her. When her eyes finally fluttered open, she could see blood under her palms from prominent teeth marks.

She doesn't care. Couldn’t bring herself to care. All that mattered was that she was free now. Her mother wasn’t standing there any longer.

Wayzac’s arms gave out under her and she lied against the cold dark floor among the mirror. She wasn’t sure how long she had lied there, not that time truly mattered. She didn’t care. Not right now.

She didn’t need anyone. She could do this on her own. Make this galaxy what she wanted. And it could become whatever it needed to become, all that mattered was that she was at the top once and for all. That everyone knew what she had accomplished. That she had conquered the whole universe with only herself to thank. She had made this world bow to her will because she would never bow to anyone else ever again.

Wayzac inhaled deeply and lifted herself back up onto her knees. She hadn’t lied earlier when she had said that she had things to do today. She had an appearance to make to the entire fleet that was still in working order to make her announcement and she still had information to get out of Ben and even if he could get out of that chair with ease, she knew that he wasn’t going to break without working him for hours on end.

There was nothing wrong with that. With the amount of stress that was building up in Wayzac’s chest, she needed an outlet. Ben was just the lucky volunteer.

Wayzac rose to her feet and stepped through the mirror, ignoring the sharp shooting pain as shards punctured into her bare feet. She stopped in front of the nearly empty frame that reminded her so much of that night Kylo had broken her other mirror in a fit of rage.

She stared at her reflection in the splintered spiders web. Her fingers gingerly traced the mark across her lips and up her cheek. He had ruined her. He had taken her beauty away from her. It had been her bargaining chip, her ladder to climb. It was how she got her way. How she got to where she was. And what was she without her beauty? What was she now?

Without her single saving grace, could she still rule the galaxy? Could she still hold onto this power if she didn’t have anything to offer the world?

She would have to. She wouldn’t let some confused little kid take this away from her. Beautiful or not, she was Queen. The Exogol throne was hers and no one else’s. And if she couldn’t rule with beauty and respect then she would rule with fear. She could twist it just the same.

And she would twist it, manipulate it until it was exactly what she wanted. Just as she always had. Just as she always would. She had been waiting for this moment for 27 years and some pretty boy with a flaming sword wasn’t going to get in her way. Not anymore.

Ben coughed, doing his very best to push the pain away. All in all, he wasn't as badly off as he had thought he would be. Wayzac had eventually stormed off in anger from his taunting. He couldn’t let her get the best of him, not like she used to. He would never escape her grasp.

He strained in the darkness against the straps around his wrists and ankles. All he had to do was focus enough on the force and he would be able to get out. It should be easy. So why was he having such a difficult time?

He closed his eyes with a deep breath, trying to center himself. What was it that Rey had always said? She could call on spirits any time she had wanted with such simple words.

“Be with me.”

Ben jumped as the door opened and the light to the room turned fully on, leaving Ben blinking as his eyes adjusted to the sharp difference. When he finally could see, he was met with a disheveled Wayzac standing before him.

Her bun was falling out, her eyes red from crying. She wasn’t wearing her normal black jacket and her milky white arms were nicked here and there, the marks looking fresh. Her right hand was bruised and had indents that looked like teeth had made them. Her left clutched a pair of shears tightly in her fist. Blood covered her palms. And she stood barefoot, crimson puddles forming beneath them. Ben’s eyes followed the path that she had taken to walk into the room, her bloody footprints left glittering against the cold dark floor.

“Wayzac,” he whispered, eyes finally returning to her face. “Are you alright?”

“Why are you asking?” she grumbled, hands becoming fists. “It’s not like you’ve ever cared.”

“Wayzac-”

“Where’s the entrance to the Vergance Scatter?”

Ben couldn’t help but stare at her, blinking. His chest constricted and he found it hard to breathe. How did she know? He hadn’t said anything about it. A panic set through him at the thought that Rey could possibly be in danger over the fact that Wayzac supposedly had a spy with the Resistance. He hadn’t fully believed her at first, thought she was trying to scare him, but now he knew it was true. She never would have come up with that place’s name on her own.

“W-what?” he asked, eyes wandering her.

A sting filled his cheek as the back of her hand made contact against his cheek.

“Do not play games with me Ben. Where is the entrance to the Vergance Scatter? I know you know!”

He had never heard her voice like that before and when he looked back up, her eyes were dark, no longer the clear brightness they normally were. There was something wrong. Something broken. Something snapped.

“Wayzac, what happened?” Ben asked. It didn’t matter that they were enemies. It didn’t matter what history was between them, good or bad, though most was bad. This was more than the difference in opinion, feuds, rights and wrongs. This was a person who was obviously hurting and needed help. “Are you alright?”

“Stop pretending you care and tell me what I want to know!”

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

She couldn’t stand the way he was looking at her. She couldn’t stand the way he was speaking to her, like she meant something to him again. Like he was concerned. Like he would listen. And would he? He hadn’t judged her with her deepest secrets, had never used them against her like she had against him.

“Where is it?” she hissed. “I am going to work it out of you. I promise you that I was being kind before. I won’t be kind anymore.”

“Lilly, please talk to me.”

She wanted to yell at him, but the words were trapped in her throat as she stared at the bruised, bloodied and beaten man in front of her that for some reason had stayed strapped to this chair after every horrible thing she had ever done to him when he could have escaped with ease.

How dare he use that name? How dare he twist the knife deeper? How dare he give her hope that she wasn’t truly alone in this?

She inhaled deeply, feeling the ache in her feet from the glass she hadn’t bothered to remove, the blood warm and tacky under her. She couldn’t remember having picked up the scissors in her hand, but the strain in her fingers brought her attention to how tightly she was clutching them with a sweaty palm and fingers.

“This is going to be the last time I ask nicely,” she hissed through her teeth. “Where is the entrance to the Vergance Scatter?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

In one trembling, shaky action, Wayzac brought the pair of shears over her head and brought them down as hard as she could.

Rey sat still in the hall beside the archives. Finn had explained that he had come out of the Nether in that hallway and so she figured it was the best place to start before they tried to travel all the way back to Ahch-To.

But the hours ticked by and she felt no closer to finding the supposed doorway that had previously existed here. Maybe she was too focused on keeping her breathing even. Maybe she was too busy pushing down the lump in her throat every time she swore she could feel Ben’s pull in her chest. Maybe there really just wasn’t anything here.

There was a sharp pain in her leg and her eyes shot open, a groan sounding out in the quiet hallway. Her hands went to her left thigh and the heels of her palms massaged the scalding heat that was there.

“Are you alright, Master Skywalker?”

Rey glanced up to see a floor length dress on a small frame and a familiar face. The smile she received was kind, though the voice stayed emotionless, more so than Cordella’s ever did. “Emila, was it?”

“Yes, Master Skywalker.”

“You can call me Rey,” Rey said as she continued to knead into her thigh that was still burning.

“I would feel more comfortable if I used your title,” Emila replied with a respectful bow of her head. “Are you feeling well?”

“Fine,” Rey replied with a wince as a new jab of pain spiked just a little higher than the last one. “I’m alright.”

“Do you need to see a doctor?”

“That’s not necessary. Really.”

“I’m sure the queen would disagree,” Emila insisted, lowering herself to take one of Rey’s hands. She pulled Rey to her feet and Rey’s hand took the young girl’s shoulder for balance. “Please allow me to help you to the infirmary.” Her tone was firm and Rey figured it would be easier to indulge the girl than to try and fight her.

Emila’s arm took Rey’s waist as Rey took a wobbly step. “Thanks,’ Rey whispered, teeth clenched at the pressure that she was applying on the leg every other slow step. “I’m surprised we haven’t met before. I haven’t seen you around the palace.”

“I have been at my home for the last few months. My grandmother passed quite suddenly and as I am the last living direct relative I had a few affairs to put in order.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Rey muttered with a frown. “My grandfather recently passed as well, but I didn’t know him much.” Rey shook her head, unsure of where those words had come from. It was in no way a lie, but it left a bad taste in her mouth all the same.

“Thank you for your kind regards, Master Skywalker.” Emila gave a bright smile as they turned the final corner in the maze of halls and came face to face with the medical bay’s doors. “I shall be sure to inform the queen of your current condition.”

Before Rey could argue, a nurse approached them. “Can I help you miss?” Her smile was just as kind as Emila’s had been, her blond hair cut short.

“She has been experiencing some leg pains,” Emila explained for Rey as she passed Rey off to the nurse. “I have some duties I need to attend to. I will check on you later, Master Skywalker. If you would excuse me.” Emila bowed and hurried from the room, leaving Rey to now try to convince the medical staff not to make a large fuss.

“Odd girl,” the nurse commented, supporting Rey to one of the many beds that lined the large, tall ceilinged room. “She doesn't usually talk that much.”

Rey glanced over the nurse’s shoulder to the shrinking handmaiden’s figure. “She seemed nice.”

“She is nice, just shy. I’m not sure why they picked her for the mistress's help. If you ask me, that girl is nowhere near strong enough to step in for the mistress.” The nurse stepped back with her hands on her hips. Her apron was in bad need of an ironing, the colors complimenting her white dress prettily. Rey hadn’t noticed it much before, but the woman looked like she was hastily put together, like she had grabbed things as she ran out the door. Rey smiled. It was endearing to see such a frazzled and tired looking woman be so nice and ready to help. “Now, what seems to be the problem? It had something to do with your leg, didn't it?”

“It’s really not something to worry over. I think it was probably just a muscle cramp,” Rey insisted, really not wanting to be fretted over.

“Well, you’re already here. We might as well check it out. Better safe than sorry.”

Rey rolled her eyes. There was no way she was getting out of it now. She reached for the cuff of her pants, pulling the stretchy fabric up her thigh and over where the pain was still present.

Two large red marks were sitting there. They had deep purple around them in a splotchy pattern. Rey could only stare. And she could feel the nurse’s eyes sharp on her. “Did someone do this to you?”

“N-no,” Rey stuttered out. “No one’s touched me.”

“I’m going to fetch a doctor. Can you wait here honey?” The woman took several hesitant steps backwards and quickly turned, leaving Rey alone.

Rey’s hands gripped either side of her thigh as she looked over the markings. Maybe they weren’t as bad as they looked. Maybe her having rubbed at them had made the splotches appear. That had to be it.

A mind blowing heat shredded though Rey’s thigh and her fingers dug into her leg involuntarily. She gave a small cry and could only watch as a third marking joined the first two, the dark purple blossoming like a flower.

“Please stop!”

Rey bit at her lip as the pain spread. She couldn’t catch her breath and her fingers felt like they were glued in place.

“Please!”

It took Rey a moment longer to realize that she hadn’t been the one screaming those words despite the fact that her mind was saying the same thing. She looked up and stared at a panicked looking Ben who sat in the chair beside her bed.

New bruising adorned his face and his bare arms, muscles flexed against the short sleeves of his shirt. There were burns there as well. Fresh and bright red. Sweat covered his muscles and face as he breathed raggedly. He shook his head determinedly and Rey could only assume that maybe someone was speaking to him and she was pretty sure she knew who it was.

He jolted in the chair, head thrown back with a locked jaw. Rey’s eyes blurred at another tear in her leg and could make out something shining a deep red in the same place on Ben’s thigh.

“Ple-please stop!” he begged, voice broken. “Wayzac, please.” There was a small pause and he whimpered, head lolling forward. “I’ll tell you! I’ll tell you!”

“Ben don’t,” Rey hissed through her teeth. “You can’t tell her.”

“A Jedi temple in the Unknown Regions.” He winced, jumping back in the chair as if whatever was hurting him had threatened to be done again. “I don’t know.” And panic. “I don’t know! I don’t know anymore! It’s just in the Unknown Regions. I don’t know anything else! I swear!”

“Ben,” Rey whispered.

“Miss, are you ok?”

Rey’s head shot up to look at an older looking gentleman with thick spectacles on his nose. The blonde nurse from earlier was standing beside him with a concerned look on her face. Rey looked back to the chair and found it empty.

He had told. Wayzac had broken him. Rey had been hoping beyond hope that Ben could hold out until she could find him, but she needed to act now. They didn’t have time to wait around anymore.

Without an answer, she jumped down from the bed, stumbling over, the pain brilliant as it washed over her. But she couldn’t stop. She limped as quickly as she could out of reach of the nurse and the doctor, ignoring their calls for her to come back.

She found herself back at her suite in a blinding haze and pushed open the doors. She tumbled to her knees and panted, trying to catch her breath.

“Rey? Are you ok?” She couldn’t place the voice, but she didn’t care.

“He told them. She knows.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Be with me. Be with me. Please!” 
> 
> “Why did you never use the word please at the dinner table?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps! Quick update. I got my surgery rescheduled finally. Hopefully they don't cancel this one. So, fingers crossed. Should be happening around the 13th of April I believe. Luckily, I have all the chapters written out and I am just waiting for my beta to proof them.  
> Also the next chapter or so will be a bit shorter than normal, I kinda hit a bit of writer's block during this time period. But the larger chapters will be back eventually!  
> Thank you so much for your always kind thoughts!

* * *

“What is our course of action, General?” Cordella asked from where she sat on her throne. 

“Is it smart to get involved in this?” Emila said from where she stood on the side of the Queen. Cordella didn’t glance back at her, but Finn’s eyes went to the teen who looked scarily similar to the queen. “We’ve finally had all of the people who evacuated from the last attack placed safely back into their homes. They are not going to want to uproot again.” 

“They are loyal to me and will do as I ask.” 

Finn couldn’t help but wonder what exact position Emila was in so that she could be so forward with the queen while all of her advisers were present. And none of those old crotchety men seemed at all concerned with the way Emila was stepping in. 

“There is no reason that we should further our-”

“Naboo has always been a strong presence in any matter that involves the will of the people,” Cordella interrupted, hand up to silence Emila. “This has not changed and will not change as long as I am the elected official. We will do everything in our power to offer help to those willing to fight for their voice.” Though she hadn’t bothered to look at Emila, Cordella’s focus returned to Finn. “What resources are you looking for, General?” 

“We only ask for provisions to help us reach Ahch-To. We will take care of everything once we reach that point,” Finn explained. “Just some food, water and some light medical supplies.”

“And when do you wish to depart?” 

“Tomorrow if at all possible.” 

“I still don’t think that this-”

“Emila, I have spoken,” Cordella said with a bit more of a harsh inflection to her tone. “You would do well to remember your place. You may have permission to make small decisions when I am away, but when I am here, you would do well to remember not to speak out of turn.” 

Finn glanced between the two women, Cordella’s face was just as still as ever, but Emila’s jaw was clenched tightly, obviously upset, but silent after the harsh reminder of her position. 

“I will make sure you are ready to depart tomorrow morning,” Cordella continued, rising from where she sat, her beaded headdress swaying with her movement. “How is Master Skywalker fairing?” 

“She’s resting now, Your Grace,” Finn explained, eyes not leaving Emila. “Dameron is currently attending her.” 

“Will she be fit to travel?” 

Finn smiled, eyes finally returning to the queen. “I don’t think anything will stop her from going. She’s a little stubborn.” Finn could see a flash of a smile that quickly made way for the normal straight face. 

“I would expect no less.” Finn nodded in agreement. “I will stop by later this evening to check on her.” 

“I’m sure she would be more than happy to see you,” Finn said, rising to his own feet. “Thank you once more for your kindness.” 

“Please return to your crew, General. I will be in touch.” 

Finn gave a bow and Cordella watched as he left the throne room. She waited until the doors closed behind him before finally glancing behind her at one of her many handmaidens, straightening her shoulders with the conviction of a queen.

“I only carry the concern of our people, as I always have,” Emila explained to the expectant look that was shot her way. “They do not want to be part of this war that you are dragging them into so ungracefully.” 

“If we do not fight this war there will be nothing to fight for,” Cordella shot back, pushing some of the long lengths of beads over her shoulder so they were out of her face. “If we do not take this stand then we will fall to the power of the First Order. Their ideals are twisted. One person does not control the universe and those who are in it. It is up to the people to govern themselves. We must not lose this idea. If people can not decide for themselves, then we have failed each other.” 

Ben let out a deep breath as the door shut behind Wayzac, his shoulders heaving as he let himself fall apart now that she was gone. He couldn’t stop the whine that came with every exhale. 

He looked around the room that was bright with the lights still left on, unsure of what he was looking for. 

With all the consciousness he could find within himself, he released his hold on the chair arms, his fingers burning from how tightly he had been holding to the arm rests. He stretched out the fingers on his good hand and then glanced over at the new metal fingers. He straightened them curiously. He couldn’t feel anything through them, but they moved as fluid as his hand did before, but for some reason there was a small hint of sadness that this hand would never again feel Rey’s. 

It was hopeless. He had pulled at these restraints for what felt like hours as he had waited for Wayzac to return and finish her job. Why was he so weak? Why couldn’t he be better? Where was the force to help him now? Like it had ever done much before. 

He shook his head. No. It had always been a help to him. He had just chosen to ignore it. Maybe it would be kind this once and help him. If he just asked it for help, maybe he could get out. 

“Be with me.” Ben inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to call the force to flow through him. “Be with me. Be with me. Please!” 

“Why did you never use the word please at the dinner table?” 

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed. He knew that voice. So well. His eyes slowly opened and he felt his heart pound in his throat. 

“Your mother would have appreciated it, you know?” 

“Dad,” Ben choked out, feeling a smile spread over his lips. 

Han stood before him just as he had on the Death Star. Wrinkled and grey, but just as big of an asshole with that cocky half smile that Ben had inherited. “How ya been kid?”

Ben scoffed, but couldn’t stop smiling. “It’s strange that I can say that I’ve had worse days.” 

“Be trapped in carbonite and then we can talk about bad days.” He never stopped teasing. Han had never been able to not tease. His words were always sarcastic in some way or another, something that had always been an identifier with his father. He could pick out his father’s voice lightyears away. 

“I’ve missed you dad,” Ben whispered, his smile falling. “I’m so sorry-”

“I do not want to hear it,” Han interrupted, causing Ben to meet his father’s eyes once more. “Now is not the time for sorrys. There will be plenty of time when I see you again later. Hopefully not for a very long time.” Han’s smile was kind and warm, but slowly fell away as he glanced over his son. “You’ve gotten yourself into quite the predicament, haven’t ya kid?”

“Maybe a small one.” 

“And what are you going to do about it, kid?” 

Ben exhaled through his nose and glanced around himself before returning his gaze to his father who had folded his arms over his chest, expecting an answer. “It’s her. She’s going to use the Netherworld to...” Ben trailed off. “If her idea works, then there is no way we could stop her.” 

Without hesitation, Han repeated the same words. “And what are you going to do about it, kid?” 

Ben was quiet for a moment before finally finding his voice to answer. “I know what I have to do and I think I finally have the strength to do it.” 

Ben pulled at his wrist against the strap that held it down. He wasn’t sure if Wayzac had done something specifically to somehow make the strips of leather stronger or if it was just how tight she had made them, but it took all of his strength to finally hear the material tearing. 

Ben’s arm ripped free and he grimaced as the sudden jolt sent pain to all parts of his body. He unlatched his other arm and then leaned over to work on his legs. When he was finally free, a new found ache set into his muscles as he rubbed at his raw wrist. 

The room was empty once more, his father gone, leaving Ben with a new feeling of endurance to keep moving. 

He pushed himself up from the chair, but kept a firm hold on it until he was sure he had balance and then reached for his discarded jacket. He pulled at one of the sleeves that was already torn and shredded the fabric into pieces. One went around his arm where the blaster bolt had hit him, using his teeth to tighten the knot. 

The next piece he placed between his teeth, holding it firmly in place. He ripped a larger strip free and placed it around his thigh. He pulled across the scissor’s stab wounds and ground his teeth into the cloth with a moan. His hand shook as he tied off the makeshift patch. That would have to do for now. He didn’t have much else in the way of options. 

He limped his way to the door, barely able to put any weight on his leg. He placed his hand and let the scanner read his print. There was a beep of dislike from the machine and the door stayed shut tight. He tried once more only to come up with the same rejected sound and the door staying shut tight. 

“Shit,” Ben hissed as he stepped back slightly. Wayzac must have removed his prints from the system. Ben nodded and licked his lips, eyes flickering over the length of the door before he placed his palm against the metal face and closed his eyes. “Please,” he whispered, relaxing the best that he could. The warmth of the force licked his fingers as it passed through him and into the door. 

The airlock let out a breath and the door slid open. Ben limped out, hand resting against the wall for balance, a handprint being smeared as he stumbled along. 

It was strangely quiet, Ben noted as he turned down yet another empty hallway. 

Where was everyone? He had to have been picked up on the cameras, so where were the groups of ill-trained soldiers to drag him away? Where was the shattered woman with the fiery gaze? Where was his execution block? 

Ben stopped, leaning against one of the pipes in the walls to catch his breath through gritted teeth. He needed to find something to use as protection. The force was one thing, but you had to work with it. Use your strength and Ben wasn’t sure how much of that he still had left. 

His best bet would be to find his saber and he was pretty sure he knew where it would be. Would she be there? Would she be waiting for him? She had to know that he would try to get out sooner or later. She had to know that once he had enough strength back he wouldn’t sit there and let her torture him. 

He pressed on, each hall as empty as the last. Ben scraped all of the corners of his mind to try to come up with a reason as to why they were empty, but nothing gave him an answer. As far as he was aware, there weren’t any all-inclusive meetings that were planned and it wasn’t like a ship full of hundreds of people had suddenly risen up and vanished. 

Ben’s hand reached out to the door of his old room and he forced the door open before stepping inside. He stared, eyes wide at the mess that was once a very pristine room. The bed was ripped apart, sheets and blankets in tangled messes. Clothes littered the floor, thrown haphazardly every which way. And that mirror. That mirror that Wayzac liked to do her hair in. That mirror that once stood, polished like the purest crystal was nothing more than a broken cup. Mirror pieces scattered across the floor, Wayzac’s footprints present within the shards. 

Ben had always known that Wayzac had carried her own demons with her, but she had always been so untouched by anything of the sort. What had happened now? She had everything she had been wanting. Then why was she cracking just like this mirror? 

Ben had to tear his eyes away from the mess and look around the room. His eyes stopped on a particularly familiar object and he moved to it, taking the hit of the saber in his hand. He ignited it and the sunny yellow comforted him just the smallest bit. There was something that just felt natural to hold Rey’s saber that had been taken when she had been captured. 

He let the blade return to the hilt and strapped the saber to his belt. Wayzac most likely still had his on her and he didn’t want anything to do with attempting to get it back at this moment in time. She would kill him on site if she saw him. There was something so unhinged, so terrifying in her eyes. 

He forced the door open once more and stepped out into the hall. 

Once upon a time these meetings had taken place on the Death Star and one Starkiller Base, but those places were ancient history now and until Exegol’s throne room could be rebuilt to its former glory, and it would be rebuilt, Wayzac had to rely on holograms to send out her message. 

The display before was one of the largest holograms she had seen before. It filled the whole transmissions room around her and though the stormtroopers that stood at attention looked no larger than chess pieces, there were millions of them. Each one is loyal to a fault. Each one waiting for her order. 

Wayzac inhaled deeply, plastering a large smile onto her lips, doing her best to ignore the pull on her scarring that had finally been tended to. 

“Things have not been easy since we lost Snoke and our reign was betrayed by Jedi Master Rey Palpatine. We are all more than aware of the pain she has inflicted from having cut down our brave Emperor. But that pain has not gone unnoticed.” 

She felt like she was rambling, not sure anymore if her words held the conviction that they needed to. She wasn’t sure if anyone was listening to her, if any of them cared. How many would revolt? How many were already planning her downfall? How many of them wanted her dead? 

“Sadly, we have recently been informed of Kylo Ren’s whereabouts” Wayzac put on a concerned look. “He is currently in alliance with the fraction of Resistance that is still active. As the Supreme Leader, I have been working endlessly for a way to help bring the First Order back to the forefront of this galaxy’s mind and I believe that we finally have the answers that we are wanting.”

Her previous conversation replayed in her head. Some planet called Ahch-To was what her spy had said. Some uncharted planet deep in the Unknown Regions. Ben hadn’t been lying after all. Maybe Ben never lied, but Kylo did. 

“I know that some of you have heard of a place called The Vergance Scatter and some of you have not. We have been able to pinpoint the location of this place and intend to use it to our benefit.”

There was a stillness in the room around her at those words, the crew making sure the transmission stayed open, looking at her curiously. Some eyes were wide and others were confused. 

“I need all working ships ready to depart and all able-bodied men ready to fight by my side. The First Order will reign with the strength of armies never seen before in all of time and space and they will know our name for generations.”

Wayzac stepped away from the small platform she stood on and the crew ended the transmission, the millions of chess pieces disappearing. There was a tap on her shoulder and Wayzac turned with a frown. “What?” 

“Kylo Ren is no longer on board, M’lady,” the woman answered with a squeak, shaking with eyes avoiding Wayzac’s gaze. 

“Perfect.” Wayzac couldn’t help but smile at the news. 

“We’re just letting him go?” 

“It’s killing two Convorees with one blaster bolt,” Wayzac explained as she went for the door. “They lead me to the door for Vergance Scatter and then I can get them out of my way once and for all.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.  
> Thank you all for the kind comments on the last chapter!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps! Sorry again that this chapter and the next one are short. My uploads are going to be a little off for the next week or so. Next weekend I'm going camping and I don't think I'll have internet, so I might do an early upload during the week. And then the next weekend will be the weekend after my surgery. So I will try to get your guys a chapter up as well. It might be earlier in the week again, but I promise more chapters are coming.  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

* * *

The pain had lessened, but the markings weren’t fading. Rey stared at them for at least the hundredth time that day as she sat in her bed, back against the hand carved headboard. Her fingers braided and unbraided her hair again and again as she sat in silent thought. 

She had never felt his pain physically before through the bond. How much turmoil was he in that the space between them had bridged? Was he ok? She hoped he was. Her chest only grew tighter the more she thought of it. 

Rey wasn’t there to help him. Every time they finally had each other, there was something new that dragged them apart once more and she was tired of it. She had done everything in her power to get him from the Nether of Unbeing and she would do everything to get him back now. She just wanted to be at his side. Was it that horrible of a thing to want? What was so wrong with it that they seemed destined to always be apart? 

There was a knock on her door and Rey’s eyes met a kind smile from the Queen who was closing the door behind her. She looked as beautiful as ever in her over the top outfit. She stepped up to the bed and clasped her hands in front of her, eyes looking over Rey with concern. 

“How are you feeling Rey?” she asked, eyes falling on the markings over her leg. 

Rey embarrassedly pulled the leg of her pants down with a wince and sighed. “I’ll be fine.” 

Cordella nodded and thankfully let the conversation move on without prying more into Rey’s injury. “What are the plans Rey?” 

“Plans?” she asked with a small laugh. “They’re not going to let me go with them, are they?” 

Cordella smiled and reached up to remove the beaded headdress and let down her long hair, tossing the head dress into a nearby chair before sitting on the edge of Rey’s bed. “Do you think they’ll let you when you can barely walk?” 

“Of course they won’t let me go.” Rey grumbled, tossing her hands into the air with a smile. 

“They just want to protect you,” Cordella offered with a shrug. “And I can’t blame them. I am worried about you. I will not hide that from you.” Rey frowned and was about to argue, but stopped when the queen continued speaking. “But we all know you. We all know your love for Ben and all of us know that you’ll go no matter what.” Rey again tried to speak, but stopped once more. “So I suggest that we wait until they leave and we will follow behind them.” 

Rey stared for a moment, eyes wandering the girl’s face curiously. “We?” 

“Well, it’s not like they’re going to let me go either,” Cordella explained with another shrug and a half smile. “Something about them needing to be men and keep us safe or whatever it is they are thinking. So you and I will go. What do you think?” 

“I think you two are both crazy,” a new voice said at the door, making both the girls jump. Finn stepped into the room, closing the door behind him and came to stand beside them. “Poe and I aren’t stupid. We’re tired of trying to keep you two away. And you are our best. We can’t do this without you. We weren’t going to make you stay behind.” 

“You weren’t?” Rey asked in disbelief, moving to the edge of the bed and getting up. She limped to one of the four posts around the bed and used it as balance. 

Finn shook his head in answer. “No. Both of you are coming. We went into this together and we will get to the end together.” 

Rey smiled brightly. “When are we leaving?” 

“Tomorrow,” Finn answered with his own smile. “So I suggest the two of you pack.” 

“You’re in charge while I am away. I hope I won’t be long,” Cordella said as she packed some bare essentials into a bag that rested on her bed that was large enough to hold several people comfortably in it. Emila stood at the bedside, arms folded over her chest as she watched her friend pull things from her expansive closet in the corner. They were mostly her flying gear that she didn’t wear often anymore, having to trade them and dirty hands for elegant gowns and makeup. “We should be back soon if everything goes well.” 

“I think it would be better if you stayed here,” Emila offered, not at all helping Cordella with her work. “Your people need you here, not on some random planet-”

“Moon,” Cordella corrected with a smile towards her friend. “And I won’t have a people if we do not meet this threat head on.” 

“Why do you have to do it?” 

Cordella paused, hands in her bag. She released the jacket she was holding and finally turned her full attention on Emila. Cordella’s hands rested on her hips and she gave a deep sigh. 

“Why don’t you want me going?” Cordella asked firmly. “You’ve never questioned my reasons before.” Her hands fell to her side and she stepped closer to Emila who was avoiding the Queen’s eyes. “Emila, I have always valued your opinion and I have always respected your course of actions while I’ve been busy with personal matters. Why is it different now?”

“You invited these people who are wanted by the First Order and the First Order hasn’t hesitated to come find them here and you let them stay. You are asking for this planet to be blasted from the map. We’re going to be the next Alderaan!” Emila shouted, now speaking with her hands. “How can you not see that?” 

Cordella blinked momentarily at the outburst and it took a little longer for her to find her words than she thought it would. “I am doing this to avoid that becoming a reality.” 

“We should stay neutral.”

“We have never been neutral.” 

“We have also never been this idoitic with our outreach!” Emila reminded harshly. “We have never housed anyone in the Resistance and you are never in the city to hear the talk. They don’t want them here and I can’t say I blame them.” 

“We can’t sit here afraid and not help when we have every means to,” Cordella explained. “We have the resources at our disposal and I intend to use them.” 

“You’re walking into your death,” Emila pointed out. “I can’t let you do that.” 

Cordella smiled with a small laugh. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be back in no time.” 

“You went out for a few hours with them and came back at death's door.” Emila stepped closer and Cordella took an unsteady step back before returning to her closet to grab something else. “You had a hunk of metal sticking out of your side! You’re going to come back looking like Queen Amidala in her casket if you go with them.” 

Cordella’s fingers stilled on the spare pair of boots, the material rough against her fingers. “I’ve always felt like I was meant to do something, be something bigger than me.” 

“You are. You’re queen of Naboo. You have a chance to be bigger than you are right here, right now.” 

Cordella lowered her gaze to the floor with a sad sigh. Emila had a point, no matter how much Cordella wanted to fight it. She was the queen, she had all of the power to make things better for the people of Naboo by staying here. But... she had the chance to do something about the impending doom more than talk about it with a bunch of grumpy old male politicians who wouldn’t listen to her any more than they would their own children. 

“This is something I need to do,” Cordella said firmly. “I don’t care if this kills me, I have to go. This is where I’m needed. I need to be in that temple with Rey and Finn and Poe. I need to help save Ben and dismantle the First Order. That’s been the whole point of having them here.” 

“Ben?” Emila asked curiously. 

Cordella snatched the boots from her closet and went to shove them into her bag, a bit of frustration in the movements. “Kylo Ren, Ben Solo,” she explained, not meeting Emila’s judging eyes. 

Emila opened her mouth to speak but found herself at a loss for words. That’s what all of this was about? That traitor that had decided that he was on the losing side and had come back to beg for forgiveness; Cordella was going after him? 

“You can’t be serious,” Emila got out after a long silence. “After everything he’s done? You’re just going to forgive him like that and let him into this city and-”

“He is not blameless,” Cordella argued. “He is stained and broken and he has blood on his hands, but are any of us any different?” 

“Cor-”

“I’m not saying that he is in the right or in the clear. He knows that he has to answer for his crimes,” Cordella continued, ignoring the interruption. “He knows very well what awaits him at the end of this. And you should understand what awaits at the end of this if we fail. Which is why I’m going.” 

Rey stumbled onto the Falcon and Finn snatched up her arm as she stumbled. She gave a small smile and a laugh. “Thanks.” 

“Are you doing alright?” Finn questioned. “We’re still worried about you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Rey answered sweetly despite the fact that she was growing frustrated with how many people were asking her that. She understood that they were concerned, but there was someone more important than her out there that needed help and she wasn’t about to lose them. Not again. Not ever again. “Just more nervous about what we’re going to run into when we get to where we’re going.” 

“Everything will work out the way that it’s supposed to,” Finn assured. 

Rey smiled at the reassurance and Finn let her go so she could put her bag on the Falcon. She tossed it to the side and turned back to help with a few of the other bags. “Thank you for our help. I know that none of this is easy for either of you.” 

“It’s what friends do, Rey,” Finn answered, tossing another bag into the Falcon. “Besides, he’s helped us plenty. It’s the least we can do for him.” 

“She’s packed us a lot of stuff, hasn’t she?” Rey stooped down and picked up a bag that had some food in it and glanced through the contents for a moment. Her fingers trailed over a loaf of bread and she sighed. When did life get so crazy? When did this go from a boring, dreary existence junking on Jakku go to being the savior of the universe? She didn’t feel like the savior, but that was how everyone out of her immediate friend group treated her. 

“She just wants to make sure we have enough when we come back,” Finn explained. Rey glanced up at movement and a smile covered her lips at all of the bags moving into the falcon at once. She stepped out of the way and let Finn work. “I’ve been practicing.” 

Rey let out a laugh. “I can see that. You’re getting fairly good. Though I don’t know if the force was meant to be used to carry groceries.” 

Finn chuckled. “Probably not.” 

“Are we all ready to go?” Poe asked as he stepped into the hanger with a single pack on his back. As he got to the entrance, he tossed it inside, knocking over some of the neatly placed bags that Finn had put inside. 

“Just waiting for Cordella,” Rey answered, her hands on her hips with a deep sigh. 

“I’m here!” a happy voice called and the group turned to look at the teen racing into the hanger with her bag in her hand. Poe took it from her and they all entered the falcon, going to the cockpit. Everyone was settled and engines roared to life. “You can still throw us out, you know.” 

Poe chuckled as the ship rose from the ground. “I know better than that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Just because you can’t feel pain doesn’t mean that you’re magically fixed. You crash landed the ship into a house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the update for this weekend. I hope you guys enjoy! The next update will probably be Monday and we'll see how I feel after my surgery for the next one. Thank you guys so much for the kind wishes! Have a good weekend!

* * *

It unsettled Ben how easily he had been able to get off of the Finilizer. No guards. No alarms. And absolutely no Wayzac. Not to mention that it was an absolute blessing that the ship he stole had autopilot on it, because he could barely keep his mind focused on the controls. 

His vision swam and his stomach churned, needing to be emptied more than once. There was a fogginess in his mind that he couldn’t break though no matter how badly he wanted to. 

He was awake just enough to know where he was going, kept a hold of what he was doing and he so badly wanted to sleep and rest, but he knew better. He had to stay awake enough to get to safety. He couldn’t let his guard down, especially with the unnerved feeling in his veins as he kept thinking about how Wayzac didn't even try to stop him. It pumped through him like a drug. Anxiety, panic, dread. 

He wasn’t sure when or how he had arrived. It swirled through his mind. He was certain that he had made it Naboo, if the magical looking hallways had anything to do with it. He stumbled through them until he reached a large set of double doors and somehow found a way through them. 

There was a loud scream that made him wince as it rattled his head. His knees, as if knowing they were somewhere safe, collapsed beneath him and sent him tumbling to the floor. He could make out the sounds of voices and then hands on his body, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

The floor beneath him went soft and disappeared. It was hard to make out the details of the room after something with the brightness of the sun blinded him before giving way to static. 

Ben gasped, blinking in the brightness of the room and glanced around. The medical bay room was devoid of all beauty. Its walls were cream, not peeling or dirty, just cream. There were no decorations save for the limp curtain that surrounded the left edge of his bed and blocked off what he assumed was the rest of the ward. 

There was a distinct smell of chemicals in the air, something clean, something scrubbed within an inch of its life. Ben glanced down at himself and found a dingy hospital gown that had been washed a few too many times and was no longer a clean white. 

He could sense bandages over his arms and there was something stiff around his leg where his fingers could stretch out and touch the thick bandaging. 

He let out another deep breath, ready for a wince, but none came. No pain. He had been expecting something, even a little bit. He had been stabbed with a pair of scissors over and over again. There should be pain. 

As if sensing Ben’s thoughts, a voice spoke up, one he didn’t quite recognize. “You better enjoy it why you can. You’re only allowed a small portion of the good drugs.” 

He snapped his head to the side and grimaced at a sharp spinning that blurred his vision. He put a hand to his head and sighed before taking in the girl that was at his bedside. She was young and was sitting sideways in the chair, legs dangling over one of the arm rests of it. She was picking at her nails and didn’t spare him a glance. 

“Cordella?” he asked, voice gravely and throat raw. 

“Emila,” the girl corrected, swinging her feet where they hung. 

“Of course,” Ben whispered, running a hand through his hair. “Where’s the Queen?” 

“I am currently standing in, if that wasn’t clear enough.” Emila finally looked up and swung her legs so that they landed in front of her and gave her enough momentum to stand up in one fluid movement. “She’s away for the time being.” 

“Where?” Ben pushed. 

“You’re too weak to go anywhere at the moment, Solo. I would suggest not worrying over something so small.” 

Ben frowned. What was she playing at? This was serious. He needed to speak to Cordella right away. There was so much to discuss. “What about Rey? Where is she?” 

“With the Queen.” Emila stepped up to the side of the bed and Ben glanced over her for a moment. 

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?” Ben asked, eyes narrowing on the young teen. 

Emila hummed, feigning being lost in thought. “No,” she finally said with a firm nod. “You need rest.” 

“I don’t have time to rest.” Ben pushed the scratchy blanket off of his legs and swung them over the side of the bed. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” she warned, stepping back slightly as if to give him room to get up even against her words. 

“I will be fine. I need to find them. They’re in trouble.” Ben lowered himself to the floor, putting the weight on his feet. He took a step towards the exit and felt his knees buckle under him. Emila was swift to try to catch him, but stumbled under his weight. 

“I told you...” She struggled to get the words out as she pushed Ben back to his bed. “...not to.” 

He sat back on the edge of the bed and released his iron grip on Emila who stepped back with a huff and pushed her incredibly long hair from her face. “Thank you,” he muttered embarrassedly. 

“Just because you can’t feel pain doesn’t mean that you’re magically fixed. You crash landed the ship into a house.” Emila motioned behind her as if that was the direction of where he had crashed and he would be able to see it through the wall. “Luckily no one was inside. And then you come wandering into my throne room covered in blood and pass out. You have burns all over your body from something electric, your arm was shot open, your nose is broken, you have some weird metal hand now and then you have giant ass stab wounds in your leg? The doctors were shocked that you didn’t bleed out. One of them almost nicked the artery.” 

Ben wrestled with himself in an attempt to understand all of the information that she was giving him. He was searching as far back as he could into his memories, but the last one he remembered was finding the ship in the hanger and now he was here. 

“I guess it makes sense,” Emila continued on, her hands on her hips. “Rey had the same injuries on-”

“She’s hurt?” Ben demanded, his voice more urgent than he meant it to be. If only he could move from this damn bed. “Where is she?” 

“Whoa, hold onto your bolts there bounty hunter,” Emila said, head tipping to the side. “Now, maybe you could explain to me why you two would have the same injuries when she was nowhere near you.” 

Ben’s eyes widened, having not heard that part previously. He let the words sink in, a bit a guilt following along with them. She was hurt because of him. Was it ever any different? He was her bad luck charm. Everything that they did for each other left one of them hurt. But if she had the same injuries, then... Had she been there during that session with Wayzac? What all had she seen? What had she heard? 

“Rey and I have a very strong force connection,” Ben explained absentmindedly. His fists clenched at the sheet beneath him and he licked his chapped lips in thought. The memory was fuzzy around the edges as he tried to push through it. “It allows us to see each other in times of need.” 

“That’s very interesting,” Emila muttered curiously. “I’ve never heard of that before.” 

“It’s rare...” he trailed off, eyebrows furrowed. He could feel the medicine he was on beginning to wear off and a dull ache was beginning to set into his body, fogging his mind further. What was he trying so desperately to hold onto? It was like a dream that was slipping away the more he thought of it and he could only see the bare outlines and structures and no longer the full pictures. And it clicked, a light going off in his mind. “They’re going to Ahch-To!”

Emila’s eyes met his for the first time since he had woken and he knew he was right. She didn’t say a word, she didn’t have to. There was something in her eyes that said he was right. Something th.at said he shouldn’t even dare to try to go after them. But that wouldn’t stop Ben. It never had. He had tracked them across the universe many times before and he could do it again. In all honesty, who was better at it than him? 

Wayzac. 

Ben had to beat her there, he had to meet up with the others and devise a plan. He knew her better than any of them did. They might stand a chance, but it would be a better chance if he was there. 

“You’re not going,” Emila stated strongly, arms folded over her chest. “You know perfectly well that you are in no shape to travel.” 

“It doesn’t matter what shape I’m in,” Ben stressed, pushing himself back to the very edge of the bed so he could try standing once more. “What matters is the future of this galaxy and I need to be there to help.” He lowered himself back to his feet, hands tightly on the edge of the bed to stay upright. His leg trembled beneath him as an intense needle like pain filled his thigh. He took a shaky step and when his knees didn’t give out under him this time, he took another. “You’re not going to stop me?” he asked when he glanced up to see Emila staring at him in disbelief. 

“You’re not going to listen even if I told you not to go,” she commented, not bothering to help Ben either. Ben released the bed and took his first free step, only to quickly snatch back up his balance with the bed for guidance, metal fingers digging into the mattress. Emila rolled her eyes with a deep sigh. “All of you are the same. You’re all hard asses.” She stepped over to him and wrapped an arm around his waist awkwardly due to their height difference. He hesitantly placed an arm around her shoulder and did his best to not put all of his weight onto her small frame as she led him towards the exit of the medical bay. “You know,” she gasped out through the extersion, “it’s ok to be selfish sometimes.” 

“This is bigger than just me.” 

He scooped up the lightsaber that was with the rest of his damaged clothes, Rey’s weapon being the only thing useful to take from what remained. 

The way to the suite that Rey, Finn and Poe had been using was long and tedious, but Ben was walking a little better than before, grimacing as he moved. He would have to take some more medicine if he was going to be able to do this. He wasn’t exactly sure where to get it or how to take it, but without it he was fairly sure he wouldn’t be able to move. 

He found some of his things that had been left behind with everything that the other three had thought unimportant to take. He dressed and secured Rey’s saber to his belt before leaving Rey’s room and finding Emila waiting outside boredly, once again checking her nails.

“Alright, are we going to Ahch-To?” 

“We?” Ben asked, taking the back of one of the couches for balance as his leg gave a painful twinge. “This isn’t a _we_ thing.” 

“You can’t walk without someone there to support you,” she argued, still not looking up from the invisible dirt under her nails that was holding her attention.

“I’ll just take more medicine,” he offered with a shrug. 

Her eyes snapped up to him at that with an incredulous look in them. “I already told you that just because the pain is gone doesn’t mean the injury is, dipshit.” 

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed and he tipped his head to the side as he looked over the teen. She definitely had the beauty of Cordella, but her mouth was something else. “How are you Queen?” 

“I can wear a mask too, Kylo,” she answered coldly. “Now, where are we going?” 

Ben hesitated for a moment. If he told her she was going to come with him and if he didn’t, she would follow him. He wasn’t sure how he knew it, but he did. There was something defiant in the way she stood and held herself. 

“What about staying here?” Ben asked, still not wanting to give up where he was going, though he was pretty sure that he had given it away with his earlier outburst. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her- No. He absolutely didn’t trust her. There was something harsh about her, something out of place. “Didn’t Cordella need you here to take care of everything?” 

“I can go to a senate meeting somewhere else,” she replied. “They won’t miss me much.” 

Ben didn’t like that at all. It made him nervous. Why was she so ready to leave here? He had never spoken with Emila face to face, but he had met her once or twice when Cordella and him had their daily reports for each other. Emila was outspoken and strongly opinionated, which was not what was the problem. Ben had just never liked her. She was borderline rude and always seemed to allude to knowing more than she ever said, like she was mentally playing a game of chess and had to think three steps ahead in every direction. 

“We have a shuttle that we can ready and leave within the hour. You’re not getting out of here without me.” Emila crossed her arms over her chest, her hip jutted out to the side. Ben frowned. He wasn’t leaving alone. “I will make sure you have all of the medicine you need and will sneak you out. If I do not get to come with you, I have no choice but to make sure that guards are posted at your bed in the medical bay and you will not be allowed from that room until the Cordella returns and can order me otherwise.” 

Ben opened his mouth, but couldn’t find the words to argue with. He glanced down at his feet and sighed. He couldn’t get out of here without her help and he knew it. He couldn’t take more than a step without his leg giving out beneath him. He needed her. 

“Alright,” he finally sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Is the shuttle in the hanger?” 

“Don’t you need to pack something?” 

Ben took a few small steps around the couch, the pain bold and unrelenting in the disappearance of the drugs he had been on. His hand stayed firmly on the arm of the couch to stay upright. 

“Not unless you want food,” he replied, licking his lips and closing his eyes. 

“You’re hopeless,” she grumbled, her footsteps moving closer to him. She took his arm and helped him sit down on the couch and his hands took his thigh, around the stab wounds, and added pressure to the muscle to try to lessen the pain. “You stay here. I will get everything ready.” 

“I can he-”

“You are more hindrance than help,” Emila interrupted his offer. She took a deep and irritated breath, hands on her hips as if she were dealing with a troubling kid. “I will get you some more medicine and I will pack the shuttle. You stay here and rest like you’re supposed to, idiot.” 

Ben sighed as Emila left the room and rested his head back on the couch, tears stinging his eyes as he let out his first shaky and unguarded breath, fingers digging into the fabric of his pants. One of his arms went to his face and he bit down on the sleeve of his shirt by his wrist as his chin trembled, letting the full weight of the pain crash into him. 

Hot and smokey. Rich and blinding. Caustic and shockingly electric. 

He let out a loud sob, the sound reverberating around the empty room. And more came, only pausing for Ben to draw a quivering breath through his teethful of shirt that he only bit down harder on. 

His mind was trying to tear him apart from the inside out. Pain, guilt, panic, fear. His brain was pulling in a million different directions, all of them brilliantly bright and vivid, but at the same time foggy and out of reach. 

Ben’s metallic hand left his leg and went to his hair, taking a large chunk of waves and pulling them taut as if that would somehow help quiet his racing mind and in turn still his pounding heart. The new fingers were cold against his scalp, oddly out of place. 

With a large inhale, he let his teeth release and his now free hand turned into a fist and slammed into the back of the couch several times out of rage. Three large muted bangs and then the damp fabric at his wrist was back between his teeth as another loud cry tore from his throat. 

“Stop,” he begged himself, wishing he had enough control over his body to numb the pain. “Please stop. Please.” 

He closed his eyes, trying to refocus. This wasn’t the time to feel sorry for himself. This wasn’t a time to let his guard down. This wasn’t the time to let the events swirling around him like a hurricane control him. He was the power here and he had to be. He had to be strong, if not for him then for everything else. For the galaxy. For the Resistance. For Rey. 

Ben had never thought that his life would ever revolve around one singular person so much and that wasn’t a complaint. He had already given her his soul and he would do it again without question and not because it was the right thing to do and he finally had his path back under his feet. It was because he loved her. Ben loved Rey to the ends of time and space, which were possibly very fast approaching. 

Even though it seemed they continued to miss each other by mere moments and were constantly chasing after each other for the last year or so, they were close. They always had been. 

Ben could recall having felt a warm, summery, flowery impression about him when he was younger and again when he joined the First Order. Rey was that sunny disposition. She was that light that pulled him so earnestly from his tormented darkness and Ben wasn’t about to turn his back on that light again. 

Not now, not ever. And everything would be sweeter with Rey at his side, not as his Empress that he had envisioned once upon a time, but as the powerful Jedi that changed the course of the universe for the best. He had seen that future too, he had just been far too afraid to go after it because he hadn’t been in it. He was nowhere in her light where he forever wanted to be and hopefully somehow return the kindness to her that he was so undeserving of.

He took a firm, steadying breath and pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes until patterns were swimming in his vision, one hand more comfortable than the other. He lowered his arms and exhaled deeply past his lips and opened his eyes, blinking in the light. He sat up and wiped his cheeks clean of his tears before combing his fingers through his hair. 

“Were you crying?” 

Ben jumped and looked up at Emila who had her hands resting on her hips, eyes raking over him, calculating, judging. When Ben didn’t reply, she shook her head and tossed him a small glass jar. He caught it and glanced over it, bright orange pills greeting him. 

“Take one every two hours. It should help with the pain,” she explained with a boredness in her voice. She waited for Ben to take one of the capsules before moving closer and pulling him from his perch on the couch. She gripped him tightly around the waist and his arm was once again slung over her shoulder. He was heavy, heavier than Emila though he would be. “How long will it take for us to get there?” 

“If we travel at light speed, then hopefully within the day. We have to go across the Expansion Region and the Core Worlds before-”

“Don’t care anymore,” Emila interrupted in a strained voice as they finally reached the door of the room. “How long did I say it was before the pills kicked in?” 

“You didn’t,” Ben clarified. 

When they finally did reach the shuttle in the expansive hanger, Emila didn’t waste a second pushing Ben at a wall for balance, visibly tired from the long walk, her cheeks flushed and breathing hard. She went to the far wall where there were several looped straps on rectangular cut outs. She grabbed one and pulled, the pullout detaching from the wall and lowering into a cot. She then scrummaged around between where the head of the cot and the wall were before finding a lumpy looking pillow and a thin blanket and tossing them onto the cot. 

Emila moved back to Ben and took his arm, leading him to the cot and lowering him onto it. He lowered his head into his hands as his vision spun. “What did you give me?” he asked in a whisper, afraid that anything louder would make the room spin more than it was. 

“They might make you drowsy,” Emila answered somewhere to the side of him. “I would sleep if I were you.” 

“This isn’t drowsy.” Ben’s stomach churned. 

“I’ll get us to Ahch-To. You rest like you were supposed to.” 

Ben wasn’t sure how he got there, but his head was immediately against the pillow, the uncomfortableness of the cot somehow letting him sink into it as he slipped from the dizzying room and into a deep darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Daddy?” she choked out, hand trembling. Her hand went to her mouth. “I-I miss you so much! Please tell me-”
> 
> “It’s your fault,” he cut in, tone icy and not honey warm like it had been when she was little. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, you guys are the absolute best. Thank you so much for all of your well wishes. They mean the world to me. As a thank you, and because I shockingly found internet, I thought I would give you guys a bonus chapter. My beta was the bomb and got me a few chapters ready to post for you guys while I'm down and out. She's amazing and I don't know where I would be without her.  
> I will still be giving you guys a chapter on Monday as well and then I'll have to see how I feel when the weekend rolls around, but I will probs be drugged out of my mind. They're letting me have a controlled pump so I can drug myself. So that will be fun!  
> I hope you guys enjoy!

* * *

“Here,” Cordella said happily, holding out a decent sized stick. “Do you think this will work?” 

Rey smiled, taking the item from the teen’s outstretched hand. This would do the trick. It was thick enough to hold Rey upright without snapping under her leaning pressure. It fit comfortably in her hand and was a decent height. Rey took a step, using her new staff of sorts to support her weaker leg. 

Ahch-To was sunnier and warmer than the last few times Rey had been here previously, like the island itself was happy to see them back again in such a short notice, hungry for visitors. 

“This will work perfectly,” Rey praised Cordella with a bright smile before making her way back to the rock she had been resting on and taking her seat once more. Cordella took a seat beside Rey and glanced towards where Finn was busy practicing moving things about with the force. 

Finn caught on quick when it came to feeling the force and using it. Rey had always thought of Finn as a quick learner, especially after they had both fought Kylo on Starkiller Base. His movements were more fluid and easy, some enjoyment on his face. 

His ability to use a lightsaber was lacking though. It wasn’t that Finn couldn’t fight, he was trained extensively for most of his life after all. It was more the fact that he had been trained with guns and not sabers or staffs or anything within that nature. And the fact that she was missing hers and Ben was nowhere near them with his didn’t help Finn learn. 

Maybe when all the madness was over they would be able to focus on it more. It was only fair to Finn. He deserved something in his life now that Rose was gone. 

Rey knew they had been close. There had always been some sort of odd connection between the two of them, something a little more than friendship, but not quite lovers. And Finn had been a little under the weather since then. It was good to see him smile for once. 

There were footsteps from behind one of the huts and Rey glanced over to find Poe returning from the Falcon where he had been speaking with Connix. He was running a hand through his hair and sighed when he finally got back to the group. Finn left his practicing and came to join the small group as they waited for Poe’s announcement that was sure to be coming. 

“Connix says that according to the stormtrooper armor that we hid on the Finalizer, the ship is at the edge of The Unknown Region. They’ll most likely be here within the hour,” Poe explained with a deep and shaky breath. The way he stood held a nervous air about it. 

They were all nervous. None of them knew how this was going to work and none of them were certain if they would come out of this on the other side, but they would fight. The thought of the First Order being able to do anything with the Vergence Scatter was a terrifying idea, more so with Wayzac at the beginning of it. 

Rey’s gut was in a knot with the impending darkness that was sure to swallow them in the matter of a few minutes. And maybe they could have just let Wayzac wander this island for years and never find what she was looking for, but she would keep searching. She would never stop and who knew how many lives she would destroy that way if she got the chance. 

And this was bigger than all of them. If they could stop her here and now then that was exactly what they were going to do. It was worth the chance. And maybe history wouldn’t remember them, not that they wanted to be remembered, but the heavens would know that they fought tooth and nail until the end for the betterment of the universe. The heavens would know the pain and the struggle and how much they lost, the people they had lost. The universe would know even if no one left this island and if the island was never again found by anyone. 

Rey was tired. It was a deep exhaustion that had made its home in her bones. It was a tiredness that wouldn’t be solved with a good night's rest, though that wouldn’t hurt. An exhaustion that pulled her down and would only be helped once this whole ordeal was solved. She was more than ready for a day where she didn’t have to think about the world’s problems. She wanted a day where she could just be happy. Her, Ben, and her friends together without a care. 

Ben... Rey was sure the tiredness was also from worry over Ben. Lando and Chewie had seemed confident enough that he would be able to take care of himself, and he could, but that didn’t stop Rey from worrying. They had put so much into each other, something more than just the dyad. They were more than the dyad. But this battle was also so much more. It was more than both of them. It was more than finding Ben, though Rey couldn’t deny it would be a very amazing added bonus. But the galaxy came first and she was sure it always would between her and her friends. 

Rey was sure the others were just as spent as her. Both Finn and Poe had been with her from the very beginning, going after anything she had asked for without much of a fight. And Cordella had been more than happy to give them anything they ever could have needed to keep fighting this battle. They had been lucky to find protection, resources, help and above everything else, a friend. A friend who had given them all multiple chances and who had given them the benefit of the doubt. She was strong, smart, kind and the people of Naboo were fortunate to have her as their queen. 

There was also this unsettling feeling that she couldn’t shake from her chest as well as a deep pull somewhere behind her ribs, as if something wanted to move her in a certain direction and wouldn’t stop bothering her until she went to where it wanted to guide her. 

“...ey? Rey!” 

She blinked, pulled from her thoughts and shook her head. “Huh?” she asked, looking over to her friends who had been trying to get her attention. 

“Do we need to do anything else to be ready?” Finn questioned. 

Rey shook her head. “I think we’re as ready as we’ll ever be.” 

The mirror fragments glinted on the floor. They had taken a liking to their new home, having never been picked up. It was artistic in a way, how they caught the fluorescent lights when they turned on and danced with the movement around the room. 

The footprints still flowered among the shards, a deeper shade of red in their age, picture perfect in shape. They were a dizzying maze leading from the on suite bath and back through the room, disappearing at the door that led out into the hall, where they had been cleaned away. 

Wayzac sat on the floor, in nothing more than her under clothes, knees curled into her chest, at the edge of the mirror ocean. Her free hand’s fingers lingered, unmoving on the dirty face of a doll that had been long forgotten. A doll her brother had ruined, the only reminder of something that was happy. A once upon a time that had been hers once upon a time. 

She didn’t know how many hours had passed. Had it been hours or days? It didn’t matter whatever the answer was. She wasn’t sure if she would even care if it had been months. 

Was she pushing too hard? What was she going to accomplish by doing any of this? She didn’t have a plan for what to do once she was done taking over the whole galaxy. What came next? Where did she go when she had reached the top? For so long she had been struggling, pushing, fighting her way up the ladder by whatever means were necessary. So what came after she won? 

And she was spent. She was tired. She was running on empty and wanted nothing more than to hide away and sleep, but sleep didn’t favor her. It never had. Nightmares were ever present. They were normal. Nightmares weren’t the problem. She would be more than grateful for a nightmare if it meant she actually was able to sleep. 

Would it be wrong for her to run away? She could race to the very edge of the universe and keep going until it was only her, until she was safe. Would anyone miss her if she did? Could she escape this life that she had been building? Was it too late for something new, something better? 

“What if I don’t want this?” Her voice cracked and made her wince with how loudly it echoed back to her in this shrinking room. 

“Grow up,” a voice answered back in ridicule. The harshness caught her off guard and she released the hold she had on her legs to better glance around for the owner of the voice. “Stop acting so pathetic and feeling sorry for yourself.” Wayzac rose onto shaky knees, eyes flickering around the room panicked. She was alone. Where was the voice coming from? “You were always the weaker one between us, Lilith.” 

Her gaze finally fell downward and caught the image of a person among one of the larger mirror shards. Wayzac would know that face anywhere. The bright red hair with the ungodly sideburns. An ever present frown and those deep brown eyes that had come from their father. 

“Armitage,” Wayzac whispered, fingertips reaching out to touch the glass. She gingerly picked it up, bringing it eye level and staring. “I’ve miss-”

“You’re a disappointment,” he interrupted, his voice just as cruel as it had been, as she had always remembered it once he had risen to General. “You always have been.” 

“That’s not true,” she found herself arguing, her voice louder than she meant it. Her body went cold in a wash of inadequacy. It took everything in her to breathe, every ounce of strength to force the air into her tight lungs. “I made you!” 

“You made nothing,” Armitage hissed back, teeth bared and jaw tight. “Do you really think you were the one in charge? The one who got us to where we were? Did you really think that you were anything more than the daughter of a drunk?” 

“Stop,” Wayzac begged, eyes pricking painfully with tears, her own thoughts being shot back at her. 

“Did you think you would ever be worth more than the three credits mother mother paid for you? The men over paid,” he continued on, voice dark, eyes crazed in a way she couldn’t remember having seen them before. 

The words swirled around her and she felt like she was drowning, hand outstretched for a rope to pull herself up with, fingertips grazing it, but not being close enough to reach it. She was being pulled under, dragged down into the dark where light didn’t dare go because even light was afraid. 

“You’re wrong!” she shouted, hand clenched tightly around the sharp shard. 

“You weren’t born for great things, Lily. You will go down in hell fire like the rest of us.” 

“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!” Wayzac’s fist closed so tightly around the shard that warmth began to pool in her palm, burgundy dripping onto her bare knees and then the floor. 

“Pull yourself together.” This voice was new, but familiar. Wayzac blinked away the tears and was met with her mother’s reflection in the bleeding mirror, staring back at her with a crossed expression. “I did not raise you to be weak.” Wayzac opened her mouth to argue that she was never raised, but she couldn’t form the words. They were trapped in her throat, choking her, depriving her of the air she so desperately needed. “I did not make you who you are for you to give up before your job is done.” 

“I made me,” Wayzac shot back, the words finally in her mouth. “You were never there! Neither of you were!” She gasped, trying her best to suck in all of the oxygen she could as her head was plunged back into the icy depths of drowning. “I made this! All of this!” 

“Snoke made this,” her mother corrected harshly. “You are nothing. You will be nothing unless you finish this.”

“I don’t want to finish-”

“You’re in too deep now, Lilith. I don’t know what you expected.” Her own eyes staring back at her only made her chest grow tighter. “You don’t start something and not finish it. And unless you are the one who can write the history texts, then you will continue to be nothing more than the daughter of a drunk. History is written by the winners, darling. Not the losers.” 

“You don’t control me anymore,” Wayzac whispered, her strength gone from her voice. As much as she hated her mother, the words that had been said were not wrong. She was nothing, would be nothing forever. Was that so bad? “I’m not-”

“Lilith,” a third voice interrupted. 

Her breath finally stalled somewhere deep in her lungs as she stared back at a face younger than her fogged memories left her to believe. Dark hair that was cut like her brother’s hair been, a thick but neatly trimmed beard covered the lower half of his face, eyes that were the same deep brown as Armitage. 

“Daddy?” she choked out, hand trembling. The shard shook in her hand, unable to stay still. Her other hand went to her mouth. “I-I miss you so much! Please tell me-”

“It’s your fault,” he cut in, tone icy and not honey warm like it had been when she was little. 

“What?” Wayzac’s eyes searched her father’s for any form of comfort only to find nothing but stone walls. 

“You have to clean this up,” he pushed. “It’s your fault that your mother’s dead.” 

“I-I know it is-”

“It’s your fault that your brother is dead!” 

Wayzac licked her lips, tears rolling down her cheeks as his words sliced through her. That wasn’t true. She hadn’t killed him. She had been nowhere near him when he had been shot. It wasn’t her fault. 

“You weren’t there for him. He depended on you.” Her dad’s eyes never left hers, eyebrows turned down in anger. “You were supposed to protect them. Both of them! And now you’re dragging my own name through the mud!” 

A sob crackled through her throat, hand shaking only more the tighter it held the piece of mirror. She wanted nothing more than to scream. She wasn’t weak. She wasn’t the problem. She wasn’t what they said! 

Then why did it feel so true? 

“Daddy,” she tried again, her breathing shallow and rapid. “I didn’t-”

“It’s your job to fix this,” he yet again interrupted without so much as a care. 

“Dad-”

“You’re no daughter of mine.” 

The air was knocked from her, leaving her with the wide eyes of a child and mouth gaping. Her father had been the only part of her life where she could remember warmth. The only part of her life where she had smiled. The only part of her life where she was sure she had been, for once, truly happy. 

Wayzac wasn’t sure if she could take much more. Her heart was shattered like the mirror, torn to pieces and left to gather dust. 

Everything had crashed down around her before, but this was different. The whole floor had been swept out from under her feet and she was falling into nothing. Tumbling into a void for eternity. All that she had used as her strengths now nothing more than chains to hold her back. 

An overt, airy laugh ripped her from her mind and movement made her watch as young, pale hands snatched up the ragged doll from the floor. Bare feet stepped away from her and over the ocean of mirror, unbothered by the new trail of bright blood that was mixing with the dry. 

Wayzac slowly rose to her own feet, eyes carefully watchful of the figure that she would have sworn was a reflection if the looking glass hadn’t been on the ground at her feet. Her own image stood before her, not the disheveled looking girl that had been crying for what very possibly could have been hours upon hours. 

This Wayzac stood tall, dressed in her black uniform, hair straight and pulled back in a flawless bun. 

Her fingers played with the oddly chopped hair of the doll, not meeting Wayzac’s eyes. Her bright red lips were strained into a smile. 

“Pathetic much?” It asked with another snickering laugh. “Not even daddy dearest cares now, so you won’t mind if I...” With precision, It’s fingers wound around the neck of the doll and pulled. The sound of stitching being torn filled the room and Wayzac’s hand reached out towards the doll whose head was no longer attached to the body. Cold, clear eyes met hers and that smile grew. “Oops.” 

The doll’s body tumbled to the floor to join the spreading puddle of blood. Wayzac’s mind stopped. She couldn’t think, couldn't move, couldn’t act. What was she supposed to do now? Even that small faded memory was gone. 

“Now, Lilly darling,” It continued on with a sickly sweet tone that Wayzac shivered upon hearing. “It’s time to get to work.” Wayzac couldn’t find her voice, eyes stuck intently on the beheaded toy. “I’m not going to sit around while you ruin yet another thing in our lives. This is our chance.” 

Wayzac’s eyes finally left the ground and found purchase on her own scared face looking back at her. It's arms were now folded over its chest and it wore an expectant look. 

“Enough feeling sorry for yourself. For once, listen to your family,” It pushed. “You’re absolutely nothing, Lily.” 

“Nothing,” Wayzac repeated in a whisper. She couldn’t raise her voice any higher. She couldn't bring herself to do much of anything, just stare brokenly at this perfect image of herself that she had once been. So put together, so beautiful, so perfect. So fucking perfect. 

“And this is your chance to become something, isn’t it?” It’s smile turned to something genuine and kind. “To finally prove them wrong. All of them are wrong. Every last one of them!” Wayzac gave a small, barely there nod, a single foot moving her forward. The mirror was cold beneath her feet, but warmth was quick to push the cold away. “Because without this, you’re just that sad little daughter of a drunk. The daughter of a mother who sold her off for alcohol and death sticks. The daughter of a nobody.”

“I’m more than that,” Wayzac muttered, another step being taken. 

“No you’re not.” It laughed. “Don’t try to kid yourself, Lilly. You were more of something with Kylo Ren than you ever were alone.” 

“That’s wrong. You’re wrong.” 

A smirk pulled across those red lips. “I’m not wrong. I’m you. You are small and pathetic and worthless. It’s time to be someone. It’s time to do something for once in your life! Stop being so pointless for once in your life!” 

It was like something snapped in Wayzac at the words. Heat returned to her body and her blood rushed in her ear angrily, feet moving closer and closer. She wasn’t pointless. She wasn’t worthless. She wasn’t-

“You’re useless, Lilith. Unloved, forgotten, pushed aside. They never cared!” It said, voice stronger now, daggers in Wayzac’s chest. “You will never amount to anything if you don’t-”

Wayzac couldn’t take it any longer. She couldn’t keep hearing the degrading words said aloud that she already thought to herself on a daily basis. And she didn’t have to hear them now that she stood toe to toe, face to face, eye to eye with herself. 

Wayzac shoved the shard of mirror that was still clutched tightly in her hand. The glass pierced through the uniform and into It’s torso, just below It’s ribs. It’s eyes went wide and It gasped, hands going to meet the fresh blood that was beginning to pour from the wound. 

Wayzac twisted the mirror before releasing it and letting It’s body tumble to the floor, gurgling through strained breath. Wayzac breathed deeply for the first time in a very long time, hands wiping at the tears on her cheeks. 

She had to take care of this. She couldn’t stay like this any longer. She had things to do, places to be, people to remove from her path. She was not weak. She was strong and she would be strong until her last breath. No more tears and no more pity parties. This was her moment and she was going to take it. 

It didn’t take long for her to drag the body, still breathing, but with the rattles of death, into the on suite bathroom. Next came the mirror. With one of her jackets, she used the thick fabric to sweep the glass into a pile and then into the bathroom with the body. She wet her jacket in the sink and cleaned the floors with them until the blood was cleaned off of the shining black floor. 

Wayzac tossed the jacket into the shower and got under the sink for a med kit. She bandaged her hand and then cleaned her feet of glass and bandaged them with memorized motor skills.

With that checked off of the list, she returned to her room to dress. Boot, pants, long sleeved shirt buttoned up to the chin all in her signature black. Her eyes were no longer bloodshot or wet with tears. Everything was perfectly in place, hair long and curly, cascading down her back like a waterfall of flames. 

With a deep breath she turned back to the closed bathroom door and froze. Seeping from beneath the door was blood. A puddle reaching out to become a lake if she let it go too much further. 

Wayzac was about to go find something to shove under the door to stop the bleeding until she could take care of it, but a knock on her bedroom door and the sound of the airlock made her stop, fear clutching her bones. 

A commander stepped into the room, one of the many faces that Wayzac had seen on the ship before but had never bothered to put a name to. He was a bit taller than her, but stood small under her gaze. 

“Ma’am, we’ve reached the outskirts of the moon,” he announced, brushing blonde locks from his face. 

Wayzac cleared her throat and nodded, mouth dry. “Perfect. Get me a small selection of troops. We will be going in on smaller ships. Not everyone will be needed.” 

Could he not see? Wayzac swore she could almost hear the blood trickling outward across the floor. The man didn’t seem bothered by it at all. Wayzac glanced over her shoulder and found the dark red about to lick her boots. Her heart was screaming at her. He had to see. He had to notice. Why was he not mentioning it? Was it because he knew better? Did he know not to say a word to her because he would suffer the same fate? 

No. That couldn’t be right. His eyes had never left her. He hadn’t looked towards the bathroom. But why? 

“Is something wrong, Ma’am?” he asked, calling her focus back to his face. He was glancing behind her, following her gaze, but didn’t make any signs that he saw the blood. 

“No,” she finally answered. “Please ready the troops. I will be in the hanger bay in a moment.” 

“Very good, Ma’am,” he said, nodding before leaving the room, the door closing behind him. 

Wayzac exhaled deeply, a breath she had been unaware of holding in. She sharply turned back to the bathroom and stopped. The puddle was gone, all of the blood missing. Where had it gone? 

With hesitant steps, she moved towards the door and slowly opened it, glancing in. Her eyes widened, heart sinking. There was no body. No It, just a pile of broken mirror with her eyes staring back at her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben was cut off at a loud ringing sound from the blaster going off. He could feel the heat of the bolt as it passed by his hand, grazing at his wrist that held the saber. 
> 
> “That was a warning,” she informed him before stepping closer. “Turn around.” Ben glared at her darkly, unmoving. Her next words were loud and piercing. “I said turn around! Now!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Here is the promised Monday update! I go in tomorrow at like 6 am, so no idea when the next update will be, but here you are!   
> Thank you guys all again for the amazing well wishes! Love you all so much! Enjoy, and until next time, Happy Reading!

* * *

The light was brighter than what Ben would have liked when his eyes finally opened. He inhaled sharply as if he hadn’t been able to breathe for the last thousand years and sat up swiftly. His hands clutched either side of the cot he was on and he looked around at his strange mechanical surroundings. 

A ship? 

Ben slowly rose to his feet and took a careful step. He wasn’t sure why his body hesitated, but at a dull ache in his leg that made his knee give out he finally remembered. He was injured. He glanced down where his left leg strained a little more against the fabric of his dark colored pants than his right leg, the fabric of the bandage suddenly feeling itchy against his skin. 

With shaky steps, he made his way towards the front of the ship and found himself in the cockpit of the shuttle. The back of a head could be seen over the captain’s seat, hair long with a slight natural wave to it. 

“Emila?” Ben asked, voice rough from lack of use.

The young girl glanced over her shoulder and at the sight of Ben, got to her feet. She stepped over, eyes looking him up and down. “You look like you're feeling better,” she commented. “I told you, you needed to rest, idiot.” 

“Nice to see you too,” he whispered, trying to make his tone as sarcastic as he could. His eyes left her young face and went to the transparisteel ahead of them where stars were flying past in long white streaks across a black backdrop. “Where are we?” 

“We’re at the Unknown Regions,” she replied, turning to follow his gaze with arms crossed over her chest. She tipped her head to the side before glancing back at him through her curtain of hair. “I think I'll need help finding the moon or planet or whatever it is. I’m assuming you’ve been there.”

“Once,” Ben replied. He limped his way to the captain’s chair and took a seat, eyes moving over the controls in front of him. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to get his mind to focus on what he needed to do to fly the shuttle, but coming up foggy. “What did you give me?” 

“Pain pills,” Emila answered nonchalantly, coming to sit beside him in the co-pilot’s chair. He gave her an incredulous look and she rolled her eyes. “They were heavy duty sleeping pills. You were a wreck.” 

“I still have both of my kidneys?” Ben shot back, tone somewhere between serious and teasing. 

Emila stuck out her tongue at him. “Ha, ha, ha,” she answered dryly. “Aren’t we funny?” 

Ben turned back to the controls and rubbed at the back of his neck. His new fingers were icy and made him jump. It would take a while to get used to his new shiny hand, that was for sure, and Ben wondered if that was why his uncle had worn gloves so often. 

“How long was I out?” 

“Nine hours maybe?” Emila replied. 

“Nine?” Ben groaned at the thought. It was probably the most sleep he had gotten in weeks if he were honest. And oddly enough it was all thanks to Emila, though something deep inside him told him to still have his guard up. 

The shuttle eased out of light speed and Ben glanced around at the now still star systems. Yet again, Luke’s smug smile came to Ben’s head at the thought that his uncle again was correct in forcing him to learn the star systems. 

Emila pointed out which control to use and Ben easily guided through the surrounding darkness until the moon slowly, but surely came into view and they were eventually dropping through the atmosphere. 

The dark blue ocean that always looked like it was in the middle of a storm greeted them and Ben led the ship down to the ocean waves, following the curve of the moon until they came upon a small cluster of rocky islands. 

Ben circled them until he found the Falcon sitting where it had been the last time he had been on this island, on a rocky beach. His heart leapt at the idea that Rey was here. She hadn’t come back to the Finalizer but she had come after him after all. A back and forth dance that he was positive they would continue until they won out against the universe, until the cosmic being got tired of their fight to stay together. 

Ben landed the ship less than gracefully on the beach, sending both of them almost tumbling from their seats. 

“Smooth landing, jackass” Emila shot at him, straightening herself in her chair and pushing her long locks out of her face. 

“Just woke up from being drugged. I’m sorry if my motor skills aren’t what they normally are, your highness,” Ben answered back, just as annoyed. There were more pressing matters than fighting with a want to be queen. 

He got from the chair and carefully walked out and towards the loading dock. Emila opened the door, letting it drop fully with a crunch against the rocks before heading down to the beach without so much as a helping glance towards Ben. 

The downward slope pulled on tight muscles and made him wince, but the pain was extinguished as soon as his feet touched the rocky shore. There was that pull behind his ribs, a feeling he had almost forgotten. The tug was strong, trying to drag him towards the island and, he was sure, to where Rey was. 

“Where do we go from here Solo?” Emila questioned, looking a little cold in the mist that clung to the air from an already passing or just forming storm. 

“Up that path are the huts. They might be up there,” he offered, pointing in the direction that led up a hill. 

Emila sighed with one hand resting on her hip, the other resting on the butt of her blaster in a holster at her side that Ben hadn’t noticed, as she looked at the incline. It would be nothing for her but with Ben hobbling at the pace of an ewok Emila knew it was going to take some time to make it to the top. With reluctance, she moved over to the giant of a man and took her new position in supporting him and they began the long trek up the hill. 

Rain was beginning to fall, lightly at first but in harsh sheets when they had finally reached the huts. They were soaked through, hair clinging to faces, clothes heavy and difficult to move in. 

Ben glanced around the empty looking area and gave a small nod to himself. The lights were out in each of the huts and looked as though there hadn’t been anyone here for quite some time. 

“Now what?” Emila questioned, her voice louder now to be heard over the rain. 

“They’ll be in the cave,” Ben answered, hand wiping the rain from his eyes. 

“Cave, great.” Emila gave a nod, glancing around. “You mind telling me where to drag your ass?” 

“That way.” Ben thrust his chin away from the circle of huts and Emila grumbled, voice drowned out by the rain. 

The walk to the ledge was a decent trek and when Emila saw the drop they had to make, she glanced at Ben with furrowed brows that asked if he was being serious. He didn’t reply, simply pulled from her helping hold and sat himself onto the edge of the drop before lowering himself as far as his arms would allow him. 

With a determined breath, he let go of the edge of the rock and fell the last few feet to the rock beneath him. His leg cried in dislike at the sudden pressure, but he stayed upright, stumbling slightly. Once he had his balance back, he held out his arms to Emila who still stood at the edge. 

“I don’t like heights,” she finally said, arms folded over her chest. 

Ben chuckled. So there was emotion under the jerk. “I’ll catch you. Come on,” he called over the rain to her. She shook her head and took a small step back. “Emila, come on.” He motioned with his already upheld arms and she sighed heavily before lowering herself in the same way she had seen Ben do. She dropped and Ben’s hands took her waist to guide her to the ground. “See? That wasn’t too bad.” 

She didn’t reply, just moved to the next opening in the ground where dark vines were clawing themselves out in a mass of tangles. 

“How did you know where to go?” 

“Rey showed me,” Ben replied, following Emila to the hole. He glanced over at her and found her with an apprehensive expression. “There’s water at the bottom,” Ben explained. 

“Good thing we’re already wet,” she muttered before using her arms as momentum and throwing herself down into the darkness that awaited them. 

Ben followed, a shock flowing through him at how cold the water was when he hit it and the oddity that one of his hands didn’t feel anything at all. He broke the surface with a gasp, pushing his hair out of his face, rain still falling on him. He swam over to where Emila was treading water and sputtering. With her attention now on him, he nodded towards the shore where a large mirror like wall waited from them. 

Ben pulled himself from the water, glad to be out of the rain. He reached out a hand to Emila and pulled her up as well, before getting to his feet shakily. He glanced around, breath hanging deadly in the air. 

The pull in his ribs was undeniable, but there was no one else here. Or not that he could see anyways. He took a few steps towards the blurry reflections and stopped at a nagging feeling in his chest, something more in line with the force than his own gut feeling. 

His hand went instinctively for Rey’s saber at his hip and he turned to find Emila with her blaster trained on him. He pulled the saber free, ready, but didn’t ignite it. His eyes were tightly on Emilia's, hoping that maybe this was a misunderstanding. 

“What are you doing?” he asked, taking a defensive stance despite the pull in his leg. “Put that away, you’re going to hurt someone.” 

“Don’t move,” she instructed, voice somehow more firm than what she had been using before. There was something regal behind it and Ben supposed it was from filling in for Cordella when the time occurred. 

“Emila-”

Ben was cut off at a loud ringing sound from the blaster going off. He could feel the heat of the bolt as it passed by his hand, grazing at his wrist that held the saber. 

“That was a warning,” she informed him before stepping closer. “Turn around.” Ben glared at her darkly, unmoving. Her next words were loud and piercing. “I said turn around! Now!” 

Ben could have fought. Under any other circumstances he would have. Klo Ren, no matter the state, would have. Ben was taller, larger and had a weapon, not to mention years of training in the force, but he knew he was in no condition to fight her. With his leg the way it currently was and his arm stiffening from all of the work he was putting on that older blaster wound, he had to save his energy. 

He clenched his teeth, breath hot from his nose, but obeyed, turning his back on her. In moments the barrel of the blaster shoved roughly against his spine, Rey’s lightsaber being ripped from his hand as the motion made him tumble forward a step. 

“What are you doing?” Ben questioned. Maybe he could buy time. For what, he wasn’t sure, but he could feel Rey’s presence now closer than it had been before. She would do something. 

“Getting rid of you and then the Resistance,” Emila answered, keeping the blaster pressed hard enough into Ben’s back to keep him off balance so she could force him to the ground if he decided to turn on her. His arms were out to help stabilize him. “And then Cordella.” 

Ben gave a confused look. “Why?” 

Emila grinned. “You brought war to Naboo. The way I see it, if the problem is removed- you being the problem of course- then Naboo will be back to the way it was. The way it is supposed to be.” 

“And you get to rule it?” Ben questioned, looking around the dark edges of the cave for any form of purchase on Rey, her light almost blinding his senses, the tug in his ribs unbearable. 

“Naturally. No one can tell the difference between us anyway.” There was a smugness in her tone. “I just didn’t have the means to pull it off until I met Irwilig.” 

Ben’s eyes widened and he tried to glance back at Emila, but a jab to his back made him stumble forward once more. “You were the spy.” 

“I thought that would have been obvious. I didn’t think you would buy the story about a funeral. I had gone to see her. And she was right about you, you know,” Emila taunted. “You’re blind to everything you don’t want to see.” 

“You really think she will help you?” Ben demanded, desperate to try to somehow make the teen see the mistake she was making. 

“We have a deal, her and I. Bring you to her, I go back to Naboo and she ignores us for the remainder of the war.” 

“And you don’t think she’ll come after you in the end?” he pushed, eyes finally falling on a shape in the shadows. “Wayzac will burn your planet to the ground just like she will the others.” Ben’s words were hushed now. “She will not rest until everyone is as miserable as her, and that includes Naboo.” 

“I don’t need you to tell me what the future holds,” Emila nearly shouted. “I know what the future holds, and you are not going to mess it up for Irwilig, Naboo or me.” There was a pause in her words and she exhaled deeply, pulling herself back together before speaking again. “Open the door, Solo.” 

Ben blinked at the words, caught off guard by them. “What?” 

“The texts from your mother’s room said that without those damn broken keys, only force users can get into the Vergence Scatter,” Emila explained. “Now open the door.” 

Ben scrambled for a way out, any excuse he could use to stop this, stop her, stop everything. “Listen to me, there’s a monster in there-” 

“Yeah, yeah.” The interruption was sharp and harsh. “Only you can see and hear and that’s because it’s only after you. It will leave the rest of us alone. You’re the bait. Isn’t that sweet?” Ben couldn’t help but shiver at the sick tone her question held. “Open it.” 

_The rest of us?_

Ben’s eyes trained harder into the shadow and he could finally make out more than one shape. He understood. They had planned this all along. Wayzac had this thought out from the beginning. Letting him escape, leaving a ship for him, having him land in the hands of her spy. It was to get him here, to have him lead her here. Only, Wayzac hadn’t been expecting Rey to see his confession. Rey was now just a bonus to her plan. A means to an end. 

“Benny, darling,” came a voice from the shadows. There was a struggle and a whimper and Ben watched as Wayzac entered the dim lighting of the cave, a handful of Rey’s hair pulled snug and a blaster pressed against Rey’s chin. 

Rey’s bottom lip was busted and black and blue, her arms were tied in front of her and her head was pulled at an odd angle. The neck of her shirt was stretched out like it had been tugged in multiple directions and she looked like she was favoring one leg over the other, the same leg as Ben. 

Wayzac towered over Rey and in the small illumination she was looking like half a corpse and half a goddess. Her face was taut, skin stretched over her cheek bones. Her skin was sickly creamy pale white against the blackness of her clothes. The scar over her cheek was pink and looked just as fresh as the day he had given it to her. Her scorching red hair was down for once, in all of its natural curly glory, hitting down at her thighs. Her normally crystal clear eyes were cloudy and dark, something swirling deep inside of her. She was unnaturally beautiful and terrifying to take in. 

“I am certain that the situation is perfectly clear here, don’t you think?” Wayzac continued on. She gave another violent tug on Rey’s hair and Rey’s eyes closed tightly, another whimper escaping her lips that were now sucked between her teeth. Ben’s heart twisted, his body wanting nothing more than to race forward and snatch Rey free. “Either you open the door or I shoot her. Now let’s be adults and do the smart thing.” 

Ben glanced over to the mirror, stomach churning. He licked his lips as his mind battled over what was logical and what his heart wanted. He couldn’t win either way and he knew exactly what Rey would want him to do, but he wasn’t sure he had the strength to bring himself to do it. 

Ben must have waited far longer than what was wanted because Emila didn’t hesitate kicking out the back of his knee. His knees buckled at the assault and he tumbled to the ground, catching himself on his hands and knees. A pained moan escaped him at the jolt that went through the stab wounds. His eyes watered and his breath hissed through his teeth as he tried to suck back in the air that was lost to him. 

“I guess I didn’t make myself clear, Ben,” Wayzac hissed somewhere off to the side of him. “Open the door or I will kill all of them.” There was movement and Ben blinked away the tears to find Poe, Finn and Cordella, each being held captive by two stormtroopers, one on each arm. Cordella was the next closest to Rey, Finn beside Cordella and Poe on the other side of Wayzac. 

“Don’t do it Ben!” The voice that called out to him surprisingly wasn’t Rey’s. It was Cordella who had spoken. There was a swift, blurred movement and Ben’s eyes widened, trying to take in what had happened. Cordella dropped to the ground and Wayzac placed the blaster that had connected with Cordellla’s head back under Rey’s chin. 

“Hey!” Poe shouted, trying to race for the girl. He struggled against the two that held him, the sound of armor loud in the cave. “You touch her again and I’ll-” His shouts were quickly silenced at a bright beam of light from behind Ben. Poe moaned through clenched teeth, body falling slack in its fight at a bolt from Emila’s blaster. A deep red seeped into the fabric of Poe’s shirt from somewhere around his collar bone. 

Wayzac laughed, something unhinged. “That was fun, wasn’t it?” she asked, nodding to the troopers to pick Cordella back up. She was dragged back to her feet, a trickle of blood coming from her hair line and down her cheek as she was held back at attention. “Let’s not make this too exciting just yet. Ben, open the door. I’m not going to ask again.” 

Ben inhaled deeply and unsteadily rose back to his feet. He took several limping, barely supported steps until his hand was pressed against the cold face of the rock. Panic was beginning to set into his blood, racing to every inch of his body. 

He didn’t know what to do. He had no idea how the others had opened the door before. He didn’t know if it had taken all of them or just Rey and he didn’t know what the big black, swirling mass of ancient monster would do to him once the pathway was opened again. 

More worrying than the creature on the other side of this rock was Wayzac. She had never been quite right, but this wasn’t her. There was something so primal about the way she held herself now. Something had snapped inside of her and he really didn’t want to find out what. 

There was also no telling how long she would keep all of them alive once the door was open. The plan was to leave them for dead, wasn’t it? That was what Emila had implied and Ben wouldn’t put it past Wayzac to kill them the moment she had what she wanted. Her restraint was nearly extinguished. 

Would it be better to end it here and now? If they were bound to die once the door was open, it would be more logical for him to keep the way closed and they would all die here, Wayzac with no more leverage and no more options. 

There was a cry and Ben’s head snapped back to see Rey desperately trying to pull away from Wayzac’s grip, but Wayzac’s hold on Rey’s hair kept her tightly in place with tears running down her cheeks. “Ben,” Rey gasped out. “Please.” 

Ben didn’t have to second guess the meaning of the words. He turned his attention back to the wall and closed his eyes, focusing as hard as he could on letting the force flow through him. Whatever the reason, be it making the pain stop, protecting her friends or possibly having a better advantage once the path was open, Rey wanted Ben to follow Wayzac’s orders and he wasn’t about to go against her wishes. Maybe she knew something he didn’t. Whatever the reason, he had to try. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you remember Cole?” Wayzac inquired, gripping Ben’s hair tighter in her fist. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.  
> The story of how I'm doing will be at the end.  
> Enjoy!

* * *

The Force was an odd feeling. Most times there was a gentle warmth from it, a power. Other times it was a cold strength. And just recently, while trapped between life and death, the Force had brought a pain with it. This was different. 

There was a heat, something akin to the scorching sands of Tatooine concentrated in palms and fingers pressed against a cold rock wall. It gripped in round about ways up arms like Dianoga tentacles. A molten core within rib cages. A strong backing against both legs. 

A splintering sound filled the cave and caused those standing around to wince and take steps back as if they could escape the noise around them. The spider web crisscrossed haphazardly over the mirrored rock, a brilliant light shining through each new clawed crack. 

Ben’s eyes were shut tight in concentration, of trying to find his way through the heat burning his body. The intensity made his mind fog and he had to fight to stay present and awake. 

_Please,_ he begged silently to himself. _Please don’t let me fail them again._

Something pressed against Ben’s hand and pulled him from the fog in recognition. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know the spirit behind him. Uncle Luke’s presence was strong and familiar. Ben had grown up with it. As he had with his mother’s, somewhere to the other side of him, a sweetness. The roughness was his father, Ben was positive it was. But the last two that had appeared were different. 

A power like unto a Queen stood beside him. Something far more royal than even his own mother, though she felt like a mother just the same. A warrior that could take command, but a voice that still understood. A spirit that could never be tamed. Someone taken too young, but loved by millions. 

The last was something he had sensed before. A troubled darkness swirling with a rich light. A mix of good and bad, though Ben knew the darkness better than the light. Life. Death and decay, that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence. 

A balance. 

Anakin. 

A family. 

His family, completely behind him, letting him know he was finally in the right. This was what he was meant to do, meant to be. He was finally on the right path and there was nothing that was going to stop him. People telling him that he was forgiven as far as they were concerned and now it was his and Rey’s turn to be the balance that the force needed. 

Just as suddenly as they had come, the feeling of each left and Ben was drenched in a coldness that leeched the strength from his body. He tumbled to the freezing stone ground beneath him, breathing hard and heavy, fingers outstretched over the ungodly black floor of the Netherworld of Unbeing. 

Rey instinctively took a step forward as she watched Ben’s tired form crumble among the falling splinters of rocks. A fierce tug on her hair pulled her flush against Wayzac’s body. There was something a little sharp that bit into Rey’s back, but she brushed the thought aside as Emila strode over to Ben and took the back of his shirt, pulling him up onto his knees with a strength Rey didn’t think the teen would have. 

“Move your feet,” Wayzac instructed with a hiss that made Rey’s ear tickle and forced Rey forward. Rey couldn’t hold back a small cry as her leg collapsed under her, the fingers in her hair being the only thing keeping her upright. "Stop that. Walk." 

"I need my walking stick," Rey muttered for what felt like the hundredth time since she had been captured. She could feel the annoyance radiating off of Wayzac but she consented and nodded to one of the several other stormtroopers to fetch it for her. 

Once balanced, Rey did as instructed, awkwardly limping her way into the Vergence Scatter along with all of her friends. 

Her eyes flickered around the vast emptiness that awaited them with an endless number of decorative portals in white swirling patterns. The nearest looked to be a fiery wasteland with lava rivers that had burnt everything to a blackened crisp. Another held the picture of deep space with a star that looked to be collapsing in on itself as it died. On and on they went, but that wasn’t what Rey was looking for. Her eyes were searching through the darkness for those monstrous eyes that would be watching them, waiting to get to Ben who she was sure was in no position to fight. 

There didn’t seem to be any sign of the creature though and that brought Rey more worry than comfort. 

Wayzac finally came to a stop in front of the hellscape portal and Rey could feel the heat of it against her back. She wasn’t sure where this was going to go, but she knew she wouldn’t like it. Finn held himself tall, but Rey could tell he was annoyed and waiting for a moment to take action. Cordella still looked a little dazed and Poe was glaring silently at Wayzac, teeth still clenched tightly in pain. As for Ben, he was back on his feet with a blaster still pressed into his back from Emila. There was frustration around him like a thundercloud, blood running hot like he could take on the world despite his current state. 

There had to be a way out of this, Rey just had to make sure it was timed perfectly. That everyone knew exactly when to jump into action. They were all waiting for her next move and she hoped that it would come to her. 

“You two, come take her,” Wayzac instructed and Rey felt the burning relief of her hair being released before her arms were seized up by the cold hands of two stormtroopers, her walking stick clanking as it fell to the floor. Even as Wayac stepped away from Rey, the blaster stayed trained on her. Wayzac walked past the group several times, a tense silence around them as they waited and waited for something to happen. She finally stopped beside Cordella and glanced over her for a moment. “It’s really beautiful the way that you fight because you don’t know how to die quietly.” 

The whisper was enough to make Cordella shiver in disgust, but she was grateful for the whisper all the same. She wasn’t sure if her pounding head could take words at full volume. Those cold eyes on her did nothing to ease the anxiety that was building in her chest. Wayzac’s eyes lingered for a moment more before she left Cordella and passed Poe, heading to Finn. 

“And you,” she says as she stops in front of Finn, blaster still carefully trained on Rey. Finn scowled. “You were born a leader, no throne or crown needed. Why do you think you rose through the ranks so quickly, FN-2187?” At the mention of his name, his eyes darkened. “You were a fast learner, a bright trainee. If you find yourself alive at the end of this, you should expect some conditioning to bring you back to your full potential.” Wayzac smirked and pushed back a laugh in her throat. “I wouldn’t hold on too much hope though.” 

Her head turned to Rey and Rey returned the harshness that waited there for her. Wayzac stepped over and the barrel of the blaster was pushed against Rey’s right temple. Rey didn’t flinch. “And you, Rey Palpatine,” Wayzac said softly, her voice still carrying through the empty space around them. “I bet you’re thinking that you can make it out of here with everyone and go on your merry little way, and even if you can’t you need to.” Rey didn’t budge as the pressure on her temple increased. “Because we both know you’re special. A dyad, a balance, and the universe would be in ruin without you.” 

“Why are you doing this?” Rey asked softly as if to not disturb the poison in Wayzac’s blood. “Because you weren’t fed love on a silver spoon?” 

“I’ve learned to lick it from knives,” Wayac shot back with a twisted grin that only accentuated the scarring over her lips. “And no. It’s not because I wasn’t loved as a child. It’s because this is what I deserve. The universe is what I deserve. It is my birthright and I am here to claim it, unlike you. You were too weak to take it, just like your grandfather.”

“Monster,” Rey hissed, blood boiling. 

“You can call me monster,” Wayzac whispered back, unphased by the insult. “But I think we both know that you were far too caught up in being a nobody to be a somebody and I am not making that mistake. I will write history and you will be the one erased, not me.” 

Wayzac stepped away and glanced over her final target. She positioned herself in front of Poe whose nose was scrunched up in hate. “Pilot Dameron, the king with no crown.” Her free hand that was chaotically bandaged took his chin and forced him to look up at her. “I’m wondering which will get you killed faster, your loyalty or your stubbornness.”

“What do you mean?” he asked as curiosity gripped him. She roughly turned his head to look in the direction of Ben who looked just as tense as the rest of them were. “What about him?” 

Wayzac’s smile only grew and she laughed. “You can’t tell me you don’t remember what he did to you.” 

“He’s done a lot of things to the Resistance,” Poe defended, unsure of where the woman was going with this. 

Her grip released Poe and she strode over to where Ben stood, snatching up the collar of his shirt and dragging him closer to the group. Ben’s face twisted to one of pain as he almost hopped to stay in pace with her. Emila followed a step or two behind, watching calculatingly. 

She pulled at Ben’s shirt so hard that he finally stumbled and fell to his knees in front of Poe with a pained groan. Ben inhaled heavily through tight teeth before his head was forced up by the same hand in his hair that had been holding Rey’s. 

“Look at him, Ben. Really look,” Wayzac instructed. “You can’t tell me you don’t see it.”

“What is it you’re wanting me to see?” Ben gasped out, eyes watering. 

Wayzac stood there for a moment longer, allowing the situation to boil a little longer in enjoyment. She was going to get rid of all of them, every last one, but what was the point in doing that if she couldn’t have any fun first? 

“I have to say, I think the family resemblance is a little uncanny, don’t you?” Wayzac said, again trying to hint at what she wanted from the two men. 

Poe’s blood ran cold at the realization of what she was doing. Poe had already decided to let the incident go as it seemed that Ben hadn’t recognized him or just didn’t remember. Poe didn’t think it right, but there was no point in having the hardship between them when he was as close to the Resistance as he had gotten. 

“Do you remember Cole?” Wayzac inquired, gripping Ben’s hair tighter in her fist. 

Ben’s heart pounded in his chest and his eyes widened, flickering over Poe as realization slammed into him. How had he not noticed? How had he let the name slip past him? Maybe it had to do with the fact that Poe was so big in the Resistance and as a pilot that Ben had never put the two names together. 

And the family resemblance was there, clear as day. They had the same nose, the same jaw, the same eyes, the same curly hair. Ben’s gut twisted with guilt and he fought to find the right words to say. What could he possibly say? What could Ben ever say to make up for that death? Why hadn’t Poe ever brought it up? 

Or maybe Poe had in a roundabout way that Ben hadn’t placed. Poe had been so harsh with him when they had first officially met, when Ben had tried to make amends. He finally understood the anger and the hostility. 

And Ben didn’t have an excuse for killing what he assumed was Poe’s brother. Ben had been angry at the betrayal of what he felt had been his closest friend. That was why he had made Cole his second in command. The loyalty was unwavering until that night and Ben couldn’t see past the sick feeling in his stomach when a Knight of Ren stood against his leader. 

“No apology?” Wayzac taunted. She released Ben’s hair, but Ben didn’t dare move. “That’s a little disappointing, don’t you think Poe?” Poe didn’t reply and Ben stared at the man’s boots, unsure if he could meet Poe’s gaze at the moment. 

“Just a bit,” he replied, his words strong. Ben winced. “I’m a bit sad that I don’t get to take care of him myself.” 

There was a new feeling that washed over the room and Ben’s head shot up to look at Poe in question. He knew he deserved it, but the way all of the other’s tried to move forward made Ben nervous. What was Poe doing? They could have it out after they dealt with Wayzac. Ben wouldn’t even fight. Why was Poe falling for her provoking words? Was Poe really as hot headed as Ben thought he was? 

Wayzac waved her hand and Ben watched in confusion as Poe was released hesitantly from being held. Ben took a look over his shoulder and saw Wayzac shrug in response. She was going to let it play out, watch Poe kill him and then what? The others wouldn’t stand by and let Poe get away with it, would they? 

Poe stretched out his arms, a stiffness in them from the odd angle they had been held in. Poe stepped past Ben and moved to Emila, snatching Rey’s saber that she still had in hand. Poe glanced over it, finding the activation lever before igniting the blade. It hummed to life, the yellow blade casting a reflection in the cold dark floor. 

The back of Ben’s shirt was seized and Poe yanked the man to his feet. Ben stumbled at the new momentum and direction and did his best to keep up. Ben could see fear in the faces of Finn and Cordella as he passed them, each straining against the hands that held them back. 

Ben was tossed forward and stumbled, falling to the floor again, this time beside boots he recognized as Rey’s. She wasn’t looking at him though, her steel gaze was sharp on Poe. It was difficult for Ben to get back to his feet, but once he did, he faced Poe head on. He could admit he was wrong, but he wasn’t going to die on his knees if he had the choice. 

“Poe,” Rey said harshly. “Stop this.” Poe simply shook his head and looked over the lightsaber in his hand, the blade humming with the movement. “Poe-”

“No!” Poe shouted, making everyone jump with how fierce the word was said. “I am not letting this opportunity get away!” The anger was shocking, something similar to Kylo’s rage filling the room. “He killed my brother and he deserves to pay.” 

“And he will when this is over,” Rey assured, voice broken and begging. “Please Poe.” 

“You should know better Rey. He has always run away from his problems. The moment we are done here is the moment he disappears for good.” Poe was pacing now in his familiar movements. “The universe deserves justice and if this the only justice we get, I will be praised in the afterlife! The man who finally killed war criminal Kylo Ren!” There was a long pause before words that would haunt Ben for the rest of his life were uttered. “ _I expected better from you.”_

Ben didn’t have time to think as the yellow blade was hurtling towards him. He waited for the searing pain that came with being stuck by a lightsaber, but none came. He could feel the heat radiating off the blade from his right side and there was a crunching of stormtrooper armor, then again on his left. 

With a harsh push to his chest, Ben stumbled back into Rey and Poe watched as both of them tumbled out of sight through the portal behind them with nothing more in it than lava rivers. As quickly as he could, Poe let the blade close and he tossed the saber through the portal as well. 

A pure cutting pain filled Poe’s back as several blaster bolts entered him and he dropped to the floor, unmoving.

“Poe!” came Cordella’s shriek as she fought to get away from the two troops that still held her in place. She had to reach him, make sure he was ok, protect him like he had protected her. Her feet weren’t moving though. She was being dragged into the opposite direction. 

With a strong pull, Cordella felt her captors' vice grip fall away as their bodies were tossed across the vast, never ending room. 

She searched around desperately for what had caused the odd movement and found Finn, breathing hard with a hand outstretched towards her. 

She gave him a nod of thanks before sprinting to Poe's collapsed form. She dropped to her knees and slid the last few feet to him. 

Cordella couldn't stop her hands from shaking as she reached out and rolled him onto his back. He groaned at the movement and Cordella's heart didn't feel quite so tight now that she knew he was still alive. He was unconscious, but alive. 

There was a pressure against her head and Cordella tumbled over, a bright white light exploding behind her vision. A suffocating pain assaulted her from all directions as she tried to gain her bearings. 

When the white faded back to her dark surroundings, she could see her twin looking back at her as if waiting for her to make a move. Emila causally paced, slow and calculating, like a rancor waiting for its next meal. 

Cordella’s head was swimming once more and she tried to push herself up onto her knees, her arms trembling under the weight. Emila’s boot pressed into Cordella’s shoulder and with a simple push Cordella fell back onto the black floor, dizzy. 

Emila squatted in front of Cordell with elbows on her knees and watched as the queen tried again to get to her knees as the stream of blood that had stopped began to run down her face once more from the second blow to the head. 

There was a crash of armor and Emila looked over her shoulder to see the dark skinned one throw another two out of the way and through a portal that had a large sandpit in it. 

“Not so tough now that you don’t have a room at your beck and call, are you?” Emila mocked softly, finally turning back to Cordella. 

The queen growled and tackled Emila, the blaster flying from her hands, Emila’s head slamming hard into the floor. Cordella tried to race after the fallen weapon, but a hissing red light halted her, Wayzac’s feet in her vision, Ben’s lightsaber flickering angrily by Cordella’s face. 

Her breath was heavy and sharp as she slowly followed the beam of light and straightened up. The girl flinched as the blade swung upwards, but no pain came. Her eyes flickered open, growing wide at the sight of Finn holding off Wayzac’s blade back what looked like Rey’s discarded walking stick. 

“Get the blaster and get Poe out of here,” Finn ordered through clenched teeth, shocked at how strong Wayzac truly was. 

“How are you doing that?” Cordella asked in no more than a whisper. It shouldn’t have been possible. As far as she, or anyone else was aware, lightsabers cut through anything but other sabers, so what was stopping this measly stick from being sliced through in seconds? 

“Go!” 

Finn’s tone jolted Cordella so much that she snatched up the blaster from under Finn and turned back to find Emila slowly getting up. Cordella scrambled to her feet, almost falling back to her knees as she made her way back to Poe. Her hands worked as quickly as she could make them to get a good hold on Poe and hoist his arm over her shoulder so she could pull him upright. 

A broken sound of pain came from his throat and he collapsed into the teen who struggled under the new weight. “I’ve got you,” she assured him though she doubted that he could hear her. Her feet were knocked out from under her and her, Poe and Emila rolled across the floor. 

Wayzac rolled her eyes at the interaction that was happening behind Finn’s back. Maybe the old saying really was true. If you want something done, you have to do it yourself. Wayzac didn’t need Emila anymore. Emila had played her part dutifully and it was time for the girl to go and whether it was by Wayzac’s hands or one of the others, Wayzac didn’t care. As long as those in her way were cut down. 

She would dispose of all of them, every last one of them, save for this interesting man in front of her. Sure, Cordella was strong willed and Poe was a gifted pilot and had drive and goal, Rey was stubborn and Ben was loyal, but FN-2187 was a different machine altogether. There was something special about him. How else had he been able to turn this pathetic excuse for a staff into a weapon to go up against the lightsaber that Kylo Ren had poured all of his malice into? 

Wayzac would keep FN-2187 alive. She would break him, destroy everything he loved right in front of him and then build him back up the same way that Snoke did to both Kylo and her. She would make FN-2187 Kylo 2.0. A weapon that obeyed orders, a weapon without a mind of his own, and she would harness this power for her armies. She could have ruled the universe with Kylo and his force at her side, dark and dangerous, but with FN-2187 time and space would be hers. 

Finn’s foot began to slip on the slick surface of the ground beneath him and he quickly dodged to the side, leaving Wayzac off balance enough to take a few steps forward. She turned back around and Finn blocked the wild thrust at him, the force making his arm go numb as he focused all of his strength into the only thing he had to fight with. 

Finn waited for Wayzac’s next move, unsure if the stick in his hand could do much more than block her advances. He watched as she repositioned her long curls out of her eyes, jaw tight in anger and curiosity. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Finn caught movement and turned just in time to catch another trooper with a blaster aimed right at him. With his free hand he swiped in the air, using the trooper to knock Wayzac off her feet and skid across the floor. 

Wayzac easily rolled back to her feet and without a second thought shoved the lightsaber through the chest of the trooper. If he was going to be in the way then she was going to take care of him. 

Finn’s eyes widened as he watched her kill one of her own just like it could be replaced, just like they had always been replaced. Anger pooled in Finn’s blood, traveling through his veins at speeds that matched the ferocity in Wayzac’s eyes when she turned back to him, stance ready to continue their dance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I would like to say, thank you so much for all of the well wishes. They have done wonders for me.  
> I haven't been very well, which is why it has taken me so long to post.  
> The surgery went well, but afterwards was not so well. I am so lucky that they allowed my mom was allowed to be there or I'm pretty sure I would have probably been in a coffin, no kidding.  
> In overweight people, the anesthetic that is used lingers in the system far longer than it does for people who are not overweight. This causes the lungs to stop working and therefore I stopped breathing multiple times. Your oxygen levels should always be at 90/100 or higher, or your oxygen is too low. And I guess that it's very common for overweight people to go home after surgery, fall asleep and never wake back up due to their lungs not working. The medical staff should have known this.  
> Mine continued to drop to below 70 and my alarms would go off, but none of the medical staff would check on me. My mother luckily was there and would wake me up and fought for me to get a better oxygen machine when the medical staff would not allow her to stay the night with me. The medical staff did not believe my mother that my oxygen was dropping and said that their machines were wrong.  
> The next day when she was allowed back in, the nurses took me off of all of my oxygen and I passed out and became unresponsive. They didn't believe my mom when she went to tell them and it took them a long while to wake me back up.  
> Then they wouldn't allow me to take home any oxygen devices even though my oxygen levels were barely at 90. My mom took me home, and my aunt, who is a nurse, brought me a bunch of oxygen for me to breathe. So for the foreseeable future, I have to sleep with oxygen so that I won't die. And no one at the hospital seemed to care one bit.  
> I have been pretty sick since then. I am slowly doing better, but am still out of it. I owe you guys a chapter though. And also, my beta has been having issues with work and so she's not sure when she can have the next chapter edited for me.  
> But I hope you all enjoyed and I will do my best to get the next chapter up soon.  
> Love you all very much! Thank you again for all of your comments and well wishes. Until the next chapter, happy reading.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wayzac smiled...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. My poor beta has been having some issues with work because of the pandemic and so she hasn't been able to edit this chapter for me. If it has more mistakes than usual, I am super sorry.  
> More personal updates at the end.

* * *

The rocks his fingers clung to desperately were razor sharp and hot from the molten rock below him that gurgled and bubbled and threatened to splash at his legs. His feet searched for purchase on the face of the cliff he clung to but only slipped against the smooth rock. 

“Rey?” Ben called, looking back up to the ledge that was a good couple of feet above him. There was no answer. “Rey!” 

The rock beneath his silver fingers gave way without him knowing it had moved until he was dangling by one hand, staring down into the lava of Mustafar. He swung his body back to the cliff, hand coming to take the small grip he had with his other hand. 

Ben glanced again below him and sighed deeply. He had been on this planet before, but this was a different time, a different moment. The Mustafar he had been to had been healing after Vadar’s reign, his grandfather’s castle only ruins after years of neglect. 

This reality was different, Ben noted as he glanced over his shoulder. Beyond the smoke and ash the castle stood tall and daunting with two great pillars that scraped high into the sky, a single large laval fall pouring from the base of it. 

Something clasped around Ben’s wrist and his attention was torn from his surroundings to Rey who had lowered herself part way over the ledge with a determined look on her face. Rey pulled and Ben let himself release the small grip he had, using his feet as best as he could to his advantage until his other arm was able to find a hold on the main ledge and he could hoist himself up. 

Rey lied on her back, breathing hard and Ben collapsed beside her, licking his lips and closing his eyes as he tried to catch his own breath. He sighed as her fingers slid into his hand giving him something solid to hold onto. 

“This isn’t done yet,” Ben said into the space around them, the words hanging in the air. 

“Not by a long shot,” Rey agreed. 

Ben’s eyes opened and he sat up, Rey following along. He watched as she scooped up her lightsaber from the rocky floor and Rey looked over it for a moment before taking in a deep breath. 

“12,983, right?” she questioned, her big brown eyes meeting his. 

Ben smiled slightly at the mention of a long ago conversation he had thought would have faded away by now. “12,983,” he agreed, forcing himself to rise to his feet. He held out his hand and Rey took it, letting him help her up. “Ready?” 

“Ready.” 

Rey passed through the portal with a new found strength in her body and Ben ganced once more behind him at his past, swearing that somewhere off in the distance he could see the flash of two distinct blue lights, one that called to him in a familiar way. 

Ben shook his head and limped through the portal, his leg not wanting to move from all of the exertion. The ache made him wish he still had some medicine in his system, even if it was just enough to take the edge off. 

Before Ben even had a chance to take in what was going on around him, Rey was already giving orders. “You go after Poe and Cordella, I’ll help Finn.” Rey took a step forward and felt a hand snatch up her arm. She glanced back at Ben who had his eyes set firmly ahead of them, not at the battle, but somewhere behind it. Rey followed his gaze and was met with the swirling black mass of the ancient creature whose eyes burned like the fires of a sun. “What do you want to do about that?”

Ben almost laughed at how calm Rey’s voice was, because calm was not the feeling that was twisting his guts. Ben had been hunted by more than enough people and aliens alike, but this was a different monster all together. 

“It’s after me. I’ll worry about it,” Ben answered, eyes finally going to the battle that was waging in front of them. “Help Finn.” 

Rey broke from his grip and he watched for a moment as she raced to her friend who was holding his own against Wayzac. Finn had come a long way since Starkiller Base. 

Ben took a deep breath and gave one more look towards the monster before breaking into a sprint towards the other group of three. Poe’s body was cast aside and one of the girls was atop of the other, hands at a throat and legs flailing. 

Ben could feel the weakness in his leg as it shrieked with each wobbled step, but he couldn’t stop. There was a low growl from somewhere behind Ben and the floor trembled with the beast’s running steps. 

He wasn’t going to make it to them in time. Ben’s weakened run was no match for the giant’s gate. His mind scrambled for an idea, for anything as the teen on the floor’s legs had stopped kicking. Ben took a centering inhale and channeled the force forward, dragging the one girl off of the other and across the floor. 

The ground was lost under Ben at a swipe of a paw and he lurched forward, slamming back into the hard floor, air stolen from his lungs. He was coughing before he stopped rolling and sputtered as he tried to catch his breath and get to his feet at the same time. 

His eyes landed on a discarded blaster and he reached towards it, gasping as the air returned to his blood. The blaster shot from the floor, fitting smoothly to Ben’s hand and he turned, firing a shot off at the creature, barely avoiding the nightmarish teeth that snapped at him. 

Rey did her best to push aside the pain that was cutting deep into her thigh and ran as quickly as her legs would carry her. A horrible snarl filled the Nether, but Rey didn’t dare look away from her goal. She had to focus on this task, here and now. This was what was important and Lando had been right, Ben could take care of himself. Rey knew that, she just didn’t want to take the chance to lose him again. 

Rey watched as Finn stopped Ben’s saber blade above his head and was taken aback at the item he was using to fight. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around the concept of something other than a saber being able to stop another saber. She had never heard of anything else aside from Mandalorian armor and Rey was more than positive that the stick was made of nothing more than plain wood and not beskar.

Wayzac’s foot kicked out the back of Finn’s knee and Finn crumpled to the ground, arm grazing the spitting red blade. He groaned, clutching his arm to his chest as the stinging burned brightly. Finn was pinned down as a boot dug into his chest. There was a flash of yellow and the pressure was gone. 

Wayzac tripped and took a few quick steps back, her mind taking a moment to think through the fog that was gripping the edges of her vision. A smile came to her mouth as she finally focused in on Rey, standing tall and blocking the way to FN-2187. 

Wayzac really had been hoping that she would have a better chance to go after Rey, though she wasn’t sure if Poe had actually sealed their fate by knocking them through the portal. And if she was being honest with herself, it really hadn’t been a fair fight to tie the young girl up, but then again it wouldn’t be a fair fight now. 

Wayzac struggled to catch a breath and her stomach gave a painful twinge at the movement of her lungs. She wasn’t sure what she had done to hurt herself, but she could deal with that later. Right now it was her and the Jedi, a fight that would no doubt shadow Kylo Ren’s training spars and Wayzac was more than excited to oblige. 

“I hope you surpass the sad excuse of the name Palpatine,” Wayzac taunted. 

Rey’s teeth clenched, eyes narrowing as she focused herself, grounded herself in the force. “I already have.” 

Wayzac didn’t waste any time taking the first swing. Rey blocked it easily, creating an open space and a fist connected with her face, sending her staggering back. The dull pain didn’t set in right away, the surprise catching her off guard more than anything. As Rey slashed away another strike shot at her, it finally occurred to her that Wayzac was using anything at her disposal that she could. She wasn’t force sensitive and Rey couldn’t help but be amazed at the control she had over the weapon in her hand that must have been fighting to return to its owner. 

Rey thrusted and Wayzac dodged out of the way, snatching up Rey’s wrist and yanking Rey forward and off balance. A heat blazed up Rey’s back and she arched with a cry through her teeth, eyes watering at the slice of Ben’s saber. 

“A little rusty, are we?” Wayzac asked.

Rey turned, breathing hard, hair clinging to her face with sweat and looked over Wayzac. She looked so perfect, not a hair out of place, not out of breath. This was her element. Violence and war was Wayzac’s home and she thrived in it. 

There was movement out of the corner of Wayzac’s eye and she seized the stick that Finn brandished at her, now back on his feet. She ripped it free of his grasp and tossed it aside before taking several steps back to get both Finn and Rey in her vision that was again blurring. She shook out her fingers that were growing numb and inhaled a sharp pained breath.

Rey held back, watching Wayzac carefully. She would go after Finn. It was the only logical move. Finn was weaponless and Rey could block him now from how close together they were. 

Wayzac took a swift step forward, arm up. 

“Finn!” Rey called, tossing her weapon across the several feet that still lay between them.

He caught the hilt, ready to block the attack that was coming at him, but froze as Wayzac’s attention was focused completely on Rey who now stood weaponless. Wayzac was smarter than either of them had thought her to be. She had planned to go after Rey the entire time. 

Rey flinched, hands out defensively, acting instinctively at the sudden turn of direction. The saber’s hum was harsh as the blade stopped dead in the air, Finn holding it in place with an outstretched hand. 

Wayzac growled angrily and shut off the lightsaber, the blade retracting before moving position to strike at Rey again. She ignited the saber and brought it down to only once again be stopped by the bright yellow, Finn now protectively in front of Rey, causing Wayzac’s blood to boil. 

Cordella coughed and choked for air, the hands that had been holding a tight pressure around her neck no longer there. The queen rolled to her side hoping to gulp as much cool air into her lungs as she could. 

She would have to thank Ben later for the help. 

She spotted him a ways off, firing intently at nothing. But as the bolts disappeared in mid air, Cordella knew it wasn’t nothing. That beast that they had all spoken about in the months prior was here and Cordella knew that Ben was a powerful force user and strong, but he didn’t stand a chance. If the way he had been limping earlier had been any indication, Cordella needed to help, only there was someone standing in her way. 

Cordella got to her feet and glared at Emila who was making her way back to finish what she had started. Cordella tried to swallow the feeling of betrayal rising in her chest. Emila had been her friend. They had had the same goals and the same passions with politics. They had clicked so easily from the moment they had first met. Emila had been the only person that Cordella could confide in, the only one who understood the demand and the pressure and she wished she understood what the breaking point had been. 

Emila paced around Cordella and Cordella simply followed the movement, unsure of what was to come next. Neither of them had weapons and Cordella was ready to claw her way out of this if that was what it came down to. She had loved Emila like a sister, but for once Cordella had to think of herself first instead of the universe, her people and her friends. 

Cordella’s gaze dropped to Poe as he moved and it seemed like Emila had stopped as well, back to the sandy portal, to watch the wounded pilot put on a show. 

Poe rose to his feet and placed a hand to his head as the room swam in his vision. He fought through the darkness that wanted to claim him. He had to. He had to protect Cordella and then his friends, they were all he had left in the world and he desperately hoped his earlier actions hadn’t fucked it up. 

Poe carefully staggered over to where Cordella stood and turned to Emila, not sure what he could possibly do to help, but ready to fight all the same. They were getting out of this, he was going to make sure of it. 

“It’s really sweet how much he cares about you,” Emila said, pushing her long hair over her shoulder and out of her face. “A little sickening.”

“Stop all of this Emila.” Cordella’s voice cracked like she hadn’t used it in years. “Please come home with me. We can fix whatever you’re upset about.” She hoped her words would get through to her friend. They had to, Cordella had never wanted anything more in her life than to not fight her friend. She knew the moment all of this was over things would go back to the way they had been. She would be sitting on a throne all day and attending meetings that were important, but were boring beyond belief and she would be alone. Utterly alone with not even the Resistance there to keep her company. Everyone would be gone. “Come back to Naboo with me.” 

“I am not going to take any more of your orders!” she shouted back, anger in her features. “I am done being second and being backseat to all of your wrong decisions. I will fix this, all of this and Naboo will thrive instead of wilting under your rule.” 

Emila raced forward, but halted suddenly, a scream ripping through the air. She lifted her hand up to her face where blood was pouring rapidly. Cordella glanced behind her and could see Ben aiming another shot at Emila with the blaster and letting the colorful bolt fly. There was another scream of pain as blood began to rush down from her wrist to her elbow and glistened as it hit the floor at her feet. 

Poe and Cordella glanced at each other. They knew this was their chance. They had to take advantage of the situation. In one swift and confident motion both Cordella and Poe ran full speed at Emila, colliding with her and knocking her back. 

She tumbled through the opening and into the hot sand, gravity pulling her further into the pit. With terror gripping her heart, her fingers hopelessly clawed at the sand that only carried her further into the pit like running water. 

Cordella watched, guilt flooding her chest as her friend tumbled down through endless rows of teeth of the sarlacc that waited there hungerly for whatever meal decided to take a dive. Tears stung at her eyes, but she pushed them back. 

A hand took her shoulder and she glanced up at a battered Poe who had a look of understanding in his eyes, something that said sorry. But he had nothing to be sorry for. They did what they had to do and they weren’t done. They couldn’t dwell on the moment, there would be time for processing later. For now there were others in danger. 

Poe tried to turn but couldn’t find the floor with his foot. His body fell forward as his vision faded in and out. Something caught him and he could feel himself slowly lowered to the ground, it cold against his heated skin. Hands brushed his hair back and he did his best to focus on something other than the pain that was continuing to flood his system. 

Cordella’s form swam in front of him. 

“I need you to hang on for me,” Cordella said hastily, the words garbled and almost indistinguishable to Poe. Cordella glanced around at the two ongoing battles raging. Finn and Rey looked like they were faring well enough to be left alone for the time being, but Ben was being knocked about like a rag doll, barely able to stand now. She growled, feeling torn between trying to help Poe and going after the others. “Just stay awake for me.”

“Go,” Poe instructed weakly with as much of a smile as he could muster. When she didn’t move he tried to chuckle, but it turned into a deep cough. Cordella winced and her fingers dug into the fabric of his sleeve that she held onto. “Go,” he repeated once he could catch his breath. “That’s an order.” 

With a decided nod, she rose to her feet. “Yes, General,” she shot back teasingly before running towards one of the many bodies of stormtroopers that lay about no longer needed. She snatched up two of their discarded F-11D blaster rifles and sprinted towards where Ben stood, blaster tossed aside either from being lost from his grip or being out of power, both hands outstretched in front of him, strain on his features. She couldn’t see the object that he was fighting, but it must have been strong for Ben to look so stretched to the limit. “Ben!” she called as she neared. 

He glanced over at her as his feet slid across the ground, being pushed back by an invisible force. She threw one of the rifles towards Ben and then skidded to a halt, aiming towards where his hands were pointed and shooting. The bolt flew through the air and just when Cordella thought that maybe it would keep going, it stopped. 

Ben caught the rifle and immediately shot, the bolt being dissolved into the monster he held in place. He had to come up with a plan, something, anything to get this mass of swirling ink to stop. Even if it was for only a moment, he had to do something. 

He knew Rey and Finn were both amazing fighters, but there was no way they were going to stand a chance against Wayzac, even if she was unstable. That only made her worse. He couldn’t spend all his time being the bait, not when he could try to help not only Rey and Finn, but maybe Wayzac too. It was a long shot, but he had to try. Anyone could be saved. They weren't lost forever, he had learned that the hard way. 

Ben took a precious moment to glance at the portals all around him. There had to be something in one of them. His eyes stopped on a frozen wasteland landscape littered with AT-ATs and AT-STs. His uncle’s words filled his head immediately, one of his many stories that Ben had thought he had elaborated on to make himself look good. 

_In the Battle of Hoth, I suggested using the tow cables on the snowspeeders to bring down the At-Ats. The cannons on the speeders weren’t enough firepower to take them down._

“Cordella,” he called out to her. She paused her fire and turned her attention towards him. “I’m going to let go of this thing.” Her eyebrows furrowed and she glanced back towards the monster, though she saw nothing of it. “I don’t know if it’s going to come after me or not, but I need you to shoot it while I run to that portal over there,” Ben instructed, motioning to the open door with the rifle in his hand. “Do you understand?” 

“Absolutely.” Cordella gave a nod. 

“Ready?” Ben asked, licking his lips and readying himself for the run. Cordella gave another firm nod in answer, rifle back up and ready to shoot. “Go!” 

Ben released his hold on the force, his arm tired from the energy that had been flowing through it. He turned away from the creature as it’s giant black paws finally found traction on the floor to race after him. 

Ben raced as quickly as he could towards his destination, the hot breath of the beast behind him. He dove through the gateway, teeth gnashing at him and narrowly missing. 

The snow was rough and cold against his body, having been frozen and not fresh powder. His breath hung in the air as he sat up and scrambled to his feet in case the animal had somehow followed him into the ice and snow. With a deep breath, he saw that the monster had now focused all of its attention on the queen, who looked to be holding her own decently well. 

He grabbed his rifle from the snow and turned to the scene playing out in front of him, a scene from his past and he had an odd feeling wash over him of being so close to his uncle and mother, but still not being able to see them. 

Three At-Ats were marching towards the Rebel base, firing at them to take out their shields. Ben knew the outcome of this battle. The Rebels were victorious, but that didn’t mellow the tension in the air. 

Ben raced for the base, feet sinking into the snow with each step, legs burning with the effort put into each step. 

Each step the At-At’s took creaked from the metal adjusting to the cold air. Each were so tall that Ben had to crane his neck to see the tops of them as they walked on all fours. The sound of their blasters firing echoed through the frozen air as red beams shot at the base and trench of people outside of it trying to ready their own guns. 

Ben finally reached the edge of the base just as a conductor was blown apart. The explosion shook the ground, Ben tumbled slightly with his arm up to protect his head from falling debris. His legs gave a sigh of relief as his feet hit the solid ground of the bunker and he raced down the hall in search of the hanger where he knew the snowspeeders would be flying out of any moment. 

He rounded a random corner and rammed into another hurried person, tumbling to the floor. Ben groaned as the pain radiated up his leg as he tried to get back to his feet. He bent over to pick up his rifle when delicate hands snatched it up before he could. 

“I don’t have time for this,” he grumbled, reaching out for the rifle that was held out of reach and then aimed at him. Ben stopped, eyes going wide as he came face to face with a younger looking mother than what he had grown up with. His mouth hung open as he stared at her, Leia looking jostled and upset. 

“Who are you?” she demanded. Ben scrambled to try to find the words, but nothing came out. “Who are you? You’re not part of the Rebels. I know everyone on this base.” Leia then jerked the gun as if trying to get his attention with it. “And this looks like some kind of modified stormtrooper weapon, so who are you?” 

Ben licked his lips and glanced around the surprisingly empty hall for what was meant to be a monumental fight. There was a low boom that echoed off of the walls as the base shook from another impact. 

Leia tripped and Ben took the moment to steal the rifle back from her and race away, unsure of what else exactly to do. She kept up with him though, as she always had been able to, matching his stride. 

“I’m talking to you!” Leia snapped. Ben paused, looking up and down another freezing cold hallway before taking a left in what he hoped was the right direction. Maybe if he just ignored her then she would go away. Only, he knew better. She wasn’t one to let a conversation drop. “Don’t you know who I am?” 

“Sure do,” Ben replied, finally finding his voice. 

“Then you answer when I’m talking to you! Who are you?” 

“Look,” Ben bit out, turning on the woman who stopped in her tracks. “I am very busy at the moment, your worship, so if you would please tell me where the hanger bay is, I will be out of your hair and you hopefully won’t have to see me again.... For another few years,” he finished off softly with a sigh. 

“Listen here you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder,” she shot back just as bitterly, finger jabbing into Ben’s chest. 

“Scruffy?” 

“Until I know who you are and what you need with the hanger bay, you’re not leaving my sight, so I suggest you start talking or it’s going to be a long day for both of us in this maze of halls that I am sure you know nothing about. So start talking.” 

Ben blinked, taken aback and slowed his stride, falling back into his limp. He had figured that his mother had found that voice to scold him when he was younger, but she had apparently been this hard to deal with all along. It made a part of him ache with missing her and he wished for a moment that he could tell her who he really was. 

Leia’s eyes flickered over the odd man who was dangerously tall and nearly scraping his head against the low hanging ceilings. His black clothes were torn and bloody, nothing that any sensible person would wear in the dead of winter even without the blood, one hand was robotic, and he walked with a limp that worsened with each step. He still somehow held himself tall, almost like the way her father had, regally, royally.

“My name is Ben, I’m from the future and I can’t explain that right now and my friends are in trouble. They need my help and I need a snowspeeder to do that. Can you help me find one? Please!” 

Leia had always been good at picking out lies and she was sure that if she ever had children in the future that it would come in handy, but it also came in handy now. Despite how nonsensical his words were, there was a truth in them that she couldn’t push away and he really seemed like an all around good person with nothing to hide. A little rough around the edges and not without fault, but a genuinely honest person. 

“Follow me,” she finally said, leading the stranger down the many halls until they reached more crowded and busy halls, Ben receiving off looks from passersby. They reached a hanger where people were racing around in bright orange uniforms that hadn’t changed in the last few decades. Leia led him to an empty ship and Ben looked over it hesitantly. It was absolutely ancient. “I hope your friends are ok.” 

“Me too,” Ben muttered, pulling at the peculiar rectangle shaped canopy to open it. He turned back to Leia and before he could stop himself, pulled her into a tight hug. He smiled. She was still as short as ever. “Thank you,” he whispered before releasing her and climbing into the snowspeeder as the other groups began to fly out of the hanger. 

Leia backed away and watched as he put on his helmet and the speeder shot off into the snowy battle, taking with it the feeling of knowing that man from somewhere. 

The chair Ben sat in shook as the ship tried to fly through the cold air. Luckily he didn’t need it to go very far. He wasn’t sure if it was just because it was cold or this thing was a decrepit piece of junk, but he would be glad to be out of it and the unstableness he felt. 

“That armor’s too strong for blasters,” crackled over the headset in Ben’s helmet. Ben blinked curiously. He knew the voice, though it was much younger than what he was used to. It wasn’t gravely with years of use, it was light and clear. Luke. “Rogue Group, use your harpoons and tow cables. Go for the legs. It might be our only chance of stopping them.”

Ben couldn't help but smirk. The old loon had been telling the truth after all. Maybe Ben should have given his uncle more credit. 

As the portal approached he couldn’t help but wonder what his father was doing at a time like this. Maybe he was with his mother now, but Ben could only guess without them being there to tell him themselves. 

Ben took a deep breath and rammed through the portal, the bright icy white quickly turning to coal black. It was a blur, but Cordella was still firing on the smoke like creature and Ben couldn’t help but wonder if time worked differently in each world, but he would have to think about it later. For now there was something much more important. 

He glanced around for the tow cable and groaned at not finding any weapon controls in front of him. He stole a look over his shoulder and cursed. Why hadn’t he checked? Of course there was a gunner’s seat. 

With a deep breath he turned the speeder back around towards the creature and pushed open the canopy that swiftly caught the wind and tore apart. He leaned over the shared seat and reached a hand out as far as he could, nowhere near as close as he needed to be to reach the controls. 

There was a low growl that somehow shook the air around him and Ben looked forward again to see the bohemyth had turned its attention back on him with those piercing red eyes. Ben pulled back with his hand, the force doing the rest, the warm power firing the towing cable. 

The cable shot out and Ben did his best to guide it to the floor, where the harpoon collided, shatting the floor, but sticking. 

Rey stumbled as the ground shook from the sound of the monstrosity. Even Wayzac shuffled to the side and paused to watch on as a weird, grey, flat little ship appeared from seemingly nowhere and flew about the room, its engine whirring loudly like it was on its last limb. The whole room had stopped to watch this ship circle again and again in what was an utter nonsense pattern, but Rey understood. 

A thick cable wrapped itself around the giant’s legs three or four times before the ship reached the end of the cable. The cable broke loose and the ship shot forwards like a slingshot, over their heads. 

The ancient being tried to race after the ship, but with a single step, careened toward the floor. The crash was deafening and shook the entire Nether, making each fall to the floor among snarling and snapping teeth. 

Rey rose up from where she had fallen and turned back in the direction the ship had gone when she didn’t see Ben in the hall with them. Her heart sank. The ship lay smashed behind them, dark smoke rising from bright orange flames. 

“Ben!” she yelled, scrambling to her feet and racing to the wreckage. She was ready to rip apart the twisted metal frame like she had so many times before on Jakku, but stopped as a form tumbled out, but landed on their feet. 

Ben pushed his hair from his face and exhaled deeply. His body was tired, aching and begging for rest, but at least that wasn’t his worst crash landing. Meeting Rey in the Forbidden Desert of Pasana had been much worse and he had come out of that all in one piece. 

He went to Rey as quickly as his legs would allow and gently caressed her face when he reached her. The worry faded from her eyes and a warmth replaced them. Ben gave a small smile in return. 

“That cable isn’t going to hold that thing forever,” he whispered to her. She nodded in agreement, her chest growing tight, knowing exactly what he was planning. “I want you to take everyone and get them out. Get the Falcon and wait for me. If I’m not out of here soon, you leave without me.”

Rey’s mouth opened at the last piece. “But-”

“Rey,” Ben interrupted sternly. “Get everyone to safety and then worry about me. I created this mess and I will fix it.” 

Rey gave a small nod and slowly turned away from Ben. She wasn’t about to leave him though. Never again. She had spent far too long searching for him, fighting for him and she would wait as long as it took. Rey knew Ben would come out of this. He had to. This wasn’t where his story ended. There was absolutely no way that this was where he was meant to die and Rey would make sure of it if she had to. She had twisted fate to get him back before, she would do it again if needs be. 

She broke into a run as Wayzac went after Finn again, Finn barely blocking the attack. Wayac thrust at Finn and Rey pulled Finn back and out of her reach as the saber cut through the air with an angry hum. 

“Go get Poe,” Rey instructed, finally meeting up with Finn. Without a word he pressed her lightsaber back into her palm and raced from the fight. Wayzac watched after them curiously before turning towards Rey. 

“Just you and me?” she asked, tipping her head to the side to look over Rey’s bruised, bloody and burnt body. Wayzac was thoroughly surprised that she was still upright with the slice that had gone up her back. Rey was stronger than Wayzac had thought. 

Rey simply shook her head, letting her saber close at her side. Wayzac’s head tipped to the other side in question. This wasn’t over yet. She was nowhere near done. Not now. And if they just so happened to escape she would hunt them down. She would track them across the stars until they were no more. Every last one of them would be dead and she would reign supreme. It was in her blood, it was her destiny, it was made to be. 

Wayzac watched in bewilderment as Rey threw her saber as hard as she could, before breaking into a run after FN-2187. Her eyes followed the path of the saber and watched the unnatural arch as an outstretched hand called for it.

The saber felt comfortable in Ben’s hand as he caught it. There was something familiar about it, something that called to him just as his own blade did. Ben ignited it, the bright yellow that reflected Rey’s light shone brightly. 

Wayzac smiled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps!  
> I hope you are all doing well. I've been having a really hard few weeks, which is why I haven't posted. I don't remember if I mentioned that I have what's called food aversion. I feel like I want to throw up any time I see, smell, think, or eat any kind of food. Well, because of that I wasn't getting enough vitamins and potassium because I was legit only having like 3 spoonfuls of broth a day because that was all I could stomach. My hands legit stopped working. I couldn't work, I couldn't write. I had ice and heat on them 24/7 to try to get feeling back into them. They would go extremely numb and then the muscles would lock up and I was unable to do anything but shake uncontrollably.  
> I've been getting blood work done like twice a week and am on so many pills I feel like that's all I eat anymore. But my hands, after two weeks of awfulness, are back! I am so happy. I can finally start writing again. It's been horrible having all of these ideas racing in my head and being unable to snatch them.  
> And I have been forcing myself to eat more food rather than just the broth. So I am doing alright.  
> Thank you guys once more for all of your amazing well wishes and prayers. I am positive that they have been helping me through a really tough time. I hope to have a more regular update schedule again now that I think I am out of the woods, knock on wood.  
> Until the next chapter, Happy Reading!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peace be with you  
> Soul divine  
> Wake again  
> In paradise  
> Crowned in glory  
> Fear no more   
> Winter’s misery  
> Or the coming war  
> Gloria Regali  
> Peace and understanding  
> Forever may you reign  
> Forever may you reign  
> -Gloria Regali by Tommee Profitt and Fleurie

* * *

Ben had never meditated with the Force before a fight. The Force had always been so natural for him that he had never deemed it important. But here and now, in this room of impossibility with a thundering four legged monster, a smoldering speeder and two humming lights between two very different sides, he felt the need. 

He lowered himself to his knees, closed his eyes and inhaled as deeply as he could, trying to focus only on the energy around him. The light and dark, the push and pull, the life and death and everything in between.

_Be with me._

In the distance he could sense the kind presence of his, he hoped, friends slowly ebbing away as they left in much worse shape than they had entered this Netherworld in. 

_Be with me._

There was another, much more unbalanced aurora approaching. It was just as familiar as his friend’s, but he found this one distracting and unpleasant. The hiss of his saber grew closer, warmer, begging him to take it back. 

“Be with me,” he breathed out. His eyes shot open and the yellow beam held his own glittering red away from his face. He pushed on the sabers and created enough space to rise to his feet. “Enough Lilly. Let’s stop this here,” he bargained, though he was almost certain it was useless. She wasn’t one to stop when she had an idea, despite how insane it might be. It had nearly killed her several times in the past. “It doesn’t have to end when one of us dies.” 

Wayzac’s laugh was unhinged, cackling through the space around them. “I think I like Kylo Ren better,” she hissed out. She took a long step forward and pushed against Ben enough that he stumbled backwards, creating enough room for Wayzac to slash at him again. Ben jumped back, the tip of the blade barely missing his torso. Ben’s leg gave out under him and he struggled to keep on his feet. Wayzac smirked as she mocked, “What’s the matter with your leg, Prince Solo?” 

She moved the blade towards the damaged leg and Ben stopped it, forcing both of the saber’s light into the floor. The floor hissed and sizzled, growing red in the trail that they left behind. 

“Stop this,” he ordered through clenched teeth. 

“Not until one of us is dead!” she shouted, pulling her blade free. 

  
  


Rey shivered from the cold. Her open cuts burned with salt water that she had swam through to get out of the cave. The other three had stayed behind, Poe too weak to swim on his own. Rey was going to have to find a way to somehow get the Falcon into the cave. 

The rain whipped at her body as she huddled against the icy winds, arms circled around herself to try to keep in any body heat she could. Her legs shook under her as she ran up the rocky slopes to the next beach over on the island in search of the ship. 

Her blood ran like fire through her veins, keeping her moving. She didn’t feel the pain anymore, it was all a numbness that had settled into her body. She was sure that the numbness wasn’t a good thing, but it made it easier to push her tired body further.

She had to get to that ship. They all depended on her for it. 

She had never been more grateful to see the large piece of space junk that should have been decommissioned years ago. It stood out, even against the darkened clouds that cried. The ocean waves were bitter as they encircled the bottom of the ship, the tide having come in and the storm making each wave larger than the last. 

She waded back through the water, the waves lapping at her knees and pushing her across the rocky shoreline. She opened the loading dock and climbed up the steep incline, quickly closing the door behind her with a simple push of a button. 

The ship was warm compared to the world outside and made Rey shiver in her wet clothes. She didn’t have time to bother with that though. 

Rey made her way to the cockpit and fired up the engine, wet clothes sticking to her as she sat in the captain's chair. The Falcon rose form the rising ocean and Rey slammed it forward as fast as it could go without lightspeed. 

The mouth of the cave greated her, a sliver between two mammoth rocks. She glanced at them for a moment, not a single better idea entering her mind. The ship couldn’t fit between them and she didn’t dare try. She had to shoot her way in. 

A nervousness flooded through her. She could hurt someone. She could hurt all of them. This whole cave system could collapse and she could lose all of them. But she had to try. She had to. 

She positioned the Falcon and raced down to the gunner’s room. She lowered herself into the chair and carefully aimed the cannon, firing a single shot. The bolt sped through the rain and collided with the face of the rocks, parts of the rock crumbling and falling into the water below. 

Rey could do this. She had to do this. 

“Someone needs to get Ben,” Cordella said from where she sat, cradling Poe’s head in her lap. Poe’s breathing was faint, but he was still there. He just had to hold on a little longer, hold on until one of the force users could heal him or they could find medical attention. 

Finn and Cordella jumped at a rumble from outside of the cave and watched as large boulders were swallowed by the waves that were pouring into the cave. There was a slight pause and the two of them watched before another loud sound rattled their surroundings and more rocks fell causing the water in the cave to splash up and over the sides of the ledge they were on. 

“I’m sure it’s just Rey,” Finn assured hopefully. 

“I’m sure you’re right.” Corella nodded in agreement, her chest tight as the idea that it was part of Wayzac’s fleet trying to get into the cave. “Finn, I’ll stay here with Poe.” She tore her away from the opening of the cave and to the man still standing beside her. “You need to get Ben. He’s not going to be able to make it out alone. He could barely walk to begin with.” 

Another roaring crumbling that made them wince. 

“I’ll get him. Will you be ok here?” 

“I’ll be fine,” she encouraged. “Go.” 

Finn gave a firm nod and turned back to the still open wall, stepping back into the strange hall that gave off the feeling that they weren’t wanted there. Far in the distance the fight raged on, sloppy and staggering. 

Wayzac stumbled back, a hand going to her head and Ben looked over her curiously. There didn’t look to be anything wrong with the woman physically, but her reactions to his movements made him want to stop. 

“Lilly-”

“Don’t call me that!” she shouted, lunging at Ben. 

He backstepped and Wayzac’s weight sent her passed him and tossed her to the floor, saber tumbling from her hand. Ben stepped around the woman who pushed herself back up to her knees. He swept his saber up from the floor, the familiarity comforting in his hand. He let Rey’s blade close and he fastened both to his belt before turning, fully committed to help Wayzac to her feet but found her a breath behind him. 

She threw a punch that landed him square in the jaw. Before Ben could register that, her kick knocked the air from his lungs and he stumbled back, gasping for air and hunched over. 

The room spun, but Wayzac couldn’t stop. She couldn’t let him win. This was her fight to win. It had always been her fight. She was better than him, would always be better than him. She had to prove that to her parents. 

“I am more than the daughter of a drunk!” she yelled into the space around them. Ben glanced up from his hunched position to see tears on her cheeks. He wasn’t sure who the words were aimed to, but he knew it wasn’t him. She strode over, kicking at Ben’s lowered shoulder and sending him to the ground before he had a chance to straighten himself. “I deserve this!” She kicked at his torso and he moaned as the toes of her boot collided with his body. “This is mine and you will not take it from me!” Another kick was greeted with a crack and a sharp stabbing pain of ribs snapping, causing Ben to curl up with locked teeth and a cry. “You will never take anything away from me again!” 

She kicked once more, a golden pain filling her foot as it connected with the metallic hand Ben had covered himself with as a mediocre form of protection. A frustrated scream left her throat and she attempted to kick him once more, only she wasn’t sure which one of him to kick, there having been two. 

Her momentum sent her falling to the floor and Ben waited for her to get back to her feet, but her stillness made him sit up. His ribs screamed at him from the movement, each breath complete agony that made his head swim. 

He crawled to Wayzac, coming to stop beside her. His eyes searched her body and stopped at where she was holding her stomach. Curiously, he pushed her hands away to find her ungloved hands covered with a deep red. 

Ben’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked over her tunic that was soaked with blood, though he couldn’t remember having seen her been shot or stabbed while he was in the room. His fingers shook as he carefully undid her tunic, no argument coming from Wayzac as she lied there.

She coughed and his eyes darted to her face that was ghostly pale and blood ran from the corner of her lips to the floor. Her eyes were glassy and blank, staring at nothing. 

Ben pushed back the fabric and stared at the bloodied mess that awaited him with a glittering piece of fractured mirror trapped deep inside of her flesh. What had she done? How long had she been this way? Why hadn’t she said anything? 

“Lilly,” he whispered, dragging himself closer to her so he could pull her body to him. He hugged it close to his chest, doing his best to ignore the torturing pain of his ribs. She coughed again, eyes slowly moving to meet his. “We’re going to get you help.” 

A smile pulled at the very corners of her lips, almost unseen. “I’m far too damaged,” she rasped out, voice barely audible. “I’ve done horrible things Ben.” 

““We are all more than the worst thing we’ve ever done,” Ben said in a far less convincing voice than he had meant it in. “We’ll get you out of here and get you help.” 

“You should go,” she pushed, new tears brimming her eyes. 

“I-I can heal you.” Ben reached out a hand, but hers stopped his, weakly pushing it back down. Ben couldn’t find the strength to fight her. “Let me help you.” She was giving up and it was a deep cut to his heart. Even in his hatred of her, he had never truly wanted to see her hurt. He had loved her once upon a time and he had trouble admitting to himself that he still cared for her in some way. It was no way romantic, but she still held a part of him. “Please let me help you Lily.” His throat felt sticky as the words forced themselves out. 

“Have you ever felt like you could disappear and no one would notice or remember you?” Wayzac tried to laugh, but nothing came out. Ben hushed her and pulled her closer against him. “I don’t want to be forgotten.” 

“I won’t forget you,” he whispered, fingers tangling into her hair as he rocked her gently. 

“I think...” Ben glanced down as her words grew airy and fragile. “That this is the first time... I haven’t felt alone.” 

Something snapped in Ben’s chest and he cried, a knot in his throat. Her eyes grew dark, her shaky breathing halting. Ben hugged her against him, placing a kiss to her beautifully red, long, curly hair. 

“You aren’t alone,” he whispered, hoping that she somehow heard his assurance. 

A hand clasped around his shoulder and Ben jumped, looking up at Finn through teary eyes. Finn glanced down at Wayzac with a silent sadness, not wanting to break the air around them. He nodded his head back towards the exit and Ben found himself hesitating on whether or not to move. 

A snarl shattered the quiet and Ben took a deep breath, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He carefully placed Lillith on the dark floor. He covered her wound back up and carefully brushed her hair out of her face, leaving it fanned around her head like the crown she had always wanted. 

Finn helped Ben to his feet and shouldered most of the larger man’s weight as they walked towards the exit. They passed the giant that still was trapped against the floor and Ben paused, pulling his saber from his belt and igniting it. 

Finn gave a knowing nod and Ben cut through the cables. The tension on them sent an echoing wobbling sound through the room and both Ben and Finn raced away as the monster kicked at the cable and scrambled to get to its feet. 

Finn made sure that Ben was out of the Vergence Scatter before turning towards the opening with an outstretched hand. Ben watched as the wall was bricked back together with the helping hands of the force. 

The Falcon was positioned with the loading bay door open at the edge of the rock they all stood on. Finn moved over to where Poe’s body was and scooped him up, ignoring the new burning pull un his arm. Cordella got to her feet and moved over to Ben to help support him as they struggled their way onto the Falcon. 

Finn took Poe to the captain's quarters and Ben informed Cordella where she could find the med kits before he went to find the cockpit. He carefully stepped inside, arms holding onto his surroundings to keep him upright. 

He took a seat in the copilot’s chair and reached out a hand, taking Rey’s in his. She glanced over at him and looked like she was holding herself back before springing at him and capturing him in a hug. He hugged her back just as tightly, never wanting her to be out of his site again. 

“I love you,” he whispered, his hand caressing her hair as she hid her face in his neck. 

“I love you too,” she mumbled back, finally feeling whole for once in a very long time.

_“Lilly.” The voice was faint, calling through a deep sleepy fog. “Lilly.”_

_Her eyes opened to find a sunny blue sky, the warmth of spring sun on her freckled skin. There was a faint memory of pain that gathered somewhere in her stomach, but the more she tried to focus on it, the more it faded._

_The grass under her fingertips tickled her skin as she sat up to see an endless field of wildflowers that pressed up against a tree line of a forest. In the distance was a humble looking cottage with its lights flowing from the window and a light smoke billowing from the chimney._

_“I’ve been waiting for you.”_

_She looked towards the voice and was met with kind eyes that were familiar and a gentle smile. Bright red hair that she felt like at one time had been pushed back and kept tidy was down and messy, framing his face._

_“Armitage,” she breathed out, the name finally coming to her mind. His smile grew at the mention of his name. She returned the smile and again looked out at the unruly and breathtaking fields, noticing a small creek of clear water running through the field that she hadn’t seen before. “Where are we?”_

_“Home,” he replied softly, reaching out a hand to her. She glanced over it for a moment, recalling that in some far off memory it was glad in black, that they were both clad from head to toe in black. That wasn’t the case now. His white button up shirt was open lazily at the collar and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbow. A pair of suspenders held up an ill-fitting, but comfortable looking earth tone trouser and he was barefoot. She took his hand and was met with a firm grip that pulled her to her feet, the grass cool beneath her bare skin. “Dinner is ready. Mother made your favorite and father has been waiting to give you a new doll he found in town today.”_

_Her eyes went back to the modest home and there was a lightness in her chest, a feeling that she could breathe fully for the first time in her life, that everything was how it was meant to be, that everything was right._

_Armitage lovingly pulled her through the wildflowers, the hem of her light summer dress catching on the long grass and flowers, her let down curly hair tickling her bare arms._

_His hand kept a strong grip on her as if she would disappear in a moment but she didn’t mind. She tipped her head back in the warm sun, letting it kiss her skin, wash over her like she had never felt it before in her life. A smile covered her lips as birds sang through the trees and a breeze blew lightly against her._

_The water of the creek was cool as she denied her brother’s offer of being carried across in favor of feeling the freshness against her bare feet. Armitage pulled her along and she made a mental note of coming back after dinner to let the water cover her toes once more, to let her be swept away with the small current, to let her soul wander down stream._

_“Lilith, Armitage, hurry!” their mother’s voice called from an ever nearing cottage. “The food is getting cold!”_

_“I’m not going to wait for you!” their father added._

_Armitage pulled her along, a quicker pace set now and the smell of something cooking filled the air giving her a feeling of finally being home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have some mistakes that I’ve made that need to be fixed,” he explained as he ushered her to walk with him so he could keep his meeting, his commanding officers following behind him. He took her shopping from her arms and helped guide her through the crowds. “I’m here to make those better.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps!  
> I hope you are all having a wonderful day, and if you're in America, Happy 4th of July!  
> I'll be putting out two chapters out today as a gift. Plus you guys deserve this. Thank you for being so kind to me and I hope you enjoy these two chapters!

* * *

Rey rose from her empty bed, body stiff and achy. She hadn’t left her room in days under doctor’s rule to rest so she could heal. The window had stayed open for the duration, the sun and moon waking her and letting her sleep naturally. 

She hadn’t been horribly restless, but last night was difficult to sleep through when she knew she was going to be seeing Ben again for the first time in what felt like months, but was probably more accurately a week at most. 

He hadn’t returned to Naboo with them. Cordella and him had discussed the best course of action before the group had left the Unknown Regions and sent him back to the Finalizer that sat in the vastness of space with several smaller Imperial Destroyers beside it. They had agreed to meet once more as soon as the Queen could obtain a meeting place. 

It was a bittersweet goodbye shared with a simple kiss, knowing that they would be again soon, but not knowing how the other would be fairing on their own. Rey hadn’t felt any strain in the force bond between them though and she took that to mean that everything was going as planned. 

She got ready with ungiving limbs and left her room that she had grown to enjoy more than her once missed At-At on Jakku. 

She was joined by just as rigid looking Finn and Poe, each of who seemed just as tired as her body still felt. At the site of her they traded smiles. Today was going to be a good day. It was going to be a day of healing and rejoicing. A step in the right direction. 

Rey was pulled into two awkward hugs, their limbs not kind to them and the movements they were attempting. Each winced in turn, but they didn’t care. They were together and safe. 

There was a knock on the door and they turned to see the queen back in her rightful home. Her large off the shoulder dress faded into the colors of a sunrise and long hair twisted and up high on her head in a romantically messy bun of sorts. 

She gave a small smile through her makeup, bruising still present on her neck despite the cover up they had tried to accomplish, and swiftly wiped it away as several handmaidens entered the room after her. She kindly bowed her head as the Resistance bowed as low as their bodies would allow, coming to stand back upright with grimaces. 

“Do not feel so inclined to show me that form of respect for the time being,” she offered as some form of relief so that they would not have to exert themselves in such a manner again. She was sure that she would be unable to bend or kneel at the moment either, her joints brittle themselves. “We are to meet in the Galactic Senate in Hanna City this afternoon. Are we prepared to make the trip?” 

“Yes, Your Grace,” Rey answered for the three of them. Cordella glanced in her direction, a knowing look at the small excitement that had slipped into the Jedi’s voice. “When you see it fit to depard, of course,” she added quickly. 

“Of course.” Cordella gave a small nod. “How are we faring? You are all up and moving. That’s a good sign.” 

“A little sore, but we will be fine,” Poe assured kindly. 

“Let us be on our way then,” Cordella stated strongly, giving another faint smile before turning to her handmaidens who let her leave the room first. 

Ben stared at his old home as he stepped off of the Upsilon-class command shuttle as its wings were being folded up towards the sky. Several commanding officers followed him out and onto the ship dock. 

As Ben walked up the dock and towards the city he had grown up in he couldn’t help but notice the way everyone made a path for him and he was positive it was the ship that had told who he was. He was sure that not many people in the galaxy actually knew what he looked like, and far fewer knew Ben Solo and Kylo Ren were one in the same, especially now that he had traded his black tunic and robes for a looser fitting dark sweater, pants and a blaster at his thigh, saber on his opposite hip. 

He still walked with a light limp, though it had lessened considerably, the pain manageable, though his ribs would take longer to heal properly, each step and breath hard to take. 

The streets were familiar and easy for him to navigate. He remembered the exact route his mother would take to get to the Senate building on the hill that overlooked the large bustling city and body of water. 

An elderly woman’s shopping fell from her hands, items scattering around the street and Ben stooped down to gather up the rather spiky looking fruit. With four or five in his arms, he righted himself with a small wince before placing a smile on his lips and returning the items to the basket she was carrying. 

“Thank you,” she mumbled, looking over the stranger curiously, her eyes widening in recognition. “Ben? Little Ben?” She gave a laugh, hand going out to take his arm. “I thought you might have been Han.” Ben looked over her for a moment before realizing who she was. Mrs. Dunne. She had looked after him once or twice when his normal sitter was unavailable. If anyone had recognized him, it would have been one of his caretakers. “I hope your parents are doing well. It has been a long while since anyone has heard from them. They are such lovely people.” 

Ben smiled, heart swelling with the comments. He hadn’t given his parents enough credit or time to fully understand them. He would have to remedy that when the time came, for now he did his best to swallow his guilt. 

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Dunne,” he said kindly. “I’m afraid that both of my parents have passed on recently. I’m sure they would appreciate the well wishes all the same.”

“I’m sorry for your loss dear,” she said solemnly, patting his arm where she held it. Ben glanced around and could sense the small tension that had been there despair and the city went back to their shopping. “What has brought you back here then?” 

“I have some mistakes that I’ve made that need to be fixed,” he explained as he ushered her to walk with him so he could keep his meeting, his commanding officers following behind him. He took her shopping from her arms and helped guide her through the crowds. “I’m here to make those better.” 

“I’m sure they weren’t as bad as you’re saying dear,” Mrs. Dunne assured, making Ben smile. “You were always such a good boy.” 

Ben helped her home before taking the path to the Senate building and walking in with a strong stride. The building was old and grey, dirty from time and not as white as he remembered it being. There were long stone stairs leading up to large pillars that held up an overhanging roof. 

He stepped inside and came to pause at the site of four people that stood out among the other politicians in the lobby. One dressed in traditional avant garde, the other two generals dressed in their normal pilot uniforms and last but not least his darling sun. 

Her warmth was a welcome feeling from the darkness he felt like he had been trapped in for the last few days as he tried to dismantle the First Order in the most civil way he could. There were still people who did not see his new change of heart and thought that he should step down as Supreme Leader, but they were welcome to leave as they pleased. Their opinion was theirs and they would be no problem once they were cut off from everything the First Order had been offering beforehand. 

Rey’s smile brightened up the room as her eyes landed on him. It felt good. All of it felt right. 

“Your Highness,” Ben said as he approached Cordella. She waved down her handmaidens from their movement to protect her from the evil Kylo Ren. Ben stopped in front of her and lowered himself to his knees in a deep bow that made his ribs scream. “It is an honor to see you again.” 

“I hear you have called for a ceasefire and have a surrender treaty ready to negotiate,” Cordella said in her simple tone.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Ben answered, taking her outstretched hand to help him to his feet. 

“Then let us proceed.” She nodded to the others to have them head towards the conference room, the larger group of elegantly dressed men and women following Cordella’s instructions and entering a set of double doors. “Don’t be too long,” she instructed as she followed after the group. 

Ben glanced behind him at his own officers and motioned with a single hand for them to enter the room as well before turning back to his friends. “General?” Ben asked, calling both Finn’s and Poe’s eyes to him. “I have something for General Finn.” Finn gave a curious look and approached Ben, letting Ben pull him closer so that they could speak in hushed tones, sure that the world wasn’t ready for Kylo Ren to be joining with the Resistance so willingly. “It took me a long time to find this information,” Ben explained as he pulled a data-tape from his pocket and pushed it into Finn’s palm. “I’ve been releasing it all to the stormtroopers and I thought that you would want to have yours.” 

“My what?” Finn asked in utter confusion. He glanced down at the data-tape before again meeting Ben’s eyes that held a knowing look in them. Finn’s eyes widened and he glanced back at where Poe and Rey still stood. He turned back to Ben who had a grin and he struggled to find the words. “Is this about my parents? My family?” 

“Snoke kept detailed accounts of everything, it just took me some time to find all of it in the database,” Ben informed him. “I hope you find them.” 

“You don’t have any idea...” Finn trailed off, unsure of how to finish the phrase and pulled Ben into a hug. Both gave groans of pain and Finn released Ben, muttering a sorry before stepping away to head into the meeting hall with a smile on his face. 

“Poe?” 

Poe looked up from his small conversation with Rey and hesitantly made his way over to Ben, and awkward air falling between them. Both stared at the ground waiting for the other to speak, Ben doing his best to try to find the words he wanted to say, but falling short. 

He cleared his throat, the only words he could find leaving him. “I’m sorry about your brother.” Poe’s head snapped up and his eyes met Ben’s, genuinely surprised at how forward the man was being. “Nothing I ever say is going to fix...” Ben trailed off and licked his lips. “Look, I-I....” Poe frowned at how badly the man was struggling. “What I want to say is...”

“Ben,” Poe interrupted, receiving a relieved look from Ben for not having to push for the words anymore. “What you did has scarred me for the rest of my life. It was wrong and heatless and I hated you for so long over it.” Ben opened his mouth to speak but stopped as Poe continued. “And I am not in any way saying that what you did was right, but I forgive you.” 

Ben’s expression turned to surprise as he stared at Poe, unsure of what exactly to do. The awkwardness had lessened just enough to let Ben breathe. He gave one nod, not wanting to ruin this moment with words. 

Ben reached into his pocket and pulled something out of it, holding it out to Poe with an open palm. Poe froze and almost didn’t reach out for the small pilot’s patch resting in Ben’s hand. The patch was worn with age and looked like it had been held in someone’s hands for long periods of time, but it didn’t bother Poe as he finally took it. 

“That was Cole’s,” Ben muttered, lowering his hand back to his side and not looking at Poe, scared of what expression would be waiting for him. “I’m sure he would have wanted you to have it.” 

There was no thank you, but there didn’t need to be one said. Poe gave a small nod and slowly turned away from Ben, eyes firmly on the patch in his hand as he went for the meeting room. 

Rey smiled and wandered over to Ben, hands behind her back. “You better be careful Kylo. People might figure out that you’re Ben Solo if you keep being so nice,” she teased, coming to stand in front of him. Ben chuckled lightly, wanting nothing more than to pull her into a hug. It would have to wait until they were out of the public eye. 

“I’m sure they are going to figure it out soon enough,” he said back, eyes wandering over Rey and taking in the light that he didn’t deserve to be showered in, but was going to soak up as long as it was available. “How are you feeling?” 

“Joints are a bit creaky, but...” she laughed, making Ben’s smile grow. “I’m in one piece. And you?” 

A hand went to his side with the aching ribs and he sighed. “Glad to be here and alive.” 

“I’ve missed you,” Rey blurted out before she could stop herself. She knew that they were meant to hold their image while they were around the deciding fates, but she couldn’t hold it back any longer. Ben was her light that made her want to be better, made her smile, made her not afraid of anything. 

“I’ve missed you too, Rey,” he breathed out, forcing his arms to stay at his side and his feet cemented to the floor. “We’ll get through this, we’ll be together again.” 

She nodded. “Do you think they’ll want to do the trial, or do you think your surrender will be more than enough to satisfy them?” 

Ben chewed on his tongue for a moment thinking over the question. “I’m sure they’ll want me to pay for what I did and I can’t blame them. And I will take whatever punishment they see fit. It’s the right thing to do. What will you do after all of this?” 

Rey shrugged. “Finn says he wants more training, but I doubt there’s much more I could teach him. I still don’t understand how he used Force Weapon. We finally found it in a book. It was some ancient lost art.” 

Ben laughed. “It’s only fitting. He was a crummy stormtrooper.”

Rey smiled and glanced to the door as Poe called her name and motioned for them to hurry up. “Are you ready?”

Ben exhaled deeply with a small nod. “Nervous, but ready.” 

“There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be with you the whole way,” Rey assured, her hand slipping into his despite the eyes that could possibly be watching. There was a warmth that flooded Ben and he knew that whatever the outcome, as long as Rey was by his side, he could do anything. “There won’t be any more space between us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	35. Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. Enjoy!

* * *

“Rose!” a scratchy voice she remembered faintly said as she was pulled into a tight embrace. Rose glanced at the older woman who held her and it took a moment for the woman’s name to come to her mind as if she were trying to pull it from thin air. 

“General Leia?” Rose gasped out, returning the hug. She breathed hard, trying to remember how she had ended up in what looked like a small town on the outskirts of a larger city shrouded in tall and ancient trees that had been growing for thousands of years. “It’s so good to see you.” 

Leia pushed Rose back and brushed Rose’s dark hair from her face with a kind and motherly smile. Behind her stood Han, arms folded across his chest, weight more on one foot than the other, his crooked half smile on his face. Rose had only met the man once, briefly before he had passed away, but she could pull him out of a crowd anywhere. 

“You did good, kid,” he complimented gruffly. 

Rose’s eyebrows furrowed as she tried to make sense of everything, the pieces blurred along the edges and not coming together the way she wanted them to. She was sure she would be able to piece things back together a little later, though they only seemed to blur more the harder she thought about them. 

“Someone’s been waiting to see you,” Leia said sweetly. Giving no more context, Leia’s hand pulled Rose along and they followed after Han who was a good few strides ahead of them now. 

The dirt path they walked over had a small babbling brook beside it and the wind whispered through the leaves of the trees that Rose tried to see the tops of but failed. On the other side of her, Rose could make out farm lands, rows of food growing to supply the town ahead of them that was growing closer with each step. 

The fresh, clean air quickly changed as she passed the first few homes, the scent of baked bread and wood from a carpenter's shop were welcoming. The streets were busy with people who all looked content with their lives as they worked and readied themselves for supper with the setting sun. 

Leia continued to lead Rose along until they reached a small open court yard between the modest homes. A large fire was burning, chasing off the cold that was being brought in on the wind. People sat around the blaze in cheery conversation, eating and drinking. Some of the faces she recognized and others were new. 

Han had left to join a conversation that was happening and Rose watched as everyone greeted him warmly, one man hugging him. Luke Skywalker. 

“I think she’s right over there,” Leia whispered, pointing through the throng of people and to one woman, with hair as dark as Rose’s, who stood with a plate of food in her hands, deep in conversation. 

“Paige?” Rose whispered in disbelief, heart beginning to pound in her chest. “Paige!” 

The woman froze and turned towards her name, eyes resting on Rose. Her plate fell from her hands, the food now completely forgotten as she broke into a sprint towards Rose. Rose raced forward and was snatched up in a crushing hug in her sister’s arms. 

“About time you showed up,” Paige teased in Rose’s ear, not daring to let her go for a mere moment. 

“I’ve missed you too, Pae-Pae.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.


	36. Finn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They’re moisture farmers on Tatooine,” Finn announced.

* * *

Finn’s fingers trailed the edges of the data-tape as he stared at the computer console in front of him. He wasn’t sure what he would find on the tape and he was almost too afraid to find out. 

“Finn, I want to know what they look like,” Rey pushed, nudging his shoulder. “And I need a distraction.” 

“We all need a distraction,” Poe grumbled from behind them where he sat in an archive chair, boots up on a table with a drink in his hand, finally looking at home. “It’s going to be a long trial if they’re still going to go through with it, though I thought that Ben’s surrender negotiation went well. Maybe they’ll skip the trial-” 

“Don’t remind me, please,” Rey begged, a hand going to her head. “I don’t want to think about it even if it was going well. There’s still a lot that can go wrong. I want something happy to think about. Go on Finn.” 

Finn hesitated a little longer glancing up at Rey who was to his side. “What if they’re dead? What if they didn’t search for me? Or what if they don’t want me?”

“You’re not going to find out unless you put the tape in the computer, Finn,” Poe said impatiently. 

With a determined inhale, Finn inserted the data-tape into the console and waited for the images to appear in front of him so he could access the information. There were several files that waited there and Finn opened the first one, a long document appearing. 

Finn skimmed over it, mumbling the words softly to himself to better understand them, his heart pounding in his ears, hands sweating. “My real name is Zeth Tarkin?” 

There was a snort from Rey and a sputtering cough from Poe who had choked on his drink and sprayed it across the table.

“What?” Poe asked, getting from his seat and coming over to stand by the computer so he could read the document as well. Rey smiled and watched as Poe’s eyebrows furrowed. He glanced between Finn and the name listed on the screen several times before firmly shaking his head, dismissing the idea. “Finn suits you better. We are not changing it.” 

Rey laughed with an agreed nod. “I like Finn better too.” Finn had to admit the same thing. He had just gotten used to the name Finn as well, he wasn’t about to try to learn a new one. “Keep going,” Rey pushed excitedly. “What else?” 

Finn returned to reading once more and came to a stop at another two names. “Alanna and Dallen,” he breathed. “Those are my parent’s names. And I have an older sister.” He stared in shock at the words that were still before him, breath shaky as it came out. “Her name is Sen.” 

“I want to know what they look like,” Rey mumbled, hand tight on Finn’s shoulder as she waited for him to continue. 

“Does it say where they are?” Poe asked, reaching out to the controls and snatching his hand back as Rey slapped it. He shot her a dark look and she returned it. 

“This is Finn’s, he will find out where they are from when he gets to it,” Rey defended, though Finn didn’t listen much as more words were flying through his mind as he read as quickly as he could in hopes that his heart would stop pounding. 

“They’re moisture farmers on Tatooine,” Finn announced, calling eyes back to him. 

He had reached the end of the document and picked another file to open. He stared at eyes staring back at him. Pictures were rare, no one thought to capture the faces of everyday people when there were much more important people to photograph, but apparently Snoke had found this important for whatever twisted reason he had. 

A kind woman’s face greated him, bone structure sharp and skin a radiant bronze color, much like his own. Her eyes were dark, but bathed in golden rays of sunlight. And the man was thin with a defined jawline, scruff across his chin and cheeks, eyes rich tones of earth after rainfall. And lastly, a girl, no older than probably four or five. Her cheeks were still full and her hair was a wild mass of tight curls that stuck up in all directions, eyes young inky pools. 

His family was there in front of him for him to see for the first time in his life. He couldn’t breath as he looked over them again and again and again, taking in every feature he could. This was his family. They were his and no one else’s. Was this how Rey had felt when she finally knew? What this what it was like to finally feel like you belonged to something more? 

“I have to find them,” he finally got out with a deep inhale and exhale. “Right now.” 

“You don’t have a ship,” Poe reminded. “The Falcon is back in Naboo.” 

“I can contact Jannah and Lando. I’m sure they would be more than willing-” 

“What about the treaty?” Rey asked softly, sad to bring such a hopeful note crashing back down. “I’m sure that they will want the acting General of the Resistance to sign it once everyone comes to an agreement.” 

Finn’s chest collapsed, a hollow feeling taking over. “You’re right,” he muttered softly. “I’ll stay here and-”

“You can go,” a kind voice said from behind them. They all glanced around to find Cordella standing there, hands folded neatly in front of her, hidden in the long arms of her dress. They all stared at her curiously, waiting for an explanation as she walked closer to them, her handmaidens following in behind her, not letting her alone for a moment, especially after the condition they had all been in when they had returned. “I came to inform you that things look to be going in the right direction. I might be able to convince them that a lessened sentence is possible if that is the route that they are thinking of going. General Poe will be here, Finn. You can go.” 

“You’re sure?” he asked, getting to his feet so they could all show respect in a way that didn’t physically hurt. 

“I wouldn’t dream of holding someone back from finding their family,” Corella assured, voice holding a bit more kindness than her monotone normally did. “I hope that you find what you are looking for.” 

“Finn,” Jannah said with a bright smile as she pulled him into a hug. “It’s good to see you again.” He dropped his bag on the floor of Lady Luck and hugged her back tightly, anxiety of the coming trip washing over him. 

“You too,” he muttered, releasing her after a moment more. 

Her smile was dazzlingly bright. “Are you excited?” 

“Scared.” 

She laughed at his answer. “What are you so afraid of?” 

Rejection was the answer that he couldn’t bring himself to say. What if they really didn’t want him? What if they didn’t miss him like he had missed them, despite never knowing what they looked like? He wasn’t sure what he would do if after all of this time of waiting he was shot down. 

He turned back to the open door and waved to his friends who waved back from far below on the loading dock. The door slowly closed and Finn could feel Jannah snatch up his hand, Finn hurrying to grab his bag, and led him through the ship’s grey interior that was much more extravagant and larger than the Falcon that Lando and Han had always been fighting over. 

He would have to get used to this ship, he wasn’t sure how long it would take to get to Tatooine from Chandrila, he just knew that it would have been closer if he stayed back on Naboo instead of traveling all the way to the Perlemian Trade Route. 

They stepped into the cockpit which could have been the size of the whole Falcon in Finn’s mind. It was all a sleek white that glittered in the sunlight and looked like it had been professionally cleaned. There were several seats that worked different parts of the controls that spanned across one whole curved wall. 

“Lando,” Finn said as his eyes landed on the man who was flipping a switch. The man looked up and gave Finn a large smile, getting to his feet as Chewie, who sat beside him, growled in welcome. “It’s nice to see you again. And thank you for your help.” 

“General,” he answered, shaking Finn’s hand firmly and giving him a pat on the back with much more force than Finn had been expecting. “I am more than happy to assist. We’ll be to Tatooine hopefully by morning. Do you happen to know where on Tatooine they are?” 

Finn shook his head. “I must have read the files through a dozen times. Just Tatooine.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Landon instructed kindly. “We’ll find them. You have my word. Jannah,” he called, pulling Jannah’s attention to him. “How about you show Finn his cabin so that he can put his things away.” 

“Alright,” she said with a nod. She gave Finn a smile and led him from the room and down more twisting hallways. 

“How’s your search going?” Finn asked to break up the silence, not that it was awkward in the slightest, just felt the space needed to be filled. “I’m sure Ben would be more than willing to get you your file if you needed.” Jannah gave a small laugh and motioned Finn through a door to where a small bunk was that he tossed his bag onto and sat on the edge of. “Unless of course you’re enjoying the search.” 

“Actually,” she started, leaning up against the door frame. “I found my family.” 

“Did you?” Finn asked in as curious a voice as he could make it. He was certain that Rey had been right about who her family was since Rose’s funeral. There was a painful twinge at the reminder of his best friend who he hoped more than anything had found her own family. 

“Well, part of it. I’m still searching for the other half,” Jannah explained, her foot kicking at the floor in thought. “I’m not sure where my mother is. But I am enjoying the search. If I run out of leads I’ll let you know so that Ben can help.”

“And what is it that you do know?” Finn pushed, still curious to know if his friends had guessed right. 

She sighed with a nonchalant shrug as if to say it wasn’t important. “Lando is my dad.” 

Finn quirked a smile. “Really?” 

“Don’t act so smug,” she shot back teasingly. She pushed herself off of the wall and came to sit beside Finn, her leg brushing his. “I was only a few months old when they took me. The First Order came to my village and raided it for all of the children. They killed all of the men in their sleep. Lando was away on a trip with Han at the time otherwise I’m sure he would have been killed too.” Her fingers played with the hem of the thin blanket they sat on. “By the time my mother was able to get a hold of Lando, it had been weeks. He searched for me. He said he didn’t leave a star unturned.” She gave a small smile at the quote. “But he couldn’t find me. When he returned back home my mom had gone. The house was empty and no one knew what had happened to her. I don’t even know if she’s alive anymore. But we’re going to find her.” 

“I hope you do,” Finn muttered, taking her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It must be nice to have a large piece of the puzzle.” 

“Well, you do too,” she pointed out gently. “You have their names and where they are. Don’t worry so much. You will be found.” 

Finn glanced up at her and her kind smile, letting the words wash over him. So many questions were being silenced. Am I the only one who ever felt like nobody was there? Would they care if I didn’t come back? What if I’m forgotten? 

_You will be found._

The days dragged on and Finn was beginning to lose faith that he would ever find them, all of the leads ending in dead ends. And then there was one more. Someone who actually knew the name Tarkin. They lived on an old moisture farm in the middle of the millionth group of sand dunes they had searched. 

The suns were setting, one more orange than the other, casting the sky in a deep yellow and the very small amount of clouds in the sky a light pink. A domed house that looked like the same color as the sand stood out from the extreme flatness around it. 

Finn stared at it, blood rushing anxiety through his body. 

Someone stood outside, hanging laundry on a makeshift line, the clothing catching in the light breeze. She didn’t look older than her late 20’s and her large hair placed her as Sen. Finn licked his lips, unable to unplant his feet from the ground. 

He felt a hand clap onto his shoulder and he glanced back at Lando who nodded, ushering Finn forward. He looked over to Jannah who wore a grin. 

“Go,” she insisted softly. 

Finn looked back to the home where another woman, holding more washing, was exiting the hut. She had the same wild hair as Sen, only the roots were growing white with age. Her face, though more wrinkled and worn, matched the picture that had been on the data-tape. 

With a shaky inhale, Finn pushed forward through the sand and towards the house. It took a moment or two for the two women to notice him and each froze to stare. Finn almost wanted to turn back, his body feeling cold. They were just staring. He was just a stranger walking up to their home, what else were they supposed to do?

After a beat more of Finn feeling so horridly out of place, the older woman dropped the basket of laundry she held, clothes tumbling into the dirt, but she didn’t seem to care. Her jaw dropped and she quickly covered her face with her hands as tears poured down her cheeks as if she knew without a single word being said. 

Sen glanced between him and her mother before racing back into the house. Finn froze at the edge of the washline, unsure if he should keep going, his chest tight and breath heavy. Finn’s eyes darted back to the entrance of the hut as Sen reappeared with Finn’s father, hair long grey and body worn with time, a cane in his hand to keep him upright from years of hard labor. 

Finn tried to say something, but he could only open and close his mouth like a scalefish. Shock shot through him as he was snatched up in a hug from his mother, who cried into his shoulder as she held him tightly. Finn could feel his eyes sting with his own tears as his father stepped closer and in turn gave him a hug and then his sister, all without words. They didn’t need words. 

He had been found. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.
> 
> Hey guys! I hope you liked this chapter! Please let me know down below. We are getting near the end. But no worries. As soon as this story is done I'm going to start posting my new story. It's a modern Reylo AU that I hope you guys will like. It's already 132,420 words long and I'm working on chapter 23, so it's going to be a super awesome, super long story. But I will tell you more about it when we hit the last chapter of this story. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your awesome comment, well wishes and kudos, you guys are awesome. For this chapter I could not stop listening to You Will Be Found from Dear Evan Hansen, so if you want to listen to the song, go for it. 
> 
> Until the next chapter, happy reading!


	37. Poe and Cordella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe’s heart dropped. Say something you idiot! Anything! He mentally scolded himself. You’re letting the whole reason you came here walk away!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey peeps. So sorry about the long absence. I had relapse with my hands and had to do a bunch of testing and what not again, but they are working once more and I am on more pills. But such is life. Haha. As a thank you for the patience I will be posting the last two chapters today. And maybe the first chapter of my new story. I will have to see how far I can get with this. Haha. I recently found out that Hannibal existed and I am a little obsessed with that at the moment. But, no more rambles. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

He couldn’t recall what had led him back to the beaches of Naboo. He stared out at the deep ocean waves that lapped at the golden sand under his boots. Naboo was just as he had remembered it being years ago. Green, lush, alive. 

The old palace stood tall among the trees’ reaching branches and strikingly white clouds. Birds sang sweetly and Poe couldn’t help but note that it felt like not even a single grain of sand was out of place, no stone unturned, and not a single color dimmed. 

His feet led him up the beach and eventually into the courtyard of the palace where he passed by well off looking men and women that made him feel extremely out of place in his old flying gear and not in robes of dazzling brilliance. 

He took to the hallways like there hadn’t been a single day that had passed and found himself in front of the large double doors to the throne room. The guards present opened the doors for him without so much a second glance as if they had been expecting him. 

He entered the room that was larger than it needed to be with high ceilings and pillars to hold them up. Floor to ceiling windows were open and the warm afternoon breeze was blowing the thin curtains about. 

At the very end of the long room was a young teen girl perched atop her throne, hair twisted in odd fashions around her head with her own gown of rich fabric. Around her were her myriad of handmaidens and advisers that he recalled previous queens ignoring with a fiery indifference. 

He dropped to his knees before the girl and bowed his head. 

“How can I be of service?” 

“I’m looking for someone, Your Grace,” Poe replied. 

Poe meandered through the stalls of the marketplace, each stand holding something more colorful than the last. Fruits and vegetables, grains and meats. Goods and wares. 

The bustle of people was busy and Poe found himself being lightly pushed aside several times as people passed him, trying to get their shopping done before dinner time. 

“General Dameron?” 

Poe’s eyes left the booth of pastries and he turned to be greeted with kind eyes and a bright smile. Her features were more mature, more defined now with the years that had passed, but her beauty was nothing less than it had been and not being hidden behind layers of makeup let her natural beauty glow. Cordella.

“It’s been a long time since anyone has called me general, M'lady,” Poe said, unable to stop the smile that tugged at his lips. He carefully lifted her hand up in his and placed a kiss to her knuckles. “You look just as beautiful as the day I left,” he whispered on a breath. A bright pink painted her cheeks and she carefully pulled her hand free. 

“And you haven’t aged a day,” she commented. “Just as rugged as ever.” 

“Mistress, I’d suggest we finish the shopping and return home. We still have to prepare dinner for tonight,” an older woman said at her elbow that Poe hadn’t noticed before. She had greying hair and wrinkles at her eyes. She must have been a servant of some sort. 

“Of course Danrie,” the young woman acknowledged with a nod. “It was good to see you again, General.” 

“Poe, if you would M’lady,” he said with a tinge of sadness creeping into his voice before he could hold it back. 

“Poe,” she said respectfully back. She gave a small excusing nod and was led away by the woman who held to her elbow. 

Poe’s heart dropped. _Say something you idiot! Anything!_ He mentally scolded himself. _You’re letting the whole reason you came here walk away!_

“Poe?” 

Poe spun around at his name to see Cordella looking over her shoulder. “Yes?” he asked, hope spreading warmly through his chest. 

“Would you like to join me for dinner?” she asked, quickly adding, “That is, if you didn’t have any prior engagements.” 

“I do not have any prior engagements.” 

The house was modest compared to the mansions that were every other house Poe had passed. The old family dwelling and the miles of open fields, vineyards and orchards in the vicinity seemed untouched by the usual hustle and bustle of people polluted city he had just come from. 

The white stone that could be seen under the ivy that had scaled the walls was bright in the sunlight. There was nothing to separate the house from the tall, untamed grass green grass of the field it was cradled in. 

Poe stepped up to the door, boots tracking mud behind him onto the expansive porch. He glanced once more at the large house before following Cordella and her servant inside. Danrie gave a disapproving look at the mud that he brought into the expensive looking home, but Cordella didn’t seem to mind. 

An older gentleman entered the room and took the shopping from Cordella’s arms before heading away with Danrie behind him. 

The room was somehow more lavish looking than the palace had been. Art pieces scattered the walls, flowers on every surface to brighten up the room. Past the entree way was a sitting room with a plump couch in front of a fireplace that looked like it hadn’t been touched once. 

“Come with me,” Cordella instructed, leading Poe back outside before his eyes could do more exploring. Cordella closed the door gently behind them before stepping back off the patio and into the waist high grass. Poe followed behind her as she led him away from the house. “This was my parent’s estate,” she explained, fingers out and caressing the tops of the grass as they walked. 

“You look like you’re doing well,” Poe commented, keeping step behind Cordella so he could watch how naturally she fit into her surroundings. She looked so content to be in this moment. “What have you been doing since your terms?” 

She laughed lightly, glancing over her shoulder at him. “That was a long time ago. I didn’t run for a second term.” 

Poe picked up his step to get a better look at her face and found it to be relaxed and gentle. “You didn’t?” She shook her head in answer. “I’m sure that was a disappointment.” 

She pulled her lips between her teeth with a sideways nod. “They wanted to extend the number of terms for me, but after everything we went through I found that there was more I wanted to do than politics.” 

“And what did you want to do?” 

He watched as her fingers with chewed on nails touched the trunk of the first tree the came in contact with. She caressed the bark lovingly and looked up at the tall branches. “I traveled for a few years. I saw Lothal, Kashyyk, and Felucia. Some other planets too. They were all beautiful.” 

Poe watched as the sunlight that got through the tick leaves splashed over her golden skin. He had seen endless planets and people-

“But nowhere was as beautiful as here. Do you agree?” 

“Y-Yes,” Poe stuttered out. “Not as beautiful...” 

She either didn’t hear the end of his comment or ignored it because she continued on without so much as a glance in his direction, disappearing between the trees. Poe raced after her, the grass no longer so tall. The bottom of her skirt was muddy, but she wasn’t bothered by it. 

“And now I help run the school.” 

“Rey’s Jedi school?” 

“Yes, that school,’ she answered matter of factly. “And what about you General?” she asked with a tease in her voice. 

Her eyes dug into him and he remembered exactly what this used to feel like. He was somehow small under her smothering gaze, but he didn’t mind. It was almost a relief to not be held up on a pedestal anymore. At this moment, under her stare, he was just him. 

“Me?” he asked back with a grin. “I promise I am not nearly as interesting as you, Your Highness.” 

She laughed at the jab, moving closer to him. Poe took a small step back at the advance and found his back pressed against a tree. Her eyes flickered over him for a moment. “I’m not a queen anymore, Poe,” she said softly. Poe’s heart pounded in his chest as her gaze met his and held it for a moment longer than he thought was normal. Or maybe it was just him trying to stretch the moment out into an eternity. She cleared her throat and turned away from him sharply. “What did you do... after you left?” 

The bark was rough against his skin as he pushed himself off of the tree to follow Cordella again as she walked away swiftly. Was she embarrassed? Poe hadn’t seen his friend in a very long time, but he wasn’t sure he had ever seen her embarrassed before. It was sweet to see her full of emotion, a drastic contrast compared to when they were younger and she was bound by precedent. 

She finally glanced back at him when he didn’t answer and he hurried to catch up with her as they continued to wander the expansive grounds of the estate. “I spent some time back in the spice trade for a time.” Cordella paused and gave a curious look, obviously looking for an expansion. “I wasn’t sure what to do once the First Order was dismantled. I didn’t have a direction.” 

“So, you were with Zorii?” 

Was that a hint of jealousy? 

“For a time,” Poe nodded. “We eventually drifted apart. I haven’t heard from her in years.” 

“I see.” 

Cordella came to a stop at the edge of a slow moving river that Poe didn’t recall hearing before they happened upon it. Maybe he had been far too busy trying to pick apart every inflection in Cordella’s words to pull as much meaning out of them as he could.

She sat at the edge of the water and picked a piece of grass from the bank to play with. Poe hesitated but took a seat beside her, looking out at the river with a deep breath. The water sparkled in the sun as it babbled over rocks in its path. His fingers dipped into the water, it licked at his fingers, cool and refreshing. 

“And after that?” Cordella pressed, calling his dark eyes back to her face. Her breath caught at the way he looked at her and she couldn’t stop the heat in her cheeks. He had been doing that a lot since they had met in the market square. Staring at her with those eyes of his in a way that she couldn’t quite place, a look that she thought she had possibly seen before from him, but not for her. 

“After that I found work on Coruscant, repairing ships. Just recently started feeling antsy again. Needed to see the stars again.” 

“I never saw you as the city type.” 

Poe gave a crooked smile that made Cordella’s heart pound loudly in her ears. What was this? She had thought about the General from time to time and had always wanted to find him again, but now that he was right in front of her she wasn’t sure what to do, how to act, what to say. And if he kept kerfing staring at her like that, then she wasn’t sure if she would be able to breathe normally again. 

“And what type did you see me as?” 

Cordella hummed sweetly and turned her gaze out to the running water, leaving Poe an opening to slowly move closer to her. “Unable to stay in one place,” she mused. “Someone who has to chase the next adventure. You can’t sit still.” 

She turned back to him and her eyes widened at how close he had become. His curls were longer now than they had been when he had left all those years ago. He still had his scruff, but there was something so brilliant about the smile on his lips and in his eyes. He hadn’t smiled like that before, the strain of the world closing in being more stress than what was fair for any of them to hold. 

“I can’t seem to find a reason to stay,” he said softly, eyes searching her face for any sign that he should move away from her. Upon finding none, he leaned a little closer and chuckled as she licked her lips nervously. 

She wasn’t sure what came over her, but she couldn’t handle the distance between them. Her hands moved before she could stop herself and shoved at him to push him far enough away that she didn’t feel like her heart was going to burst. 

There was a splash and Cordella gasped, her hand going to her mouth. Poe resurfaced and wiped the water from his eyes. “I’m so sorry!” she blurted, moving to the edge of the river. “I-I didn’t mean to-” She couldn’t even finish her sentence before she had a mouthful of water and a chill went through her. When she popped above the surface of the water, sputtering, she could hear Poe’s deep laugh. She pushed her long hair out of her eyes and meant to shoot Poe a glare, but it fell much softer and only made him laugh again. “I’m not sorry anymore,” she huffed, climbing back onto the shore. 

She stumbled upright, her dress heavy and drowning her in the soaking wet fabric. Her hands started to ring out her hair and she watched as Poe got from the river as well, but he simply lied on the bank and stared up at the sky. She wanted to snap at him, but found the anger gone at the content smile he gave. 

She found herself smiling as well. She wasn’t sure if he had changed or if the lack of war had brought out a lighter side to him, but it was pleasant. No guilt, no expectations, no fighting. Nothing but happiness. And she realized what it was. He was happy. 

The sun dried their skin and clothes as they lay by the river, remembering events long passed. When the clouds had finally turned a bright orange they left the grove of trees and returned to the house for dinner, just as the sun set. 

Dinner was nice enough. Definitely something far more exorbitant than Poe had been able to eat in a long time. Who knew that the illegal drug trade paid far more than an honest wage? 

Soon he was sitting next to Cordella on the back porch of the house, feet dangling into more tall grass, a glass of amber liquid in his hand that she had so kindly offered him, though she took none for herself. 

“What made you come back?” she asked into the night air, making Poe pause mid drink. He finished his mouthful and placed the glass aside, the burn pleasant as it went down. Cordella kept her eyes on the stars that were starting to shine out across the dark sky, the last hints of daylight finally disappearing. 

“I needed to see the stars, remember?” Poe said innocently enough, but when he caught her eyes he was surprised to see something that looked like disappointment. Had he said something wrong? It was true. He couldn’t fix one more core processor, he was meant to fly. Ever since he had been young, he had belonged to the skies. 

“Why here?”

Poe didn’t miss the push in her voice, like she wanted more than what he had given her, but at an embarrassment that flooded him, he wasn’t sure he could tell her the real reason. How was he supposed to tell her that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since the day he left? How was he supposed to tell her that she was what he had been searching the stars for? How was he supposed to tell her that she was more beautiful than he had remembered her, but just as every bit as charming? How was he supposed to tell her that she was the sole reason he had come back to Naboo? 

“There were things I was missing,” he finally settled on.

“Things?” 

“And people.” He snatched up his drink once more, hoping that it would save him from her prying questions, but it did nothing to defer her. 

“Ben and Rey?” Cordella questioned with a small smile. There was a light dusting of pink on his cheeks and she couldn’t recall him ever having looked so handsomely uncomfortable before. There was something endearing in the way he was trying to avoid the conversation behind his cup. 

He swallowed, finishing off the burning liquid and got to his feet. She watched him with furrowed brows as he left her where she was sitting. She watched him grab the bottle of alcohol off of the table, abandoning the cup and returning to sit next to her with a deep swig. 

“Among others,” he said under his breath when he had finished his drink. 

Cordella slid a little closer to him and leaned over. “I’m sorry,” she teased. “I don’t know if I could hear you quite right, General.” 

Those dark eyes of his searched her face for a moment, wide and unsure. He wasn’t telling her something and she wanted to know everything he had to tell her. She had always considered him a good friend and always relied on his opinion when it was readily available. He had always been so honest with her before, he could be honest now. 

She couldn’t help it as she pushed again. “Why Naboo, General?” He groaned, the bottle placed aside and his hands going to his curls that had dried far more messy than she had ever seen them. She blinked several times from the reaction and frowned. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I’ll stop calling-”

“You!” he gasped out, cutting her off. She stared, the rest of her statement trapped in her throat. He turned fully to her and she jumped back, startled. “You are the reason, the only reason.”

“Me?” She could barely get the word out. She slowly straightened up and met his eyes. She had only been pushing his buttons. She hadn’t expected him to actually say it. She was sure that he had come to visit his other friends and meeting her had been a happy coincidence. 

“You,” he said softly, longing in the simple word. Blood rushed in his ears as the words finally left him. “I came back for you, Cordella.” He hesitated momentarily, but finding the courage he grabbed her hand and tangled his fingers with her. She didn’t fight back and he hoped that was a good sign. He would need more alcohol if she was going to keep taunting him like this. “I’ve missed you.” 

Her words were barely there, but he didn’t miss them. “You missed me?” 

“With every piece of my being,” he admitted, the words easier to say now that he had begun. His free hand took her cheek, his thumb carefully tracing her cheek. His forehead pressed against hers and he closed his eyes, afraid to look into hers. “I can see your smile every time I close my eyes. I hear your laugh in my dreams. I-I don’t know if you feel the same or if I am blowing this out of proportions because I am very good at that, but I love you.” 

There it was. There in the open. There between them. Words he had been holding back for years. And now he had to wait in this never ending silence for her to push him away. She should. If she was smart she would send him away immediately. She shouldn’t be pushing in closer. She shouldn’t be a breath away from him. Her lips shouldn’t be skimming his. 

But she was right there, so close to him. Why was she still there? Why wasn’t she running away? What was keeping her there? Because it absolutely was not him. 

“You love me?” she asked softly, her free hand going to her chest to try to keep her heart where it was trapped and trying to escape. Poe didn’t answer and Cordella found herself feeling empty without his eyes on her. “Do you love me, General?” 

Finally those dark pools were back, flooding and drowning her in a feeling that was in no way unpleasant. 

“Yes, Your Highness.” 

“I’m not a queen anymore, Poe.” 

“That won’t stop me from worshiping you.” 

Cordella inhaled sharply as his hand slipped to her neck and pulled her firmly to him. His lips pressed into hers and the world vanished instantly. All she could feel was him. His warmth, his touch, his being. Soft and slow and he tasted like Harvest Day, hot ardees to drink on stormy evenings and crisp autumn air. 

And here she was. His reason to stay. And he would stay if she asked. He would do anything she asked. She was the missing piece. And they fit so well together. He was sure he wasn’t alone in the thought. 

She was breathing hard when he finally released her from the kiss, the world crashing back in around them. Her fingers traced his jaw, the stubble scratching at her fingertips. She had missed him too. She hadn’t realized how empty she felt until she had seen his damn smile in that market. 

“I love you, too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, @PitaGonzalezMe on twitter.
> 
> Also, since discovering Hannibal, I have been dabbling in writing a bit for them. Not sure if I want to make a full story or a one shot, but would 100% suggest the show. It's on Netflix and it's pretty dark and gruesome, but I watched the whole thing in like 2 days. Maybe it was 3. I don't remember. I didn't sleep. Just watched. Give it a go!


	38. Ben and Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Against you?” he teased. “You would have me dead in a moment."

* * *

Yellow clashed against a fluorescent white, the lightsaber blades crackling as they held tightly together, one not giving into the other. The bright glow was different from the purple light that the blades used to create against their skin. 

Rey was breathing heavily, shoulders rising and falling as she huffed a lock of brown hair from her face. She pushed as hard as she could against her husband’s blade, receiving no give. Ben didn’t even budge. 

He chuckled, a crooked smile lining his lips cockily as he added more weight and Rey’s shoes slid in the dirt as they tried to keep traction. “Ready to give up?” he asked smuggly, height overbearing and causing Rey to have to lean backwards to keep her balance. She met his smiling dark eyes that were hiding behind messy black waves. He had been in a good mood today and she wanted nothing more than to ruin it, take that arrogant expression from his face. 

She glanced down, noting his stance and with a quick motion she locked her foot behind his ankle and tugged. His foot slid forward, dragging Ben off balance and sending him crashing to his knees. Rey snatched his glimmering white saber from his hand and closed it, yellow now pointed at his neck, watching him pant with a grin. 

“Ok,” he got out with a laugh. “You win.” His hands went up in mock surrender. “You win.” 

Rey stood upright, collapsing her own saber and strapping it back to her belt before holding his back out to him. His robotic hand seized her wrist and pulled her forward and down to her own knees. Ben wasted no time pulling her in for a kiss and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes and smile into it, arms circling around his neck. 

He slid an arm under her knees and around her back, easily scooping her off of the ground. Rey laughed, warmth flooding through her. “Ben, I can walk,” she mumbled as he moved them over to a bench with water waiting for them. 

“Nonsense,” he insisted as he gently placed her on the bench before grabbing her water for her and holding it out. She took the drink and he returned his saber to his belt as she gulped down the water. “You’re pregnant, the last thing you should be doing is walking.” 

She choked on her water with a laugh and wiped the mess on her chin. “And yet you let me spar you?” 

“You started it,” he reminded with a grin before taking a sip of his own water. “I warned you not to.” He brushed his dark hair from his face and sat next to Rey, still trying to catch his breath. 

“I’m only a few weeks along. I’m perfectly fine,” she assured, nudging him with her elbow. 

His smile was bright, something that she hoped she never got used to. He showed it more often now than not, but it was still a shocking surprise whenever she got to see it. There was something so natural and warm about it that she never wanted him to lose. She would be happy if she got to see that smile the rest of her life. 

“Want to go again?” she questioned, eyeing Ben knowingly. 

“Against you?” he teased. “You would have me dead in a moment. Besides, I still have an advanced class to teach later, as do you. Need to save my energy.” 

“Are you going to let them chop off your hand again?” Rey shot back mockingly. 

Ben sighed dramatically. “It wasn’t my good hand. It didn’t even hurt.” He held out his silver finger that glinted in the sunlight. “And it’s repaired. Good as new.” 

“Of course it is darling,” Rey agreed sarcastically, placing a kiss to his temple and getting to her feet. “I’m sure the kids’ class will be done by now and you promised to make lunch today. I hope you didn’t forget.” 

Ben chuckled and got to his feet as well, stretching. “Of course not,” he answered back through the stretch. Rey held out her hand to him and Ben gladly took it and they left one of the many training areas and went back to the main part of the school that Rey had built with Cordella’s help and Ben had been there every step of the way after his sentencing.

Thanks to the favor of the Queen and her good word, Ben had only been sentenced to five years time, which was much less than he had been ready to receive. The ceasefire and surrender negotiation had been enough and now with the First Order fully dismantled, the galaxy could continue on in the balance it needed. 

Cordella had also made sure that the names Kylo Ren and Ben Solo stayed as separate as they could. There were still rumors flying about of where Kylo Ren could possibly have disappeared to or that Ben and Kylo were the same person, but it had not bothered Rey or Ben. He had been able to move back into society rather easily. It was far more than he ever deserved, but he wasn’t going to squander it. 

The school had grown large in the last few years, students of all ages, not one turned away. Rey worked endlessly to make sure that everyone was taken care of and all needs were met. A new order of Grey Jedi, both light and dark combined the way that the force needed it to be. And Rey had said it best in Ben’s opinion. 

_ There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish. _

“Daddy!” came two shouts and Ben dropped to his knees as his son and daughter raced into his arms. He hugged them tightly against him and kissed each of their heads. 

“Go hug your mother,” he instructed softly to both of them before releasing them. 

They immediately tackled Rey’s legs and she laughed, hands caressing their hair. “How was class?” Rey asked, glancing down at her four year old twins. 

“Uncle Finn taught us meditation,” Han explained excitedly, copper eyes bright under his dark curls as he stared up at his mother, arms still wrapped around one of Rey’s legs. 

“Oh really?” Rey questioned before looking at her daughter. “And what did you learn today Kira?” 

Kria’s honeyed eyes met Rey’s and she used the palm of her hand to push her same dark locks from her face. “Finn-Finn said that if we meditate good enough then we’ll be able to use the force, like you and daddy.”

“Did he now?” Ben asked, scooping Kira up and kissing her head as she laughed. “You better keep practicing then, huh?” 

“Uh, huh!” both exclaimed. 

Rey took Han’s hand in her own and gave it a small squeeze as Ben continued to carry their daughter the way back to their home. They had been blessed with very nice accommodations thanks to Cordella that were on the school grounds. It was nothing as elegant as the palace or what Ben had grown up with, but it was more than Rey had owned, though still modest enough. 

“What should we have for lunch?” Ben questioned, looking for ideas as he had failed to come up with anything earlier. It wasn’t that he forgot, the children were just picky as he had found out, very much like Rey now that she didn’t have to search for her next meals. 

“Claw Fish!” Han all but shouted. 

“Ew! No!” Kira argued. 

“No?” Ben asked with a smile. “And what would you like?” 

“Meiloorun!” Kira answered. 

“Claw fish and Meiloorun it is,” Ben announced as they entered their home. He let Kira down and both Han and her raced off to the kitchen. Ben sighed and glanced over at Rey, leaning in to give her a kiss. Both winced at a loud crash from somewhere in the house and Ben rolled his eyes. “Don’t make a mess!” he called. 

There were snickers. “Too late!” 

Ben shook his head and gave Rey a quick peck before racing off to see what had caused the noise. 

Rey smiled. 

She finally had a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it is done! I hope you guys enjoyed the journey! Thank you so much for reading and for all of the kind comments. I enjoy reading all of them.   
> Please let me know what you thought!
> 
> Thanks again to my sister and my wonderful beta, PitaGonzalezMe on twitter


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